After much research, here's more (IMO) Obscure Riffs (TM).
by
This includes riffs from eps. 101-107, with a few from the second half of 109. The only reason there's no 108 is that I'm not re-reading it until the skits are done, and there's no 109 pt. 1 or the rest of pt. 2 because I'm not going to spend time hunting through things I've riffed. ^_~
Feel free to knock out ones that weren't referances or weren't obscure enough, and there's at least two that weren't obscure IMO but I wanted to check the background on...
***
Ep. 101: SF vs. MK
>Suddenly, a car pulled up into the parking lot and pulled right
>next to Ken's. He was a black man of about twenty,
EMMY: The car's a black man?
WAND: Wasn't that an old cartoon?
>Rayden was frozen by the ice ball. Sub then uppercutted the God
>of Thunder, but was swept off his feet by Rayden's quick recovery
>sweep. Rayden then tagged in his partner Johnny Cage. "Man, Sub,
>you're such a loser. First, you leave the Lin Kuei, then us. I'll
>make you pay," Johnny Cage taunted Sub. Sub then blindly charged Cage.
MMK: You call that a taunt? THIS is a taunt!
[The MMK jumps up, pulls the fingers; lands, pulls the fingers, somersaults to
the back wall, pulls the fingers, rolls left, pulls both fingers, waves both
the MMK doll and the Raging Demon doll in a Blue Blazer costume over his head
and pokes out his tongue]
[TBS, TIFF and Z-BOT hold up scores of 6.7, 5.9, and 6.9, respectively]
MMK: FIVE POINT NINE?
TIFF: You missed the roll to the right. And the ass-rub.
MMK: Some credit for improvisation, please!
>Now Kano was totally dead
TIFF : Like, I totally made him dead, y'know?
WAND: As opposed to what? Just slightly dead?
TBS: I've been just slightly dead many times.
TIFF: How'd you do that?
TBS: Well, I was kinda hungry one day, so I went down to Taco Bell and got
myself this biiig three cheese burrito, right? An-
EMMY: I'm not sure I want to hear this.
MMK: I think I might want to. Is it a sad story?
TBS: Miserable.
MMK: Okay, keep going.
TBS: Okay, well, anyway, I had just bought my three cheese burrito, a-
MMK: Hold on, is this going to be a long story?
TBS: Not long.
MMK: Okay.
TBS: Well, I had my burrito, and I was just about to eat it...
TIFF: Yeah? And?
TBS: And three guys jumped out from behind a tree and kicked the crap out
of me.
[a pause]
MMK: Oh.
TBS: Took my burrito, too.
[another pause]
MMK: Hey, look, there's a movie on.
WAND: Did you have to remind us?
MMK: Oh, right. Sorry.
TIFF: ^_^
>much pain and eventually fell. "Ryu and Sub-Zero win! They move
>onto the Third Round," said the monk.
EMMY (with English accent>: The rest of you can go bugger off!
WAND: This motherfucking HACK is taking the goddamn VAN
DAMME MOVIE AS CANON. HUNTER, YOU BASTARD, WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I WILL
FILLET AND EAT YOUR TESTICLES FOR MAKING US WATCH THIS.
TBS: Hey, didn't I see a webpage about...
WAND: SHUT UP.
(Considering as it took me a few seconds after I re-read this to remember that webpage somebody linked about a month ago, I'd say it's sufficiently obscure. ^_^ ~SD)
>Sub then 1-2 punched, cut striked, front-thrust-round
>kicked, then spinning wheel kicked Sean in a combo.
MMK: He did this while singing "Layla" backwards,
tapdancing, standing on his head, eating a grapefruit, spitting wine into a
small cup, breaking Foghat records over his head, and doing the Safety Dance.
WAND: And Sean STILL wasn't knocked down.
***
ep. 102: Homestrike
> Placing her gun and holster within reach next to the
> shower doorway, Nessa walked naked into the large shower
> room, twisting one of the shower knobs and sighing in
> contentment as warm water ran over her sore body.
FALC: Good god, she's hitting every item on the "slasher
movie victim" checklist!
GAVOK: After this, she's gonna drive out to Crystal Lake,
fire up a joint, and have some premarital sex.
GAVOK <singing>: o/~ I woke up this morning with a bad
hangover and my penis was missing again... this
happens all the time; it's detachable... o/~
***
ep. 103: Zor the Man Double Feature A
> Chapter 1
MMK <singing>: Onnne... ohhh, onnnne... the ooonly wayyyy is
onnnne...
> Zor took out the Masamune and charged. Sephiroth launched
> hundreds of fireballs and energy blasts, Zor dodged them better
> than even Yuffie could and all the dodging didn't even slow
> him down at all.
ALL: ...
MMK: He is Ryoga MKN. He's got to be. Look at 'im up
there, nutsackin' away...
DANA: Or Marissa Picard.
SAMAS: Or DJ Croft.
TBS: Or Arete.
GAVOK: Or Chris Wolvie.
JUMPY: Or Siege.
(I recognize the first three... ~SD)
> The past...
MMK: Cid tells how much he paid.
GAVOK: Farther back.
MMK: Zor asks how much Cid paid.
GAVOK: Farther back.
MMK: A dense star explodes, creating a vast universe.
GAVOK: That's too far.
(Closest thing I can remember was the Bill the Cat resurrection comic, and that was with a movie camera... ~SD)
> Everyone else begins to wake up, and after everyone has
> met everyone, they begin to tell each other where they were from
SAMAS <Cloud, snickering>: Okay, you, with the cards...
you're from... Delaware.
DANA <Setzer, snickering>: Oh, really. Then you're from
*France*, you spiky-headed twerp.
> Even Ultima was not very effective, but they seemed to be
> winning, the creature was slowing down from being constantly hit.
MMK <John Cleese>: Oh, come on, big evil creature, won't you
have a mint?
GAVOK <creature>: Piss off. I'm full.
MMK <John Cleese>: Oh, come on, sir, look at it, it's
wafer-thin, it's *wafer-thin*, it's just a tiny little mint...
GAVOK <creature>: Well.... all right.
***
ep. 104: Zor the Man Double Feature B
> Chancellor: Sweet.
TBS <singing>: Because being in charge is sweet!
GAVOK <singing>: Super Sweet!
ALL <singing>: Thank God we live in this lame-ass, badly spelled,
poorly written, Mary Sue, SUCK ASS! Fan! Fict! Tion!
> Edgar: That's...
MMK <Edgar>: ...Gary Coleman dressed as Space Ghost!
> Edgar: When Zor arrived he managed to say something about an
> Esperattack.
TBS <singing>: And when the evil Esper attacks, these Mary Sues,
don't--
MMK, GAVOK, TBS <singing>: CUT 'EM NO SLACK! Teenage suck-ass jobber
writers! TEENAGE SUCK-ASS JOBBER WRITERS! *TEEN*--
TBS: Santa got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger.
GAVOK: *Ding!*
TBS: I'm back in the game, baby!
> Sephiroth: Trapped? Yes. Going to die? No.
MMK <Sephiroth>: Hungry? Yes. Ordering Chinese? No. Tired? Yes. Going
to sleep? No. Gassy? Yes. Going to fart? Probably.
***
ep. 105: Shadowloo (part 1, Ordinary People)
> "Right. Now, let us begin, Isis!"
[ALL put pieces of paper into GAVOK's hat.]
GAVOK <picking from his Hat>: And the winner is... Dana!
DANA <singing>: Kick, punch, it's all in the mind!
> Isis sat up in bed, and studied him thoughtfully. Yes, he wasn't toying with her. She
> was going to learn it! Then, the fun would begin.
SAMAS: It starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes and aeroplanes, Lenny Bruce is
not afraid...
> and rushed Bison with a series of kicks and punches.
MMK: Hey, that's the Ryuuko Ranbu!
SAMAS: Isis: The Little Fighter That Could.
> The general laughed again and quite litterally swatted Isis away with his
> forearm,
MMK: It is the Ryuuko Ranbu!
(...Ryuuko Ranbu? ~SD)
> Wearing what she had been wearing at the time of her capture, which consisted of
MMK <Toonie>: NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! STOOOOOPID! YOU SO STOOOOOOPIIIIID!
> Guile faced Isis next, "Whatever. Your story doens't hold up, though. You still didn't
> answer my earlier question:
WAND <singing>: Hey there, I got spots; mind if I got stripes, too?
> "Some system of justice! Where's my trial? Where's..?"
WAND <Isis>: Carmen Sandiego?
MMK <Isis>: Waldo?
SAMAS <singing>: ...my VCR, my long tall glass of lemonade? Where's my picket fence,
my stereo, my TV show?
GAVOK <Isis>: My elephant! WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT? WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT?
(...first two are obvious, but the second two... ~SD)
Shadowloo (part 2, MMRemix)
(Yes, I started with the wrong one. So shoot me. <beat> Put the guns away, gentlemen. ^_^)
> ***
DANA <singing>: Star fucker... just like my daddy...
> curled herself into a ball, and it happened!
SAMAS <mystified>: She found the Maru Mari?
***
ep 106: SF:WL
MMK <Neilsen>: IF YOU WAAAANT MY LOOOOVE, YOU'VE GOT IT... IF
YOU NEEEEED MY LOOOOOOVE, YOU'VE GOT IT... I WON'T HIDE
IT... I WON'T THROOOOOW YOUR LOOOOOOOVE AWAAAAAAAAAAAY...
NOOOOOOOOO!
> STREET FIGHTER:
> WARRIOR'S LEGACY
GAVOK <singing>: Legacyyyyyyy-AAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEE!
[TIFF cleaves GAVOK cleanly down the middle with the chainsaw.]
TIFF <singing>: ...you're not half the man you uuuuuused to
beeeeeeeeee... [giggles]
***
ep. 107: Selphie's Night Off/Nemesis
MMK <singing>: Running through the flames, greasing back my hair, calling
out your name, and when the DOGS, DRAG OUR BONES, INTO THE
LIIIIIGHT... I will HANG, I WILL SHINE, PEARLY WHITE... PEAR-R-LY
WHI-ITE!
ARL <chanting to himself>: Imustnotfearfearisthemindkillerfearisthe
littledeaththatbringstotaloblivion...
(...aargh. I know I've heard this before, but I can't remember who said it... ~SD)
> Jill gasped when she noticed a
> tall form leaving the front doors of
> the police station, firelight gleaming
> off of the thing's dull, gray skin.
CHAR: Hmm. Looks like the Nameless One paid a courtesy visit.
GAVOK: Or the Thing isn't using enough hand lotion.
> He gasped sharply, his
> cock engorging and releasing a blast of
> semen before death claimed him.
ARL <Death>: EWW. I DON'T WANT HIM.
METAL <Satan>: Oh, Hell's loaded to capacity. I couldn't possibly
take him.
SIG <God>: So help me Me, I hath no desire to touch that mortal.
> a soft, golden light.
MMK <monotone, as if scrolling text>: A soft, golden light
surrounds your party. Ness gains 8 HP. Paula gains 6 HP.
Jeff gains 8 HP. Poo gains 6 HP.
[ALL stare at MMK.]
MMK: Oh, come *on*, people! You know what I'm talking about,
right?
VID: Sadly, yes, I do. [sarcasm] "How to modernize a fantasy
world - make all the magic 'psychic powers'!" [/sarcasm]
RAN.X: How can you not love a game that kept your money in an ATM?
R.JAK: Well, that leaves me out.
JON: Heh heh. "Poo".
(Unless this is a referance to, um, what's it called...EarthBound or something like that; supplied a hidden character in Super Smash Brothers called Ness who used a yo-yo, a bat, a lightning bolt, and a joystick-controlled ball of lightning as his major attacks--I don't know what it is. ~SD)
> Jill arched her back,
MMK <Slick>: Show us your ass, baby.
GAVOK <Monique>: My ass?
> The hallway was blood-red, illuminated
> by emergency lights set within the
> ceiling at intervals. No one was
> within sight, only a few empty
> stretchers sat along with walls.
SIG: He's just ripping off Silent Hill now. What next?
GAVOK <Jill>: CHU CHU ROCKET! ROCKET WA SU-GO-I!
MMK <Jill>: Well, let's see, first I've got to drive the Z-Type to the
research facility and run over 20 SRS scientists, and then...
(I only get the Chu Chu Rocket ref. ~SD)
> "Your little diversion worked,
> Ginovaef," said Victor, placing the
> last G-Virus sample into its secure
> container.
Z-BOT: Gulp for each backstabbing, evil male. Gulp again if their plan succeeds.
[ALL gulp twice.]
VID <Ginovaef>: Of course it did. Because I'm evil.
ARL <Victor>: Really? It's that simple?
VID <Ginovaef>: Well, let's look at the precedents. "Homestrike". Evil won.
"Shadowloo". Evil won.
ARL <Victor>: Well, those weren't exactly cases where evil had very stiff
competition, you know.
VID <Ginovaef>: Exactly. Evil will always triumph over good. Because good is dumb.
(dammit, I know I've heard that last line, but from where? ~SD)
***
ep 109: It Isn't Raizo This Time
> "I don't think she can walk away from that now."
MMK(singing): Can't let you walk away, from me... walk away, from me... get on with your life, get on with you... walk away, from me!
(Note the fact that half the reason I'm including this is to make the MMK happy. ^_^ ~SD)
R.JAK <Tiffany>: Okay. I'm gonna say... Strom Thurmond, Bob Hope, Ronald Reagan... what the hell. Willie Nelson.
> "Interesting camera there," Lara spoke. "What were you shooting out of it?"
eDAN <Ran>: What do I shoot. The woman asks, what do I shoot? I shoot my art from this camera, my soul from this camera! I make love to the camera!
NERE <Lara>: Whoa.
eDAN <Ran>: Plebian.