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Updates [3/1/2005]: several eps are in the editing stage, and will go up when I next update the site.
The plan, such as it is, is for ep. 205 to be a MiSTing of the script for Metal Gear Solid. Nick is the Mad with TV's Austin as his lackey; theater meat includes Gavok, MMK, TBS, and Wanderer, with n00bs Viper and Zemyla. You may wish to get it started, monkeypants.
Admins: Thomas Wilde (Wanderer), the Black Snotling
"Mmm! I taste good, Vegeta!" *shudders* Prologue, part two!
by
> Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again! And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta. They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
>
>
>
> THE END
>
>
> Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's ne of *those* fan-fics...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again! And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta. They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
>
>
>
> THE END
>
>
> Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again! And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta. They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
>
>
>
> THE END
>
>
> Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
SIG <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
T.OGRE <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
SAMAS: Because that would be in character.
T.OGRE: Oh. Right.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
SIG: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro from Excel Saga.
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
SIG: Well, it works in Hollywood...
[ALL snicker]
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed-- GAH!
[T.OGRE chases EON around the theater]
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
TBS<Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL(Peasants, deadpan): Yay.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SIG <Vegeta>: I like to strangle small animals and masterbate.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And. that's. all. I. got. to. say. about. that.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: Green-faced poop. I'd get that checked out.
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke"
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Cause Vegita said so!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
SIG <Tifa>: I wanna ROCK!
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
TBS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL(Peasants, deadpan): Yay.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect teh Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS <Sephiroth>: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Don't.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
>
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SIG <Vegeta>: I like to strangle small animals and masterbate.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And. that's. all. I. got. to. say. about. that.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
???: Sad thing is, he's got Cloud's character down-pad.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: Green-faced poop. I'd get that checked out.
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
ALL: We noticed.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
??? <Tifa>: Me bouncy!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke"
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
??? <Vegita>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
??? <Vegeta>: Things have been pretty hard since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
??? <Tifa>: Damn you! You destroyed it all!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Cause Vegita said so!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
???: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
SIG <Tifa>: I wanna ROCK!
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And
> guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
???: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
???: He took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore himself a few more points. The fool.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
???: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
TBS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
??? <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
???: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
??? <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
??? <Vegaita>: And?
??? <Piccolo, singing>: ~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~Please don't take me to the pickle farm!~
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
???: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and...
???: Thinking bad. Remeber that.
???: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
???: How did you get here?
??? <Freiza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
??? <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag.
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL(Peasants, deadpan): Yay.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
???: Fortunately, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
???: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
???: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
> They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
>
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect teh Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
???: Plot contrivance?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
???: I hate my life.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
??? <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS <Sephiroth>: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Don't.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
ALL: Us too.
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
???: Well that was certainly surreal.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I like to strangle small animals and masterbate.
SAMAS <Aeris>: Okay... now stop that!
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And. that's. all. I. got. to. say. about. that.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
R.JAK: Because he lacks INCREDIBUL CHEE POWURZ, that's why.
> Cloud: I dunno.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON: Sad thing is, he's got Cloud's character down-pad.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
T.OGRE <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: Green-faced poop. I'd get that checked out.
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
ALL: We noticed.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
TBS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
TBS <Tifa>: Me bouncy!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke"
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents
yet.
SAMAS: Because that would be in character.
T.OGRE: Oh. Right.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
SIG <Vegita>: ...that you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Vegeta>: We may have a dissenting opinion, here.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Things have been pretty hard since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
EON <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Tifa>: Damn you! You destroyed it all!
SIG: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro from Excel Saga.
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
SIG: I'd rather have Jesse Custer...
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Cause Vegita said so!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
SIG: Well, it works in Hollywood...
[ALL snicker.]
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
R.JAK: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
SIG <Tifa>: I wanna ROCK!
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
EON: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
T.OGRE: He took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore himself a few more points. The fool.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups,
gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a
minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed-- GAH!
[T.OGRE chases EON around the theater]
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
TBS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
EON <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
SIG: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
TBS <Tifa>: You're finally going to take a shower? All right!
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
TBS <Deep voice>: This... is CNN.
EON <Deep voice>: Cloud... I am your father.
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
TBS <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: And?
TBS <Piccolo, singing>: ~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~Please don't take me to the pickle farm!~
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Vegeta>: I'm going to Disneyland!
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
EON <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
SIG: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and...
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remeber that.
SIG: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed
like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
SIG <Frieza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag.
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
EON <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL <peasants, deadpan>: Yay.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't
Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
>
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
>
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
SIG: Fortunately, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
EON <advertiser>: Today only! It's our annual blow-out sale!
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
R.JAK: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
>
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
TBS: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
> They then head
> for the Sector 5 chapel...
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
R.JAK: Vegeta? Respecting women?? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway??
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect teh Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
T.OGRE: Plot contrivance?
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
T.OGRE: I hate my life.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SIG <Nappa>: I'll give you a Scooby Snack!
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
TBS <Sephiroth>: Would you believe... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS <Sephiroth>: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta...
SIG: Oy, Primal Rage flashbacks...
> ......WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
[TBS punches SIG.]
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
[R.JAK punches TBS]
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Don't.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
ALL: Us too.
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with
Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his
pocket] Look, shiny!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SIG: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majinbuu. Let's hope the readers don't notice.
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
TBS: Well that was certainly surreal.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And. that's. all. I. got. to. say. about. that.
SAMAS: Why isn't he mentioning the fact that he's married Bulma, got one kid, and had gotten killed many times while trying to prove himself better than Goku?
R.JAK: You don't SAY that sort of crap on a first date, man.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON <Cloud>: I got the hair for it, though.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
SAMAS: Sad thing is Cloud's character is down-pad.
T.OGRE: Or he's had a wacky mix-up with Squall.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
TBS: Cool. Ninja infestation.
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: As a member of the green community, I find that greviously insulting.
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
ALL: We noticed.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
SAMAS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
EON: It means she has a kitty who smells like roses?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke"
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents yet.
R.JAK: This is the less meaner Vegeta here.
T.OGRE: So?
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
??? <Vegita>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
R.JAK <Vegeta>: I've been been pretty lonely since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
[No. -rJ]
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TBS: I'm sensing mixed signals here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And we'll have Mariah Carey sing at the reception!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Aeris>: We'll have the shower at Denny's!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
R.JAK <Vincent>: Hey, Tifa...your grandma just died.
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
TBS: Oh cool! He's gonna condemn them to hell then match Vegeta up with a wealthy Jewish doctor?
EON: Don't think so...
TBS: Ah...so he's gonna bring his Irish vampire friend and Walter Matthau?
EON: Er...
TBS: Oh *I* know! He's gonna chant some incantations, cover their heads in sulfur and then rub sandpaper on them?
R.JAK: Okay, you're getting too deep into this. Stop.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Cause Vegita said so!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
T.OGRE: He'll change his mind after he hears about the blood test.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
R.JAK: Heh. Must be community service.
???: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
T.OGRE: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
R.JAK: Two things. First, he took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore himself a few more power points.
T.OGRE: And the second?
R.JAK: The second is that you know damn well you shouldn't be asking those types of questions.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups, gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
SAMAS: You saw that coming, didn't you?
EON: (innocently) Not really...
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
???: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
R.JAK: Must be his turn next.
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
SAMAS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
TBS <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
EON: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
R.JAK: Aw, loosen the seams a little, it'll be fine.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
SIG <Cloud>: I'll do that thing with the French Tickler you like so mu...
(There is a loud BOOM.)
R.JAK: Samas, you blew up the last row of seats.
SAMAS: (with smoking missile launcher) Just venting.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
TBS: Isn't that like Lot offering his daughters to the Sodomites?
EON: I didn't need that image...
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
TBS: EEEEK! It's my hibachi dealer Raul!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
??? <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
??? <Vegita>: And?
??? <Piccolo, singing>: ~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~Please don't take me to the pickle farm!~
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
EON <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
SIG: Hey. I'd marry him.
(a long pause)
SIG: What?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
T.OGRE: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and...
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remember that.
T.OGRE: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
SAMAS <Freiza>: Finally found the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
TBS <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag. COMRADE! DA!
R.JAK: This is not going to bode well...
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
EON: Yes, thank you...ENOUGH on the name puns already! We get it!
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean? With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL (Peasants, deadpan): Yay. Let's revolt now.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
TBS: Emmy would have a conniption just thinking about this.
SAMAS: I bet.
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Then WHY THE HELL did you say that?
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: I LIKE cats! You have a problem with that?
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
SAMAS: Two hours later...
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Erm...Cait? I can't hold a pen.
EON <Cait>: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
TBS <Konamiman>: I no give you energy because you hit me.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
TBS: Fortunately, as this is the FUNimation versions, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
SIG: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
R.JAK: What? No goddamned character development?
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
R.JAK: For in the end...it is only the cake that matters.
(a gong sounds)
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
T.OGRE: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
TBS: If he goes to sleep, I get his jacket.
EON: Deal.
T.OGRE: IF I go to what?
> They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
R.JAK: That little ghost of Aeris in the flower garden didn't help either.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
T.OGRE: Vegeta? Respecting women? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway?
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect the Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
EON: Why? Because it's true?
R.JAK: HEY! Take that back!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
TBS: Plot contrivance?
R.JAK: Grotty, there is no such thing as...
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
R.JAK: Okay, maybe there is...
SIG: I hate my life.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SAMAS: Ah, shut up and put something over those speedos, manbeef.
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
T.OGRE: We do?
R.JAK: It says we do.
EON: If THEY say it, it must be true.
SIG: Yes, we get the point although it is unclear...
TBS: Maybe it's the breasts. You know..."point"?
SAMAS: Yes...has to be the breasts.
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
R.JAK <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
TBS: For in the end, the cake matters.
(gong sounds)
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help!
T.OGRE: Now WAIT a MINU...mmmmph!
(EON covers T.OGRE's mouth)
EON: We know. We know.
> Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
(ALL nod sagely)
TBS: I don't get it.
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Why YES...I am a god, thank you very much.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Put that away.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
SIG: Now would be a good time...excuse me...
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his pocket] Look, shiny!
EON <Yuffie>: AH! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
T.OGRE: Would marraige entail a good sex life? I mean...
(R.JAK hands him a bottle of aspirin)
R.JAK: Here.
T.OGRE: What's this for?
R.JAK: You keep up pointing out logical fallacies, you'll need it. Trust me.
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
R.JAK: Well this has a nice Italian film quality.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I am also fond of the theatrical works of Sterling Hayden.
SAMAS <Aeris>: Okay... now stop that!
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal
> the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE: Why isn't he mentioning the fact that he's married Bulma, got one kid, and had gotten killed many times while trying to prove himself better than Goku?
R.JAK: You don't SAY that sort of crap on a first date, man.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON <Cloud>: I got the hair for it, though.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
SAMAS: Sad thing is Cloud's character is down-pad.
T.OGRE: Or he's had a wacky mix-up with Squall.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
TBS <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
R.JAK: Cool. Ninja infestation.
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: I do?
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Yiiiiiiiiihs...
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: As a member of the green community, I find that greviously insulting.
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
ALL: We noticed.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
SAMAS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
EON: It means she has a kitty who smells like roses?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke"
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents yet.
R.JAK: This is the less meaner Vegeta here.
T.OGRE: So?
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: Oh crap, it's one of *those* fan-fics...
SIG <announcer>: From the producers of "Super Taboo"...
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
R.JAK <Vegeta>: I've been been pretty lonely since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
[No. -rJ]
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TBS: I'm sensing mixed signals here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
SIG <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And we'll have Mariah Carey sing at the reception!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Aeris>: We'll have the shower at Denny's!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
R.JAK <Vincent>: Hey, Tifa...your grandma just died.
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro from Excel Saga.
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
TBS: Oh cool! He's gonna condemn them to hell then match Vegeta up with a wealthy Jewish doctor?
EON: Don't think so...
TBS: Ah...so he's gonna bring his Irish vampire friend and Walter Matthau?
EON: Er...
TBS: Oh *I* know! He's gonna chant some incantations, cover their heads in sulfur and then rub sandpaper on them?
R.JAK: Okay, you're getting too deep into this. Stop.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Cause Vegita said so!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
T.OGRE: He'll change his mind after he hears about the blood test.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
R.JAK: Heh. Must be community service.
???: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
T.OGRE: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
R.JAK: Two things. First, he took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore himself a few more power points.
T.OGRE: And the second?
R.JAK: The second is that you know damn well you shouldn't be asking those types of questions.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Steve Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups, gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
SAMAS: You saw that coming, didn't you?
EON: (innocently) Not really...
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
R.JAK: Must be his turn next.
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed--
ALL: THANK YOU, EON!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
SAMAS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
TBS <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
EON: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
R.JAK: Aw, loosen the seams a little, it'll be fine.
> Tifa: F**k no!
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
SIG <Cloud>: I'll do that thing with the French Tickler you like so mu...
(There is a loud BOOM.)
R.JAK: Samas, you blew up the last row of seats.
SAMAS: (with smoking missile launcher) Just venting.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
TBS: Isn't that like Lot offering his daughters to the Sodomites?
EON: I didn't need that image...
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
TBS: EEEEK! It's my hibachi dealer Raul!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
EON <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegita>: And?
EON <Piccolo, singing>: ~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~I'm a cucumber,~
~Please don't take me to the pickle farm!~
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if
> you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
TBS: Hey. I'd marry him.
(a long pause)
TBS: What?
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
T.OGRE: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and...
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remember that.
T.OGRE: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: I hope to God it is...
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
TBS <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag. COMRADE! DA!
R.JAK: This is not going to bode well...
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
SAMAS <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
EON: Yes, thank you...ENOUGH on the name puns already! We get it!
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean? With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL (Peasants, deadpan): Yay. Let's revolt now.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
>
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't Orlandu.
> They
> get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
TBS: Emmy would have a conniption just thinking about this.
SAMAS: I bet.
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Then WHY THE HELL did you say that?
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: I LIKE cats! You have a problem with that?
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his
> saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
SAMAS: Two hours later...
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Erm...Cait? I can't hold a pen.
EON <Cait>: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
TBS <Konamiman>: I no give you energy because you hit me.
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
TBS: Fortunately, as this is the FUNimation versions, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
SIG: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
T.OGRE: What? No goddamned character development?
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
> H----A!!!
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
R.JAK: For in the end...it is only the cake that matters.
(a gong sounds)
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
T.OGRE: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
TBS: If he goes to sleep, I get his jacket.
EON: Deal.
T.OGRE: IF I go to what?
> They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
R.JAK: That little ghost of Aeris in the flower garden didn't help either.
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
T.OGRE: Vegeta? Respecting women? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway?
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect the Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
EON: Why? Because it's true?
R.JAK: HEY! Take that back!
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
TBS: Plot contrivance?
R.JAK: Grotty, there is no such thing as...
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
R.JAK: Okay, maybe there is...
SIG: I hate my life.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SAMAS: Ah, shut up and put something over those speedos, manbeef.
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
T.OGRE: We do?
R.JAK: It says we do.
EON: If THEY say it, it must be true.
SIG: Yes, we get the point although it is unclear...
TBS: Maybe it's the breasts. You know..."point"?
SAMAS: Yes...has to be the breasts.
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
(EON blinks)
TBS: What?
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
R.JAK <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
TBS: For in the end, only the cake matters.
(gong sounds)
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help!
T.OGRE: Now WAIT a MINU...mmmmph!
(EON covers T.OGRE's mouth)
EON: We know. We know.
> Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
> Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing.
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
(ALL nod sagely)
TBS: I don't get it.
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Why YES...I am a god, thank you very much.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Put that away.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
SIG: Now would be a good time...excuse me...
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his pocket] Look, shiny!
EON <Yuffie>: AH! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
T.OGRE: Would marraige entail a good sex life? I mean...
(R.JAK hands him a bottle of aspirin)
R.JAK: Here.
T.OGRE: What's this for?
R.JAK: You keep up pointing out logical fallacies, you'll need it. Trust me.
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SIG: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majinbuu. Let's watch the hilarity ensue.
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
R.JAK: Well this has a nice Italian film quality.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I am also fond of the theatrical works of Sterling Hayden.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: ...Nothing. I do nothing. I'm boring. Are you happy now?
SAMAS <Aeris>: That's what I'd been thinking.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s
T.OGRE: Asss?
> and steal the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE: Why isn't he mentioning the fact that he's married Bulma, got one kid, and had gotten killed
many times while trying to prove himself better than Goku?
R.JAK: You don't SAY that sort of crap on a first date, man.
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON <Cloud>: I got the hair for it, though.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
SAMAS: Sad thing is Cloud's character is down-pad.
T.OGRE: Or he's had a wacky mix-up with Squall.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
TBS <Barret>: Terrific!.
EON <Vegeta>: I'll get right on it!.
TBS <Barret>: See that you do!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
TBS <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
R.JAK: Cool. Ninja infestation.
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
T.OGRE: What? No stupid mispronunciation humour for the name of a Dragon Ball character? The author's *losing his touch*!
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: I do?
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Yiiiiiiiiihs...
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: As a member of the green community, I find that greviously insulting.
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick
them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
SAMAS: Is this the only thing people can think of to say before they die?
EON: This is like Scorched Earth if you accidentally deleted the text file with the death cries in it.
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
SAMAS: You know, I couldn't help but notice that.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
SAMAS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
T.OGRE: *Rip-off*? It's 600 gil! You can make more than that by mugging insects in this game!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
EON: It means she has a kitty who smells like roses?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke".
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents yet.
R.JAK: This is the less meaner Vegeta here.
T.OGRE: I *said* 'continent', not 'planet'.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: This would explain why everybody in the fic seems inbred.
T.OGRE: Shh.
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
R.JAK <Vegeta>: I've been been pretty lonely since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
[No. -rJ]
[Knight Note: Yeah. No. ^_^]
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TBS: I'm sensing mixed signals here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
SIG <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
R.JAK <Cloud>: What is this 'think' you refer to?
EON <Red XIII>: Never mind.
R.JAK <Cloud>: I like swords.
[Knight Note: FROM OUT OF *NOWHERE*! *BAAANG*! :)]
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And we'll have Mariah Carey sing at the reception!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Aeris>: We'll have the shower at Denny's!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
R.JAK <Vincent>: Hey, Tifa... your grandma just died.
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro, a foreign labor worker.
SIG <Tifa>: Very... VERY... *NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
TBS: Oh cool! He's gonna condemn them to hell then match Vegeta up with a wealthy Jewish doctor?
EON: Don't think so...
TBS: Ah...so he's gonna bring his Irish vampire friend and Walter Matthau?
EON: Er...
TBS: Oh *I* know! He's gonna chant some incantations, cover their heads in sulfur and then rub sandpaper on them?
R.JAK: Okay, you're getting too deep into this. Stop.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: I said before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta, staring at camera>: I said before sundown.
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
T.OGRE: He'll change his mind after he hears about the blood test.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself)
SIG <Tifa>: It doesn't add up! That means that Vegeta was seeing Aeris... while I was still here! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Giant stone letters spelling out "NO!" float by behind the seats. SIG looks behind him and stares in awe.]
> Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
R.JAK: Heh. Must be community service.
SIG: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
EON <Sephiroth>: Funkytown.
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
T.OGRE: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
R.JAK: Two things. First, he took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore
himself a few more power points.
T.OGRE: And the second?
R.JAK: The second is that you know damn well you shouldn't be asking those types of questions.
T.OGRE: But, I mean, I don't remember anybody even *closing* the door, let alone--
R.JAK: See 'second thing' we just discussed.
T.OGRE: Okay okay okay.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups, gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: You saw that coming, didn't you?
EON: (innocently) Not really...
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
EON <Hamlet>: Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The wedding baked meats did coldly furnish forth the funeral tables.
TBS: You have that backwards.
EON: It wouldn't fit otherwise.
TBS: True 'dat.
R.JAK: I need asprin.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
TBS <Vegeta>: SEPHIORTH!?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Hey! Shut up!
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
R.JAK: Must be his turn next.
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed--
ALL: THANK YOU, EON!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
SAMAS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO
VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE
FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I
AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
TBS <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
EON: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
R.JAK: Aw, loosen the seams a little, it'll be fine.
> Tifa: F**k no!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: Yes, we *get it*.
[A beat.]
SAMAS: R?
SIG: No.
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
SIG <Cloud>: I'll do that thing with the French Tickler you like so mu--
(There is a loud BOOM.)
R.JAK: SAMAS, you blew up the last row of seats.
SAMAS: (with smoking missile launcher) Just venting.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
TBS: Isn't that like Lot offering his daughters to the Sodomites?
EON: I didn't need that image...
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
TBS: EEEEK! It's my hibachi dealer Raul!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
EON <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: And?
EON <Piccolo, singing>: Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber, Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Please-don't-take-me to the pi-ckle-farm!
R.JAK <Vegeta>: ...
EON <Piccolo>: Alright, I'm done, you guys can get back to your thing.
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married.
EON <singing>: In the mor-ning! Ding-dong the bells are going to chiiiime!
> Your welcome to come along if you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
T.OGRE: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and--
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remember that.
T.OGRE: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: *God* I hope so.
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
TBS <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag. COMRADE! DA!
R.JAK: This is not going to bode well...
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
SAMAS <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
EON: Yes, thank you...ENOUGH on the name puns already! We get it!
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
SAMAS: G!
SIG: No.
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean? With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
T.OGRE <Joe>: I'm a complete non-factor in the story, but I appreciate the scatalogical weaponry of others!
SAMAS: Uh...
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL <peasants, deadpan>: Yay.
TBS <peasant>: Let's revolt now.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Not that I *ate any*! I'm *just saying*, god *damn it*!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
EON <Vegeta>: If you think we should go find ourselves a wedding chapel, GIMME A HELL YEAH!
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: Eon, *stop that*.
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure, he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't Orlandu!
R.JAK: Orlandu appears later in the story. Accompanied by the Oompa-Loompas, or something equally *fucking stupid*! AAAAARGH!
[R.JAK, finding a bottle of asprin under his seat, elects to swallow the bottle whole with the asprin inside rather than waste any time opening it.]
SIG: Whoa.
> They get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
TBS: Emmy would have a conniption just thinking about this.
SAMAS: I bet.
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Then WHY THE HELL did you say that?
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: I LIKE cats! You have a problem with that?
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
SAMAS: S.
SIG: No.
SAMAS: *What the fuck*! There's *always* an *S*!
> Bulma, all of his saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Ah'm funny! Ah-hyuck!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
[TBS waggles his eyebrows.]
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
SAMAS: Two hours later...
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Erm...Cait? I can't hold a pen.
EON <Cait>: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
TBS <Konamiman>: I no give you energy because you hit me.
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
TBS: Fortunately, as this is the FUNimation version, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
SIG: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
T.OGRE: What? No goddamned character development?
EON: On the bright side, "oh poopy" series of periods is beyond his range of communication.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
SAMAS: P?
SIG: No.
> H----A!!!
SAMAS: B?
SIG: To tell the truth, I have no clue anymore.
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
R.JAK: For in the end...it is only the cake that matters.
(a gong sounds)
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on
T.OGRE: Yeah, I hear having your store *standing on a crater* is a bad business move.
R.JAK: My brain didn't even attempt to parse that. It spat it back out and hid somewhere.
SAMAS: This is a lot like the subtitled version of GaoGaiGar, now that I think it over.
> and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
T.OGRE: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
TBS: If he goes to sleep, I get his jacket.
EON: Deal.
T.OGRE: If I go to *what*?
> They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
R.JAK: That little ghost of Aeris in the flower garden didn't help either.
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
T.OGRE: Vegeta? Respecting women? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway?
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect the Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
[A pause.]
R.JAK: *Elmyra*? *Who* the *f--
T.OGRE <cutting in>: Relative of Joe.
R.JAK <calming down>: Oh. Okay.
[Another moment's pause. Smoke begins to filter out through R.JAK's ears as he appears to suddenly realize something.]
T.OGRE <cutting in again>: You asked about Joe before.
R.JAK: Did I get an answer?
T.OGRE: I believe not.
R.JAK: My brain is on fire.
[TBS dumps a glass of water on his head. The smoke dissipates, leaving a wet R.JAK.]
R.JAK: Thanks. I think.
TBS: You're Welcome!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
EON: Why? Because it's true?
R.JAK: HEY! Take that back!
SAMAS: Meet Trunks. Trunks is a shit disturber.
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
TBS: Plot contrivance?
R.JAK: Grotty, there is no such thing as...
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
R.JAK: Okay, maybe there is.
SIG: I hate my life.
R.JAK: I second that.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SAMAS: Ah, shut up and put something over those speedos, manbeef.
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
T.OGRE: We do?
R.JAK: It says we do.
EON: If THEY say it, it must be true.
SIG: Yes, we get the point although it is unclear...
TBS: Maybe it's the breasts. You know..."point"?
SAMAS: Yes...has to be the breasts.
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
TBS <Sephiroth>: I shall kill you via a SWANTON BOMB TO YOUR DESSERT! BWA HA HA!
[EON blinks]
SAMAS: What?
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
R.JAK <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
TBS: For in the end, only the cake matters.
(gong sounds)
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help!
T.OGRE: Now WAIT a MINU...mmmmph!
(EON covers T.OGRE's mouth)
EON: We know. We know.
> Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
R.JAK <Joe>: I get more screen time than someone! THANK YOU, LORD!
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
SIG <Piccolo>: French class! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Why YES...I am a god, thank you very much.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Put that away.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
> Cid: Shut up!
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone,
> I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
SIG: Now would be a good time...excuse me...
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his pocket] Look, shiny!
EON <Yuffie>: AH! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
T.OGRE: Would marraige entail a good sex life? I mean...
(R.JAK hands him a bottle of aspirin)
R.JAK: Here.
T.OGRE: What's this for?
R.JAK: You keep up pointing out logical fallacies, you'll need it. Trust me.
T.OGRE: Thanks. This *hasn't* been in your mouth, right?
R.JAK: I make no guarantees.
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
R.JAK: Which is odd, because last I checked Vegeta was wearing... *CLOTHING*!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SAMAS: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majinbuu. Let's watch the hilarity ensue.
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
TBS: I am *this close* to vomiting, and I'd rather not share why.
SIG: Thank you.
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
R.JAK: Well this has a nice Italian film quality.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
T.OGRE <pointing>: How'd he do that?
SAMAS: The world will never know.
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
TBS: For in the end, only the cake matters.
(gong sounds)
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help!
T.OGRE: Now WAIT a MINU...mmmmph!
(EON covers T.OGRE's mouth)
EON: We know. We know.
> Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
R.JAK <Joe>: I get more screen time than someone! THANK YOU, LORD!
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
SIG <Piccolo>: French class! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Why YES...I am a god, thank you very much.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Put that away.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
SIG <Musashi>: I say that I am Musashi, for Musashi is my given name, so therefore Musashi I am, and so in conclusion I am Musashi!
EON: Thank you for the introductions, Mojo Jojo, now shut up.
> Cid: Shut up!
EON: What he said.
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone,
> I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
SIG: Now would be a good time...excuse me...
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his pocket] Look, shiny!
EON <Yuffie>: AH! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
T.OGRE: Would marraige entail a good sex life? I mean...
(R.JAK hands him a bottle of aspirin)
R.JAK: Here.
T.OGRE: What's this for?
R.JAK: You keep up pointing out logical fallacies, you'll need it. Trust me.
T.OGRE: Thanks. This *hasn't* been in your mouth, right?
R.JAK: I make no guarantees.
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
R.JAK: Which is odd, because last I checked Vegeta was wearing... *CLOTHING*!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SAMAS: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majinbuu. Let's watch the hilarity ensue.
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
TBS: I am *this close* to vomiting, and I'd rather not share why.
SIG: Thank you.
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
R.JAK: Well this has a nice Italian film quality.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
SIG: That's what they call it nowadays, huh?
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
T.OGRE <pointing>: How'd he do that?
SAMAS: The world will never know.
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
SIG: I'm glad that's over. It wasn't so bad, come to think of it.
R.JAK: Don't be too sure. The worse is yet to come...
[A loud thunderclap echoes through the theater.]
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form)
EON: ... not that he can just _will_ that to happen, or do it any more at all since his tail was cut off...
> Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
TBS: For in the end, only the cake matters.
(gong sounds)
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
SAMAS: Nah, this is the Final Fantasy Tactics version.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help!
T.OGRE: Now WAIT a MINU...mmmmph!
(EON covers T.OGRE's mouth)
EON: We know. We know.
> Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
T.OGRE: Not Kakaslut? Icky-kakka-rotting?
EON: Dude, let it go. Just let it go.
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
R.JAK <Joe>: I get more screen time than someone! THANK YOU, LORD!
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
SIG <Piccolo>: French class! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Why YES...I am a god, thank you very much.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Put that away.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
SIG <Musashi>: I say that I am Musashi, for Musashi is my given name, so therefore Musashi I am, and so in conclusion I am Musashi!
EON: Thank you for the introductions, Mojo Jojo, now shut up.
> Cid: Shut up!
EON: What he said.
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone,
> I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
SIG: Now would be a good time...excuse me...
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
T.OGRE: ... getting a thumbs up from Garrett in the audiance.
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his pocket] Look, shiny!
EON <Yuffie>: AH! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
TBS <Yuffie>: I'll even be legal too!
EON <Vincent>: Yeah, baby!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
[ALL stare at eon suspiciously]
EON: What?
SAMAS: Nah, you couldn't be the author...
TBS: We're watching you.
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
T.OGRE: Would marraige entail a good sex life? I mean...
(R.JAK hands him a bottle of aspirin)
R.JAK: Here.
T.OGRE: What's this for?
R.JAK: You keep up pointing out logical fallacies, you'll need it. Trust me.
T.OGRE: Thanks. This *hasn't* been in your mouth, right?
R.JAK: I make no guarantees.
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
R.JAK: Which is odd, because last I checked Vegeta was wearing... *CLOTHING*!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SAMAS: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majin Buu. Let's watch the hilarity ensue.
TBS <Aeris>: So honey, should we get started on our honey moon early?
EON <Buu>: Wa ha ha ha ha!!! You want play with Buu?
TBS <Aeris>: Something about me and big pink men with no hair, yowzas!
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
TBS: I am *this close* to vomiting, and I'd rather not share why.
SIG: Thank you.
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
R.JAK: Well this has a nice Italian film quality.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
SIG: That's what they call it nowadays, huh?
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
T.OGRE <pointing>: How'd he do that?
SAMAS: The world will never know.
TBS: Humpty-Dumpty as you've never seen him before.
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
SIG: I'm glad that's over. It wasn't so bad, come to think of it.
R.JAK: Don't be too sure. The worse is yet to come...
[A loud thunderclap echoes through the theater.]
Part 2, I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date.
by Chimera
> Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
> Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
T.OGRE <Cloud>: And I cringe to think of what will happen when Ike Turner shows up!
> Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form)
EON: ... not that he can just _will_ that to happen, or do it any more at all since his tail was cut off...
> Now you'll feel the
> wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN
> CAKE!!!
TBS: For in the end, only the cake matters.
(gong sounds)
> Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over
> a table)
R.JAK: Either Cloud has really long legs or that's quite a low table.
SAMAS: Nah, this is the Final Fantasy Tactics version.
> Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help!
T.OGRE: Now WAIT a MINU...mmmmph!
(EON covers T.OGRE's mouth)
EON: We know. We know.
> Kao Cannon
> times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across
> the world)
SAMAS: Impressive, but what about the rest of him?
> Vegeta: Thanks, Kakaraught!
T.OGRE: Not Kakaslut? Icky-kakka-rotting?
EON: Dude, let it go. Just let it go.
> Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the
> rest of the team waves bye)
EON: He didn't stay for the reception... further proof that's not Son Goku.
T.OGRE: In this fic... your point being?
R.JAK <Joe>: I get more screen time than someone! THANK YOU, LORD!
> Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you,
> Vegeta....
> Piccolo: (snickering)
> Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
SIG <Piccolo>: French class! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
> Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your
> lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her
> day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: Why YES...I am a god, thank you very much.
> Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
> Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully
> wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
> Aeris: I do! I do!
SIG <Aeris>: I do!
(TBS punches SIG)
TBS <Vegeta>: OH NO!
(R.JAK punches TBS)
R.JAK: OH NO!
T.OGRE <lifting his fist>: Heheh. Oh no!
R.JAK: Put that away.
> Musashi: I am Musashi!
SIG <Musashi>: I say that I am Musashi, for Musashi is my given name, so therefore Musashi I am, and so in conclusion I am Musashi!
EON: Thank you for the introductions, Mojo Jojo, now shut up.
> Cid: Shut up!
EON: What he said.
> Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of
> my megaphone,
> I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may
> screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
R.JAK: Should these two be mating? Do we need gigantic landscape-crushing apes who can weild Holy Materia and have huge breasts?
[ALL shudder.]
> Vegeta: Yeah baby!
> Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry....
SIG: Now would be a good time...excuse me...
> (takes Aeris' wedding
> ring and puts it in her pocket)
T.OGRE: ... getting a thumbs up from Garrett in the audiance.
> Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
EON <Yuffie>: What about your strange, brooding obsession with Lucrecia?
SIG <Vincent>: Oh, that? Um... [mimes taking something out of his pocket] Look, shiny!
EON <Yuffie>: AH! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
> Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
TBS <Yuffie>: I'll even be legal too! ...In another four years!
EON <Vincent>: Yeah, baby!
> Vincent: Yeah baby!
[ALL stare at eon suspiciously]
EON: What?
SAMAS: Nah, you couldn't be the author...
TBS: We're watching you.
>
> (back at the hideout)
> Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have
> a good sex life!
> Everyone: Cheers!
T.OGRE: Would marraige entail a good sex life? I mean...
(R.JAK hands him a bottle of aspirin)
R.JAK: Here.
T.OGRE: What's this for?
R.JAK: You keep up pointing out logical fallacies, you'll need it. Trust me.
T.OGRE: Thanks. This *hasn't* been in your mouth, right?
R.JAK: I make no guarantees.
> Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta?
> (shoots a nail out)
> Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin'
> @$$!!
SAMAS: Now THAT'S aim!
R.JAK: Which is odd, because last I checked Vegeta was wearing... *CLOTHING*!
> Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
TBS <Barret>: It took 10 years of prison for me to come up with that catchphrase, foo'!
> Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
SAMAS: We've temporarily replaced Vegeta with Majin Buu. Let's watch the hilarity ensue.
TBS <Aeris>: So honey, should we get started on our honey moon early?
EON <Buu>: Wa ha ha ha ha!!! You want play with Buu?
TBS <Aeris>: Something about me and big pink men with no hair, yowzas!
R.JAK <Cloud>: And DIAPERS...
TBS <Aeris>: The diapers are just icing on the cake.
> Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste
> good, Vegeta!!
TBS: I am *this close* to vomiting, and I'd rather not share why.
SIG: Thank you.
> Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
R.JAK: Well this has a nice Italian film quality.
> (in the corner)
> Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
SIG: That's what they call it nowadays, huh?
> Musashi: Okay! Your it!
> (Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head
> open)
T.OGRE <pointing>: How'd he do that?
SAMAS: The world will never know.
TBS: Humpty-Dumpty as you've never seen him before.
> Marlene: MUSASHI!
> Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again!
> (dies)
SIG: Sorry, but you're coming back as a goat. Karma's a
bitch, ain't it?
>
>
>
> THE END
ALL <singing>: I'll never look into your eyes... again...
SIG: I'm glad that's over. It wasn't so bad, come to think of it.
R.JAK: Don't be too sure. The worse is yet to come...
[A loud thunderclap echoes through the theater.]
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I am also fond of the theatrical works of Sterling Hayden.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: ...Nothing. I do nothing. I'm boring. Are you happy now?
SAMAS <Aeris>: That's what I'd been thinking.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s
T.OGRE: Asss?
> and steal the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE: Why isn't he mentioning the fact that he's married Bulma, got one kid, and had gotten killed
many times while trying to prove himself better than Goku?
R.JAK: You don't SAY that sort of crap on a first date, man.
SIG: And is it a good idea to imply having pedophiliac homosexual tendencies?
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
SIG <Cloud>: What, that I'm a psychotic fruitcase with an inferiority complex who's irrationally attracted to little boys?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON <Cloud>: I got the hair for it, though.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
SAMAS: Sad thing is Cloud's character is down-pad.
T.OGRE: Or he's had a wacky mix-up with Squall.
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
TBS <Barret>: Terrific!.
EON <Vegeta>: I'll get right on it!.
TBS <Barret>: See that you do!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
TBS <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
R.JAK: Cool. Ninja infestation.
SIG: Yeah, they're all flipping out from all the wrongness in this fic.
TBS: This fic is one big wrong.
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
T.OGRE: What? No stupid mispronunciation humour for the name of a Dragon Ball character? The author's *losing his touch*!
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: I do?
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Yiiiiiiiiihs...
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: As a member of the green community, I find that greviously insulting.
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick
them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
SAMAS: Is this the only thing people can think of to say before they die?
EON: This is like Scorched Earth if you accidentally deleted the text file with the death cries in it.
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
SAMAS: You know, I couldn't help but notice that.
TBS: Well, this fic is one big f--
T.OGRE <interrupting>: We *know* that already.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
SAMAS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
T.OGRE: *Rip-off*? It's 600 gil! You can make more than that by mugging insects in this game!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
EON: It means she has a kitty who smells like roses?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke".
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents yet.
R.JAK: This is the less meaner Vegeta here.
T.OGRE: I *said* 'continent', not 'planet'.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: This would explain why everybody in the fic seems inbred.
T.OGRE: Shh.
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
R.JAK <Vegeta>: I've been been pretty lonely since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
[No. -rJ]
[Knight Note: Yeah. No. ^_^]
[Oh, gods, I'm getting flashbacks... -Sig >_<]
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TBS: I'm sensing mixed signals here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
SIG <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
R.JAK <Cloud>: What is this 'think' you refer to?
EON <Red XIII>: Never mind.
R.JAK <Cloud>: I like swords.
[Knight Note: FROM OUT OF *NOWHERE*! *BAAANG*! :)]
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And we'll have Mariah Carey sing at the reception!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAMAS <Aeris>: We'll have the shower at Denny's!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
R.JAK <Vincent>: Hey, Tifa... your grandma just died.
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro, a foreign labor worker.
SIG <Tifa as Pedro>: Very... VERY... *NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
TBS: Oh cool! He's gonna condemn them to hell then match Vegeta up with a wealthy Jewish doctor?
EON: Don't think so...
TBS: Ah...so he's gonna bring his Irish vampire friend and Walter Matthau?
EON: Er...
TBS: Oh *I* know! He's gonna chant some incantations, cover their heads in sulfur and then rub sandpaper on them?
R.JAK: Okay, you're getting too deep into this. Stop.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: I said before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta, staring at camera>: I said before sundown.
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
T.OGRE: He'll change his mind after he hears about the blood test.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself)
SIG <Tifa>: It doesn't add up! That means that Vegeta was seeing Aeris... while I was still here! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Giant stone letters spelling out "NO!" float by behind the seats. SIG looks behind him and stares in awe.]
> Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
R.JAK: Heh. Must be community service.
SIG: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
EON <Sephiroth>: Funkytown.
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
T.OGRE: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
R.JAK: Two things. First, he took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore
himself a few more power points.
T.OGRE: And the second?
R.JAK: The second is that you know damn well you shouldn't be asking those types of questions.
T.OGRE: But, I mean, I don't remember anybody even *closing* the door, let alone--
R.JAK: See 'second thing' we just discussed.
T.OGRE: Okay okay okay.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups, gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: You saw that coming, didn't you?
EON: (innocently) Not really...
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
EON <Hamlet>: Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The wedding baked meats did coldly furnish forth the funeral tables.
TBS: You have that backwards.
EON: It wouldn't fit otherwise.
TBS: True 'dat.
R.JAK: I need asprin.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
TBS <Vegeta>: SEPHIORTH!?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Hey! Shut up!
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
R.JAK: Must be his turn next.
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed--
ALL: THANK YOU, EON!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
SAMAS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO
VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE
FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I
AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
TBS <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
EON: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
R.JAK: Aw, loosen the seams a little, it'll be fine.
> Tifa: F**k no!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: Yes, we *get it*.
[A beat.]
SAMAS: R?
SIG: No.
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
SIG <Cloud>: I'll do that thing with the French Tickler you like so mu--
(There is a loud BOOM.)
R.JAK: SAMAS, you blew up the last row of seats.
SAMAS: (with smoking missile launcher) Just venting.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Whoops, did I say that out aloud? Okay, let's take if from the top, then...
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
TBS: Isn't that like Lot offering his daughters to the Sodomites?
EON: I didn't need that image...
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
TBS: EEEEK! It's my hibachi dealer Raul!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
EON <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: And?
EON <Piccolo, singing>: Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber, Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Please-don't-take-me to the pi-ckle-farm!
R.JAK <Vegeta>: ...
EON <Piccolo>: Alright, I'm done, you guys can get back to your thing.
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married.
EON <singing>: In the mor-ning! Ding-dong the bells are going to chiiiime!
> Your welcome to come along if you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
T.OGRE: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and--
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remember that.
T.OGRE: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: *God* I hope so.
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
TBS <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag. COMRADE! DA!
R.JAK: This is not going to bode well...
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
SAMAS <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
EON: Yes, thank you...ENOUGH on the name puns already! We get it!
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
SAMAS: G!
SIG: Nope.
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean? With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
T.OGRE <Joe>: I'm a complete non-factor in the story, but I appreciate the scatalogical weaponry of others!
SAMAS: Uh...
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL <peasants, deadpan>: Yay.
TBS <peasant>: Let's revolt now.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Not that I *ate any*! I'm *just saying*, god *damn it*!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
EON <Vegeta>: If you think we should go find ourselves a wedding chapel, GIMME A HELL YEAH!
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: Eon, *stop that*.
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
SAMAS: Sure, he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't Orlandu!
R.JAK: Orlandu appears later in the story. Accompanied by the Oompa-Loompas, or something equally *fucking stupid*! AAAAARGH!
[R.JAK, finding a bottle of asprin under his seat, elects to swallow the bottle whole with the asprin inside rather than waste any time opening it.]
SIG: Whoa.
> They get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
TBS: Emmy would have a conniption just thinking about this.
SAMAS: I bet.
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Then WHY THE HELL did you say that?
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: I LIKE cats! You have a problem with that?
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
SAMAS: S.
SIG: No.
SAMAS: *What the fuck*! There's *always* an *S*!
> Bulma, all of his saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Ah'm funny! Ah-hyuck!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
[TBS waggles his eyebrows.]
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
SAMAS: Two hours later...
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Erm...Cait? I can't hold a pen.
EON <Cait>: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
TBS <Konamiman>: I no give you energy because you hit me.
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
TBS: Fortunately, as this is the FUNimation version, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
SIG: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
T.OGRE: What? No goddamned character development?
EON: On the bright side, "oh poopy" series of periods is beyond his range of communication.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
SAMAS: P?
SIG: No.
> H----A!!!
SAMAS: B?
SIG: To tell the truth, I have no clue anymore.
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
R.JAK: For in the end...it is only the cake that matters.
(a gong sounds)
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on
T.OGRE: Yeah, I hear having your store *standing on a crater* is a bad business move.
R.JAK: My brain didn't even attempt to parse that. It spat it back out and hid somewhere.
SAMAS: This is a lot like the subtitled version of GaoGaiGar, now that I think it over.
> and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
T.OGRE: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
TBS: If he goes to sleep, I get his jacket.
EON: Deal.
T.OGRE: If I go to *what*?
> They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
R.JAK: That little ghost of Aeris in the flower garden didn't help either.
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
T.OGRE: Vegeta? Respecting women? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway?
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect the Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
[A pause.]
R.JAK: *Elmyra*? *Who* the *f--
T.OGRE <cutting in>: Relative of Joe.
R.JAK <calming down>: Oh. Okay.
[Another moment's pause. Smoke begins to filter out through R.JAK's ears as he appears to suddenly realize something.]
T.OGRE <cutting in again>: You asked about Joe before.
R.JAK: Did I get an answer?
T.OGRE: I believe not.
R.JAK: My brain is on fire.
[TBS dumps a glass of water on his head. The smoke dissipates, leaving a wet R.JAK.]
R.JAK: Thanks. I think.
TBS: You're Welcome!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
EON: Why? Because it's true?
R.JAK: HEY! Take that back!
SAMAS: Meet Trunks. Trunks is a shit disturber.
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
TBS: Plot contrivance?
R.JAK: Grotty, there is no such thing as...
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
R.JAK: Okay, maybe there is.
SIG: That reminds me... I hate my life.
R.JAK: I second that.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SAMAS: Ah, shut up and put something over those speedos, manbeef.
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
T.OGRE: We do?
R.JAK: It says we do.
EON: If THEY say it, it must be true.
SIG: Yes, we get the point although it is unclear...
TBS: Maybe it's the breasts. You know..."point"?
SAMAS: Yes...has to be the breasts.
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
TBS <Sephiroth>: I shall kill you via a SWANTON BOMB TO YOUR DESSERT! BWA HA HA!
[EON blinks]
SAMAS: What?
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
R.JAK <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
SIG: How dare you do something in character!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
Part 1, or just when did Cid get a tuxedo, anyways?
by
> Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I am also fond of the theatrical works of Sterling Hayden.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: ...Nothing. I do nothing. I'm boring. Are you happy now?
SAMAS <Aeris>: That's what I'd been thinking.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s
T.OGRE: Asss?
> and steal the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE: Why isn't he mentioning the fact that he's married Bulma, got one kid, and had gotten killed
many times while trying to prove himself better than Goku?
R.JAK: You don't SAY that sort of crap on a first date, man.
SIG: And is it a good idea to imply having pedophiliac homosexual tendencies?
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
SIG <Cloud>: What, that I'm a psychotic fruitcase with an inferiority complex who's irrationally attracted to little boys?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON <Cloud>: I've got the hair for it, though.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
SAMAS: Sad thing is Cloud's character is down-pad.
T.OGRE: Or he's had a wacky mix-up with Squall.
EON: That would be "I don't care".
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo'
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: In fact, I pity da 'foo who thinks I'm a foo'!
> and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
TBS <Barret>: Terrific!.
EON <Vegeta>: I'll get right on it!.
TBS <Barret>: See that you do!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
TBS <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
R.JAK: Cool. Ninja infestation.
EON: ... and stumbles back and forth for a few minutes upon hitting the ground.
SIG: Yeah, they're all flipping out from all the wrongness in this fic.
TBS: This fic is one big wrong.
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
T.OGRE: What? No stupid mispronunciation humour for the name of a Dragon Ball character? The author's *losing his touch*!
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
EON <Zarbon>: I figured we'd go to a movie, grab something to eat... Freiza said something about you being "Easy", do you have any idea what he meant by that?
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
TBS <Vegeta>: Whom I acquired just a few seconds ago in an amazing stroke of coincidence!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: I do?
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Yiiiiiiiiihs...
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: As a member of the green community, I find that greviously insulting.
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick
them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
SAMAS: Is this the only thing people can think of to say before they die?
EON: This is like Scorched Earth if you accidentally deleted the text file with the death cries in it.
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
SAMAS: You know, I couldn't help but notice that.
TBS: Well, this fic is one big f--
T.OGRE <interrupting>: We *know* that already.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
EON: Wait, didn't Vegeta break his own scanner before he started collecting the Namek Dragon Balls?
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
SAMAS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
TBS <Vegata>: Pimpin's not easy, you know?
T.OGRE: They're talking about the rehab.
TBS: ... so?
[T.OGRE groans]
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
T.OGRE: *Rip-off*? It's 600 gil! You can make more than that by mugging insects in this game!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
EON: It means she has a kitty who smells like roses?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke".
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
[Pause]
TBS: It hurts, it hurts!
EON: Make it go away, please!
T.OGRE: I don't know what you thought of but it probably serves you right.
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents yet.
R.JAK: This is the kinder, gentler Vegeta here.
T.OGRE: I *said* 'continent', not 'planet'.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: This would explain why everybody in the fic seems inbred.
T.OGRE: Shh.
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
R.JAK <Vegeta>: I've been been pretty lonely since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
[No. -rJ]
[Knight Note: Yeah. No. ^_^]
[Oh, gods, I'm getting flashbacks... -Sig >_<]
[I figure it's only a matter of time before people start calling him Veggy here too... -Alair]
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TBS: I'm sensing mixed signals here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
SIG <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
R.JAK <Cloud>: What is this 'think' you refer to?
EON <Red XIII>: Never mind.
R.JAK <Cloud>: I like swords.
[Knight Note: FROM OUT OF *NOWHERE*! *BAAANG*! :)]
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
EON <Cloud>: You know, rather than marrying her off without her consent.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And we'll have Mariah Carey sing at the reception!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Wow, nice impression there Tif.
SAMAS <Aeris>: We'll have the shower at Denny's!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
R.JAK <Vincent>: Hey, Tifa... your grandma just died.
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro, a foreign labor worker.
SIG <Tifa as Pedro>: Very... VERY... *NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
TBS: Oh cool! He's gonna condemn them to hell then match Vegeta up with a wealthy Jewish doctor?
EON: Don't think so...
TBS: Ah...so he's gonna bring his Irish vampire friend and Walter Matthau?
EON: Er...
TBS: Oh *I* know! He's gonna chant some incantations, cover their heads in sulfur and then rub sandpaper on them?
R.JAK: Okay, you're getting too deep into this. Stop.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: I said before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta, staring at camera>: I said before sundown.
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
T.OGRE: He'll change his mind after he hears about the blood test.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself)
SIG <Tifa>: It doesn't add up! That means that Vegeta was seeing Aeris... while I was still here! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Giant stone letters spelling out "NO!" float by behind the seats. SIG looks behind him and stares in awe.]
> Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
T.OGRE: From fallen angel to janitor, I see some people have come down in the world...
R.JAK: Heh. Must be community service.
SIG: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
EON <Sephiroth>: Funkytown.
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
T.OGRE: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
R.JAK: Two things. First, he took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore
himself a few more power points.
T.OGRE: And the second?
R.JAK: The second is that you know damn well you shouldn't be asking those types of questions.
T.OGRE: But, I mean, I don't remember anybody even *closing* the door, let alone--
R.JAK: See 'second thing' we just discussed.
T.OGRE: Okay okay okay.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
T.OGRE <Tifa>: A little something called, "Finishing the job", idiot.
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups, gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: You saw that coming, didn't you?
EON: (innocently) Not really...
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
EON <Hamlet>: Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The wedding baked meats did coldly furnish forth the funeral tables.
TBS: You have that backwards.
EON: It wouldn't fit otherwise.
TBS: True 'dat.
R.JAK: I need asprin.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
TBS <Vegeta>: SEPHIORTH!?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Hey! Shut up!
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
EON <Tifa>: Though it would be easier for me if you had a dime...
TBS <Sephiroth>: A dime? Whatever for?
EON <Tifa>: Oh, nothing much. I'd give it right back after we were finished...
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
R.JAK: Must be his turn next.
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed--
ALL: THANK YOU, EON!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
SAMAS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO
VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE
FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I
AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
TBS <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
T.OGRE: Level 87 and by now you would think he would know how to use the right side of his sword...
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
EON: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
R.JAK: Aw, loosen the seams a little, it'll be fine.
> Tifa: F**k no!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: Yes, we *get it*.
[A beat.]
SAMAS: R?
SIG: No.
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
SIG <Cloud>: I'll do that thing with the French Tickler you like so mu--
(There is a loud BOOM.)
R.JAK: SAMAS, you blew up the last row of seats.
SAMAS: (with smoking missile launcher) Just venting.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Whoops, did I say that out aloud? Okay, let's take if from the top, then...
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
TBS: Isn't that like Lot offering his daughters to the Sodomites?
EON: I didn't need that image...
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
TBS <Vegeta>: EEEEK! It's my hibachi dealer, Raul!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
T.OGRE <dead pan>: Are we going to go through this every time he introduces a DBZ character?
SAMAS: Probably, why?
T.OGRE: R.JAK, could you hand me some of that aspirin?
R.JAK: Well... I'm not even sure if I have enough to get just myself through this...
EON <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: And?
EON <Piccolo, singing>: Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber, Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Please-don't-take-me to the pi-ckle-farm!
R.JAK <Vegeta>: ...
EON <Piccolo>: Alright, I'm done, you guys can get back to your thing.
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married.
EON <singing>: In the mor-ning! Ding-dong the bells are going to chiiiime!
> Your welcome to come along if you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
T.OGRE: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and--
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remember that.
T.OGRE: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: *God* I hope so.
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
SAMAS: Nobody bothers saying that to Cait's "freind".
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
EON <Piccolo>: Behold my ravishing bride, proof positive that I-Am-Not-Gay!
TBS <Vegeta>: Dude, that's a cantalope in a dress.
EON <Piccolo>: What exactly are you implying?
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
TBS <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag. COMRADE! DA!
R.JAK: This is not going to bode well...
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
SAMAS <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
SIG <still mystified>: Yes, I think that could work...
EON: Yes, thank you...ENOUGH on the name puns already! We get it!
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
SAMAS: G!
SIG: Nope.
TBS <Sherlock>: Then come along Watson, quickly, to the stables!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean? With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
T.OGRE <Joe>: I'm a complete non-factor in the story, but I appreciate the scatalogical weaponry of others!
EON <Joe>: But what exactly have you been eating, anyways?
SAMAS: Uh...
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL <peasants, deadpan>: Yay.
TBS <peasant>: Let's revolt now.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Not that I *ate any*! I'm *just saying*, god *damn it*!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
EON <Vegeta>: If you think we should go find ourselves a wedding chapel, GIMME A HELL YEAH!
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: Eon, *stop that*.
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
EON <Sephiroth>: Please note that I am a humble air freshener, not seeking to destroy the planet in any way now. Please don't kill me.
SAMAS: Sure, he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't Orlandu!
R.JAK: Orlandu appears later in the story. Accompanied by the Oompa-Loompas, or something equally *fucking stupid*! AAAAARGH!
[R.JAK, finding a bottle of asprin under his seat, elects to swallow the bottle whole with the asprin inside rather than waste any time opening it.]
SIG: Whoa.
> They get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
TBS: Emmy would have a conniption just thinking about this.
SAMAS: I bet.
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Then WHY THE HELL did you say that?
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: I LIKE cats! You have a problem with that?
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
SAMAS: S.
SIG: No.
SAMAS: *What the fuck*! There's *always* an *S*!
> Bulma, all of his saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Ah'm funny! Ah-hyuck!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
[TBS waggles his eyebrows.]
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
SAMAS: Two hours later...
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Erm...Cait? I can't hold a pen.
EON <Cait>: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
> V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
T.OGRE: Please someone remind me, why hasn't Vegeta vaporized him yet?
EON: Remember? This is the kinder, gentler, but more potty-mouthed Vegeta.
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
TBS <Konamiman>: I no give you energy because you hit me.
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
TBS: Fortunately, as this is the FUNimation version, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
T.OGRE: Damn.
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
SIG: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
T.OGRE: What? No goddamned character development?
EON: On the bright side, "oh poopy" series of periods is beyond his range of communication.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
SAMAS: P?
SIG: No.
> H----A!!!
SAMAS: B?
SIG: To tell the truth, I have no clue anymore.
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
R.JAK: For in the end...it is only the cake that matters.
(a gong sounds)
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on
T.OGRE: Yeah, I hear having your store *standing on a crater* is a bad business move.
R.JAK: My brain didn't even attempt to parse that. It spat it back out and hid somewhere.
SAMAS: This is a lot like the subtitled version of GaoGaiGar, now that I think it over.
> and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
T.OGRE: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
TBS: If he goes to sleep, I get his jacket.
EON: Deal.
T.OGRE: If I go to *what*?
> They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
R.JAK: That little ghost of Aeris in the flower garden didn't help either.
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
T.OGRE: Vegeta? Respecting women? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway?
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect the Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
[A pause.]
R.JAK: *Elmyra*? *Who* the *f--
T.OGRE <cutting in>: Relative of Joe.
R.JAK <calming down>: Oh. Okay.
[Another moment's pause. Smoke begins to filter out through R.JAK's ears as he appears to suddenly realize something.]
T.OGRE <cutting in again>: You asked about Joe before.
R.JAK: Did I get an answer?
T.OGRE: I believe not.
R.JAK: My brain is on fire.
[TBS dumps a glass of water on his head. The smoke dissipates, leaving a wet R.JAK.]
R.JAK: Thanks. I think.
TBS: You're Welcome!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
EON: Why? Because it's true?
R.JAK: HEY! Take that back!
SAMAS: Meet Trunks. Trunks is a shit disturber.
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
TBS: Plot contrivance?
R.JAK: Grotty, there is no such thing as...
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
R.JAK: Okay, maybe there is.
SIG: That reminds me... I hate my life.
R.JAK: I second that.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SAMAS: Ah, shut up and put something over those speedos, manbeef.
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
T.OGRE: We do?
R.JAK: It says we do.
EON: If THEY say it, it must be true.
SIG: Yes, we get the point although it is unclear...
TBS: Maybe it's the breasts. You know..."point"?
SAMAS: Yes...has to be the breasts.
> Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
> Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill
> yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
TBS <Sephiroth>: I shall kill you via a SWANTON BOMB TO YOUR DESSERT! BWA HA HA!
[EON blinks]
SAMAS: What?
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
TBS <Sephiroth, sultry>: Happy birthday... Mr. President...
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
R.JAK <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
EON <Sephiroth>: Why the sp**n should I tell you?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
SIG: How dare you do something in character!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
(Part 1) I will show you lateness in a handful of dust.
by Chimera
> Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
SIG <Vegeta, camply>: Well, I like needlework and fancy embroidery!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
R.JAK <Vegeta, gruffly>: ... and killing things and drinking a lot.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
TBS <Vegeta>: I AM VEGETA! I SHOOTS THE CHI BOLTS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
EON <Vegeta>: I am also fond of the theatrical works of Sterling Hayden.
SAMAS <Aeris>: ...
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: ...Nothing. I do nothing. I'm boring. Are you happy now?
SAMAS <Aeris>: That's what I'd been thinking.
> Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek
> villiages.
SIG <Vegeta>: ...shouting "Ooga Booga Booga!"
> Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s
T.OGRE: Asss?
> and steal the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the
> Dragon Ball in the water
SAMAS <Vegeta>: One Dragon Ball dissolved in a lake of water makes around two liters of Dragon Soup.
> where that puny little prick,
> Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and
> the rest is histroy!
EON <robotically>: HISTROY... HISTROY...
T.OGRE: Why isn't he mentioning the fact that he's married Bulma, got one kid, and had gotten killed
many times while trying to prove himself better than Goku?
R.JAK: You don't SAY that sort of crap on a first date, man.
SIG: And is it a good idea to imply having pedophiliac homosexual tendencies?
> Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
SIG <Cloud>: What, that I'm a psychotic fruitcase with an inferiority complex who's irrationally attracted to little boys?
> Cloud: I dunno.
EON <Cloud>: I've got the hair for it, though.
> Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
> Cloud: I dunno.
SAMAS: Sad thing is Cloud's character is down-pad.
T.OGRE: Or he's had a wacky mix-up with Squall.
EON: That would be "I don't care".
> Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin'
> hippie?
> Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo'
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: In fact, I pity da 'foo who thinks I'm a foo'!
> and second, yes I am
> takin' this tequila addictor!.
TBS <Barret>: Terrific!.
EON <Vegeta>: I'll get right on it!.
TBS <Barret>: See that you do!.
> (Another voice is suddnely heard)
TBS <Magic Voice>: Commercial sign in five... four... three...
> Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
> (person jumps down from cieling fan)
R.JAK: Cool. Ninja infestation.
EON: ... and stumbles back and forth for a few minutes upon hitting the ground.
SIG: Yeah, they're all flipping out from all the wrongness in this fic.
TBS: This fic is one big wrong.
> Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
T.OGRE: What? No stupid mispronunciation humour for the name of a Dragon Ball character? The author's *losing his touch*!
> Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you
> out.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: ...for ballroom dancing lessons.
EON <Zarbon>: I figured we'd go to a movie, grab something to eat... Freiza said something about you being "Easy", do you have any idea what he meant by that?
> Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight
> and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
TBS <Vegeta>: Whom I acquired just a few seconds ago in an amazing stroke of coincidence!
SIG: He's in denial...
[OTHERS nod their heads.]
> Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
EON <singing>: He's his own grampa...
> Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and
> no, it's not my grandmother.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Whatever the hell that meant... you get the picture.
SAMAS <Zarbon>: I do?
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Yiiiiiiiiihs...
> Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of
> poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
TBS: As a member of the green community, I find that greviously insulting.
R.JAK: Gee. All that hard work of leveling up and fighting bosses, and all I ever had to do was kick them in the fucking nuts. All those wasted hours...
> Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
SAMAS: Is this the only thing people can think of to say before they die?
R.JAK: And Mister Author, I know you're lacking in a certain anatomy, but a kick to the nuts just makes you WISH you were disintegrated.
EON: This is like Scorched Earth if you accidentally deleted the text file with the death cries in it.
> Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
SAMAS: You know, I couldn't help but notice that.
TBS: Well, this fic is one big f--
T.OGRE <interrupting>: We *know* that already.
> Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his
> pocket)
EON: Wait, didn't Vegeta break his own scanner before he started collecting the Namek Dragon Balls?
> Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge
> 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500
> on holidays.
SAMAS: Wow. These "10-10" numbers are getting really expensive...
TBS <Vegata>: Pimpin's not easy, you know?
T.OGRE: They're talking about the rehab.
TBS: ... so?
[T.OGRE groans]
> Tifa: That's a rip-off!
T.OGRE: *Rip-off*? It's 600 gil! You can make more than that by mugging insects in this game!
> Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
> Tifa: Flower pussy!
> Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
EON: It means she has a kitty who smells like roses?
> Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here.
> I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
SIG <Cid>: And by "him" I mean "his puke".
> Vegeta: Well in that case....
> Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
[Pause]
TBS: It hurts, it hurts!
EON: Make it go away, please!
T.OGRE: I don't know what you thought of but it probably serves you right.
> Vegeta: Dammit!
T.OGRE: Remind me again why Vegeta hasn't destroyed any continents yet.
R.JAK: This is the kinder, gentler Vegeta here.
T.OGRE: I *said* 'continent', not 'planet'.
> Cloud: So when can you take him?
> Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
> Everybody: WE INSEST!
EON: This would explain why everybody in the fic seems inbred.
T.OGRE: Shh.
> Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: That you lower your nipples.
> Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
> Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris
> as my wife...
R.JAK <Vegeta>: I've been been pretty lonely since Tenchi kicked me out.
<FishNote: I can explain, if you like...>
[No. -rJ]
[Knight Note: Yeah. No. ^_^]
[Oh, gods, I'm getting flashbacks... -Sig >_<]
[I figure it's only a matter of time before people start calling him Veggy here too... -Alair]
> Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you
> two have a wonderful life together!
SAMAS: She won't be so happy about getting Vegeta married off after she can find out what he can do in lemons.
TBS: Like what?
SAMAS: Let's just say that hair hides some veeerrry interesting attributes.
> Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
> Tifa: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TBS: I'm sensing mixed signals here.
> Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
SIG <Cloud, thinking>: ...I wonder how I'd look in a bride's maid gown?
R.JAK <Cloud>: What is this 'think' you refer to?
EON <Red XIII>: Never mind.
R.JAK <Cloud>: I like swords.
[Knight Note: FROM OUT OF *NOWHERE*! *BAAANG*! :)]
> Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
EON <Cloud>: You know, rather than marrying her off without her consent.
> Aeris: I accept!
> Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: And we'll have Mariah Carey sing at the reception!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Wow, nice impression there Tif.
SAMAS <Aeris>: We'll have the shower at Denny's!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
R.JAK <Vincent>: Hey, Tifa... your grandma just died.
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: The part of Tifa will be played by Pedro, a foreign labor worker.
SIG <Tifa as Pedro>: Very... VERY... *NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*!
> Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker.
TBS: Oh cool! He's gonna condemn them to hell then match Vegeta up with a wealthy Jewish doctor?
EON: Don't think so...
TBS: Ah...so he's gonna bring his Irish vampire friend and Walter Matthau?
EON: Er...
TBS: Oh *I* know! He's gonna chant some incantations, cover their heads in sulfur and then rub sandpaper on them?
R.JAK: Okay, you're getting too deep into this. Stop.
> Just call me when it happens.
> Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
> Everybody: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: We're gettin' married!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Today!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Matrimony!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: Before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: I said before sundown!
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta, staring at camera>: I said before sundown.
ALL <Crowd>: WHAT?
TBS <Vegeta>: And that's the bottom line!
> Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
> Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
> Cid: Yeah I guess.
T.OGRE: He'll change his mind after he hears about the blood test.
> Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life!
> (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
TBS <Aeris>: Vegeta, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm not hungry.
> Tifa: (thinking to herself)
SIG <Tifa>: It doesn't add up! That means that Vegeta was seeing Aeris... while I was still here! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Giant stone letters spelling out "NO!" float by behind the seats. SIG looks behind him and stares in awe.]
> Aeris you bitch! I'll find a
> way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be
> with a sponge and a bucket)
T.OGRE: From fallen angel to janitor, I see some people have come down in the world...
R.JAK: Heh. Must be community service.
SIG: And to think, right now, Kefka is going hungry.
> Hey Sephiroth?
> Sephiroth: What do you want?
> Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
SAMAS <singing>: With that giant sword in your hand?
T.OGRE <singing>: Gonna stab my old lady, caught her sleepin' with another man!
EON <Sephiroth>: Funkytown.
> Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again!
SIG: Miyamoto Musashi: Legendary swordsman, author of "The Book of Five Rings," and spokesperson for Ditropan XL.
> And guess who has to clean it?
> Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
> Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
> Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard
> that! Girgle......girgle.....
T.OGRE: If Freiza's so damned powerful, why doesn't he just blast his way out of that bathroom?
R.JAK: Two things. First, he took a "Doesn't work in toilet water" limiter on all his powers to whore
himself a few more power points.
T.OGRE: And the second?
R.JAK: The second is that you know damn well you shouldn't be asking those types of questions.
T.OGRE: But, I mean, I don't remember anybody even *closing* the door, let alone--
R.JAK: See 'second thing' we just discussed.
T.OGRE: Okay okay okay.
> Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
> Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
T.OGRE <Tifa>: A little something called, "Finishing the job", idiot.
> Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
TBS: A PS2 and Twisted Metal: Black.
EON <Austin>: If you're into plot-destroyin' matchups, gimme a "hell yeah."
> Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
> (whole team looks at Sephiroth)
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: You saw that coming, didn't you?
EON: (innocently) Not really...
> Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me
> pleasure?
> Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
TBS: Isn't that a little inconsiderate? I mean, the catering for the reception will go completely to waste.
EON <Hamlet>: Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The wedding baked meats did coldly furnish forth the funeral tables.
TBS: You have that backwards.
EON: It wouldn't fit otherwise.
TBS: True 'dat.
R.JAK: I need asprin.
> Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
> Tifa: That Vegeta character.
> Sephiroth: VEGETA!?
TBS <Vegeta>: SEPHIORTH!?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Hey! Shut up!
> Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you
> want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
SAMAS: Well, SOMETHING'S busy anyway.
> Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
> Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
> Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her
> for you
EON <Tifa>: Oh, just like you killed her last time, huh?
SIG <Sephiroth>: Yes, just like I killed her... hey, wait a minute...
> but you better live up to your side of the deal!
> Tifa: No problem!
EON <Tifa>: Though it would be easier for me if you had a dime...
TBS <Sephiroth>: A dime? Whatever for?
EON <Tifa>: Oh, nothing much. I'd give it right back after we were finished...
> (Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look
> now, we're done.
> Barret: Thank God!
R.JAK: Must be his turn next.
> Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
> Cait's friend: Tequila man!
> Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
T.OGRE <Cait>: Take my friend, please!
EON: Dude, really you should be taking your WIFE after the wed--
ALL: THANK YOU, EON!
> Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF
> MY SWORD!
SAMAS <Cloud>: FOR I AM THE LEGENDARY CLOUD AND YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME FOR I AM SO
VERY LEGENDARY INDEED AS I DEFEAT ANYBODY WHO COMES IN MY WAY WHICH IS PROVEN BY THE
FACT THAT I AM STILL HERE AND NOT DEAD EVEN THOUGH THE SEPHIROTH FELLOW IS STILL HERE I
AM STILL VERY POWERFUL AND VERY LEGENDARY!
TBS <Cloud>: And I don't have any evil plans.
T.OGRE: Level 87 and by now you would think he would know how to use the right side of his sword...
> Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
> Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
EON: But won't it be a bit... stretched?
R.JAK: Aw, loosen the seams a little, it'll be fine.
> Tifa: F**k no!
SIG <Tifa>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T.OGRE: Yes, we *get it*.
[A beat.]
SAMAS: R?
SIG: No.
> Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you
> know....tonight.
SIG <Cloud>: I'll do that thing with the French Tickler you like so mu--
(There is a loud BOOM.)
R.JAK: SAMAS, you blew up the last row of seats.
SAMAS: (with smoking missile launcher) Just venting.
> Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
> Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets
> interrupted by a high pitched voice)
T.OGRE: The Chipmunks dropped by for a cameo.
R.JAK: With the way things are going, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.
> Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Whoops, did I say that out aloud? Okay, let's take if from the top, then...
> Vegeta: That's for sure!
> Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma'
> daughter! She's ya' age practically!
TBS: Isn't that like Lot offering his daughters to the Sodomites?
EON: I didn't need that image...
> Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to
> chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a
> sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
> Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
> Musashi: I'm a little punk!
SIG <Musashi>: Wait, wait, that's not it. I'm supposed to deny it, aren't I? Okay, let's try this again...
> Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This
> time a deep one)
> Voice: Vegeta stop!
TBS <Vegeta>: EEEEK! It's my hibachi dealer, Raul!
> Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want
> Pickle d**k!?
T.OGRE <dead pan>: Are we going to go through this every time he introduces a DBZ character?
SAMAS: Probably, why?
T.OGRE: R.JAK, could you hand me some of that aspirin?
R.JAK: Well... I'm not even sure if I have enough to get just myself through this...
EON <Piccolo>: I have something important to say.
R.JAK <Vegeta>: And?
EON <Piccolo, singing>: Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber, Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Iiii'm a cu-cum-ber! Please-don't-take-me to the pi-ckle-farm!
R.JAK <Vegeta>: ...
EON <Piccolo>: Alright, I'm done, you guys can get back to your thing.
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your
> going?
SAMAS <Shaft>: To get laid. Where the hell are YOU going?
> Vegeta: I'm getting married.
EON <singing>: In the mor-ning! Ding-dong the bells are going to chiiiime!
> Your welcome to come along if you like.
SIG <Vegeta>: You can be a flower girl.
T.OGRE <Vegeta>: Better yet! Why don't you be the dinner salad?
> Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married?
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
> Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
> Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened
> to be getting married in two months.
T.OGRE: But isn't he assexual and capable of reproducing on his own and--
R.JAK: Thinking bad. Remember that.
T.OGRE: Thinking bad.
> Cait's freind: Fejita man!
> Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
EON: Why did I just get the mental image of Cait Sith dressed like a yenta?
TBS: Is that a rhetorical question?
T.OGRE: *God* I hope so.
> Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
SAMAS: Nobody bothers saying that to Cait's "freind".
> Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
> Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
EON <Piccolo>: Behold my ravishing bride, proof positive that I-Am-Not-Gay!
TBS <Vegeta>: Dude, that's a cantalope in a dress.
EON <Piccolo>: What exactly are you implying?
> Vegeta: This I gotta see.
> Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!
> Piccolo: Shut up!
> Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
> Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
R.JAK <Red XIII>: How did you get here?
T.OGRE <Frieza>: It's this little thing called the door handle.
> Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
TBS <Freiza>: Okay, you got me. I'm actually Zangief in drag. COMRADE! DA!
R.JAK: This is not going to bode well...
> Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married
> Vegeta!!!
SAMAS <Frieza>: You're mine! You're supposed to marry ME!
> Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
SIG <still mystified>: Yes, I think that could work...
EON: Yes, thank you...ENOUGH on the name puns already! We get it!
> Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
> Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
SAMAS: G!
SIG: Nope.
TBS <Sherlock>: Then come along Watson, quickly, to the stables!
> Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making
> him disintegrate into gas)
TBS <badly dubbed voice>: The fart of God. What does it mean? With a remarkable sound.
> Joe: All right Red!
T.OGRE <Joe>: I'm a complete non-factor in the story, but I appreciate the scatalogical weaponry of others!
EON <Joe>: But what exactly have you been eating, anyways?
SAMAS: Uh...
> Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
> Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
ALL <peasants, deadpan>: Yay.
TBS <peasant>: Let's revolt now.
> Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20
> burritos!
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Not that I *ate any*! I'm *just saying*, god *damn it*!
> Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
EON <Vegeta>: If you think we should go find ourselves a wedding chapel, GIMME A HELL YEAH!
> Aeris: Hell yeah!
ALL <crowd>: WHAT?
SAMAS: Eon, *stop that*.
> The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta.
EON <Sephiroth>: Please note that I am a humble air freshener, not seeking to destroy the planet in any way now. Please don't kill me.
SAMAS: Sure, he's ridiculously overpowered, but at least he isn't Orlandu!
R.JAK: Orlandu appears later in the story. Accompanied by the Oompa-Loompas, or something equally *fucking stupid*! AAAAARGH!
[R.JAK, finding a bottle of asprin under his seat, elects to swallow the bottle whole with the asprin inside rather than waste any time opening it.]
SIG: Whoa.
> They get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations,
> getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
TBS: Emmy would have a conniption just thinking about this.
SAMAS: I bet.
> (at the Hideout)
> Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
> Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her
> cat...
> Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
> Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Then WHY THE HELL did you say that?
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: I LIKE cats! You have a problem with that?
> Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to
> invite?
SAMAS: S.
SIG: No.
SAMAS: *What the fuck*! There's *always* an *S*!
> Bulma, all of his saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
> Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa
> Autoparts!!
T.OGRE <Red XIII>: Shut your face or you're going back in the magic rock, scumbag!
R.JAK <Cait Sith>: Ah'm funny! Ah-hyuck!
> Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
SAMAS: Whose mama?
ALL: Joe mama!
SAMAS: Joe Mama so Fat, whe she go to the beach, the tide comes in!
R.JAK: Joe Mama so Ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked!
EON: Joe Mama so Dumb, she failed a blood test!
SIG: Joe Mama so Short, she can't hi-five a Smurf!
TBS: Joe Mama so Nasty, she gives head 'cause she's thirsty!
T.OGRE: Joe Mama so Black, she walks into a room and the lights dim!
> Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
[TBS waggles his eyebrows.]
> Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
> Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
SAMAS: Two hours later...
R.JAK <Red XIII>: Erm...Cait? I can't hold a pen.
EON <Cait>: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
> (at the store)
> Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
> Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!!
[SAMAS leaps up, wearing a cheerleader outfit over his armor.]
SAMAS: Who can blast an island to bits, and his personality's never the pits? Gimme a-
> V-E-G-E-T-A!
SAMAS: What's that spell?
[ALL stare wide-eyed at SAMAS' outfit.]
SAMAS <oblivious>: VEGETA! VEGETA! GOOOO VEGETA! YAAAAY!
> Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for
> you?
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
T.OGRE: Please someone remind me, why hasn't Vegeta vaporized him yet?
EON: Remember? This is the kinder, gentler, but more potty-mouthed Vegeta.
> Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
> Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up
> because your being mean!
TBS <Konamiman>: I no give you energy because you hit me.
R.JAK: Something's wrong with this character. He's not gratuitously swearing.
T.OGRE: So this is what John Provost did after Lassie.
> Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in
> another dimension!!
T.OGRE: You'll find yourself in another dimension. Not a dimension of sight and sound, but of ideas.
EON: ...and MPDs and demonlings and hentai and twisted evil clones...
> Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
> Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
TBS: Fortunately, as this is the FUNimation version, it was a robot store that was completely abandoned that all the crew bailed out of at the last second.
> Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
> Vegeta: Too bad!!!
> Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
T.OGRE: Damn.
> Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
> Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a
> rocket)
SIG: Alas, Cait's Friend. We knew him not.
T.OGRE: What? No goddamned character development?
EON: On the bright side, "oh poopy" series of periods is beyond his range of communication.
> Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!!
SAMAS: P?
SIG: No.
> H----A!!!
SAMAS: B?
SIG: To tell the truth, I have no clue anymore.
> Aeris: What was that?
> Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
> Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
R.JAK: For in the end...it is only the cake that matters.
(a gong sounds)
> Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store
> once stood on
T.OGRE: Yeah, I hear having your store *standing on a crater* is a bad business move.
R.JAK: My brain didn't even attempt to parse that. It spat it back out and hid somewhere.
SAMAS: This is a lot like the subtitled version of GaoGaiGar, now that I think it over.
> and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads
> back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait.
T.OGRE: Just so I know, are these people using the world's biggest airship for trips across suburbs?
TBS: If he goes to sleep, I get his jacket.
EON: Deal.
T.OGRE: If I go to *what*?
> They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
R.JAK: That little ghost of Aeris in the flower garden didn't help either.
SIG: Vegeta must be a real cheap bastard. That place is a dump.
> At the wedding...
EON <bored>: Wacky hijinx ensue, the same jokes are repeated ad infinitum, we try to kill ourselves, repeat.
>
> Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day
> of my life!
SIG: Which means that every other day is more painful than this. Ouch.
> Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
T.OGRE: Vegeta? Respecting women? What kind of bizzare
otherworld IS this, anyway?
SAMAS: Ah, showin' the respect.
TBS: You gotta respect the Aeris!
SAMAS: R!
SIG: E!
R.JAK: S!
SAMAS: P!
TBS: S!
ALL: .......
SAMAS: Snotling, what the fuck is wrong with you!?
TBS: I got confused.
[A pause.]
R.JAK: *Elmyra*? *Who* the *f--
T.OGRE <cutting in>: Relative of Joe.
R.JAK <calming down>: Oh. Okay.
[Another moment's pause. Smoke begins to filter out through R.JAK's ears as he appears to suddenly realize something.]
T.OGRE <cutting in again>: You asked about Joe before.
R.JAK: Did I get an answer?
T.OGRE: I believe not.
R.JAK: My brain is on fire.
[TBS dumps a glass of water on his head. The smoke dissipates, leaving a wet R.JAK.]
R.JAK: Thanks. I think.
TBS: You're Welcome!
> Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a
> ditz!
T.OGRE: So... according to him, he was just terrorizing Namek and had a scouter, but he's already been married to you, and Nappa's back, and just who put the ram in the ramma-lamma-ding-dong?
TBS: And what about Scarecrow's brain!?
ALL: YEAH!
> Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
> Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
EON: Why? Because it's true?
R.JAK: HEY! Take that back!
SAMAS: Meet Trunks. Trunks is a shit disturber.
> Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is
> f**kin' tight!
> Cid: Too bad!
> Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come
> back to life!?!?
TBS: Plot contrivance?
R.JAK: Grotty, there is no such thing as...
> Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water,
> Vegeta!!
R.JAK: Okay, maybe there is.
SIG: That reminds me... I hate my life.
R.JAK: I second that.
> Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a
> saiyan!!
> Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
SAMAS: Ah, shut up and put something over those speedos, manbeef.
> (As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding
> dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
T.OGRE: We do?
R.JAK: It says we do.
EON: If THEY say it, it must be true.
SIG: Yes, we get the point although it is unclear...
TBS: Maybe it's the breasts. You know..."point"?
SAMAS: Yes...has to be the breasts.
EON: You mean, I'll make you SUFFAAAAAAAA- [collapses, gasping for breath]
R.JAK: I think it's clear he doesn't.
EON <breathlessly>: Oh. Just checking...
> (falls out of the tree and
> onto the wedding cake)
TBS <Sephiroth>: I shall kill you via a SWANTON BOMB TO YOUR DESSERT! BWA HA HA!
[EON blinks]
SAMAS: What?
EON: For a minute there, I thought he popped *out* of the wedding cake.
TBS <Sephiroth, sultry>: Happy birthday... Mr. President...
> Cloud: Sephiroth!
> Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
R.JAK <Sephiroth>: Would you belive... the flower arrangements?
EON <Sephiroth>: Why the sp**n should I tell you?
> Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL
> AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
SAMAS: AND KEEP COOL WITH COOLIDGE!
> Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
> Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
> Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
> Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
SIG: How dare you do something in character!!!!!!!!!!
TBS: How dare you use up all the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
I made the same offer already to Quasispace (only because I got there first) and now I'm making it to you.
If you give me an indepth physical description (colour schemes help) of your character and a line you'd want your character to be quoted as saying (preferably short, and you'll see why) I can draw you up a button (and by button, I don't mean the kind that you use to link to a web site; I'm referring to the kind that you can pin to your shirt) that you can print off and have made if there's a place somewhere near you that does that kind of thing.
So, there you have it. Want a button? (And like I mentioned before, don't really expect to see it quickly, I have other art projects on the go that I'm actually getting paid for.) Oh, yeah, don't worry about me getting the character wrong, either. I wouldn't dream of making anything final copy until I okay it first with the person who's character I'm drawing.
And, uh, yeah, that's all.
"Cloud: Let's mosey."
"Cid: Damn it, can't you say it like a man!?" ^_^
And just in time for the Spring Season...the Episode #112 Obscure Quotes!
by
As before, feel free to submit your own explanations, kiddies! The best ones win a free Coke!
SAMAS <Darryn Hinch>: Shame, Australia, shame.
ICE <Jim McGuffin>: Viewers in Kent have phoned in to report a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps somebody's been celebrating Bonfire Night early...
SAMAS <Damien Day>: Jutting out from the rubble is a profound reminder of this tragedy, a battered teddy bear.
MARK <Jinsaku>: 50. GODDAMN. POINTS. OF. DAMAGE.
[This is probably a reference connected to the Japanese Collectable Card Game/anime series Yu-Gi-Oh. Mark, be as so kind to tell us more? -rJ]
MARK <Seth Brundle>: And we hadn't even been formally introduced.
MARK: ...Moondragon?
MARK: Three bucks says it's Mikado Sanzenin inside that rubber suit.
[If I got my Japanese film lore course straight, Sanzenin was better known to be the poor actor who played the man inside the suit of such rubber monster epics such as Godzilla and Gamera as well as some early sentai series which involved big robots operated by power rangers fighting against ungodly demons. Armpit of a job, but I bet the benefits packages rock. -rJ]
ICE: I'm Guy Noir, private eye.
[Garrison Keilor. Prarie Home Companion. Last great radio show. Don't make me spell it out. -rJ]
EON: Why do I feel like I've suddenly fallen into "Operation Mindcrime?"
SAMAS: I'm getting a strong R.A. Salvatore vibe from all of this.
ICE: Hey! That's Banishing Blade! Put that back!
SAMAS <K'Ehleyr>: I know! I was *there*!
MARK <Gyrados>: JUGGERNAUT HEADCRUSH!
ICE <Hactar>: What's done is done. I have fulfilled my function.
[The last words of the world's smartest supercomputer in "Life, The Universe, And Everything". As an appropriate tribute, the MiSTing of "Pokemon Master" was dedicated to the memory of Douglas Adams, who passed away diring this session. Rest in peace, friend. -rJ]
SAMAS: So Misty grew up, went off, and became Cate Archer?
TBS <Clov>: If I don't kill that rat, he'll die.
ICE <Hamm, absently>: That's right.
TBS <Judge>: Where did you last see her?
ICE <Johnny, holding up a picture>: I drew a picture! Wanna see?
TBS <Judge>: Do you know where she might be?
ICE <Johnny, pointing at the picture>: You see the sun? Hehheh! He's smilin'.
ICE <Brian Van Hoose>: This smells trap.
[Oh yeah...Knights of the Dinner Table...right...rJ]
MARK <Alex>: I'm sorry, but that is the wrong question.
TIFF: I hate Vib Ribbon fanfic.
ICE <Eisenstein>: No. Don't turn around. You mustn't turn around.
ICE: No! Despero! Despero is attacking!
EON <Scoot>: Dogs--hump your master's leg at an inappropriate time.
EON: Back! Back, flame of Udun!
EON: Frederic Wertham, call your office.
TBS: Along with Sydney Carton, yes.
SAMAS: He's got the emotional range of Austin St. John.
[An actor better known to star in some of the earlier Power Ranger episodes as the Red and (much later) Gold Rangers. Think of him along the lines of a Keanu Reeves waiting to happen. -rJ]
ICE: He uses that thing more often than Kan Konar, man.
ALL: Akodo Kage?!
EON: The only thing Ash had learned from watching the "Faith & Values" channel was how to mindlessly follow.
[This is one reference verbatim from one of the older captions from the "Dysfunctional Family Circus." God knows how THAT got there...-rJ]
MARK <grumbling>: Rikimaru would never have done it like that...
EON: He's turned into the guy from Shadow Skill!
MARK <muttering>: Gau Ban...
TIFF: Or perhaps Domon Kashue.
MARK: NO! Not Jay Garrick, too!
> Heck, Lord Garick lives in the Palace of the Elite Four."
MARK: The Baxter Building?
ICE: Four Voyagers--I mean, Four *Freedoms* Plaza?
EON: Pier Four?
MARK: This is similar to J'onn J'honnz Oreo Habit.
[Mark...check the spelling and enlighten us with your Green Lantern wisdom, would you? -rJ]
TBS: That's no ninja! That's Kayin Amoh!
MARK: Huh, Jessie and James are the Orson and Shiris of this merry little adventure.
TIFF: ...the image of Berserker James is more amusing than it should be.
[Being a Lodoss War fan myself...I must agree with Tiff on this one. -rJ]
MARK <Jinsaku>: 50. GODDAMN. POINTS. OF. DAMAGE.
[This is probably a reference connected to the Japanese Collectable Card Game/anime series Yu-Gi-Oh. Mark, be as so kind to tell us more? -rJ]
(Actually, no. It's a reference to the impro, 'High Stakes'. NeoVid started it, and it's up over at - damn, can't remember. Blue Nothing? Anyway, it's been stalled for a while, but that quote *won't stay dead*. ~S.D.)
MARK: Three bucks says it's Mikado Sanzenin inside that rubber suit.
[If I got my Japanese film lore course straight, Sanzenin was better known to be the poor actor who played the man inside the suit of such rubber monster epics such as Godzilla and Gamera as well as some early sentai series which involved big robots operated by power rangers fighting against ungodly demons. Armpit of a job, but I bet the benefits packages rock. -rJ]
(...don't know about that, but I *do* know there's a Mikado Sanzenin in 'Ranma 1/2'. Which one is it? ~S.D.)
SAMAS: I'm getting a strong R.A. Salvatore vibe from all of this.
(R.A. Salvatore is the author of a good deal of RPG-based fiction. Now if only I could remember if he did AD&D, Forgotten Realms, both, or something else... ~S.D.)
MARK <Gyrados>: JUGGERNAUT HEADCRUSH!
(What, you don't read/watch X-Men? ~S.D.)
MARK <Alex>: I'm sorry, but that is the wrong question.
(I'm thinking Alex Trebek for some reason... ~S.D.)
Not *only* does the man not read/watch X-Men, he doesn't *play* any of Capcom's Marvel-based games. It's the Juggernaut's trademark super. I mean, c'mon, he's even featured in the New Attitude Fighting league! What *planet* are you on, RJ? ^_^;;;
(SAMAS: So Misty grew up, went off, and became Cate Archer?)
...who the hell wrote that riff? I need to kill them because of the damage that has just been done to my brain by the mental image.
If memory serves me correctly, Cate Archer is the (fairly sexy) heroine of the PC game "No One Lives Forever." It's a secret-agent style game featuring a woman agent who isn't taken seriously at first, you kind of have to gain respect by completing the missions. Girl power, etc, etc. :)
...god, I hate Misty.
(TIFF: I hate Vib Ribbon fanfic. )
Vib Ribbon is an obscure import game for the PSX that involves putting a music CD in the drive after the game boots up, and, um... watching a line draw itself across the screen in strange patterns. Seriously.
Those Japanese will play anything. :)
(MARK <grumbling>: Rikimaru would never have done it like that...)
Rikimaru is one of the two main playable characters from Tenchu: Stealth Assassins, a ninja-themed game for the PSX. However, nobody in their right mind used him, because Ayame (a cute teenage kunoichi who was one hell of a work of eye candy) was the *other* playable character.
(MARK <grumbling>: Rikimaru would never have done it like that...)
Rikimaru is one of the two main playable characters from Tenchu: Stealth Assassins, a ninja-themed game for the PSX. However, nobody in their right mind used him, because Ayame (a cute teenage kunoichi who was one hell of a work of eye candy) was the *other* playable character.
Poor guy. :)
I have to agree. I myself have Tenchu, and it kicks the stealthy llamas ass.
And HEY! I use Rikimaru! I use him exclusively! Yeah Racey-poo, you can think with your dick and pick the cutie, but I'm going for the silent uberbadass!
It's a proven law of videogame physics that female characters usually get the nod in speed and agility stats. Certainly helpful in a game like Tenchu.
As a trade, they're usually able to carry fewer items or whatnot than the guy character.
(leers) Outside of healers, I don't USE items, Demon-boy. ^_^
And no matter what the game, I *always* pick the cutie. It's not thinking with my dick, it's a matter of personal moral principle. I mean, if I'm going to be spending an entire game session with a character, then he or she better *damn well* be easy on the eyes.
It's like people who don't pick the girls in DoA3. Unless you REALLY need the power boost that badly, want to yell like Bruce Lee, or want to try that stuff you saw on Drunken Fist once or twice, I don't see the point. ^_^
Biznitch. :)
-Racewing
You're just jealous because I thought of it first. Whatever it is. :)
:It's a proven law of videogame physics that female characters usually get the nod in speed and agility stats. Certainly helpful in a game like Tenchu.
True. However, if you're a MASTER GAMING STUD, then you can use the slower, stronger character and succeed wonderfuly. Case in point: Tenchu and Rikimaru. Sure Ayame is quicker, but a true ninja badass can simply sneak along and kill everyone without being spoted once. Slow and strong or fast and agile, a killings a killing.
:As a trade, they're usually able to carry fewer items or whatnot than the guy character.
In Temchu, I think both had an equal number of inventory space. However, each had diferent fighting moves, and I recall Ayame fighting one boss that Rikimaru didn't have to.
:(leers) Outside of healers, I don't USE items, Demon-boy. ^_^
What? No shruiken for you? But a ninja has just gotta use the shruiken!
:And no matter what the game, I *always* pick the cutie. It's not thinking with my dick, it's a matter of personal moral principle. I mean, if I'm going to be spending an entire game session with a character, then he or she better *damn well* be easy on the eyes.
Yeah, I was just being goofy. I did play some levels with Ayame, but I dug Rikimaru more (and got farther).
Another thing I liked watching was the Stealth Kills. Always nice to see your ninja slit some schmucks throat.
:It's like people who don't pick the girls in DoA3. Unless you REALLY need the power boost that badly, want to yell like Bruce Lee, or want to try that stuff you saw on Drunken Fist once or twice, I don't see the point. ^_^
But I like Jackie Chan! ;-)
I think it all goes on the personal players style of fighting. If they like strength and power, they'll pick the strong one, regardless if it's Bass or Tina.
:Biznitch. :)
Maama-jamma. *ba-dum-ching!*
:-Racewing
You're just jealous because I thought of it first. Whatever it is. :)
Yes. Yes I am jealous. Damn you. Damn you to Hefl.
I personally prefer Rikimaru because he's more of a challenge. True, Ayame's quicker. That makes the game much easier. Though, there is something to be said about ninja girls... :)
Fast fact: Rikimaru *can* carry more items than Ayame. Try it.
In Tenchu 1, Rikimaru is also a better fighter than Ayame. Ayame has more speed and more attacks, but less range.
Also, Ayame has to fight an extra boss. When you reach that guy with Rikimaru, he commits Seppuku :p
MARK <Seth Brundle>: And we hadn't even been formally introduced.
Okay, Seth Brundle: Jeff Goldbloom's character in David Cronenburg's The Fly. Sweet flick.
MARK: ...Moondragon?
I haven't seen the whole fic, but Moondragon was a member of the Infinity Gauntlet. Don't know if she's the Moondeagon being refered too, though...
SAMAS: I'm getting a strong R.A. Salvatore vibe from all of this.
I haven't read any of his books, but R.A's a fantasy writer. I think he's speciality is Forgotten Realms and Drizzt Do'Urden, or whatever it's spelled...
MARK <Gyrados>: JUGGERNAUT HEADCRUSH!
I'm guessing a reference to some Capcom/Marvel fighter.
SAMAS: So Misty grew up, went off, and became Cate Archer?
Cate Archer, heroine of No One Lives Forever, a funny first person shooter. Available for the PC, coming soon to PS2 and X-Box!
TIFF: I hate Vib Ribbon fanfic.
Vib Ribbon. Wasn't that thatweird game from the creators of Parappa the Rapper, where you put different music CD's in the game and played it?
MARK: NO! Not Jay Garrick, too!
> Heck, Lord Garick lives in the Palace of the Elite Four."
MARK: The Baxter Building?
ICE: Four Voyagers--I mean, Four *Freedoms* Plaza?
EON: Pier Four?
Ameturs. Us comic geeks know that Jay Garrick was the Silver Age Flash! Member in standing of the JSA, too.
MARK: This is similar to J'onn J'honnz Oreo Habit.
[Mark...check the spelling and enlighten us with your Green Lantern wisdom, would you? -rJ]
Right comic company, wrong character. J'onn J'onzz is the Martian Manhunter. The Oreo habit refers to J'Onn's fondness for the cookie. (IRC, he was actually adicted to them for a while.)
the line about 'shadow pikachu' as a cute and fuzzy cockfighting seizure monster (or somesuch line)
said description is the title of an rpg supplement for the big eyes small mouth game line, dealing in the pet monster genre of anime (somewhat satirical, but can be used for a pokemon-based rpg)
As Krinn mentioned, Moondragon is a Marvel character. She's a bald, scantily clad telepath with an impossibly twisted backstory, and, as with every other character Jim Starlin's ever created, she owns everyone else in a most Mary Sue-like manner. When Starlin's writing something, Moondragon's a goddess; when he's *not* writing something, the whole Marvel writing community either tries very hard to pretend Moondragon doesn't exist, or she gets bitchsmacked *hard*. (There's one issue of _Web of Spider-Man_ where Spidey owns Moondragon for the whole issue. It's *really cool*.)
>> SAMAS: I'm getting a strong R.A. Salvatore vibe from all of this.
Salvatore's responsible for first unleashing Drizzt Do'Urden on the world, and then writing about him at copious length until everyone wants to scream.
>> ICE: Hey! That's Banishing Blade! Put that back!
Auron's third Overdrive from Final Fantasy X.
>> SAMAS: So Misty grew up, went off, and became Cate Archer?
Sort of an obscure "Preacher" reference, taken from the second-to-last TPB. Eisenstein's the man who recruited Starr into the Grail.
>> ICE: No! Despero! Despero is attacking!
He's an old JLA villain, I think.
>> EON: Frederic Wertham, call your office.
Wertham wrote _Seduction of the Innocent_, the book which called everyone's attention to a bunch of homosexual subtext in comic books that wasn't there, and to a bunch of gore that *was*. He's more or less why there was a Comics Code Authority.
>> ICE: He uses that thing more often than Kan Konar, man.
In Michael Reaves' _The Shattered World_, Kan Konar is the biggest non-mage badass in the world. He's sort of got this bushido thing going on. He fights with his hands, feet, and these really sharp and heavy blades woven into the edges of his cloak. In other words, he kills people with his cape for *two hundred pages*, and he *still* doesn't use it as much as Ashura does.
>> [This is one reference verbatim from one of the older captions from the "Dysfunctional Family Circus." God knows how
THAT got there...-rJ]
I'd imagine *you* put it there, John. I know I didn't; the only deliberate DFC reference I ever made was the list of possible meanings for "PJ" in ep. 102.
>> MARK: NO! Not Jay Garrick, too!
Props to Krinn: Jay Garrick is the Flash with the pie plate on his head.
>> MARK: The Baxter Building?
>> ICE: Four Voyagers--I mean, Four *Freedoms* Plaza?
>> ???: Pier Four?
The Baxter Building was the Fantastic Four's headquarters until it was destroyed about halfway through the John Byrne run on the book. Four Freedoms Plaza was the building that replaced it, and, when the Thunderbolts destroyed the Plaza after "Heroes Reborn," the FF moved into Pier Four.
The Four Voyagers Building, on the other hand, is the New York base of operations for the "Four," a megalomaniacal band of "adventurers" and the chief villains of Warren Ellis and John Cassaday's _Planetary_. The Four are genocidal monsters who just so happen to share the appearance, origin, and general powers (although it's a Warren Ellis book, so *everyone* ages really slowly, has superhuman strength, and is incredibly fast) of the Fantastic Four.
>> MARK: This is similar to J'onn J'honnz Oreo Habit.
It's "J'onn J'onnz," I think. The Martian Manhunter. The Oreo bit refers to one of the "wacky" characterizations that J'onn had during the Keith Giffen run on "Justice League International."
>> TBS: That's no ninja! That's Kayin Amoh!
Kayin's the "Ken clone" of the mostly-overlooked PSX fighting game _Battle Arena Toshinden_. He, like the ninja in the relevant scene, is most notable for the fact that he bothers to bring a damn sword to a fight (specifically, he brought *Excalibur*), and then spends the whole round kicking people in the face 'til they die. The rising splits kick was a particularly vivid parallel.
Thomas Wilde
a.k.a. Wanderer
that's evolution, baby!
>As Krinn mentioned, Moondragon is a Marvel character. She's a bald, scantily clad telepath with an impossibly twisted backstory, and, as with every other character Jim Starlin's ever created, she owns everyone else in a most Mary Sue-like manner. When Starlin's writing something, Moondragon's a goddess; when he's *not* writing something, the whole Marvel writing community either tries very hard to pretend Moondragon doesn't exist, or she gets bitchsmacked *hard*. (There's one issue of _Web of Spider-Man_ where Spidey owns Moondragon for the whole issue. It's *really cool*.)
Does Starlin write Captain Marvel, too? I think that was the last time I saw Moondragon after her stint with Warlock...
>The Four Voyagers Building, on the other hand, is the New York base of operations for the "Four," a megalomaniacal band of "adventurers" and the chief villains of Warren Ellis and John Cassaday's _Planetary_. The Four are genocidal monsters who just so happen to share the appearance, origin, and general powers (although it's a Warren Ellis book, so *everyone* ages really slowly, has superhuman strength, and is incredibly fast) of the Fantastic Four.
I thought they *were* Planetary's version of the Fantastic Four. There were so much parallels in Planetary: the baby alien in the ship, the Green Lantern bearing space alien...
Of course, all the Planetary info I got was from websites...
...I said "Mary Sue-*like*." To wit, in the Infinity Crusade series, she managed to knock Professor X catatonic (Professor X being the most powerful telepath in the MU, as has been stated multiple times), and in the old 1970s Starlin run on the Avengers, he wrote Moondragon as being only slightly less powerful than Thor (this on a team that featured Wonder Man, Iron Man, the Scarlet Witch, and the Vision).
It's the Jim Starlin leitmotiv: his characters are just better, and he doesn't care what you say. Moondragon's only slightly less annoying about it than Adam Warlock. If Moondragon's in the new Peter David Captain Marvel series, then I'd assume she's written more than a little more intelligently. David's always been good at letting the air out of certain characters.
As for Planetary, Mark, the Four aren't the "WildStorm Universe" version of the Fantastic Four, so much as they are a "Watchmen"-esque parody. Aside from the protagonists and their employees, more or less every character in Planetary is either inspired by or a parody of some older comics character.
Re: And just in time for the Spring Season...the Episode #112 Obscure Quotes!
by Anonymous
MARK <Jinsaku>: 50. GODDAMN. POINTS. OF. DAMAGE.
[This is probably a reference connected to the Japanese Collectable Card Game/anime series Yu-Gi-Oh. Mark, be as so kind to tell us more? -rJ]
>Partly true, since NeoVid says "High Stakes" was loosely based on Yu-gi-oh. You mean to say you never read our IFR MSTing of that fic? :)
MARK: ...Moondragon?
>Comic book reference. Wanderer explained it a whole lot better. I remember Moondragon mainly from the Infinity Crusade, the third in the Gauntlet trilogy. She's a real twink there. :) Managed to defeat Prof. X even.
MARK: Three bucks says it's Mikado Sanzenin inside that rubber suit.
[If I got my Japanese film lore course straight, Sanzenin was better known to be the poor actor who played the man inside the suit of such rubber monster epics such as Godzilla and Gamera as well as some early sentai series which involved big robots operated by power rangers fighting against ungodly demons. Armpit of a job, but I bet the benefits packages rock. -rJ]
>I don't know whether to give rJ some points on creativity, but no. Mikado Sanzenin is the skater in Ranma 1/2. He's the partner of Azusa, who kidnapped P-chan, forcing Ranma into a duel on ice. :)
MARK <Gyrados>: JUGGERNAUT HEADCRUSH!
MARK <Alex>: I'm sorry, but that is the wrong question.
>R. Jak... ¬_¬
ICE: No! Despero! Despero is attacking!
>Yep. Old JLA villain. Large fin on his head and three eyes. Looks like a giant pokemon that way. ^_^
EON: Frederic Wertham, call your office.
>You know, I managed to read _Seduction of the Innocent_ and it was absolute crap. The method isn't even remotely scientific, but manipulated to support his thesis...
MARK <grumbling>: Rikimaru would never have done it like that...
>Tenchu: Stealth Assassins kicks major video game ass.
EON: He's turned into the guy from Shadow Skill!
MARK <muttering>: Gau Ban...
TIFF: Or perhaps Domon Kashue.
>Gau Ban is one of the main characters in Shadow Skill. He wears the exact same outfit Ash is described as wearing in his fight. No kidding. (Skintight black body suit, gloves...)
>Domon Kashue drives the Shining Gundam and later, the God Gundam in the G Gundam anime. Think Street Fighter meets Gundam and you'll get the idea of what the show is about. Features the most bizarre assortment of Gundam robots you'll ever see, including a Snake Gundam, a Rose Gundam, a Clown Gundam... People, there's a *Clown* Gundam!... He wears a full black body suit, too, and can be a Mary Sue at times.
Fast fact: His voice actor also does Yusuke from Yu Yu Hakusho, another of my faves.
MARK: NO! Not Jay Garrick, too!
> Jay Garrick is the Golden Age Flash, Krinn. The Silver Age one was Barry Allen, the one on the TV show. :) But, yeah, he's the one with the shiny pie-plate-wings-combo-hat. :) Current member of the JSA.
MARK: This is similar to J'onn J'honnz Oreo Habit.
[Mark...check the spelling and enlighten us with your Green Lantern wisdom, would you? -rJ]
>Typo. :P J'onn J'onnz, or John Jones, is the Martian Manhunter, probably the only member of the JLA to be there for all incarnations and get his own series last. :) His Oreo habit was during the Giffen run (silliest run) of the Justice League.
Mark Poa, who really should reply to these things earlier...
Darryn Hinch was a current affairs host with a bushy beard and all the inherant lovability of a dead dog. His tagline was "Shame, Australia, shame". I only bring this up because Ace Sancez's e-mail put him as a subecriber to Telstra Bigpond, the ISP of Telstra, the Australian natiobna telecommunications company. So there.
> ICE <Jim McGuffin>: Viewers in Kent have phoned in
> to report a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps
> somebody's been celebrating Bonfire Night early...
From the first Harry Potter Novel. Not that I've read it, of course.
> SAMAS <Damien Day>: Jutting out from the rubble is a
> profound reminder of this tragedy, a battered teddy
> bear.
From the (much missed) Brit Comedy "Drop the Dead Donkey" set in a TV newsroom. Damien Day was a sensation seeking news reporter who liked to exaggerate. He had a teddy bear that he too kto *every* warzone, to prop up in rubble, and give that exact quote.
> SAMAS: I'm getting a strong R.A. Salvatore vibe from
> all of this.
D&D Author, specifically the D'rozzt D'uzzden (or however) series. Should be shot. Hard.
MARK <Seth Brundle>: And we hadn't even been formally introduced.
"The Fly." Jeff Goldblum. Duh.
=====
EON: Why do I feel like I've suddenly fallen into "Operation Mindcrime?"
Woohoo! A Queensryche ref!
"Operation Mindcrime" was Queesnryche's breakthrough album. It was the story of a man who suddenly awakened to find himself in a psychiatric hospital with no complete memories, and clues in the songs point toward some sort of conspiracy. Dark, in a Orwellian sort of way, and definitely their best album.
=====
And I'm not going to get started on R.A. Salvatore and his Forgotten Realms books. Let us just say he's a fantasy writer responsible for the most famous characters in the Forgotten Realms and leave it at that.
MARK <Jinsaku>: 50. GODDAMN. POINTS. OF. DAMAGE.
[This is probably a reference connected to the Japanese Collectable Card Game/anime series Yu-Gi-Oh. Mark, be as so kind to tell us more? -rJ]
--From the impro "High Stakes" by NeoVid, later MSTed at IFR. Spoken by the Player Jinsaku when his Minion failed to do any significant damage whatsoever to its opponent. Whatever.
MARK: Three bucks says it's Mikado Sanzenin inside that rubber suit.
[If I got my Japanese film lore course straight, Sanzenin was better known to be the poor actor who played the man inside the suit of such rubber monster epics such as Godzilla and Gamera as well as some early sentai series which involved big robots operated by power rangers fighting against ungodly demons. Armpit of a job, but I bet the benefits packages rock. -rJ]
--Yes, a Ranma 1/2 character. Master skater, lady-wooer, vain as all get-out, and I have not a single clue as to why he'd be in a rubber suit.
EON <Scoot>: Dogs--hump your master's leg at an inappropriate time.
--Well, this one I know. It's from the online comic "Acid Reflux" (featuring the cutest li'l God Almighty you've ever seen), particularily in the "Bite Club" arc (parodying the movie "Fight Club"). Scoot is a squirrel Familiar. Another of the orders he gave was "Pidgeons--the statue of the city's founder. You know what to do."
MARK: Huh, Jessie and James are the Orson and Shiris of this merry little adventure.
TIFF: ...the image of Berserker James is more amusing than it should be.
[Being a Lodoss War fan myself...I must agree with Tiff on this one. -rJ]
--Orson and Shiris are a pair of mercenaries from the anime "Lodoss War: Tales of the Heroic Knight". They look out for themselves first and foremost, but still end up working with the heroes. Orson is possessed by a berserker spirit. Shiris has really, really nice legs.
Of all the obscure riffs in Episode 112, I only wrote three of them? And the one that nobody else knows the origins of --
TBS <Judge>: Where did you last see her?
ICE <Johnny, holding up a picture>: I drew a picture! Wanna see?
TBS <Judge>: Do you know where she might be?
ICE <Johnny, pointing at the picture>: You see the sun? Hehheh! He's smilin'.
-- is a *Johnny Bravo* reference? I know I didn't write very much for Episode 112, but *damn*! Now I'm going to have to go into Obscure Mode for Episode 113 just to catch up to my usual self. Juuuust *great*. ^_^
Just 'cause I like talking to you wonderful people. ^_^
by Skylark Starflower
No, I'm not just hanging out here to drive you all nuts, I'll get to Shadow MSTing over at Quasispace after I've finished reading their first MiST. I'm just an incredibly slow reader.
*Anyway*, I felt that I had to ask a really, REALLY weird question. (And blame my boyfriend for this, it was his idea) If I could find an evil Full House lemon, would you riff it? ^_^
-Skylark "You Can Tell That Character Is My Favaorite By The Way I Constantly Have The Tar Beat Out Of Him" Starflower (And that's the truth!)
Nope, no evil style "Capture Racewing and drive him insane with the Full House lemon so I can take control of Racewing Productions and do interestingly naughty things to Roll" plans here...
Err, did I say that? I mean, "Torture everyone with it when I go Mad" Yeah, that's the ticket...
Better people than you two have tried to challenge me for control of RP and failed.
See, it's because I'm highly adaptive and good at vengeance. I mean, if you tried to set the Full House lemon off on me, I just might have to retaliate with a doujinshi page showing Zangief boffing Roll. Or something. ^_^
(The fun part is that I'm not bluffing. Just ask Wandy. Jill Valentine Milk sales are still high in some states.)
Just saying, crossing me is not a good idea. (smiles sweetly) Now, let's all go back to our reguarly-scheduled self-insert...
-Racewing
"Only one is as good as me... no, not even him!"
Nope, can't do it. Laughing too hard. Oh, well. ^_^ (You'll never know, because I'll never tell. BWA HAA HAAA!)
Yeah, I know. *Bob Saget* (Shudders) That's just evil. But he didn't write it. Gimmie a sec... It was written by Frank Sebastiano, Norm Macdonald and Fred Wolf.
...is there a button to link to Mystery Octagon Theater? 'Cause I'm planning on fixing my Lynx (hee) page soon, and if there is, I'd like to use it.
Now, I have to put in my "Public Service Annoucement from A Disgruntled Hotel Housekeeper", just 'cause. ^_^
"If you stay at a hotel and have a big ass drinking bash and feel the need to stain the comforters, get the blankets wet with I Don't Want To Know What, smash bottles IN THE FRIGGIN' ROOM and just generally leave a big ass mess, please LEAVE A *NICE* *GENEROUS* *TIP* FOR THE POOR SOUL WHO HAS TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU!"
-Skylark "who hasn't had her medication yet today" Starflower
I updated the MOT main page Friday, and it has MMK and sven's link buttons on the bottom. sven's got two more buttons, and they'll go up at some point this week.
Mojo Jojo is one of the main villains from Cartoon Network's "Powerpuff Girls". He is an orangutan with an oversized brain covered by a dome. He makes evil plans and gadgets galore. He also routinely says sentences with entirely more description and length than necessary. (From a recent commercial: "But first, I must do the dishes that have been stained from the food that I have eaten.")
Quasispace has a banner (and the script) on our link page.
http://www25.brinkster.com/quasispace/links.htm
Also, Wanderer, the link off the MOT main page is still showing up as www23. Could you go ahead and change that link to our redirect when you add the other buttons?
Look for "sharpshinyclaws'" entry on the 26th, 02:46 AM. She's responsible for a bunch of hits on that date, which is how I found it. Me likey Hitometer.
I think the message line pretty much says it all, doesn't it?
I wrote out a very long, incredibly witty reply to you. It had all the elements: goats, drugs, Erica Kane.
Then I lost it. It's somewhere floating in subspace with my socks.
So I guess I'll just wander off this way now.....
Bridget
PS. I have to give credit to my brother "Cruton" since I found the site under his favorites list next to the anime porn.
So Cruton is standing here over me as I type this, with his new little Jerusalem cross, threatening to bring the power of God down upon me if I don't recant the anime porn comment.
So I'm sorry, he doesn't have anime porn in his favorites.
That doesn't mean he doesn't have any, he just hides it better.
*Ow!*
See the problem is at some point your little brother becomes bigger and stronger than you and you can't beat him up anymore.
Damnit. I can still throw the cat at him though.
Not sure if this is a proper forum for general fic discussion, but since we've riffed the early chapters of Pokemon Master, this may be some interesting news.
The final chapters of the BEST POKEMON SERIES EVAR is now up. There's Chapter 12, which basically had the prelim stuff he already had up, and the brand new Episode 13: Resolutions...
You *will* believe cheerleaders know kung-fu!
You *will* believe cats can shoot fire balls!
You *will* believe in the power of the Swerve!
And much much more...
...he can't be that bright. A "Tiffa doll" would probably consist of a mannequin holding a chainsaw. I doubt he'd be smart enough to notice if it didn't have a wig... or clothes... or a female body...
...for that matter, scratch the "life-sized" part. He might not notice if the "Tiffa doll" was a Barbie with a chainsaw... or a Ken... or an Optimus Prime...
I'm not trying to say anything bad about Tiffa (Please don't hurt me, I can't be dismembered like the Loons!). I'm just saying that if he's the fan of a writer that has Ranma perform Kikokens in high heels every time he's splashed with cold water, he can't be that observant.
-Z, who seriously hopes that MMK does *not* pull out a bald-naked-male-Tiffa doll in a future episode.