> Snake: If that's a real nuclear warhead, shouldn't they issue a COG
> (Continuity of Government)?
GAVOK: Cogswell's Continuity of Government.
> Campbell: Not yet. The Secretary of Defense has operational control and is
> fully aware of the situation.
TBS <Campbell>: He just, you know... doesn't care.
> After you infiltrate, if you determine they possess nuclear launch capabilities
> a COG will be issued.
VIPER: Better COGs rather than SPROCKETs.
> Snake: Well if they haven't relocated to nuclear shelter under Mount
> Washingtion, I suppose there isn't that much reason to worry yet.
ZEM <Snake>: If they head for the one under Mount *Washington*, though, we'd
better hope "duck and cover" really works.
> Is the National Security Agency in on this?
> Campbell: Yes. So is the DIA, the Defense Intelligence Agency.
WAND <Snake>: Stop patronizing me! I knew what it stood for!
> Snake: The DIA? I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this.
> Campbell: They'll be sending us some support.
VIPER <Naomi>: I could use some of that when doing sports.
> Snake: We don't need desk jockies.
TBS <Snake>: It *is* funny to watch tiny people ride the desks like that, but now is not the time!
> We need a nuclear weapons specialist.
MMK <Snake>: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a nucle... ah, why do I even bother.
> Campbell: Of course. A nuclear weapons specialist has already been assigned
> to us.
> Snake: We need backup from a specialist.
WAND <Campbell>: Er, yes, that's *why* a nuclear weapons specialist has been assigned to us.
ZEMYLA <Snake>: But we need a nuclear weapons specialist!
WAND <Campbell>: Yes, we already--
ZEMYLA <Snake>: Backup! From a specialist! Of nuclear weapons!
WAND <Campbell>: Naomi, lay off the fish DNA next time, huh?
GAVOK <Naomi>: My bad.
> I'm just an amateur when it comes to nuclear weapons.
VIPER <Snake>: I've only progressed to the level 2 nuclear weapons kits.
> Campbell: I know. That's why I've requested the assistance of a military
> analyst named Nastasha Romanenko. She'll be providing you backup
> by Codec.
WAND <Natasha>: Here is latest plan to defeat moose and squirrel!
> Snake: A female analyst?
GAVOK <Snake>: Next thing you're going to tell me they can vote!
> Campbell: She's built up an impressive record as an advisor to the Nuclear
> Emergency Search Team. Contact her if you have any questions.
> She's also an expert on hi-tech weapons.
TBS: Like the egg-beater.
> Snake: Where's she working from?
> Campbell: At her home in Los Angeles.
> Snake: California. Seems like a million miles away.
MMK <Snake>: Every ounce of energy, I try and give away. As the sweat pours out my body like the music that I play.
GAVOK <Campbell>: I'm going to regret having given you that karaoke machine as a retirement present.
> Snake: How well-armed are these terrorists? I know there was an exercise
> going on at the time they revolted.
> Campbell: They're heavily armed I'm afraid.
TBS <Campbell>: Buddhas. Every single one of them.
> Snake: What about they're battle experience.
ZEMYLA: I'm starting to suspect that this transcript wasn't handled completely professionally.
WAND: Well, you have to remember, this wasn't originally in English. It had to be translated from Hideo Kojima's native language of Batshit Crazy.
TBS: I've heard that he designed Raiden while speaking only in tongue-clicks and Q*Bert noises.
> Campbell: The six members of FOX-HOUND in charge are all hardened veterans.
> They're tough enough to eat nails and ask for seconds.
MMK <Rocky>: I always see 'em in the garden, but I never wanted to eat 'em.
GAVOK <Apollo>: I didn't say anything about snails! I said nails! NA-NA-NA-NAILS!
> Snake: I wouldn't expect anything less from FOX-HOUND.
> Campbell: The others are Next-Generation Special Forces. They're not your
> average grunts either.
WAND: Meaning that Snake ostensibly won't be able to kill them with one chop to the neck.
> Snake: Tell me about these Next-Generation Special Forces.
ZEMYLA <Snake>: What are they wearing?
> Campbell: They started out as an anti-terrorist special-ops unit made up of
> members from former biochem units, technical escort units, and the
> Nuclear Emergency Search Team.
TBS <Campbell>: They quickly grew bored of that and moved on to air-hockey and beer.
> Their purpose was to respond to
> threats involving next-generation weapons of mass destruction,
> including NBC (nuclear/biological/chemica) weapons.
> Naomi: Until "they" were added that is.
> Snake: Who's "they"?
VIPER: Duh. The anonymous plural people.
MMK <Stan>: You know... them.
GAVOK <Kyle>: They're bastards.
> Campbell: These guys didn't start out as regular army.
VIPER: They started out in the KISS Army!
> Snake: Looks like a pretty international group.
ZEMYLA <Snake>: Multinationalism is the scourge of the earth!
TBS <Campbell>: No kidding. Fuckers kept trying to summon Captain Planet the whole time.
> Mercenaries?
> Campbell: Yeah. And it gets worse. Most of them were from a merc agency that I
> think you're familiar with. They were part of Big Boss' private
> guard. And after Big Boss went down, the military just bought out
> all their contracts.
> Snake: Outer Heaven.
ZEMYLA: Urban sprawl strikes again!
> Campbell: After that they were merged with our own VR unit, Force 21, and
> re-trained.
VIPER <Campbell>: Only one didn't make it. Some easily-fooled pansy with white hair.
> If you ask me, these so-called "Next-Generation Special Forces" should to be called "simulated soldiers."
> They have no real battle experience.
> Snake: Video game players, huh?
ALL WITH VID & WF <over intercom>: DON'T MOCK VIDEO GAME PLAYERS!
WAND: Bitch!
> Naomi: Don't forget they've all been strengthened with gene therapy. They
> carry genes which make them excellent soldiers. Don't get careless
> just because they don't have much experience.
TBS: Yeah, it's not as though they'll fall for a cardboard box trick or stop to read porn on duty or anything.
> Snake: I thought using genetically modified soldiers was prohibited by
> international law.
WAND: Well, yes, but so is threatening to nuke the planet for the sake of cloning.
> Naomi: Yes, but those are just declarations not actual treaties.
> Campbell: The interesting thing is that nearly every member of the unit
> conspired in this attack.
> Snake: How could an entire unit be subverted to rebellion?
MMK: In retrospect, holding a recruiting drive in Kronstadt was a pretty bad idea.
> Naomi: They're calling it a revolution.
VIPER: A ROCK AND ROLL revo-DNK!
[VIPER slumps into his seat. A frying pan lands next to him.]
> Campbell: Since they all went through the same gene therapy, they probably
> felt closer than brothers. They see the unit as their only family.
TBS: And nothing says 'family' like heavily-armed terrorist rebellion!
> Snake: The Sons of Big Boss.
ZEMYLA: He's big pimpin'!
> But if they were regular army, they must've
> been interviewed periodically by army counsellers.
> Campbell: According to their files, they all got straight A's on their
> psychological tests. They all seemed like fine, upstanding
> patriotic soldiers.
> Snake: But they all took part in the uprising?
> Campbell: No. Several people didn't show up on the day of the exercise.
GAVOK <soldier>: Oh, fuck! I set the alarm for PM!
> That's why there was a resupply of troops.
> Snake: Was there any sign recently that something might be wrong?
VIPER <Campbell>: Yes, a really big neon green one. "SHIT'S 'BOUT TO GET FUCKED UP" with a
big red arrow.
> Campbell: There was a report a month ago that they were acting strangely.
TBS <Campbell>: Made the horses go crazy. Killed the puppies. Hid the remote. Real sick shit.
> Naomi: Apparently they consulted classified information about the soldier
> genes and performed their own gene therapy experiments.
> Snake: They can do that even without you?
WAND <Naomi>: Yes, but not very well.
TBS <Campbell>: Now they're all wandering around with tails and shit. Morons.
> Naomi: Well our gene therapy process is almost completely automated. And
> besides that they're all geniuses with IQs over 180.
MMK <soldier>: Should I look under that suspicious cardboard box, or -- nah! I'm too smart for that.
> Campbell: Even the existence of this genome army is a national secret of the
> highest order. We'd been hoping to investigate this quietly and
> deal with it behind closed doors.
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: I mean, this is the MILITARY. Keeping secrets should be easy.
MMK <Snake>: You mean like those pictures I took of you last week?
TBS <Naomi>: What pictures?
MMK <Snake>: Uhh--
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: See what I mean?
> Campbell: Hi-Tech special forces unit FOX-HOUND. Your former unit, and
> one that I was a commander of.
WAND <Snake>: Uh, I *know*, Chief.
> An elite group combining firepower and expertise. They're every bit as good as when I was commanding
> them.
> Snake: So they're still around.
MMK <Campbell>: No no, more of a dodecagon these days.
> Campbell: There are six members of FOX-HOUND involved in this terrorist
> activity. Psycho Mantis, with his powerful psychic abilities.
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Shadowloo had a firesale on mercenaries.
> Sniper Wolf, the beautiful and deadly sharpshooter.
VIPER <Campbell>: And frequent abuser of wallhacks.
> Decoy Octopus, master of disguise.
WAND <Campbell>: If he shows up wearing a turtle outfit, do us all a favour and shoot him in the face.
TBS <Snake>: Can do!
> Vulcan Raven, giant and shaman.
GAVOK <Campbell>: Like Titanic Tim, except not Australian.
> And Revolver Ocelot, specialist in interrogation and a formidable gunfighter.
TBS <Campbell>: Kindly stop snickering at his unfortunate choice of porn name.
> Snake: Looks like a lovely bunch of folks. Too bad we'll be meeting under
> these circumstances.
> Campbell: And finally, in charge of them, FOX-HOUND's squad leader Liquid
> Snake.
> Snake: Liquid Snake?!
> Campbell: Yes and you're the only person who can stand against him.
GAVOK <Campbell>: Only because Mr. T is busy on another mission.
> Snake: Liquid Snake.
> Campbell: Liquid Snake.
VIPER <Snake>: Liquid Snake.
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Is there an echo in here?
> The man with the same codename as you.
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Except replace "Solid" with "Liquid".
> Snake: Tell me what you know.
> Campbell: He fought in the Gulf War as a teenager, the youngest person in the
> SAS (British Special Air Service). His job was to track down and
> destroy mobile SCUD missile launching platforms. You were there too
> I believe. Didn't you infiltrate western Iraq with a platoon of
> Green Berets?
MMK <Snake>: Oh, yeah! They boosted my HP a little bit.
> Snake: I was just a kid myself back then.
GAVOK <Snake>: Back then I used to wear a headband over my brow and a beanie-copter on my head.
> Campbell: The details are classified, but it seems that originally he
> penetrated the the Middle East as a sleeper for the SIS.
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Whatever *that* means.
> Snake: He was a spy for the British Secret Intelligence Service?
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Sure, why not? That sounds about right.
> Campbell: But he never once showed his face in Century House. He was taken
> prisoner in Iraq, and after that there was no trace of him for
> several years. After you retired, he was rescued and became a member
> of FOX-HOUND.
> Snake: I thought that by the time I left they were no longer using
> codenames.
VIPER <Campbell>: You thought we'd give up the biggest source of laughs in the military?
> Campbell: I don't know his real name. That information is so highly classified
> that even I can't look at it. Here's a photo of him.
TBS <Snake>: But you just said this was classif-
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Fine, I lied. I was too lazy to Google the rest of the stuff. Just take the damn photo!
> Pretty shocking, huh? His skin tone is a little different but otherwise
> you two are exact duplicates.
> Snake: I have a twin?
GAVOK: Yes. His name is Kenshi and he's stranded in Outworld with Sub-Zero.
> Campbell: I don't know the details, but it seems so. That's why we really need
> you for this mission.
VIPER <Campbell>: To piss him off.
> Naomi: You're the only one who can beat him. Now that I've met you, I know.
WAND: So apparently repeating everything someone says as a question really impresses chicks.
> You've got something he doesn't. I can see it in your eyes.
GAVOK <Naomi>: Oh, wait -- *eyes*! There we go. Sorry, Kenshi!
> Snake: Why don't I find that thought more comforting?
> Snake: Colonel, I don't work for the government anymore. Let me go back to
> Twin Lakes.
WAND <Snake>: I still haven't found Laura Palmer's killer.
MMK <Campbell>: Ten bucks says it was Moby!
> Campbell: Why Snake? Is your life in Alaska all that great?
GAVOK <Snake>: It's wonderful. I mean, there's no one around for miles. NO ONE. NOT A SOUL.
ARE YOU CATCHING ON TO THE SUBTLE HINTS I AM DROPPING?
> Snake: There's a dogsled race this week. Next Saturday I have to be in
> Anchorage.
> Campbell: The Iditarod? The longest sled race in the world? When did you
> become a dog musher?
TBS <Snake>: Actually, I dress up as a dog and--
VIPER <Campbell>: Too much information, Snake.
> Snake: Right now my fifty huskies are my only family.
VIPER <Snake>: I went through the same gene therapy as they did.
> I've got to take care of them.
> Campbell: Don't worry about your dogs.
> Snake: What do you mean?
WAND <Campbell>: They're better off where they are now.
GAVOK <Snake>: I don't understand. Could you be more clear?
WAND <Campbell>: They've *moved on* to a *better place*.
GAVOK <Snake>: Cut the jargon and tell me where they are.
WAND <Campbell>: We *shot* the fucking dogs, Snake.
GAVOK <Snake>: You're not good at explaining things clearly, are you?
> Campbell: I'm sorry Snake but this vessel is headed for the Bering Sea.
> There's no room for debate.
WAND <Campbell>: It's a *very* small vessel.
> Snake: I told you, even if I do owe you I don't anything to this army or
> this country!
> Campbell: You will accept this assignment!
MMK <Campbell>: Because if you don't, the story just kinda sits there!
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: I could tell the terrorists to nuke your dogs quite easily.
> Snake: Why should I be stupid enough to do that? I'm no patriot.
VIPER <Snake>: I'm an Eagle.
TBS <Campbell>: Which makes you a LOSER!
> Campbell: Snake, there's enough dirt in your file from your days as an agent
> to keep you in the stockade until you're a very old man.
ZEMYLA <Campbell>: Do you remember your time as a member of New Kids on the Block? We do.
GAVOK <Snake>: You bastard.
> Snake: Oh I see. Blackmail.
> Campbell: No Snake. I prefer to look at it as helping you to come to a
> decision more easily. But anyway, I know you better than that.
TBS <Campbell>: Despite my best efforts.
>You'd take this assignment even without the threat.
> Snake: Why do you say that?
> Campbell: You're a natural born soldier. You're not the grow old gracefully
> type.
WAND <Campbell>: In fact, you don't seem to actually be aging at all. It's creepy. Cut it out.
GAVOK <Snake>: I'm the best there is at what I do, bub.
MMK <Naomi>: Wolverine genes!
WAND <Campbell>: God damn it, Naomi!
> Same for all of us who've seen real action. The only place we
> can feel truly alive is on the battlefield. I'm a solider too.
VIPER <Campbell>: I'll be staying here where it's warm and safe, of course -- but never mind that part.
> I know those feelings of powerlessness, frustration that you feel
> everyday. You've tried to play the boy scout out there in Alaska,
> but you can't race dogs in the snow forever. Why don't you come
> back to us and be a soldier again.
MMK <Snake>: Well, see, I have a Chia Pet at home and--
Gavok <Campbell>: Oh! Oh, then by all means go. We'll find someone to fill in.
> Snake: You think my life is some kind of joke?
> Campbell: Snake, I just want to give you back your purpose in life.
TBS <Campbell>: And that purpose in life is *skee-ball*.