Dressed as Elvira, and bobbing for
spiders, Martha decided to costume her
dog; a Belgian Airhead, fondly referred
to as Scooby.
She took his measure, and tore the flannel
sheets from her mother's bed. With scissors
and thread, she fashioned a dashing plaid
coat for poor Scooby.
She snapped off two bare branches from
a tree in her yard, taped them to Scooby's
head, and said "Stunning! My handsome plaid
reindeer!"
Scooby, not wanting to appear even dumber
than he was, said "It's not Christmas, you
stupid bitch! And even if it was, there's no
such thing as a plaid reindeer!" He showed his
teeth, which Martha mistook for a smile, and
promptly bit her in the ass.
Just then, the doorbell was rung by ten or
twenty trick-or-treaters. Martha told Scooby
she would return his affection later, and
hurried to answer the door.
"Trick Or Treat!" said the witches, cowboys,
pirates, four pumpkins, and two Ninja Turtles.
Martha held out a huge box, and told them to help
themselves. Small hands pulled out even smaller
wreaths made from chocolate-dipped pretzels,
covered with beads, and lacquered to a blinding
high sheen.
"What the fuck?" said the goblins in voices
straight from hell. Martha looked appalled, and
Scooby ran for cover when the eggs began to fly.
Covered in chicken embryo, Martha quickly slammed
the door. She began to scream, and cry, and moan,
"Why do they hate me? I do the very best I can."
Scooby crawled out from behind the couch, and
licked the egg from her hand. He told her "I don't
know, Martha. I think it's because nobody likes a
smart-ass. They're good for only one thing."
While Martha pondered his meaning, Scooby smiled,
and sunk his Belgian Airhead teeth into her very
smartest part.