“As told to Jeff Rovin.”
Rovin was responsible for the novelizations for several video games, most notably Mortal Kombat. He took rather broad liberties with some of the characters. He’s kinda like a successor to the great “F.X. Nine” of the Worlds of Power book series of a while back.
"Then Ernie Reyes Jr. kicked them both in the head."
You remember him, right? The pizza boy from the TMNT movies? That leading dude in Surf Ninjas? No? Don’t blame you. Haven’t seen him lately. Shame, considering he should have been Neo instead of that patsy Keanu Reeves. More charisma, too. Very likable in a Cary Elwes sort of way. Damn. Now I’m ranting.
"...an oak tree with the word "Croatoan" carved into it."
Once upon the time, Sir Walter Raliegh decided to form a colony called Roanoke. He left about a couple hundred Englishmen (and women) there, sailed back to get supplies, and when he got back, the entire colony was deserted. The only thing left was, of course, an oak tree with the word "Croatoan" carved into it, which is rather confusing since the Croatians were still over in Yugoslavia at the time. Raliegh, dejected, returned to England, discovered tobacco as a cash crop, and then had his head chopped off for treason. Moral: Never leave your colony, you fucking retard.
"Tchh... looks like the Dusties lost one of their Deaders!"
An actual line spoken by Annah, the wonderfully sexy Scottish half-demon in the wonderful PC RPG “Planetscape:Torment”, made by the same people who made “Fallout” and “Fallout 2”, two games that prove without a doubt that there IS a God.
"Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste."
A line taken from the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil”. It was a line also used effectively by Guy Fawkes in the outstanding graphic novel “V for Vendetta”.
"FREE LEONARD PELTIER! FREE LEONARD PELTIER!"
Lenny is a Native American activist leader unjustly accused of murdering two government agents and continually refused for retrial despite all the efforts of amnesty groups everywhere. We hope that through this medium, we raise his plight and bring around justice so lacking in this country.
"Pots, pans, casserole dishes, plastic cups...hey! Abe Vigoda!"
Actual quote from an opening skit from the original MST3K series. Specifically, Episode 307, The Hellcats, Invention Exchange being the Junk Drawer Searcher…wait. I was informed it was actually Episode 309. Sorry.
"He must be PJ's version of Vicks and Wedge."
Perhaps the only Fritz Fraundorf reference we’ll ever make in the MOT.
"And there was a dead fat lady in the trunk."
A reference to an old computer and NES game "Déjà Vu". You see, there was this car outside the apartment where the character wakes up, and if you try to open its hood, it blows up. And there’s a fat girl in the trunk. She’s dead, of course, and it’s relevant to the plot somehow. I dunno. It was funny at the time.
"It's better to BURN OUT than to fade away!"
Said by evil Immortal Kurrgan in the first "Highlander" movie, discussing the concept of Jesus with a Catholic. Not to be confused with the wrestler Kurrgan, who sure as heck’s close to being immortal, but ends up jobbing to Test.
"In the names of Luke Cage and Mr. Fish I will avenge thee!"
If you’ve hanged around Seanbaby for an inordinate amount of time, you’d have visited the HostessPage, where a group of fictional heroes and characters, Mr. Fish and Luke Cage among them, judge old comic Hostess ads. There, Doctor Doom is at least treated with respect and not batted around from that addled mind of Nightmare.