Welcome to Mystery Octagon Theater's message board, where we write our MiSTings. Please read these guidelines:
before you submit a MiSTing post, make sure that you've checked your spelling. Please, as a favor to your long-suffering editor, adhere to the MOT Style Guide as much as possible, DAMMIT.
MOT is usually peopled by six to eight self-insertions. To get into the theater, call dibs when a new episode begins.
How to MiST: when someone posts part of a 'fic to be worked on, reply to that message with your jokes. When a section has been thoroughly worked over, we move on.
please do not impersonate another user or post anonymously. Evil twins are strictly prohibited.
all comments, compliments, and criticism relating to our MiSTings are encouraged and welcome on this board.
we are usually up to our collective ass in interested newbies. To handle these individuals, there is Quasispace, also known as the MOT B-Team. If you're interested in writing for MOT, go there.
if you attempt to post and receive a "document contained no data" error message, do not hit the "send" button again. That error message means that your post made it to the network54.com server, but the server's return message was garbled. Simply reload the main board, and your post should be there. This is what usually causes the double-posts in here.
Updates [3/1/2005]: several eps are in the editing stage, and will go up when I next update the site.
The plan, such as it is, is for ep. 205 to be a MiSTing of the script for Metal Gear Solid. Nick is the Mad with TV's Austin as his lackey; theater meat includes Gavok, MMK, TBS, and Wanderer, with n00bs Viper and Zemyla. You may wish to get it started, monkeypants.
Admins: Thomas Wilde (Wanderer), the Black Snotling
Random acts of weirdness
by
I've finished a cursory runthrough on ep. 113, and I'll be putting it up on the site this afternoon, hopefully. It'll go up along with finished versions of ep. 101b and ep. 112.
Also, digging through the old e-mail in my gamepartisan.com account, I found this MOT-related letter from late July:
========
Date: 07/25 1:04 AM
Received: 07/29 10:35 AM
From: Kurtis Markuson, markkl@uleth.ca
To: twilde@gamepartisan.com
I was reading through your guide to obscure references for MOT, and was
startled to discover a reference that strikes very close to home for me.
During the epic(?) tale of Zor the Man, you reference a large number of SI
characters, one of them being Siege, from the OL Mutant supplement for
WoD. I actually know the author of this supplement personally, and I
myself have played in a campaign in which Siege appears. Originally a PC
created by the first fellow to play Mutant, he has now mostly been
relegated to NPC status. The reasons for this is that joining the X-Men
and marrying Storm are probably the least offensive things Siege has
accomplished, SI-wise. One could discuss Siege at length, as he's been an
active character for more than six years, but I won't do so since you
probably don't care. ^^; I just felt the need to bring this up, for some
odd reason. Anyway, I really enjoy the work you guys do, and I await the
next episode of MOT with bated breath. I'd probably ask if there's room
for a newbie on your team, but I figure you've got more than enough
writers already. In any case, with my glacial writing speed, I doubt I'd
be able to contribute much...
Kurt Markuson
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm
not too sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
========
Weird.
Thomas Wilde
a.k.a. Wanderer
selling anarchy at affordable prices
a quick introduction and another really annoying question
by Idiotbox
first, hello everyone I'm Idiotbox [the non-Quasispacers will probably know me as the nutsack who posted on the other Ballad without introducing himself a while back].
I'm currently over at Quasispace waiting [im]patiently for the next MSTing there to start [mainly so I can join in all this crazy madness].
second, and I hope Wanderer doesn't get angry at me pointing this out but ep. 112 STILL doesn't have an ending. is that ending being added any time soon?
We're workin on damage control for 112 and the others as FAST AS WE CAN! There are NO problems here! Eurasia was NEVER at war with Oceania! Soylent Green is actually made from the seaweed harvested from the bounty of the sea!
And random skittage and commercials for our things we're trying to format, or something...
by
For 201:
(As we all demanded, it is time to introduce our faithful projectionist, Joe Mama.)
***********************
(As our intrepid heroes recover ever so briefly, we cue in on the projection room. There is a rather burly, heavy-set man wearing a tight fitting movie usher suit, fingering through a large pile of film rolls. A weasely man bearing a very close resemblance to Elvis Costello steps into the room with a cameraman.)
SNACK: Hey there, all, I'm Snack Lightly. You may remember me from the "Behind the Torture" special. Well, we've managed to sneak into the newer Theater of Pain to view this new episode taking place. Here in front of me is the only person who has been present in every episode of MOT, yet many have not seen him. Yes, he is the lowly projectionist, Josephus Kyousuke Tycho Giuseppe Mama...
MAMA: (muttering) Red tape on blue...blue tape on red...no splicing in the naughty bits...
SNACK: (continuing) Josephus, better known as Joe Mama, was born on a small reservation of Hakawi Indians in the Koopahari Desert, his father an exotic dancer, his mother an experienced soap actress and master of Sambo and Muay Thai. How the parents ended up on the reservation is a mystery, but when Joe was five, he wandered off and was raised by a herd of wandering buffalo.
MAMA: Mooooooo...erm, I mean put pointy end in hole...spindle...
(Snack comes closer to Joe, who is threading the next reel into the projector.)
SNACK: Joe ended up in Dream City after a hunter poached him. Greviously wounded, he was sent to the hospital, where a certain Doctor Boskonovich got a hold of him and accidentally cyborgized him. Seeing no other alternatives, Joe ended up being a posterboy for cybernetics, but also became the but of jokes better known as "Yo Mama" jokes, which is a perversion of Joe Mama's noble name.
MAMA: (looks up) Huh? Whatcha doing here?
SNACK: Mister Mama, tell us your experience working as a projectionist for very bad movies.
MAMA: 'Sokay. I get free room and board.
SNACK: You have gotten many films through the past, most of them either involving rather gristly nookie or self-insertion canon mayhem. How do you cope with being the vessel of this torture?
MAMA: I dunno about torture. They just give me some rolls of film, a few bags of Doritos, cheese dip, and bottles of soda. I then show the movies.
SNACK: Joe Mama...isn't it true that your abilities as a cyborged wild child raised by buffalo are undertasked by these menial tasks?
MAMA: (holds out a bag) Cool Ranch?
SNACK: No thank you.
MAMA: It ain't stale...just opened it.
SNACK: Mister Mama, I'm trying to gather more information on your plight. If you would cooperate...
MAMA: You know, Birdie likes the Nacho Cheese Doritos.
SNACK: ...Birdie?
(Mama points next to the projector. Resting there is a medium-sized rat with an abnormal mohawk sleeping on the ground.)
MAMA: Birdie's my buddy. He helps me with splicing. He just bites and I tape together.
SNACK: Erm...how'd he get the mohawk?
MAMA: Oh...I superglued it on him. That's why I call him Birdie.
SNACK: Erm...I see. I take it you have way too much free time here.
MAMA: Nope...nope I don't. Other than Birdie, I only work on filming. Oh...that and watching TV.
SNACK: TV?
MAMA: Yeah...sometimes when that Bogardy fellow comes in to Mad, he drops me and Birdie some tapes.
SNACK: Bogardy...you mean Racewing?
MAMA: Yes...the green hat guy. He gives me and Birdy taped episodes of my favoritest program in the world, "The Lin Kuei's Wacky City Adventures". You see, Sub-Zero and his buddy Scorpion wander around with their other ninja pallies and have wacky discussions...
SNACK: I see...(to camera) Joe Mama, projectionist and one of the many victims of the Torture Theater project.
MAMA: (rambling) And then Ermac goes "KILL HIM!" and Sub-Zero's always going "NO, Ermac! Violence is NOT the answer!" Then they all get ice cream and the ninjas go "YAAAAAAAAY!"
SNACK: (trying not to listen) We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors...
MAMA: My favorite was when Smoke bought that apartment and they ran out of ice cream, so Ermac went over and attacked their neighbors...
SNACK: Cut to commercial.
MAMA: ...then Cyrax and Sektor came around and the ninjas got drunk, and Scorpion wandered around naked...
Can you make Snack Lightly's dialogue kinda like Troy McClure? You know, "You might remember me from 'Behind the Torture' and 'When Loons go Bad'..." or something more fun. :)
I'll bet the fucking Vogons had a hand in this. [n/t]
by
Goddamned lonely fangirls... FER CHRISSAKES, Guide fanfiction is pointless in the first place, 'cause there's _no_ way in hell you'll be able to write anywhere near to how the late D. A. could.
Okay, MM, I've read this, and honestly, it doesn't surprise me one bit. Fangirls will slash *anything* if they find the series interesting, regardless of if there's any actual hints of homosexuality/interest between the participants. (Such as the Garfield/Pooky fic I just heard about that I am *not looking at ever if I can help it*.)
As for this fic itself, it's not too bad. It doesn't make me want to claw my eyes out at the sheer *impossibility*, physical or character-wise; it cuts off before it gets really graphic; the actual writing is at least an attempt at matching Hitchhiker's style. I'd give it a C as a Hitchhiker fic.
...and hell, it could be worse; it could've been a Zaphod/Ford/Arthur threeway. Two heads and three hands... ^_~ [runs]
Yeah, I don't know, the whole thing doesn't really faze me either, and I actually got a smirk out of the "tried it at university and was most unimpressed" line.
So there's definitely worse out there -- much worse.
So, is that under the subsection about international unity against Sara? Yep, yep, a good decision, in my opinion. Also: Yes Sara, finish those goddamned encounter tables.
AhAH, I'm older than anyone here! I could kick any of your... Oh wait, being my age _isn't_ a good thing.
But seriously, yeah. Shady's right. I skimmed this thing, nothing I haven't come to expect from zee fangirls (no offense, Shades. You're one of the sane ones. I mean... you know. The *rest*. ^^;) I almost can't believe this, but I'm swaying "eh" too.
Why this nutcase would choose something as sacred as the Guide is beyond me, but save your top-blowing from when we get something really revolting like that Megaman "blueberry" fic. :)
Yes. It is muchly addictive. I can choke down most anything that's not a self-insertion, fic-wise - 'Triumph of the Retart' made me a bit of a masochist. And 10% of slash/yaoi is utterly amazing puts most of the het fangirls to shame.
I used to belong to a list in which the people were getting more and more tired of the 'standard' bad fics, and started writing their own. Ludicrous smutty dares were thought up and then gleefully exchanged. A certain series of Harry Potter fics involved far more horny dogs/hippogryffs/dragons than were strictly necessary, random Rocky Horror references and molestation, and a truly disturbing scene involving a person transformed into a mouse, an elderly lady, and a hobo.
And then, there was that ficlet where Severus Snape meets up with a Nazgul in an evil menswear shop...
...I know far too many fics along similar veins than are strictly healthy. Some of them weren't even jokes. I've seen Hitchhiker slash before too, actually. I think it did involve Marvin, too. And Zaphod. Don't ask about the mechanics...
*hides own evil fic, out of rememberence for the late Richard Harris* Soon, my precious....sooon.... *wanders back to the Very Secret Diaries of LoTR*
Until, as Ann O'Tate once said, we rouse its ghost.
<< I prefer a series of stiff kicks, leading up to a GAMENGIRI~! >>
That's interesting. Of course, since you didn't give an email address, I've no more idea who you really (usually) are than I have of what a Gamengiri is.
... I am _NOT_ that evil little preteen. Stay off the acid, R. Jak.
by
Jesus... _WE ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON. WE ARE BOTH PLAYING AN RPG THAT IS RUN BY WGM. ZETAZSOL ALSO PLAYS IT WITH US._
Sara has a bad habit of impersonating us when posting on message boards. That does not mean we're the same person. My name is Robin, I am 22, and I have a job as a network administrator. I am not Sara.
Well, if you stopped impersonating each other all the time...
by
...then people wouldn't mix you up so. As it is, so far it gives me the impression that you're playing some secret game of confusing us for whatever reason.
Also, impersonating others without their consent is really, really rude around here and IFR. It sounds to me that you're letting her, but...
Acid is your friend, Ryan. It's good for you. Why, the very building blocks of life is depending on acids! Acid cannot be wrong, can it? It's there to *help* you!
Which is why I want you to sit under this very large vat of good, healthy, life-nurturing acid. I'll be in the room nearby, pulling this string.
I've got ep. 113 and am editing it at my own humble pace. Please be patient with me, as I have contracted a mysterious illness; I fear it might be mono. All I know is that I feel like I've been beaten with sticks.
As for the future:
-- is anyone else compiling ep. 201, or has that been left up to me? If so, I'll get to it after ep. 113 is up on the site.
-- I believe it would be an excellent idea to begin "Mark of Zenretsu" at some point in the upcoming weeks, perhaps near the beginning of the new year. What do you all think? (Please don't rush to call theater seats.)
Thomas Wilde
a.k.a. Wanderer
Hung up on the hung low
<< is anyone else compiling ep. 201, or has that been left up to me? If so, I'll get to it after ep. 113 is up on the site. >>
I've got a compilation of 201 I can pass along.
<< I believe it would be an excellent idea to begin "Mark of Zenretsu" at some point in the upcoming weeks, perhaps near the beginning of the new year. What do you all think? >>
I'm all in favor of it. I've got a cold myself right now, though, so I'm in no hurry, and am in fact more inclined to sympathize with waiting until you recover from whatever you've contracted.
<< (Please don't rush to call theater seats.) >>
Not me. I've got other plans. (And they aren't evil, I swear.)
[SCENE: Back in the lobby. THE LOONS have gathered around a table, chatting
and drinking sundry beverages that, due to a lack of commercial investors,
will not be mentioned by brand name. ARL, S.D. and RACE are standing by
the snack bar, keeping a safe distance from the trio.]
S.D.: You know, I've been thinking about the 'fic...
ARL: That's probably a bad idea.
RACE: Speaking from experience, Arly?
ARL: Yes, and I have the hospital expenses to prove it. [to S.D.] I'm sorry,
what were you about to say?
S.D.: I was about to say that there's a possibility that Hutchins'
munchkin-like ways may not entirely be his fault.
ARL: "Not his fault?" He wrote the 'fic! How can it NOT be his fault?
S.D.: You ever see any of the source books for the Street Fighter RPG?
ARL: Can't say I have.
S.D.: How about you, Race?
RACE: Yeah, once. "30% less angst than other White Wolf products," right?
S.D.: Something like that. Anyway, I checked the books out on a whim, and
the way the newer fighting styles and skill point systems are set up seems
to encourage munchkin behavior. Heck, I've seen mock character sheets for
cybernetic human/agave worm hybrids that would make Hutchins look like *Dan*,
for chrissakes.
[Unseen to all, WANDERER shudders and clutches his temple in pain.]
RACE: Which means...?
S.D.: Which means that Ben is technically writing his character as he would
behave in a "normal" SFRPG. [pauses] Minus the smarm, of course.
ARL: There's always the possibility that self-insertion authors are, on the
whole, twinks, regardless of their styles or role-playing bases.
S.D.: Yeah, well, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the dou-
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
[ALL blink.]
RACE: ...the hell?
ARL: Something tells me I don't want to know, but morbid curiousity has the
best of me... unfortunately.
[They cast their gazes over to the table THE LOONS are sitting at, and find
that all three of them are wearing hats and T-shirts emblazoned with Fury
the dog's head and the words "FURY 3:16."]
GAVOK: I tell ya, Fury is a son of a bitch! You fellas know Fury?
TBS: Yeah, I know Fury! About seventy-five pounds, fourty-two teeth... and he
really *is* a son of a bitch, you know. I mean, he's a dog, right?
MMK: Not just *any* dog! He's FURY!
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
GAVOK: Fury dragged me from my burning car! He was the one who set it on fire!
MMK: I saw him paddle into the frigid waters of the Arctic and swallow a live
adult seal in one bite!
TBS: Fury's shedded fur is used to make Turkish Delight!
MMK: Fury taught Piro how to draw, and bought Largo his first b33r!
GAVOK: You know Fury's a big dog, right?
MMK: Oh yeah, he's, what? One hundred and thirty pounds, with seventy teeth?
GAVOK: Well, once I saw Fury bench-press five Nissan Pathfinders with one
paw! To Fury!
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
MMK: Fury knows the secret to KFC's blend of herbs and spices!
TBS: His Space Ghost episode was the third or fourth greatest ever!
GAVOK: Fury totally kicked my ass, Knight's ass and his *own* ass in Twisted
Metal: Black!
MMK: He introduced heroin and flannel to Kurt Cobain!
GAVOK: Fury was best man at my wedding! Slobbered on all the bridesmaids and
stole the wedding car!
TBS: Fury single-handedly kicked the ass of the Brazilian soccer team in the
qualifiers!
MMK: Well, why wouldn't he? He's a big dog.
GAVOK: Yeah, two hundred and twenty pounds, two rows of ninety-six teeth...
he's a tough bastard.
TBS: Reminds me of that time I was out drinking with Fury. Out of nowhere he
pulls out this chainsaw and slices me right in half! I ask him why he did it,
and he says, "if you have to ask, you'll never know." Those words changed my
life. To FURY!
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
RACE: Fury? I *know* Fury!
[THE LOONS turn and stare at RACE.]
RACE: ...what?
GAVOK: You're just trying to get free drinks out of us, aren't you?
RACE: No.
[They glare at him. He sighs.]
RACE: Alright, fine. I was.
MMK: The truth will set you free, Race. Now leave, lest the Great Fury
turn his righteous... righteous... uh... [gesticulates] ...help me
out here, guys...
TBS: Fury?
MMK: Yeah! Lest the Great Fury turn his righteous fury upon you!
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
[RACE sighs in exasperation and walks away.]
MMK: Hey guys, I hear Fury, E. Honda and Bill Brasky are hidden characters in
King of Fighters 2002!
GAVOK: He's faster than Strider, stronger than Zangief, tougher than Sentinel
and can combo five beam Supers together, and he's probably going to be even
tougher in the game!
TBS: Well, he's a tough dog. Four hundred pounds, three hundred teeth...
MMK: You guys know Fury wrote the source code for Earthbound?
GAVOK: I hear Fury is single-handedly responsible for the extinction of the
carrier pidgeon!
MMK: I once saw that magnificent bastard go fourty minutes in a Japanese Death
Match with Super Crazy and it was one of the greatest matches I've ever seen!
TBS: He has the number one television show in Japan!
GAVOK: Snot, that's me you're thinking of.
TBS: Oh, cool! TO GAVOK!
LOONS: YAY! GAVOK!
GAVOK: Thanks guys. Say, you know how Fury's a huge mother of a dog, right?
MMK: Yeah! Seven hundred and fifty-three pounds, four hundred and twenty
teeth...
GAVOK: Well, I heard-
SD <smirking>: I heard he's a giant chicken.
[THE LOONS blink, glance over at SD, look back at each other and think
for a moment before shrugging.]
MMK: He's a giant chicken! To FURY!
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
[SD growls.]
RACE: Your Loon-interrupting mojo has failed.
SD: Oh, shut up.
GAVOK: Fury fought the robot kings and saved the human race again!
MMK: I was in a black operation in the Amazon with Fury! Crazy mofo gnawed
down a tree to use as an escape raft with his tail!
TBS: His involvement in the Kananaskis G8 summit has led to policy changes
that will reduce the national debt of twenty-two African countries by over
$19 billion U.S.!
GAVOK: Fury leveled Tokyo *five times* with his psychic powers, just because!
TBS <singing>: Fury was a lensman, a way-ay-ay-ay...
MMK: Fury owns 51% of Macintosh AND Microsoft's stock, and pits them against
each other for kicks!
GAVOK: In King of Fighters '96 Fury pimp-slapped Goenitz to death, then slept
with Mature, Vice AND Chizuru, and it was the best damn night any of them
ever had! Here's to Fury, a one thousand and twenty pound, thousand-toothed
beast that could eat a hammer and no-sell a shotgun blast!
LOONS: YAY! FURY!
TBS: ...you know something? Even though Fury's responsible for seventeen
movie soundtracks and all the Billboard Top 40 hits of the week of June 15,
1997, nobody's ever written a song about him.
GAVOK: But if someone did write a song about him, I'm sure it would go a
little like this...
[Eighties-style synth music begins playing. GAVOK blinks.]
GAVOK: No, wait.
[The music abruptly stops with a loud record scratch.]
GAVOK: It would go like *this*...
------
The All Loon Revue
"What Would Wonder Dog Fury Do? (with apologies to DVDA)"
It Still Kinda Hurts When I Think About It
'Vok Around the Clock Records
Director: Roger Christian
------
GAVOK:
What would Wonder Dog Fury do
If he was here right now,
He'd make a plan
And he'd follow through,
That's what Wonder Dog Fury'd do.
MMK: Woah, hang on. "Wonder Dog Fury?"
GAVOK: If it was "Fury the Wonder Dog" then the beat would be off.
MMK: It sounds a little weird, but I'll roll with it.
TBS:
Fury the Wonder Dog was in Worcester,
Fighting Shadoloo,
He beat up Bison and his goons,
And trained Sakura too!
MMK:
When Fury was in MegaTokyo,
Duelling boomers rogue,
He kicked their ass with his Tae Kwan Do,
And his mighty... um...
[MMK pulls out a dictionary out of his sleeve and flips through it.]
MMK: ...brogue!
TBS: What's a brogue?
MMK: Says here it's "a thick and heavy shoe."
GAVOK: That works.
TBS: Wait, can dogs wear shoes?
GAVOK: No... but Fury can!
TBS: Oh yeah! Fury can do *anything!*
LOONS:
So if we turned on the Fury-Signal,
And he came to help today,
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or three,
That's what Fury would do for me.
GAVOK:
Fury's a credited M.D.,
And can perform brain surgery!
TBS:
Fury knows his Jeet Kun Do,
Judo, Karate and Tae Bo!
MMK:
He's a prodigy, like Doogie Howser,
But he's a dog, so he's Doogie Schnauser!
LOONS:
And what would Wonder Dog Fury do,
He'd call all SI's in town,
Make them repent their munchkin ways,
That's what Wonder Dog Fury would do.
TBS:
When Fury travelled through Space in the Wedge,
To Fahrvergnugen's space den,
He fought the evil Iczer-2,
And saved Gryph and Zoner again.
GAVOK:
And when Fury founded NASA,
He beat up Lord Quan Chi...
LOONS:
'Cause Fury the Wonder Dog doesn't take shit from ANYBODY!
So lets all get together,
And go to stop Shadoloo,
And we'll mock Gryphon and MegaZone too,
Cuz that's what Wonder Dog Fury'd do.
And we'll mock Gryphon and MegaZone too,
Cuz that's what Wonder Dog Fury'd dooooooo,
That's what Wonder Dog Fury'd do!
------
The All Loon Revue
"What Would Wonder Dog Fury Do? (with apologies to DVDA)"
It Still Kinda Hurts When I Think About It
'Vok Around the Clock Records
Director: Roger Christian
------
ARL: Wait, why would Fury make fun of Gryphon and Zoner? They're the
ones who feed him, take him on walks-
MMK: He's questioning the greatness of the One True Fury! GET HIM!!
ARL: Eep.
[ARL turns and runs for his life, with THE LOONS in hot pursuit.]
SD: ...I hate this theater.
WAND <over intercom>: Quick, Arly! Hide in here!
[The theater doors open and ARL runs in, still being chased by THE
LOONS.]
WAND <over intercom>: I am *smooth*.
AOD <over intercom>: Smooth like a gravel pit.
WAND <over intercom>: AoD, try as you may, you will not knock my moon
out of orbit and upset my tides of well-being-ness.
[SD and RACE look at each other, then roll their eyes and head into
the theater.]
---
So... yeah.
--RoPOH
"Remember this: Wandy thought it would be a good idea for me to write this, so if it sucks, then *technically* it's partly his fault."
like Zemyla, I know there's a ban on new avatars, but I'm also willing to shadowMST so that should work out.
As said, I come bearing a gift in a fic to riff down the road. "Hopes, Dreams, and Destiny as One", an epic Breath of Fire fanfic, HDDO however comes across as with all the force of a decently written self-insertion fic (think hutchins but without the excess text, but keeping the cameos and ripoffs).
The author happens to be a freind of mine, and he encourages the MSTing of this fic.
But don't take my word for it, here's the fic itself:
http://www.clarkson.edu/~dellesfy/hddo1.htm