Ever since you (Boyd) decided to use my prayer on your board, it seems I have been having more clothed encounters...
CLOTHED ENCOUNTER 1
The Saturday before last, we kept our friend's three daughters overnight, and the next day she took all of the kids (ours and hers) back to her place, except our oldest son, who had spent the night with a friend. My wife went to a baby shower and she took our 2 mo grandniece with her. Only my (23 yo) niece and I remained home, and she had to leave for work soon.
Our oldest son spent the day with his friend and needed some money. Since they were at the soccer fields, but leaving soon, I had to hurry, so I could meet them there before they left. I rushed upstairs to take a shower. When I got out, I went looking for a specific pair of jeans I wanted. I figured they must be in one of the clothes baskets downstairs, so I headed down, still naked. As I did, I noticed the front door was wide open (it's right in front of the steps), and our niece was out front on the phone. I thought there was no need to close the door because no one would come by at that time of day. I was wrong!
As I frantically looked through the baskets, trying to hurry but getting frustrated because I couldn't find what I was looking for, one of our male neighbor friends (a Christian) walked up and started talking to our niece. Noticing movement in the house (i.e. me), he looked in briefly. I thought he noticed me, but he kept right on talking to our niece as though he hadn't seen me, or as though he just didn't care. Maybe he just didn't want to make an issue out of it. I wondered what he thought about the fact that I was nude in front of my niece.
I was upset about not being able to find what I needed, and since he didn't seem to notice or care, I just kept on doing what I was doing, as though it were no big deal. It wasn't! I did squat down in a way that I thought would minimize what he could see of me though. I didn't want to come across though I didn't care what he might think or as though I wanted him to see me. (He doesn't know I am a nudist.)
When I couldn't find what I wanted, I decided I needed look upstairs. I stepped back out of his line of sight, and stood in the living room for a moment, thinking about how I could pass by the doorway without him seeing me. It wasn't that I actually cared whether he saw me or not, but since our stairs are right in front of the door, he would have definitely seen me for a few minutes (the whole time I headed up the stairs), and I didn't want to upset him, or again, come across as though I wanted him to see me. Eventually, I reached for the door, closed it enough that it hid the stairs, and then walked upstairs. As I reached for the door, he noticed movement and looked right at me. Fortunately, he still did not react, but he just kept right on talking. I wasn't sure if he noticed I was nude or not, but if so, it was only very briefly.
In hindsight, I guess I could have grabbed something out of the basket to cover myself, but for whatever reason, that never crossed my mind. I guess I was just so frustrated about not finding the jeans I wanted, as that was the primary issue at that point in time. I found his non-reaction positive.
In the end, I made it out to see my son just in time.
CLOTHED ENCOUNTER 2
When I returned home, our niece was getting ready for work. Since she doesn't mind my nudity and no one else was home to offend, I stripped back down. A little later, our oldest son suddenly showed up. He was supposed to spend the whole day with his friend, so it was totally unexpected. As he entered, I noticed his friend coming in with him, so I quickly yelled in to my son to ask him to bring me my clothes. Fortunately, his friend did not see me or catch on to what had happened. Even better, he did not stay, so I stripped right back down again.
I enjoyed that day very much because I spent almost the whole day nude.
CLOTHED ENCOUNTER 3
One day this past weekend, everyone was home, except my wife who went shopping. I was nude, replacing a garbage disposal, when a good friend we've not seen in a long time dropped by unexpectedly to talk to my wife. I had just moved my shorts (which I keep around for this occasion) to the other side of the kitchen, and the only way I could get to them was to walk past the doorway. I thought I would have my shorts on before she made it in the door, but our son let her in right away and we are such good friends that she did not wait but just came right in. Of course, she knows what to expect if she comes right in. (We've skinny-dipped with her and her husband, and they do not mind my nudity.)
Anyway, I was still in the kitchen doorway as she came in, so she immediately saw I was nude. She didn't seem to mind. I quickly, but casually, dressed and went in to see her. We had a good conversation, which included casual and positive comments about my nudity.
As an aside, later, my wife questioned me about it. She mentioned how I had "showed my butt." I didn't respond to her comment because I didn't think I needed to. First, she knew I was naked because I was still naked when she left. As always, I had no intention of dressing until I absolutely needed to do so. Second, I didn't plan for our friend to see me, and I didn't try to make it happen. It just worked out that way. I admit that, since I know she doesn't mind my nudity and has seen me nude before, I was more relaxed than I probably would have been if it had been someone else. Of course, as I have advised others to do, I believe it is best to act casual about it, because if you act like you are doing something wrong, that is exactly how others will take it. Finally, I had no intention of apologizing. As far as I am concerned, I did not do anything wrong, and I am not going to apologize for being myself or for doing things my way.
I just thought these "encounters" were good examples of how the Lord answers our prayers, and so I thought I would share them. I also thought it interesting that they seemed to happen more frequently since my prayer went public.
Thank you for the testimony. The three stories give good examples of living a way of life you believe in, and still not try to "offend" anyone.
I am sure over time you may even not worry about covering back up when your friend comes over again since she is familiar with your nudity and relaxed about it.
You wrote: "Of course, as I have advised others to do, I believe it is best to act casual about it, because if you act like you are doing something wrong, that is exactly how others will take it. Finally, I had no intention of apologizing. As far as I am concerned, I did not do anything wrong, and I am not going to apologize for being myself or for doing things my way."
Even if we feel we are not doing anything wrong, we still often find ourselves appologizing about our behavior.
Actually, an apology is not necessarilly saying "I'm sorry". My articles on my website was originally written as an "apology", which simply means explaining our actions, why we are who we are. A defense, an explanation, an assurance, a statement of belief.
However, we may not have to say anything except "Hidy-ho good neighbor!" -Wilson Wilson
I too have had some "I wonder if they saw me, and why are they smiling like that?" encounters Who knows? (Well, God does, thank you Lord)
I hope everyone sees this prayer and accept it as part of their lives. Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it!
I agree with what you said about an apology. However, maybe I should have offered some background. I am known for apologizing quickly, even when not doing anything wrong. In fact, one friend of mine (the husband of the lady mentioned in encounter 3) eventually got upset with me over it and said, "Would you please stop it!" I got so used to saying, "I am sorry," that half the time I didn't even realize I was doing it.
Naturally, my wife has played on this, too. This incident is a good example, because she later questioned me about it. What I have discovered through this is, you absolutely must walk out your beliefs with faith, confidence and boldness. At least, since I have been doing this, others, especially my wife, have treated me differently, even responding to my naturism differently.
Perhaps your wife was commenting primarily on your posture at the moment your neighbor entered the door. (Bottoms up). Well, you were naked at the door as company came in, so I suspect that contributed toward her reaction.
I can only imagine, but maybe she was thinking, "See there, that's proof that household nudity isn't practical. Someone just dropped in and Greg was naked by the door for all to see and not only that, he made no efforts to get his rump out of plain view" (assuming that it is rude for one's rump to protrude as you greet a guest.
Now we both know that your nudity was probably not altogether unexpected to this particular family friend. But "minor" details like that tend to get overlooked when people have a first reaction to such a situation.
Your friend reacted well to your nudity, and even Mrs C did wait until you two were alone to bring up her concerns. Altogether not a totally bad reaction.
There are two extremes:
1. Giving a sheepish insincere apology
2. Giving no indication whatsoever that you care about her perception of the situation.
There may be some way of gently laughing it off without this thing escalating into an argument neither of you want to have.
May the Lord guide you.
I tend to use gentle humor to take the tension out of the air
I appreciate your feedback, but as far as how things went, I think you are assuming too much. I was not "naked at the door" and my rump was not in the air at the time. I was walking past the doorway toward my shorts when my son happened to open the door, and she stepped in immediately. Noticing who it was, I didn't try to hide as quickly as I might with others, but I did step to the side, somewhat out of her direct view, and put my shorts on.
As it is, I am not even sure what deatils my wife even knows because I didn't tell her and we didn't discuss it. Our friend mentioned it, and I have not talked to her about it since.
As for your two extremes, it is easy to assume there, too. In my case, often any answer is the wrong one, even no answer (and that is why I often simply just apologize). Believe me, I have tried every approach I can think of and the one I am using now works best. Actually, my approach now to try to rely on the Spirit's lead more than ever before, and so each response may be different from the one before.
Hmmm...
Greg, now I can see that you did everything with the utmost courtesy, yet remaining true to who you are in the privacy of your own home.
Sometimes it takes a post or two to bring out the whole story, at least for me.
I am an interested student of the dynamics of how you manage personal household nudity (and I was interested to learn how Boyd handles his situation when I was a guest in his home).
My life is so simple and uncomplicated that I don't know if anyone else could learn from it. My aquarium fish are the only creatures that share this house and they don't care if I am as naked as they are!
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Thanks for your reply. It's always great to hear from you. I recently visited your Web site and enjoyed reading over several of your essays.
"...you did everything with the utmost courtesy, yet remaining true to who you are..." Unfortunately, I am often out of balance here. That is, I go out of my way to be nice or "courteous," only to find I am not "true to myself." That contibutes to the problem. For one, people don't respect you when you do that. For another, it often does not bring glory to the Lord.
Like you, "I am an interested student of the dynamics of how you manage personal household nudity." I love hearing how other people live. It is interesting to see just how diverse people's lives are, too. My favorite programs on TV are about culture.
"My life is so simple and uncomplicated that I don't know if anyone else could learn from it." Don't listen to the enemy! We all have something to offer and we can all learn from another, no matter how different our lives are. For what it is worth, you have helped me before. I've always appreciated your attitude. Well, most of the time.
"It's always great to hear from you." Same here.
"I recently visited your Web site and enjoyed reading over several of your essays." I am glad to hear that. I wish I could get more of my material online, but I just don't have time for it. For those who don't know but are interested, my web site is at: http://www.geocities.com/greg_pc/
"Actually, my approach now to try to rely on the Spirit's lead more than ever before, and so each response may be different from the one before."
To listen to God's "still, small voice" is always the best way to go, and as you said that can often lead us to differant reactions at differant times even with the same people.
I don't have a very good record in listening as I should, as is often very painfully obvious, but I'm trying to get better. Asking for God's help to listen and respond is the only way to GET better at it, I know, but... like I said, I ain't that good at it yet...
I also think that responding to the Holy Spirit in this proper way will eliminate the question of recklessness or courage. We'll be acting on faith, as we should be.
As Boyd alluded to, I believe how you responded was both proper and respectful. You did nothing to offend, or for any purpose other than to act as you normally would. The only time you made any conscious decision regarding your dress was to make others more comfortable- that has to count for something.
Also, not rushing to cover yourself, or any other act that would show you had been "caught" or thought you were doing something improper, will tend to put those people who do see you at peace. They will realize easier that your nakedness is natural, not for any illicit reason.
I like Boyd's comment that an appology is not necessarily an admission of wrong-doing. I had to give an appology yesterday concerning my own nakedness, and while I HAD actually done something wrong, it was my actions that I had to appologize for, and not just being naked.
For anyone who dosn't know, Myra has two grown daughters, and Myra and I used to keep the son of the younger of the two overnight from time to time. Well, when she found out that I tended to go about the house naked, she asked that I not do that around her son. Easy enough. Well, I screwed that up.
When my step-daughter found out that I had been naked around her son (which was actually nothing new, really, but that isn't the point), she got pretty upset. Until yesterday I hadn't seen either her or her son since March.
Due to some personnal problems in her own life my step-daughter needed to move into a differant apartment, and asked Myra and I to help. When we got there she acted like there was nothing wrong, and while I think it would have been okay anyway, I took her aside and made the appology that I had waited several months to give- appologizing for going against her wishes, but not anything other than that. She understood, and I even got a hug out of the deal.
Both my step-daughters and their respective families know that I am a nudist, and don't have any issue with that. They understand that it isn't for some kind of freaky reason. However, they don't want to be around that sort of thing, and I should done a better job of respecting that.
How can we get others to accept and respect us if we don't do the same for them?
Maybe over time our actions can show our friends and families the harmless ease and comfort of being casually naked, but not if we pull stunts like the one I did.
Let's all learn from my mistake, shall we?
Later
God Bless
Kevin
This message has been edited by boydallen on Nov 27, 2005 12:30 PM
Thanks for the feedback, and especially thanks for your testimony.
I can relate to your situation well, as I have messed up a few times myself. In fact, the Lord taught me a valuable lesson through it. That is, never promise another person that you will do something against your convictions. In our case, this happened with the niece who now lives with us. Like you, I promised I would not go nude around her, but then did. In the end, I had to not only apologize, but recant. What I did was promise that I would try to honor their wishes, while at the same time, I would follow my own convictions. Naturally, they did not like it, but I felt I had no choice.
Again, I have learned not to make promises I can't or may not keep, and if that is not good enough for them, then that is too bad. That may sound insensitive or bad, but that is really how it is or should be. I mean, we should never force or expect another to go against their convictions, especially to promise to do so. (I think that is where others go wrong i.e. by place unhealthy expectations on others.)
Oddly enough, doing this has helped me remained clothed more when others would prefer. I guess becuase when you tell someone they can't do something, especially if they think it is good, better, the right thing to do, etc., that makes them want to do it even more.
One way to help others understand all this is to simply ask, how would you feel if I asked you to promise to go nude when I was around? (That is exactly what they do to us.) Naturally, some will argue, "That is different, because clothing is the norm," but to me, it is not. I mean, you are still asking the other person to go against what they prefer, or believe is best or right.
One more thing. I loved the way you apologized. I think there are times when it is appropriate to apologize. The thing is, we need to apologize only when necessary, and we need to apologize only for where we went wrong and nothing more. So, you did the right thing.
I like your suggestion about asking others to go naked around those of us who prefer to be that way. That's a beautiful about-face to the situation that I'd not thought of before.
Yeah, I appologized for going against her wishes, and not for being naked. I saw no need to appologize for more than that. The funny thing about that whole situation, and I think I forgot to mention it before, is that she never spoke to me directly about it at all. She asked her mom to ask me. That's kind of a thing with her and her sister both, though. They'll do that with me standing right there. There's no animosity- they'll just talk to mom instead of me. Weird.
I don't have a big problem with staying dressed around someone if they ask, and I'll do it around alot of people, especially family, even if they don't say anything. I know how they're reactions would be, so...
What happened though, was that I didn't like having to stay dressed, like I was being forced to, I guess is what I felt. It irritated me, and I pushed back in my own immature little way, and it bit me.
I know what you mean about nude encounters. Nearly a year ago on Christmas Day, the woman who lives in back of us (the house we rent has a small single person house in back), came to the door to ask about letting her relatives park in the drive instead of having to walk all the way from the curb (they could use the exercise). I was sitting nude on the couch and my wife was using the exercise ball and the sheer drapes were, for whatever reason, not drawn and she walked right by the picture window as I sat on the couch. She looked in and saw my wife exercising, pointed at her as if to indicate, "good job getting fit," and seemed to look right over me. I've never found out if she saw me, but I keep looking for the opportunity when I see her outside to hint around or mention our resort. I'm kind of playing it safe since I may not be as good a judge of character as I think I am and I don't want her to think I'm trying to get her naked for sex or into a swinger's club.
Another time I had gotten out of the shower and was looking for my jeans when I went out to the living room where they were on the couch after laundering them. The other picture window was open with no drapes and just as I passed by the father next door was walking along the side of their house with a clear view into our window. Don't know if he could actually see inside because of reflection, but so far no comments about naked pervert or anyhting like that. They're supposed to be a strong Christian family and have three kids from 18 to 12, so I'm very careful there even though I know there are people into "Christian Naturism." Or...at least that's what I've heard (LOL).
I've always appreciated your attitude. Well, most of the time.