> She gave him a quick run-down of the controls as she
> remembered them,
MMK <Katmandu as Meg>: The controls are simple. Left goes right and right goes left.
> and Zoner's instincts took care of the rest.
> "This is a good instrument layout," he remarked.
RACE <Zoner>: We're sure to win the Battle of the Bands now!
> "Very
> intuitive, everything's well-marked and easy to reach. Ahead of its
> time."
GAVOK <Zoner>: What's this? [mimes picking up a tab] "Made in 2300 A.D."
> "Everything about us was ahead of its time," Meg replied, a
> bit wistfully.
GAVOK <Meg>: In fact, I'm having a third breast built in next week.
> Zoner called up a full diagnostic on the center video display
> unit. "Looks like they stored her ready to run.
S.D.: Betcha its fully loaded with all the weapons and fuel, too.
ARL: That's just so you won't have to worry about picking up any fuel crates immediately after lift-off.
> Good, I was half
> afraid they'd have formally mothballed her."
> "We didn't have a support staff," Meg explained, "so they
> built her to be self-maintaining. Automated systems keep her ready to
> fly under pretty much any conditions."
TBS: But for some reason, it won't work on May 1st.
> "Amazing," said Zoner. "Howard Hughes would've loved that system."
MMK: What was that about "Amazing" and "Howard"?
> "I think he invented it," said Meg. "I know he was on the
> project... " She looked momentarily alarmed, then sheepish. "Uh, you
> weren't supposed to hear that."
TBS <Gryphon>: It's okay. I turned my ears off two minutes ago.
GAVOK <Zoner>: Then how did you hear what she just said?
TBS <Gryphon>: What?
GAVOK <Zoner>: How did you hear what she just said if you turned your ears off?
TBS <Gryphon>: ...What?
GAVOK <Zoner>: IF YOU TURNED YOUR EARS OFF -- you turned your ears off, right?
TBS <Gryphon>: Right.
GAVOK <Zoner>: Then how did you hear what she just said?
TBS <Gryphon>: ............What?
> "My lips," said Zoner with a smirk, "are sealed.
MMK <Zoner>: ...with a kiss. [waggles his eyebrows lewdly]
> Guess it's
> time to see if she'll start up."
> "Shouldn't we open the hangar doors?" I wondered.
> "Hmm... y'know, that might be a good idea," Zoner replied.
ARL <Zoner>: ...If you're a communist!
> "Yeah... I'm new at this whole aeronautics thing, but I kinda
> suspected that would be a useful thing to do."
ARL: God, can't he go for *five minutes* without being smarmy?
TBS: No. But that's what makes him so loveable!
[TBS giggles in a disturbingly high-pitched voice. ALL eye him warily.]
> I went back down the
> ramp and surveyed the huge door at the front of the hangar, hoping
> like hell I wouldn't have to open it by hand with a chain-fall or
> something equally obnoxious. But no, there was the power actuator
> control, in the corner - a typical industrial-green metal box with a
> green button and a red button.
TBS <announcer>: The red *candy*-like button! Will he hold out?
Can he hold out?
GAVOK <Stimpy>: NO, I CAN'T!
> I hit the green button a half-second before I noticed the
> security keypad in the shadows next to it, and a howling alarm
> promptly filled the hangar.
GAVOK: That alarm was bitten by a werewolf, they say.
> "Ahh, shit!" is a fair summation of my reaction.
> I ran back up the ramp.
S.D. <Gryphon>: Then I slid back down. Damn you, Mop 'n' Glow!
> "What the hell happened?" Zoner asked.
GAVOK <Gryphon>: I just shot Marvin in the face.
MMK <Zoner>: What?! The fuck you do that for?
GAVOK <Gryphon>: I didn't mean to! I think you hit a bump or something!
MMK <Zoner>: We didn't hit no bump, Gryphon!
> "I fucked up," I replied. "The damn door control has a
> security keypad next to it and I didn't see it until it was too late."
> "Shit!"
RACE <Zoner>: Well here's another fine mess you've gotten me into.
TBS <Gryphon>: I'm sorry, Zonny. [bawls]
> Zoner growled, his fingers flying over the controls.
MMK <fingers>: WHOOSH!
> "Well, let's hope she's ready to roll in a hurry. Think you can get
> that door open?"
> "I'll try," I replied, and ran back to the control. There
> wasn't time to be clever with it, so I grabbed the conduit running
> down the wall and into the keypad box and yanked it off. The wires
> sparked a bit,
S.D.: Frying Gryphon where he stood with fifty thousand volts?
> graciously identifying the live lead for me.
[S.D. snaps her fingers.]
> I took it and its mate by the insulation, jammed them together, then
> hit the green button again and hoped.
RACE <Gryphon>: Please let Dr. Sam Beckett find his way home!
ARL: It's the "blind luck" school of bypassing security systems.
> Another siren joined its voice to the first,
S.D.: Oh uh, they haven't finished tying Zoner to the mast yet.
MMK, GAVOK, TBS <Sirens, singing>: Pennies, nickels, quarters, dime... come to us while there's still time!
> and a red strobing light filled the hangar as the door began to open.
MMK: And in walked Funk Master Sub-zero.
> Still
> holding the leads together, I looked around the corner as the door
> swung up. A few hundred yards down the flightline, I could see
> headlights swerving out of the Building 9 garage, heading this way. I
> turned back and watched the door. Behind me, Sky Dancer's engines
> rumbled to life, and her flashing marker lights and whining engines
> added to the visual and aural cacophony.
> Zoner slid one of the cockpit windows back - a feature not to
> be found on the Concorde, I'd guess - and hollered, "That's good, we
> can clear it now!"
MMK <Gryphon>: Can you clear it now?
[TBS gives the victory sign.]
MMK <Gryphon>: Good!
> I let go of the leads - and to my dismay, the door started
> closing again.
> "Ahh, shit!" I repeated, and pushed them back together.
> "What's wrong?" Zoner cried.
MMK <Gryphon>: I soiled my pants!
TBS: Remember, kids, whenever you shit, Zoner cries.
> "The goddamn door won't stay open unless I hold the leads!" I
> shouted back. "Go on, get going! I'll find my own way out!"
ARL: So he's going to sneak *out* of Area 51.
TBS: Yup.
ARL: ...a very high-security location.
TBS: Yup.
ARL: ...which is currently on full alert.
TBS: Yup.
ARL: ...on foot.
TBS: Yup.
ARL: ...and you're not paying attention.
TBS: Sure I am, Jak.
ARL: Excuse me?
TBS: I said--oh! Right, sorry Arl.
RACE: Have you been seeing other compulsive nitpickers behind Arly's
back?
> "Are you sure?" he replied.
> "Look, if you hang around, we'll -all- get caught, now get moving!"
MMK <Gryphon>: Besides... <Wolfgang> that's exactly as I planned it!
[RACE nearly chokes on his soda. ARL blinks.]
GAVOK: Retro *rules*!
MMK: Yeah, it does!
[MMK and GAVOK high-five.]
RACE: You were waiting for another Hutchins 'fic to appear just so
you could use that line, weren't you?
MMK <^_^ing>: Mmmmmaybe.
TBS: Just when you thought it was safe, old catchphrases from ages
long past sneak up on you like an angry midget wielding a fish.
[TBS nods sagely.]
> He looked at me for a long second, then nodded and closed the
> window. Sky Dancer's engines spooled up from a whine to a shriek, and
> she eased out of her place, rolling out onto the tarmac.
> The second her tail was clear, I let go of the leads and ran
> like hell for the other end of the hangar.
GAVOK <Gryphon>: Runnin', runnin', runnin' like a constipated wiener dog!
> There were a few crates
> lying around the periphery of the space that had once held Sky Dancer,
> but nothing big enough to hide among. Under the howl of the alarm I
> could hear the sirens of the approaching security vehicles, the squeal
> of tires on tarmac as they stopped outside. The door slammed down.
MMK <Door>: Dominos!
> One piece of good fortune, anyway - they probably wouldn't be able to
> open that one from outside now.
> I looked at the door we came in through, then immediately
> disregarded it. Air Police, or worse,
GAVOK: *Two* Air Police!
> would be coming through that
> door any second now. Struggling to keep calm, I looked around for
> another escape. Outside, I heard gunfire, then the roar of Sky
> Dancer's engines as Zoner threw in the afterburners and took off.
S.D. <Zoner>: Did we forget something?
[MMK <Gryphon> holds his hands to his face and screams "AAAUUUUUGGGGGGH!!!"]
> It
> occurred to me that they probably didn't know anyone had been left
> behind.
GAVOK <Gryphon>: Lousy no-good friends and their stupid bloody Rapture.
> Then I spotted it - a manhole, no, more like a storm drain
> grate, set in the middle of the hangar floor. It must have been put
> there to provide drainage in case aircraft were washed inside the
> hangar or some such. I didn't know if it would offer an escape route,
> but at the very least, if I could get it open, it represented a place
> to hide. I knew there was no way it ran off base.
S.D.: Well, you snuck into a military base, went through a room full of crates... may as well try it. You've hit every other point on the first-person shooter cliche checklist.
> That only worked
> in the movies, in real life they never did something as stupid as
> running a drain tunnel to the outside world.
GAVOK <Gryphon>: But then I remembered, "I write this!" and teleported to Disney World.
> But I figured at least it would give me a lead on the APs, and some
> distance from ground zero.
> I was lifting the grate out of place when the door we came in
> through opened, but only one man came in.
RACE <Ryouga>: Excuse me, is this the Tendou dojo?
> To my shock, it was even a
> man I recognized, and as he spotted me, the same startled recognition
> flowered in his own eyes.
GAVOK: I'm getting a "Johnny Cage's first scene in the MK movie" vibe.
> Captain William F. Guile, USAF.
LOONS: Hi, Bucky!
> Former test pilot, now a sort
> of free-range security and intelligence agent attached to the Joint
> Special Forces Command. Charlie Nash's best friend - and a fellow
> holder of the World Warrior ranking in the World Circuit Martial Arts
> Tournament Series. We'd met a couple of times on the circuit, fought
> once back before either of us was a World Warrior. He won.
MMK <Gryphon>: ...I let him.
GAVOK <Gryphon>: ...with both hands tied behind my back.
RACE <Gryphon>: ...while I had the German flu.
> We stood there regarding each other for a few seconds, trying
> to figure out what to do next;
RACE <Guile, thinking>: Is my fly open?
TBS <Gryphon, thinking>: Should I tell him his fly is open?
> then Guile turned, leaned out of the
> doorway, and told someone I couldn't see that the hangar was deserted
> and that he'd secure it himself. Then he stepped back inside, closed
> the door, set the inside bolt lock, cracked a sardonic grin and spoke.
ARL <Guile>: Okay, you hide and I'll count to 99. This is going to be so great!
> What he said wasn't exactly comforting.
TBS <Guile>: They're making a sequel to Dude, Where's My Car.
> "Well, well," he said. "You, my friend, are in serious trouble."
MMK <Guile>: Go to your room!
> "Really."
TBS <Guile>: No! Not really!
[ALL laugh in a completely fake manner for a few seconds, then stop abruptly.]
> "Really," he replied. "I've suspected you and Zoner weren't
> all some of our intel people think you are ever since I found out you
> use the same style as M. Bison.
GAVOK: Makes sense to be. They're both jacking off when they fight.
> Tell me, was it on his orders that
> you came here to steal Sky Dancer?"
ARL <Ryu>: Man, what an adventure. Now I'm just going to walk home and-- what the?!
TBS <Bison>: Check out my new ride, Ryu!
ARL <Ryu>: Shit.
> "Don't be an idiot," I replied scornfully. "I've never even
> -met- M. Bison, and if I did I'd do my damnedest to take him down.
> We're students of the same master,
ARL: Which is exactly why your fighting style is so similar to Rose's and Bison's. Right.
> but we're not on the same path."
> "So why is it you're the one who's breached security at one of
> the most tightly guarded places in the United States?
S.D. <Guile>: You... picked the lock... didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!?
TBS <Guile>: That cost the government sixty-five hundred dollars, bitch!
> And by
> impersonating an officer, too. That's a serious offense in and of
> itself."
MMK <Gryphon>: Yeah... well... Clark owns you.
> I shook my head. "This is above your level, Guile.
S.D. <Gryphon>: We're doing it in Zoner's pursuit of [NOOKIE]. [NOOKIE] rules all.
> It's not
> your job to interfere with an operation you don't need to know about."
> "It -is- my job to enforce the security of this base," replied
> Guile evenly.
RACE: So he replies in the same style as the top of his hair.