> The guard in the corridor could hear what was happening.
MARK <guard>: Damn wish I could *see* what was happening as well.
> "Hey, what's happening, sounds like someone's killing a cat."
GAVOK <guard>: Sounds like a giraffe's dying over there!
RACE <another guard>: Forget about that, have you heard about what Winona Ryder's doing?
> He looks into the cell to see
MMK: ...Jennifer Lopez in a surrealist's dreamworld?
FALC: ...a live rendition of Mikeneko Rock in the nude?
> the two naked girls doing each other.
> "WOW, no way!" "(Ok.. Aeris, get... ready)"
> "(what's... this.. weird.. feeling that's just.. come over me?)"
ARL <Tifa>: The realization that you've fallen into Generic Lame Lemon Set-Up #23. Pay it no mind.
RACE <Aeris, singing>: What's come... over me? WHOO! Here she comes agaaaaaaaain!
> "(You're.. about.. to.. orgasm, try.. and.. keep it in till i say so)
> OHHH AERIS, DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE ME."
FALC: Unfortunately, Square called. Aeris has a date with a guy and a long sword.
RACE: ...shut up.
> "I LOVE YOU TIFA, OHHHH MMMM
> AHHHH OHHHH"
MARK: Omao? What's that, a new yell?
[GAVOK and MMK look at each other and grin.]
MARK: Uh oh.
> Tifa looks over at the guard and seductively winks at him.
GAVOK: Which caused her to stab herself in the eye with her own eyelash and lose. TEH OVERALL WINNER IS COLIN!
> "Alright, some action!" The guard turns off the energy field, and then
> back on again when he enters. Tifa grinds harder to set off her orgasm.
> "(Ok.... Now Aeris!)" They both cum at the same time.
ARL: No, godammit, THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN. People having sex RARELY IF EVER PEAK AT THE SAME TIME. I swear, if this cliche appears in fic any more I'll-
[smoke begins to rise from ARL's general vicinity.]
MMK: Um...
[MARK nudges GAVOK.]
MARK <whispering>: Can I change my bet?
> "TIFA I... OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
FALC: And then a big forcefield surrounds Aeris. She learned this move from Colossus.
> "OHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
GAVOK: Hey, cool. The guard's Cobra Commander?
> They were both exhausted, especially Aeris. Tifa gets off her
> and walks slowly to the guard. "My friend really likes you, she wants
> you bad. She wants you so bad, i had to tie her up."
ARL: Not like she would have been able to get out of the cell ANYWAY.
> "Really, what if i want you?" "We're a package,
> you do both of us or none of us,
MARK <Tifa>: ...or any of us for that matter.
> and little Aeris wants you more. Go on. Have a feel of her."
GAVOK <Tifa>: The Aeris RealDoll almost feels like the real thing, doesn't it?
> The guard walks over to Aeris in anticipation and groaps her breast.
> "Mmmm Nice, lets see down below." He fingered her a bit.
GAVOK: Spelunking!
[FALC grabs GAVOK and tosses him into the wall.]
GAVOK <muffled and splitting plaster>: Ddn' hrt. Ow.
> "OOOOHHH AHH MMMM" Aeris was still hot from having it with Tifa.
MMK: Aeris has gone from zero to slut in TWO MINUTES. That must be a new record.
[GAVOK comes back to his seat.]
> The guard was beginning to enjoy himself as he set off several orgasms
> inside Aeris, all the time not noticing what Tifa was doing.
MARK: Advanced algebra.
> Tifa jumped up onto his back, and wrapped her thighs around his neck.
RACE: Cammy, as you've never seen her before!
MMK: Well, as only Gryphon has seen her before.
GAVOK: And maybe Fury.
LOONS: YAY FURY!
> "WHAT THE! (cough) I CAN'T BREATH!!!" She twists her thighs, breaking
> his neck, and killing him instantly. "Is he? is he?"
RACE: Wow. So *that's* what Kekko Kamen looks like without her mask.
> "Yes Aeris he's dead."
MMK <Aeris>: You bastard!
> Tifa unties Aeris and gets the guard's keycard. "Come on lets go"
> "Wait, shouldn't we put some clothes on?"
RACE: No! No! It's better like this! Free yourself from the societal constraints which the concept of clothing has foisted upon us for centuries! Be REVOLUTIONARY!
[A beat.]
RACE: Or something like that.
MARK: Racey, you're going to be regretting that later.
>"No, my plan isn't finished
> yet, we need to be naked to do this, trust me,
> when have i let you down?"
ARL: I don't know, maybe when you MOLESTED ME IN THE CELL, MAYBE?
FALC: Arl...
> "I've only known you for short while Tifa." "Well trust me anyway,
> we'll come out of this, heroines."
MMK: o/` We can be heroines, just for one fic... o/`
> With that Tifa grabs Aeris by the hand and drags her out of the cell.
ARL <wincing>: That's bound to cause some NASTY rug burns.
> They both run through the corridors, hand in hand, as they pushed past
> the office staff. "What the? Naked Girls?" "Where did they come from?"
MMK: Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy really love each other...
> "Ha! My tits are bigger than that!"
MARK: Special guest cameo by Fujiko.
> "Someone call security!"
> "Look at the tight buns on that one! Cute!"
>
MMK: Hot dog or hamburger?
[A pause. Then FALC punches MMK down into his seat. MMK pops right back up like an accordion. With the sound effects and everything.]
> Aeris lit up bright red. "Ohh Tifa, this is so embarrassing.
> I've never been naked in public before."
> "Well you've never had sex with a woman before."
MMK <Aeris>: As a woman, no.
[A beat.]
RACE: ...thank you so much for the imagery, Knight.
> "But i never had sex before that." "Well there you go then, so stop
> complaining." The pair end up in the floor's main lobby,
> no one was there.
MMK & GAVOK: AAAGH! KARNAL KOMBAT FLASHBACK!
MARK: I heard you two were RESPONSIBLE for that one.
MMK & GAVOK: So?
> "We'll need to use those elevators." "What if someone's in it,
> or.. or someone gets on?"
MMK: Then he'll get right off, I'm sure.
RACE: Do you realize what you just said?
MMK: No, I was leaving that job for you. [^_^]
> "Three dozen people have already seen you naked..."
> Said Tifa as she walked to the elevator doors.
> "... what difference would a few more make?"
>
> Famous last words.
MARK: "Let me handle this."
FALC: "We have them outnumbered."
GAVOK: "I'll see you in Hell, William Munny."
MMK: "I... SUPERMAN!"
RACE: "Courtney, this shotgun won't work! Wait, let me just look down this barrel..."
ARL: "That's not funny... That's... not..."
> As soon as she finished that sentence the doors slid
> open revealing a platoon of heavily armoured guards.
> "Hee, hee, Hi there big boys!" The commander hit Tifa in the face with
> the butt of his Rifle, felling her to the ground. "TIFA!!"
> Aeris ran over to her,
MARK <narrator>: ...a distance all of two inches.
> cradling Tifa's head in her arms.
> "Tifa are you alright, please be alright."
> "I'm.. ok... Aeris... don't worry."
> An evil grin enveloped the commander's face.
> "Well, well, well, if it isn't Tifa Lockheart.
GAVOK <commander>: I'd recognize those hooters anywhere.
> You AVALANCHE scum make
> me sick! Are these the ones who killed Lacey."
> "Erm... Yes sir, he was guarding their cell block."
MMK <commander, Mexican accent>: Well, Lacey's got a lot of explaining to dooo!
{Bad pun, I know. ^_^; -Mark}
> "Well you bitch, I'm going to enjoy watching you suffer!"
FALC <guard>: Read those last few paragraphs, NOW!
> "Tifa I'm scared." "Stay close to me, it'll be alright."
> The commander walked up to them and was about to do something until..
MMK: He did something and did something and did something and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
> "Ehem. Sir, I've an idea." The other troops were surprised to hear this
> from one of the privates. "Go ahead private."
FALC <commander>: Go ahead, I'll let you have them first. Just this once, though.
> "Well... Instead of torturing them, why don't we give them to the boss,
> it is his birthday after all." "Are you suggesting that we hand over,
> convicted felons, to the president of Shinra Corporation,
> for sexual gratification, as a birthday present?" "Well... yea."
> "That's a brilliant idea! I haven't got him a present yet.
MMK: I mean, sure, we could have gone with the Chia Pet, but it's just so TACKY now, y'know?
> I should promote you, Private Robin"
GAVOK: Bruce Wayne stars in Saving Private Robin.
> The other troops looked at him with envy.
MARK <soldier 1>: My god, he used to hang with the Batman!
GAVOK <soldier 2>: Scratch that, he met Catwoman and Harley Quinn!
MMK <soldier 3>: Man, I wish I could have looked that good in green pixie shorts and boots.
[A beat.]
MMK <soldier 3>: What?
> "Privates, tie them up, and bring them into the lift." They grabbed
> the girls and tied their hands behind their backs. "Let me go!!"
> "Stop it Aeris, there's no point in fighting it."
MARK <Tifa>: It's in our contract.
ARL <Aeris>: Contract? What contract?
[MARK <Tifa> hands a bunch of papers to ARL <Aeris>. ARL <Aeris> shuffles through them.]
ARL <Aeris, reading>: By appearing in the SquareSoft game known as "Final Fantasy VII," you hereby agree to make any and all fanfiction appearances, including those of a more adult nature. [looks up] Well, isn't this just peachy?
[Should sound more convulted, I think, but I have little experience in legalese. Anyone else more experienced? -WF]
> Aeris was confused by Tifa's defeatist response.
> They were dragged into the lift, and surrounded by guards
> as it began to ascend. "(so much for your great 'plan')"
GAVOK <Aeris>: Didn't you think of anything? You said you were going to think of something.
> "(don't worry, it's going fine. we're heading for the Shinra president,
> that's where i was planning to go.)" "(but what can we do tied up?)"
RACE <Tifa>: I can wiggle my ears.
> "The prisoners will not talk!" "(trust me!)" "I said QUIET!"
> The commander rammed his rifle butt into Tifa's torso.
GAVOK <Nicotrel>: STOP SMOKING!
> "Tifa!"
> "YOU TOO!!" He did the same to Aeris. "OWWW!"
MARK: Apparently President Shinra likes his girls all nice and bruised.
MMK: NO TALKING! [MMK mimes hitting GAVOK with an invisible rifle butt.]
GAVOK: OWWW!
MMK: NO TALKING! [MMK repeats the process.]
GAVOK: OWWW!
MMK: NO TALKING! [MMK repeats the process.]
GAVOK: OWWW!
RACE: ...all right, we get the idea.
> ]"Oh your a big man aren't you, you like beating up, tied up,
> defenceless, naked girls, except the ones you like are much younger
> than me!"
MMK: You're got it all wrong! Bridget isn't actually a girl at all!
[RACE shudders.]
RACE: DO NOT EVER BRING THAT UP AGAIN. [whimpers] Oh, Saigado, why hast thou betrayed me...?
>"YOU FUCKING BITCH I'LL KILL YOU!!"
> He was about to bash her head in with his rifle when...
ARL <narrator>: To be continued!
[A beat.]
ARL <narrator>: Just kidding!