On November 6th we first posted on this site under "What Age" by "Young Parents". In that short time we have come to value the insights and caring of those who are involved in this forum. Matt suggested that I post two more questions to see what insights might be available.We don't feel that we can discuss this with our parents.
We have three children. Youngest, Maggie is three and a half; next is Beth who is five and Scott who is seven.
Scott and Matt have always showered together. Shortly after Maggie was born Beth wanted to start showering. I was busy taking care of Maggie so she would shower with Scott and her dad. Matt taught Scott how to "soap up" Beth and soon Beth was doing the same to Scott. Maggie showers with me but Beth and Scott have continued to shower with Matt. We are all comfortable seeing each other nude in the bathroom. We are all still comfortable with this showering arrangement. Any input would be appreciated.
Our second question has to do with sleeping. Scott still prefers to sleep nude, Beth likes to wear only a long T shirt, usually one of her brothers and little Maggie like it topless with just her undies on. Again we are all comfortable. Any input would be appreciated.
Looking forward to your response and experience. We are looking foward to our family swim time this weekend, should be sunny and near 80. Sue
Sue, I think as soon as a child is able to wash private parts they should. The training for every day life would be, we all have places that no one touches. The begining of the training that you will one day face for sex education for your children will start with these areas and simple rules. God made all of those areas self reachable. As for the showering together thing, it should solve it's self when the shower is to small to accomodate everyone.
Bearone
I appreciate your questions here. I too am learning the approach to child rearing in the nude. Since I pretty much live here in my house nude, my baby is used to it. The only reason my wife wears a bra (sports bra actually) around the house (nothing else) is because she "drips" and needs a pad on her breasts. She breast feeds our baby.
We found our baby does like being nude. The first few months, she prefered the security of clothing because after birth, they are used to the womb and not to the openness of life. Now, she is learning to walk, crawing very well, and when I change her diaper, I got to hang on to her because as soon as the dirty one gets off, she takes off! :D
We are going to assume she may be like your children, sleep nude or near nude. We will not make any discisions for her on that issue unless she is having "wetting" problems. But we can encourage her and tell her (as she begans to understand and learn the difference) that she can go nude if she doesn't wet on herself. When she can do that (forgiving accidents of course) she can be "free".
So we learn and grow. And grow they do. So teach them the right stuff without teaching them shame.
Showering: now is the time to be teaching them that no one other than their doctor should be touching their genitals. One of numerous benefits of teaching them to be comfortable about their bodies is that they are more likely to tell you should someone take liberties with them.
Sleeping: Who cares what they sleep in as long as they are comfortable? Children need to learn to make decisions for themselves, but at these ages they don't get a lot of opportunities. Let each child decide, and expect that the preferences will change from time to time.
When it comes time for sleepovers, you can explain that others will probably expect them to sleep in something...at least their underware. You can help them think it through of those special situations.
All - your responses have given us some helpful insights. Will work with Beth and Scott and getting them to wash only themselves. Since we have a large three glass sided shower it will be some time before we outgrow it.
We agree as to the sleep attire that it really doesn't matter just so they are comfortable (and dry)but again we just weren't sure. Neither my husband nor I ever knew there were options to pj's. Yes, we will have to work out the attire for when visiting and overnights.
Thanks!
Matt and Sue - I just saw your posting, sorry for the delay in responding. It is probably not necessary for you to stop showering with your daughter at her age. So much of our behavior around sex and gender issues is based on cultural traditions and teachings rather than any specific scientific facts. In some families, children are raised with a casual attitude toward nudity, and in others everyone covers him or herself all the time. The bottom line is that if you or your daughter seem to be uncomfortable with the shared shower, you should stop right away.
But let's go over some of the psychological facts that we do know. Most children at the age of two are starting to have some form of gender identification (meaning that a girl knows that she's a girl and a boy knows he's a boy, and knows that there's a difference between the two), but not all. About 90% of three year olds will certainly have this gender identification. Even with it, however, there is no specific reason why your child needs to be protected from seeing these gender differences, and indeed it is an important part of development for children to understand these differences. It is not until ages 4-6 that children develop what is called gender consistency and gender stability, meaning that a girl knows she will grow up to be a woman, not a man; and that even if a boy wears long hair or a skirt that he is still a boy. It is also at about this age that many children start to have some sense of modesty about being undressed in front of the opposite sex (though this is likely more learned than inherent). By age 7-9 the concept of privacy is usually well established, though determining what needs to be private is largely due to family and community teachings.
So you should make your decision about when to stop the joint showers based on your own level of comfort, along with some understanding of your child's development and level of comfort. You will not cause any psychological harm by showering with her, unless you ignore her wishes when she tells you she wants to stop.
Sherri - I haven't been to this site for a few days. This information is just great. Matt and I appreciate your taking the time to give such a detailed answer. Thanks so much! S & M
