| Original Message |
Wildfire
Posted Mar 26, 2005 4:01 PM
> (Snake pulls out his binoculars and takes a look.)
MMK <Snake>: Yeah... yeah, keep that window open. Oh yeah. Now drop your towel. Come on...
> Campbell: It's the fastest way, but there's too much risk of being spotted by
> the enemy.
> Snake: I can't just knock on the door and ask them to let me in. One
> sentry on the left and one on the right. They're armed with "five
> five sixers" and pineapples...
GAVOK <Sweet Tooth>: HAHAHAHAHA! PINEAPPLE!
> (As the guard on the right approaches Snake puts back his binoculars
> and hides behind the crate again. Then he goes over to the left and
> pulls out his binoculars again.)
> Campbell: What about the air duct near the door?
> (Snake locates the duct but it is guarded, he pans up to the upper
> level of the facility.)
> Campbell: There should also be a duct on the second floor.
> (Snake looks across to the walkway on the second floor to find the
> vent but his view is blocked by the railing.)
> Snake: I can't see it from here.
WAND <Campbell>: *sigh* Snake, open your eyes.
VIPER <Snake>: Huh? Oh! There it is!
> (Snake lowers his binoculars and once again hides behind the crate.)
> Campbell: I'll let you decide the best COA. I'm counting on you
> Snake.
MMK <Campbell>: One dust bunny, two dust bunnies, three dust bunnies...
ZEM <Snake>: Stop that.
> (The game resumes and the player takes control. Eventually, Snake
> enters the vent on the second floor of the facility, he gets a codec
> call from Master Miller, his old instructor.)
GAVOK: He taught Snake how to write graphic novels about middle-aged Batman.
> Master: Snake, it's been a long time.
> Snake: Master? What are you doing here?
> Master: I quit being a drill instructor, so I moved out here for some
> peace and quiet. I'm in retirement just like you. Once in a while
> I still help train the Alaskan Scouts.
> Snake: Passing on the skills to a new generation, huh?
> Master: Campbell told me about the situation here. I thought I might be of
> some use.
> Snake: There's no one I'd rather have in a foxhole than you.
ZEMYLA: Don't ask, don't tell.
> Master: Well, I know lots about survival in a harsh environment. I've lived
> in Alaska longer than you,
WAND <Snake>: Yeah? I have clones.
(Gavok note: I'm referencing a comic that isn't even out yet. I'm so silly)
> so call me if you have any questions
> about the flora or fauna out here. My frequency is 141.80.
> (Snake is moving through the vent shafts and he sees two Genome Soldiers
> talking through one of the vent covers.)
> Genome 1: I moved the DARPA Chief to the cell in the 1st floor basement.
> Genome 2: What about the vent shaft cleaning?
> Genome 1: They just opened the vent covers. They're about to start spraying
> for rats.
VIPER <Genome 2>: Are they spraying for snakes as well?
ZEM <Genome 1>: Don't think so.
WAND <Snake>: Heheheheh.
> Snake: 1st floor basement ventilation shaft...
> Genome 1: Shut those covers as soon as they're done spraying. Also, keep
> your eye on that woman in the cell.
TBS <Genome 1>: Namely her posterior.
> Don't get careless now.
> Snake: Woman in the cell?
GAVOK: MMK?
MMK: Who is Jennifer Lopez.
GAVOK: Correct, the board is yours.
MMK: I'll take Vince Vaughn Co-Stars for $400.
> Genome 2: Did something happen?
TBS <Genome 1>: Somebody set us up the--
WAND: Don't.
> Genome 1: There's an intruder.
> Genome 2: Really?
> Genome 1: He's already done three people.
> Genome 2: He's killed three people?
ZEMYLA <Genome 1>: Well, two, really. One of them was just a cardboard cutout. The intruder's an idiot.
> Genome 1: Yeah. They say he's using stealth too.
> Genome 2: Stealth?
> Snake: There's an intruder besides me?
> Genome 1: Anyway, I want you to increase the security detail on the chief.
> (Snake finds the DARPA chief in his cell and drops down through a vent
> opening.)
VIPER: Where he landed on a trampoline and flew back into the vent.
> DARPA chief: Who... who, who's that?
GAVOK: Dammit, my DARPA chief is skipping again.
> Snake: I'm here to save you. You're the DARPA Chief, Donald Anderson,
> right?
> DARPA chief: You're here to save me, huh? What's your outfit?
MMK <Snake>: Tommy Hilfiger.
> Snake: I'm the pawn they sent here to save your worthless butt.
> DARPA chief: Really? It's true... You don't look like one of them. In that
> case, hurry up and get me out of here.
> Snake: Slow down.
TBS <chief>: Geeeeet... meeeeee... ouuuuut... of heeeeere.
> Don't worry. First I want some information... about
> the terrorists.
> DARPA chief: The terrorists?
WAND: OKAY! This is the last straw!
ZEM: Huh?
WAND: Most of the questions in this script is immediately followed by a repeat of the earlier question! Are all these people deaf or something?
[A short pause.]
MMK, GAVOK, & TBS: Deaf?
[WAND growls and pulls out a sword with intent to maim as he chases the LOONS around the theater.]
VID <over loudspeaker>: STOP THEM!
WF <over loudspeaker>: Time for a Prinny bombing, dood!
[Several penguins fall down from the sky, exploding and knocking the LOONS and WAND out of their chase.]
VID <over loudspeaker>: And where, pray tell, did you get THAT?
WF <over loudspeaker>: ...from a garage sale?
> Snake: Do they really have the ability to launch a nuke?
> DARPA chief: What are you talking about?
ZEM <Snake>: I'm talking about nuclear strikes! Geez!
[WAND and the LOONS return to their seats.]
> Snake: The terrorists are threatening the White House. They say if they
> don't accede to their demands they'll launch a nuclear weapon.
> DARPA chief: Sweet Jesus...
> Snake: Is it possible?!
GAVOK <chief>: What, Sweet Jesus? I guess if you dipped him in enough sugar...
> DARPA chief: ... It's possible. They... could launch a nuke.
> (The woman in the next cell here this bit of information and stops the
> sit-ups she was doing.)
> Snake: How do they plan to launch? I though this place was just for
> keeping the dismantled warheads. They shouldn't have access to
> a missile...
> DARPA chief: What I'm about to tell you is classified information. Okay? We
> were conducting exercises of a new type of experimental weapon.
> A weapon that will change the world.
ZEMYLA <chief>: It's a sword made out of a laser beam. It has the power to deflect bullets.
> Snake: What?
> DARPA chief: A weapon with the ability to launch a nuclear attack from any
> place on the face of the earth. A nuclear equipped, walking
> battle tank.
> Snake: Metal Gear!? It can't be!
> DARPA chief: ... You knew!? Metal Gear is one of the most secret black
> projects! How did you know that?
> Snake: We've had a couple of run-ins in the past. So that's the reason
> you were here at this disposal site?
> DARPA chief: Why else would I come to a God-forsaken place like this.
MMK: Good gas prices?
GAVOK: Because it's there?
> Snake: I had heard the Metal Gear project was scrapped.
> DARPA chief: On the contrary, it has grown into a huge joint project between
> ArmsTech and ourselves. We were going to use this exercise as
> raw data and then proceed to mass production. If it hadn't been
> for the revolution.
> Snake: Revolution... ?
> DARPA chief: Rex has fallen into the hands of terrorists.
GAVOK: Little does Speed realize that Racer X is in actuality his brother Rex Racer, ah!
> Snake: Rex?
> (A guard takes notice of the conversation in the cell and slowly creeps
> to the door.)
> DARPA chief: Metal Gear Rex, the codename for the new Metal Gear prototype.
> They're probably already finished aiming the warhead they plan to
> use with Rex. These guys are pros. They're all experienced in
> handling and equipping weapons.
> (The guard bangs on the door.)
GAVOK <chief>: Occupied!
> Guard: Hey! Shut up in there willya!
> (The DARPA chief waves him away, and Snake comes out from his hiding
> place by the doorway.)
> Snake: But I thought that all nuclear warheads were equipped with safety
> measures. Some kind of detonation code that you have to input.
> DARPA chief: Oh, you mean PAL. Yes, of course, there is a PAL. It's set up
> so that you need to input two different passwords in order to
> launch the device.
> Snake: There are two passwords?
> DARPA chief: Yes. Baker knows one and I know one.
> Snake: Baker? The president of ArmsTech?
MMK <chief>: No, the guy who makes my bread. He's a trusting guy, so I figured, what the hell.
> DARPA chief: That's right. Each of us has to input our password or there can
> be no launch. But... they found out my password.
> Snake: You talked?
> DARPA chief: Psycho Mantis can read people's minds. You can't resist.
> Snake: Psycho Mantis?
> DARPA chief: One of the members of FOX-HOUND. He has psychic powers.
VIPER <Snake>: Now see, I thought he was TELEKINETIC.
> Snake: ...This is bad...
VIPER: But he comes with a free frogurt!
> DARPA chief: It's just a matter of time before they get Baker's too.
> Snake: If they find out Baker's password...
WAND: Then they can play as Samus in just her underwear.
> DARPA chief: Yes. They'll be able to launch a nuke anytime. But there is a
> way to stop the launch.
> Snake: What?
> DARPA chief: The card keys.
> DARPA chief: They were designed by ArmsTech, the system developers as
> an emergency override. Even without the passwords, you can just
> insert the card keys and engage the safety lock.
> Snake: And if I do that?
> DARPA chief: Yes. You can stop the launch.
> (The woman in the next cell hears this.)
> Woman: That card key... ?
> Snake: So where are the keys?
GAVOK <chief>: In the couch cushions.
> DARPA chief: Baker should have them. Listen. You need three card keys. There
> are three different slots to put them in. You need to insert a
> card into each one of them.
WAND: My GOD. The show of intelligence here is absolutely ASTOUNDING.
ZEM: Sarcastic much?
WAND: Me? NEVER!
> Snake: Okay three card keys. Do you know where they mught be keeping
> Baker?
> DARPA chief: Somewhere in the 2nd floor basement.
> Snake: 2nd floor basement?
ALL: SECOND FLOOR BASEMENT!!!
GAVOK: God!
> DARPA chief: I heard the guard say they moved him to an area that has a lot of
> electronic jamming.
> Snake: Any other clues?
MMK <chief>: There are these cartoony, blue paw prints.
> DARPA chief: Yes... they cemented over the entrances but but didn't have
> enough time to paint over them. Why don't you look for the areas
> where the walls are a different cover?
> (The DARPA chief gets up and fishes something out of his pocket.)
[Everyone shrieks and shields their eyes]
ALL: NOOO!
> DARPA chief: Here, take this. It's my ID card.
ALL: Phew.
> It'll open any level one
> security door. It's called a PAN card. It works together with
> your body's own electrical field.
> Snake: Personal Area Network, huh?
> DARPA chief: It transmits data using the salts in your body as the
> transmission medium. As you approach the door's security devices
> they'll read the data stored in the card.
> Snake: And the doors will open automatically, gotcha. OK. I'm going to
> get you out of here.
> DARPA chief: Wait a minute.
> Snake: What is it?
GAVOK <chief>: A measuring of time made up of sixty seconds.
> DARPA chief: You haven't heard of another way to disarm the PAL, have you?
> From your bosses or anyone.
> Snake: No.
> DARPA chief: Are you sure you haven't heard anything?
> Snake: I just said no.
WAND: I'm trying to resist the urge, really I am...
> DARPA chief: So, does the White House plan to give in to the terrorists
> demands?
> Snake: That's their problem. It has nothing to do with my orders.
> DARPA chief: But... what about the Pentagon?
> Snake: Pentagon?
[WAND growls and rips the arm off of his seat.]
> (The DARPA chief grabs at his chest and starts to spasm.)
> DARPA chief: Nnnnnnghhhhhh!
> Snake: What is it!?
> DARPA chief: Ww... Why? Uuuuuughhhh!
TBS: My first guess would be all the cheeseburgers.
> (The woman in the cell hears the chief cry out and becomes alarmed.
> She starts to bang on the wall and the door.)
> Woman: What's that!? Hey! What happened!?
> (After struggling a little bit longer the chief finally dies and
> slumps to the ground at Snake's feet. The woman stops banging on
> the door. Snake reaches down to feel the chief's pulse, nothing.)
> Snake: Hmmmm...
MMK <Snake>: I bet I could get away with stealing his wallet. |
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