It's always a beautiful day with two scoops of raisins!
by
>Chapter 17: Necrosaro Falls
TBS <Necrosaro>: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
TIFF: Ranked as one of the worst honeymoon spots ever.
VID: A friend of mine went there for a vacation. All I got was a lousy T-shirt.
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GAVOK: WHUMP!
TBS <Necrosaro>: OW!
>"Something's wrong," said James. "Dann Zenretsu should've fought us by now,
MARK <Chris>: There have been changes in the script.
MMK <James>: Oh? Why doesn't anybody tell me these things?
>and we're only
>two floors from the top of the tower, closing in on one."
>
>"Yeah, you're right, and here comes the main room," said Chris.
>
>Suddenly, the ominous battle music from Dragon Warrior started ringing,
TIFF: I hate it when people don't turn off their cell phones before entering the theatre, Snot.
TBS <on the phone>: Hey, look, I'm glad they gave you best actor, but I've *got to go now.*
[SnotNote: Adrian Brody is the coolest *coolest.*]
> and a brown monster
>came out and approached James and Chris.
GAVOK: Oh boy. Gimme a ten foot barge pole, someone.
[MMK gives GAVOK a ten-foot barge pole.]
GAVOK: Hey, wow. I still feel no urge to touch that.
[A beat. TBS raises an eyebrow and looks over at GAVOK.]
GAVOK: Sure, go ahead.
[TBS stands up.]
TBS <singing>: I... am! The Great Mighty Poo! And I'm going to throw my shit at you! An awful lot of tish comes from my chocolate star-FISH! How about some scat, you little *twat*?
GAVOK: Thank you.
TBS: S'no problem.
>"So, you have finally came here," said Necrosaro. "It's been a long time coming.
MMK <singing>: It's been a long time, but not too long! And not long enough, I'm thinking to myself!
>Now I have used the Secret of Evolution and I am the King of Evil.
TBS <Brian>: While he's busy runnin' his mouth, I pull out a sawed off Granger Twelve Gauge and blow a hole in his chest the size of Dallas. Then I'll raise and throw five more in the kitty.
> I shall use the power of the Demon
>and Demoness Zenretsu and rule the world!"
VID <He-Man>: I HAVE THE POWER!
>"Not if I have anything to say about it," said James. "You are lucky you survived last
>time, Necro."
GAVOK <Necro>: I'm long and I'm strong! To challenge me would be so wrong!
MMK <Twelve>: 01011.01001.01100.01100.
>Necrosaro drew his sabers, "Let's do it, James-e-boy!"
TIFF: The bastard son of Laz-E-Boy, I presume.
TBS: I call that any more of those blank paragraph seperator things represent something that we, the audience, would rather not see nor think about.
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MARK: Ew.
>Chris tried to attack Necrosaro from the left, but got cut away. So did James from the
>right. Necrosaro then tried to use a BEAT spell to stop James's heart, but it was rendered
>ineffective.
VID: Like any kind of instant-kill spell ever works, dammit.
TBS: You weren't here for Signus, man.
> James and Chris attacked low,
MMK <Necrosaro>: Hey, ref! Low blow! Low blow!
>then came up with a double slash.
VID: If that is Nightmare James' new fanfic, I'm not staying behind to read it.
{Weak riff, I think. ANy help with the double slash thing? ^_^; Just a thought... would that #octagonrumble conversation and thread we had about the Slash/Slash/Slash/ad nauseaum thing work here? -Mark}
[Knight Note: There was enough material in *that* thread that we can use it as a friggin' *skit*. Just throw in a scene where Snot announces that the "double slash" got him to thinkin', and from there it's a liberal cut-and-paste job.]
>Necrosaro grumbled in pain, and James cut off Necrosaro's left arm.
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MARK: Ew.
TBS: You see how that works?
MARK: Just... shut up. Forever.
>Even with one arm, Necrosaro kept up the assault, blowing hot gales of breath on Chris,
MMK <Necrosaro>: Hey, I'm beathing on ya! Hey, you
like this, huh? Huff! Huff!
TBS <Chris>: Ew, that stinks. What did you eat, dude?
GAVOK <James>: I've fought more effective villains. Like God.
MARK: If Shatner can beat God, then any cut-rate SI can beat God.
>almost to the point where Chris's blocking stick became too hot to hold.
MMK: Chris' stick is too hot for TV!
GAVOK: Coming soon to a Cinemax movie near you!
> James tried to
>attack Necrosaro, but received a FIREVOLT spell for his efforts.
TIFF: What a 'firevolt' does or entails is left up to the reader's imagination.
>Finally, Chris used his stick to cut off Necrosaro's other arm.
TBS <Black Knight>: 'Tis only a flesh wound!
VID <King Arthur>: What're you going to do, kick me to death?
>Necrosaro blew more hot gales of breath, blasting James and Chris down, then Necrosaro
>followed it up on James with a BLAZEMOST spell.
MARK: Weird how he can do that, you know, without arms and all.
TBS: Maybe he becomes more effective as he loses limbs.
TIFF: Don't you start *that* shit again.
>James could barely get up, and Chris took
>his stick and fired a "HOCKEY PUCK" on Necrosaro.
GAVOK <Necrosaro>: Ha! I can just block th... oh, yeah, right, no arms. Heh. Whoops.
>Necrosaro staggered, and James took the
>Sword of Truth and cut off his head.
TBS: The big head. Honest.
MMK: And lighting immediately struck James as he experienced the Quickening.
MMK, GAVOK, TBS <singing>: Here we are! Born to be kings. We're the princes of the universe!
TIFF: Nothing in this fic would surprise me anymore.
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>
TBS: Ick. Bleh!
>James and Chris were educated in this battle,
MMK <James>, GAVOK <Chris>: Study! Study! Study! Study! Study! Study! Study!
[The subtitle "Benkyo! Benkyo! Benkyo! Benkyo! Benkyo! Benkyo! Benkyo!" appears below the two. MARK jumps back in surprise. TBS begins writing in a notebook.]
TBS: Fascinating.
>and they knew that Necrosaro wouldn't die if
>his head was cut off.
VID: No, of course not.
TIFF: That'd just be silly, is what that would be.
> A new face with horrendously sharp teeth grew out from Necrosaro's
>belly.
TBS <Necrosaro's Belly>: James... start the reactor...
> The FIREVOLT spells continued with regularity and the hot gales of breath became
>violent
MARK: -Femmes?
> blazes.
MARK: Damn.
>James and Chris could barely defend themselves, but cut holes into
>Necrosaro's sides. New and improved arms came growing out of the cuts.
TBS <Necrosaro>: Hey, thanks. That was actually pretty nice of you.
MARK <Chris>: No problem!
TIFF <James>: Shut up, Chris.
GAVOK: The Mark of Zenretsu, featuring monster designs by Toshio Maeda.
VID: He's still working?
GAVOK: Sadly, yes.
>James and Chris kept on the onslaught, but took a pounding from Necrosaro's hot breath and
>swipes that were as powerful as Balzack's.
TIFF: Yeah, which means something seeing as we were all so impressed by *Balzack*'s token offense.
>Even though the damage kept increasing, James and
>Chris persisted. Chris hooked off one of Necrosaro's legs,
TBS: ...though they broke up after a month of dating.
VID: Hooked *off*, Snot.
TBS: The fic is getting to me.
>and James cut off the other.
MMK <narrating>: So Necrosaro bounced around on his torso for a while, like Plok.
>Unfortunately, stronger legs grew out of Necrosaro's underside.
TBS <little Greek kid>: Call IX-I-I!
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MARK <James>: Hurry up with those legs, there, huh?
TIFF <Necrosaro>: Shut up! This isn't easy!
>"Almost there," said James. "C'mon Chris, hold on a little more!" as he gave Necrosaro a
>HADOUKEN!
MMK <Necrosaro>: A HADOUKEN? For me? You shouldn't have!
>"REVERSE SHOT!" Chris flame-punched the overgrown monster.
MARK: Then why wouldn't it be called... no. Never mind. I refuse to put any thought into this.
>"C'mon, SHOURYUKEN!" Necrosaro staggered some more.
TBS [speak-singing]: Come on, Shouryuken. You're only makin' yourself look bad. Everybody's just gonna feel sorry for you. I know I do.
>Chris jumped overhead, and viciously slashed Necrosaro's back. Finally, a large green head
>with three eyes grew out, and it had teeth viciously sharper than a shark's.
GAVOK: Soun Tendo, like you've never seen him before!
VID: Unfortunately.
>"James, let's blow this overgrown monster out of here!" yelled Chris.
[TBS very ostentatiously does not open his mouth.]
>"BOUNCE!" groaned Necrosaro as he came into full power.
MMK: Bounce to this!
>Suddenly, Necrosaro blew a combination of ice and fire at James and Chris.
MARK <James>: All right! I get Tora, you can have Bea.
>"Yeeesh, this is the worst!" yelled Chris.
MMK <Chris>: I wanted Tora. [sulks]
>"HEALUSALL!" James and Chris recovered their wounds.
GAVOK: Either James fucked up that spell or these guys are really closet masochists...
MARK: Maybe they had some reverse wood?
>"Hold tough Chris until we can double-team!"
[TBS makes a show of drumming his fingers on his armrest and leaning his chin against his other hand.]
MMK, GAVOK <spells, singing>: We will! We will! Rock you! Rock you!
>James then held up the Sword of Truth in pain.
TBS: In pain, there is truth.
[TBS nods, sagely.]
A white blinding light came out of the
>sword, blinding Necrosaro.
MARK: You know why he's in pain?
TIFF: I'll take a guess -- he's holding back his INCREDBUL CHEE POWERZ?
MARK: Damn-- I mean, yeah, exactly.
>"Chris, now!" yelled James.
TBS <Chris>: What? Again?
[VID gives TBS a smack to the head.]
>"RUSHING LIGHT SPEED ATTACK!" Chris in three seconds inflicted 93,000 hits
MMK: Hey, I remember I had something here...
[MMK searches under his seat and brings out a sign reading, "GODDAMN LUDICROUS COMBO! 92,000 hits!"]
MMK: Needs an update, though, I guess.
[MMK crosses out the "2" and writes a "3" above it.]
>on Necrosaro.
>The monster still stood the pain, however.
TIFF <Necrosaro, snorting>: Pixie.
>"James, your turn!" yelled Chris.
MARK <James>: Wait, wait, damn RTS system. I can't decide... should I use "Attack", "Item", "Draw", or "Run like a weenie"?
>"Give me some time," yelled James. "Take him down or something!"
GAVOK <Elliot McGucken>: Avast! Take him down and things!
>Chris then tried to hook down Necrosaro, but was kicked for his efforts. "EXPLODET 4!"
MMK: We did this already, right?
GAVOK: Yep.
MMK: Blast.
>James and Chris were rocked again by Necro's spell, and this time, it was very hard to get
>up.
>
>"SPEED-UP!" Chris used his Speed-Up Tactic, then followed it by his INVINCIBILITY tactic.
TIFF: Like he's *got* another?
VID: *Which* one?
>As he circled Necrosaro looking for a hook,
TBS: It should be on the car's door handle. That's where it always is.
>Necrosaro touched Chris with a claw.
MMK <Jim Ross>: Mah God! He got Chris in the Mandible Claw!
GAVOK <Necrosaro>: [hooks fingers into a claw-like shape] Nothing can stop... the CLAW!!!
>He ended up stunning himself.
GAVOK <Necrosaro>: Ain't I pretty?
VID: Narcissist.
>"Now James! Get this bugger out of here!" yelled Chris
{And here, ladies and gents -- and Snot -- is our stinger. Hey, I'm easily amused. ^^ -Sig}
>"METEO!" James summoned on the biggest meteor shower in the world, and rained it on
>Necrosaro.
TIFF <narrating>: Then again it was the *only* meteor shower in the world, Earth not being a planet known for containing meteor showers...
>Even Necrosaro could not stand this power, as it was stronger than even the
>normal Meteo.
VID: So why did it sound *just like* the normal Meteo?
MARK: I still prefer Meteor Doom. [He ^_^s]
>"I can't believe I've lost again!" yelled Necrosaro, as his platform descended into the
>depths of the Earth because he couldn't hold it up anymore.
TBS <narrating>: And so the Floating Island fell into the sea.
[A pause.]
TBS <narrating>: Then came back.
>"James, I'll get you for this, you descendant of Dragon Warrior James!"
GAVOK <The Clown>: You phony philosopher! [somehow jumps on James' head]
TBS <Bubbles>: Yeah, you big doo doo brain!
MMK <MoJo JoJo>: That's it! I've had enough of your sassy mouth!
MARK <Tellah>: You spoony bard!
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VID <Necrosaro>: Er, um... LINE!
TIFF <stagehand>: Psst! Just moan and die!
>James and Chris wiped their brow after the battle was over and sat down exhausted. A
>stairway opened up to the top of the tower.
GAVOK: Cue in bland generic Dragon Quest victory music.