I have this sudden urge to end my life. Is this normal?
by
> Tifa ran as fast as she could along the bay.
MARK: That's cheating! She's beating on the Power Pad with her hands!
The feel of
> the ocean spray and wind, on her naked skin was like
> nothing she had ever felt. Her nipples were rock hard,
RACE: ...My god. This is a Chevy commercial.
MMK: "Like a rock.... oooooh, like a rock!"
she
> could feel every bounce of her breasts, with incredible
> detail.
ARL: I suppose you're going to GIVE us every detail, huh story?
Every stride she ran was bliss, from the feel of
> the soft sand on her feet, to the wind massaging her ass,
> to the flow of her hair. She never felt so relaxed, she was
> at one with nature.
GAVOK <Tifa>: These new Herbal Essences products really DO combine the best of natural goodness with inexplicable sexual stimulation!
RACE: Shut up, you.
But this wasn't right, she wanted Aeris
> to enjoy this with her.
MARK: Assuming she doesn't mind that whole "cheating on her with another woman" thing.
RACE: You think Aeris is into 3-ways?
FALC: ...don't get any ideas.
> She stopped running and looked at the stars. "(I wish you
> were here with me Honeybuns, my little Aeris.)"
FALC: Nobody says a word about hermaphrodites. GOT IT?
[ALL stare at FALC.]
MMK: Why would you think we were... EWW! SICKO!
[FALC sighs.]
> She started to walk on slowly, trying to gather her
> thoughts. Just then, she could hear galloping. She looked
> behind her. Two Chocobos were charging up the beach,
> Chicabo on one of them. "YEEE HA! I'm coming to get you
> Honey!"
MARK <singing>: And it's just like honey, When your love comes over me, Oh baby I've got a dependency, Always strung out for...
FALC: Do not finish that if you know what's good for you.
>
> "Shit i forgot!" Tifa runs as fast as she can, but it was
> no use, Chicabo quickly caught up. "WOOOO HOOO! Look at
> her pump those buns!"
RACE: Oh god no, please don't tell me we're getting into yaoi territory with this now...
[LOONS squirm in their seats visibly]
Chicabo begins to swing a lasso she
> made from the rope. "Your not getting away Tifa!"
> Chicabo throws the lasso and manages to catch Tifa,
> binding her hands to her waist. Tifa falls to the ground
> in a sandy puff of dust.
RACE: PUFF, BIATCH!
>
> Chicabo leaps off her Chocobo and grabs Tifa. "Now Honey,
> I've GOT YOU!" She pulls Tifa up using the lasso.
RACE <Chicabo>: Oooh, got me a big 'un! Look at the rack on this buck!
[RACE dodges a thrown lance from FALC.]
> "Now i get to do whatever i want with you! Now.. what can
> i do?" "How about untie me?" "Do you want a spanking? Cos
> that's what you get if you don't stay quiet and behave!"
ARL: PLEASE tell me this isn't going where I think this is.
MMK: It is.
ARL: You're not helping.
> Chicabo looks down the beach. "Hey! I've an idea!"
> She pulls Tifa along until they reach a large wooden,
> depth measuring pole.
ARL: Oh no. Nonononononono...
FALC: She's not gonna...
MARK: I'm not seeing this...
She undoes the lasso, places Tifa's
> back against the pole and ties her hands behind the pole.
[ARL, MARK, and FALC relax.]
MARK: Phew. Just bondage. [pause] I feel so dirty saying that. Falc, if you would? [FALC bops MARK on the head.] Thank you.
> She then gets another rope and ties her legs tightly to
> the pole as well.
GAVOK <Chicabo>: All we need is the firewood, and the human sacrifice ritual to the Great Chocobo God is all ready to go!
> "Ok, you tied me up, i give up, lets do something else."
> "The game ain't over yet Honey!"
MARK: You need to run throught it again with the bracelet this time!
She removes a shaver,
> and shaving foam from her Chocobo's bag.
FALC: Because you'll never know when you might get lost in the wood with no food, no water, and ugly armpit stubble.
> "No.. Wait! Don't!" "Hee hee hee!" She sprays the foam
> all over Tifa's crotch. "OOOHHH It's COLD!" "It's time
> to start!" Chicabo gets her razor and starts to work on
> Tifa's pubic hair. "Mercy! You do let this thing grow
> WILD!"
MMK <Chicabo>: ...Why is there a little tattoo of a guy with a lawnmover here?
GAVOK <Tifa>: Well, uh, me and my friends were all pretty hammered that night. and...
"Please don't!" Said Tifa desperately, as she
> struggled in vain to free herself. "Don't worry, it'll
> look cute!"
MMK <Chicabo>: Awww, idn't it pwecious?
>
> Chicabo made her finishing touches, then washed off the
> foam with sea water. She got a mirror, so Tifa could
> see. Her pubic hair was in the shape of a Chocobo's
> head, just like Chicabo's "Heh heh heh, we look the
> same now!" Tifa didn't know what to think.
RACE: How about, "How the FUCK did she just do that?"
> "We can be Chocobo Sisters!
MARK <Tifa>: Like the Mario Bros.?
MMK <Chicabo>: Sure. But you have to be Luigi.
MARK <Tifa>: Awwwwww, no fair.
Hmmmm. I know. If you
> promise to follow one last command, I'll untie you
> and finish the game!" "Ok then.."
>
> Chicabo unties Tifa from the pole. "Ok.. Now...
> Go over there, and get on all fours!" "Well....
> Ok then" Tifa gets on all fours. Chicabo takes
> some Greens from her bag, and shoves them up Tifa's
> cunt.
MMK <George Newman>: Sex with vegetables, what do you think? [holds a microphone in front of ARL, who does not respond]
"Ohhhhhhh! Hey, why'd you do that?"
> "Remember that other benefit of Greens i was talking
> about? Well here it comes now."
ARL: ...why do I now feel that a huge empty void is preparing to swallow my soul?
RACE: You... you're not alone.
Suddenly a huge furry
> dick rams up Tifa's cunt, it was a Chocobo.
[ALL stare blankly at screen with a wide-eyed expression.]
RACE: ...I have lost my will to live.
> "AAAAHHHHHHH! OHHHHH! IT'S SO FURRY!
ARL: Tifa... just got rammed by a chocobo... and the only thing she can think to say is "IT'S SO FURRY?"
MARK: ...Wow, Arl, you're not even steaming over this now. I'd think you'd have spontaneously combusted at all of this.
ARL: No. It's hard to get explosively angry when all the joy of life has been sucked from your soul in one sentence.
OH OH OH OH!"
> Chicabo encourages the Chocobo to start pumping.
> "OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH AH AH AH AH MMMMMMMMM
> mmmmm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm m!"
> Suddenly the Chocobo cums, shooting Tifa 3 feet away.
GAVOK: I could have lived very, very peacefully for the rest of my life without knowing the intense centrifugal force of chocobo jizz.
> "What'd you think of that?"
ALL: .................
"Ohhhhhhhhhh! Wait! Oh NO!
> He came inside me!"
ARL: She only worries about this NOW.
"Don't worry Honey, you'll be ok!
> I should know, I've been humped by them, for years!"
FALC: I DID NOT JUST HEAR THAT.
RACE: [attempting to slit wrists with a spatula] Yes, you did.
> "I'm safe then?" "Sure, now Honey, you are now my
> Chocobo Sister for sure! You made love to a Chocobo
> and got the mark shaved into you!"
MARK: We have now witnessed the horrors of hazing firsthand.
"My hair?" "Yep!
> Now! Time to celebrate!" Chicabo jumps on Tifa's back,
> and starts spanking her. "Ride 'em Chocobo Sister!
> Move!" "Alright then! But when it's my turn to ride
> you, I'll spank the ass off you!"
ARL <Tifa>: And I'll get rid of that damn donkey!
"Hee hee hee! I
> look forward to it!"
FACE: We wait with bated breath. No. Really. I mean that.