my kids are grown now my son is about to go off to college . Right now I have a week alone with my wife and would like to begin to set the groundwork for when he goes off toschool.
Should I talk to her or just be naked , by just living it ? Idont want to push but Im sincere . Ive been practicing or aatleast tryingto for the last four years now . I hjope this has shown her It is not a fad .
I will update if wanted . I believe in the power of prayer .
I am not in your shoes (well, perhaps you aren't either), but perhaps I can bring a fresh perspective to this discussion. In some cases, these are rhetorical questions for your own private thoughts. However, I think many people would benefit from anything you might feel comfortable sharing with this group.
You said in so many words that you have tried for four years to be nude at home. Since you have a college age son, I am assuming that you and your wife have been together for about twenty years. If so, you two have had a lot of time to form habits of dress before you began exploring the idea of increased home nudity.
So much depends on the circumstances involved in each instance that you have been nude at home. Much also depends upon how your wife has reacted to your nudity. Much depends upon what attitudes about nudity you and your wife brought into your marriage. You seem to be weighing the pros and cons of inviting your wife to joining you in increasing your home nudity. Much depends upon the freedom you and your wife have to speak freely about anything, not just naturism. Hoepefully you and she are practiced with taking differing opinions about virtually anything and still remain at peace with one another. If your communications skills need some work, it is not too late to work on it.
Men are often more aggressive than women and can push their wives into something she is not ready for, not even realizing that they have pressured her. Women often "go along to get along" and then seemingly suddenly decide that she has had enough.
I am not saying that you should not provide spiritual leadership in your home and it is certainly okay to introduce her to naturist ideas. Just give her time to process what you say, and react to it over days, weeks and months. Speaking for myself, I have to work very hard not to come across as pushy to the women in my life. Choose your words carefully and be gentle.
This is a very personal question for your own private contemplation:
Has your non-sexual nudity been increasing during those four years?
If both you and your wife have made a clear-cut difference between simple nudity and love-making nudity, she will not interpret your desire for more nudity as pressure for more sex.
Has your nudity been in situations when it would not seem peculiar to someone who is not particularly prudish? (i.e. walking nude between bathroom and bedroom late in the evening, nudity in a private backyard hot tub or sauna, nude sunbathing on a private deck).
How private is your house and yard for nudity? What can be done to make it more private? Are neighbors and relatives always dropping in unexpectedly? Are you frequently rushing to put on shorts when the doorbell rings? If so, I can see why nudity would be difficult during the day. Does your wife feel that your home and your yard is private enough and safe enough for nudity?
What can you do to make nudity more physically comfortable for your wife?
Is the house too cold for her comfort? (Women and children usually need it warmer than men). This seems such an obvious question, but I can't tell you how many men don't realize how differently people can perceive room temperature. Do you need to put down carpets and rugs on cold floors?
What are your goals for nudity? Do you want to be nude 24 hours a day? Do you simply want to sleep nude and soak nude in a backyard hot tub?
Has your wife expressed any desire to be nude more than she currently is?
If you and your wife are both comfortable with house and yard nudity, are you both eager to try visiting a naturist park? Family nudity may be as far as some couples care to go, but for those willing to try it, new friends at a naturist park can provide much-needed moral support and offer a lot more recreational opportunities than staying at home.
James, we are prayerful for your situation and certainly don't have a timetable for your family to achieve some nudist goal. Nudity should be one side effect of an increasingly open trusting relationship in this new chapter in your marriage. It's going to be just the two of you for months to come and that will bring lots of changes. My mom and dad got through it, but it took some hard work and adjustments.
Wow , Thanks !
I really liked the letter vey informative and thought provoking .
My wife will get naked with me at bedtime and walk around alittle . I have started to walk around alittle more after ashower whathave you . Our yard is not really naked friendly we have neighbors that have twostory houses that overlook our pool backyard .
As far as going somewhere where others are nude that is far out of the question right now .
I have a never used my nuditry to or as a lead in for lovemaking . I like to be naked but dont use it to pressure for intimacy as mentioned .Iam trying to set a good example that just because Im naked has nothing to do with sexuaility.
Thanks again for your letter anddokeep me in prayer . Ithink it will happen.
Gosh, James!
A two-story house overlooking your pool? I think I would not even like for my neighbors to watch me if I were sitting on a poolside lounge in a coat and tie. Well, that would be a little weird, but you know what I mean.
I've seen these privacy cloths in the back of the AANR Bulletin, tall enough that you might be able to get some poolside privacy. Not sturdy enough to leave out all the time, but certainly would be fine for an afternoon swim.
I have a "naked to the world", very public back yard, but I discovered one or two spots in the yard where I can lie down for a few minutes of allover sun. In my case, a low patio wall and a portable screen saves the day for me. Sure I wish I could strut in the sunshine, but I'll take it lying down.
Unless the moon is full and overhead, I can sneak out in the pre-dawn darkness and water my backyard garden in my Adam suit while the world sleeps. Ironically, if anyone should happen to flip on an indoor light and look out at my backyard, the back yard then appears totally dark, but I can see well enough to water my vegetables. Theoretically either neighbor might wake up and flip on his backyard floodlight, but they have no reason to; I keep quiet.
I have thought about what to do if a neighbor spots me at that unlikely hour: I would cover up and even apologize if it comes down to it. It's that simple. I am not ashamed of my nudity, but I am only nude when I can reasonably expect not to be seen. My neighbors are good folks and I want to treat them with courtesy.
I intend to get a privacy fence. I may build it on the pay-as-you-go plan, adding a few feet at a time. Even a thirty-foot section of privacy fence would give me a lot more freedom, if placed along my western property line. Later I can expand to the other edges of my land.
I am giving serious thought to a small back yard sauna for the colder months and I don't want to dress to walk to it from my back door only to undress once I get there.
Yep, it would be great to nudify the back yard. "Nudify" may not be in the dictionary, but it ought to be!
As your own comfort with household nudity increases, it seems likely that your wife will feel more relaxed about nudity than before.
Women have often been raised to criticize their bodies harshly and compare themselves to movie stars and super models. And some women get catcalls and wolf whistles wherever they go. Not much fun either way.
Naturism is the best thing for women since sliced bread. I think that Boyd's wife or one of the other ladies might do a better job of discussing women's issues than I could. I am simply saying that women often have more issues to overcome than men.
However, the younger generation may make a liar out of me. A friend of mine has a son on a swim team. All the boys wore knee-length swim shorts even for swim meets. I asked my friend why the boys would not wear form-fitting Speedo type swim trunks. She said that they were too embarrassed to show their thighs. Naturally the boys don't win any swim meets in this heavy garb. Girls his age show a lot more skin at the pool and think nothing of it.
Unfortunately the common wisdom seems to be that it is okay to be nearly nude if you are young and lean, but inappropriate for middle-aged folks to be equally bare.
I think all this stems from a sexualized concept of nudity.
I think our goal is to fight for a more practical egalitarian view of nudity. We all have a right to our day in the sun, whether we are fat or fit, young or old. I am sorry that middle-aged nudity offends the sensibilities of so many folks. They need to get over it and we will all have to put our heads together to figure out how to get America over to a more European attitude about the human body.
Thank you Ramblinman, always like your responses.I may have pushe the envelop a little too much yesterday trying to be naked again . Words were spoken and I put on some loose shorts and said I like to be naked. So progress still alittle at atime.
You are certainly within your rights to be nude in the privacy of your home, but you wisely took the path of accommodation and love by putting your shorts back on in the presence of someone who doesn't yet understand.
At one time, most of us on this forum probably thought that nudity was inappropriate except in the shower or the marriage bed behind closed doors.
Somehow we reached a point where we became comfortable with nudity in social settings or at least in our inner family circle.
I don't know if everyone can overcome their upbringing and make the transition to nude living, but I am astonished at the numbers of "hopeless prudes" who weren't so hopeless after all.
Let's assume that our loved ones can make progress toward a better attitude about the human body unless and until they prove us wrong.
For some people, exposed genitals are the focus of the problem. We all have genitals, but many people rarely see them. For some, the sight of genitals evokes revulsion, as if they were the furthest thing from normal instead of an integral part of what it means to be human. Other than their seeming strangeness, there may be the unspoken thought that genitals are by definition sexual organs. If we are less than fully comfortable with the raw intimacy and the animal passion of sex, we are likely to be less than fully comfortable with the sight of reproductive organs, even those of our mates.
Some people cannot bear to see nudity of an imperfect body. Age can bring wrinkles, gray hair, falling hair, age spots, bulging bellies, sagging breasts, varicose veins and cellulite. We rarely look as good at fifty as we did at twenty. I have heard bratty teens and twenty-somethings roll their eyes and laugh at the nude bodies of older persons. In some cases they have even openly mused that people don't have the right to be nude once "the bloom is off the rose". I think it is the height of arrogance and a warped sexualized view of nudity to demand that only people who are pleasing to your eye be allowed their day in the sun. Besides that, much of this revulsion against the middle-aged body is born of unfamiliarity with it.
I haven't even addressed all the myriads of women's issues that plague American culture, but I'll mention a few of the more obvious ones.
Our daughters learn early on from the media that they can show some or all of their body to attract men. Nudity is rarely divorced from sex in the cinema and television. Sadly women also learn that any deviation on their part from the culturally-imposed ideal is cause for shame.
A friend of mine made a very telling comment when I suggested that she consider visiting a nudist resort. She said that she did not want to be "naked in front of people". We all know that she would not be "in front of people" more than anyone else. In a crowd of 40 nude people at a naturist park, parents would be watching their children, men would be talking about fishing or sports, women would be relaxing in the sun and making small talk, teens would be playing volleyball or diving into the water. She was a very lovely young woman but had terrible problems with body image. I told her (in full honesty) that her face could be on the cover of a fashion magazine, but she could not see herself as I did. I wish my friend could spend one day at a naturist park and most of her preconceptions would go out the window.
The more conservative among us teach women that wearing skimpy clothing is the mark of loose morals and by extension, total nudity is the mark of ultimate debauchery. I do not deny that brief clothing can be used to incite lust, but it is certainly not true in every case, and total nudity can actually be regarded as the crowning glory of God's creation. Many men and women who study the fine arts come to this realization and prefer to paint or sculpt the nude model exclusively.
Those of us who come from a conservative evangelical religious background must also deal with longstanding church traditions that make no place for social nudity and we must answer the prudish interpretation of specific Bible verses that have historically been interpreted to forbid most nudity.
Sexual nudity on television and the cinema has generally made our job harder, not easier. We must model the life of chaste nudity to show that not all nudity is sexual. Many parents will opt to block television shows or eliminate television altogether while their children are forming their values.
In addition, those of us in small towns and close-knit church communities may find that it is difficult to be discreet about backyard nudity, much less trips to a naturist park.
Some naturists living in small towns report that once their naturist beliefs are discovered that they may be shown the door at church, snubbed from parties, and even fired from jobs on some pretext. I don't want to understate the price that a few naturists have had to pay for their beliefs. Thankfully these injustices are not common.
I have touched on some of the main obstacles to the adoption of nude living. Now let's consider how to break through these misconceptions and deeply entrenched attitudes to a a happier more natural way of living:
In a nutshell, people seem to make this leap by a series of life experiences that lead them gradually to a naturist life and some also need a systematic treatment of the religious, social and philosophical ramifications of adopting these life changes.
I know a family who came to see that nude recreation is good and wholesome, largely through a single momentous day on the beach. As the entire family wandered down the coast one day, they stumbled upon a nude beach and saw happy families playing carefree and nude on the sand. They were deeply touched by this glimpse of true naturism and instantly many of their preconceptions were shattered.
I have lost touch with this family, so I don't know if they ever tried it for themselves. Not everyone takes that next step.
Likewise, many people who go skinny dipping in mixed company in secluded lakes, would feel very uncomfortable sitting nude in a living room with the same friends.
Forums such as this and a few godly books can supplement our life experiences. We need to be ready to give an answer to those who are asking about naturism with an open heart.
Despite my exemplary family of friends, most people come to naturism with multiple experiences of wholesome nudity rather than by a single event. It can take years to lead people out of the shame and darkness they were raised with. Some never complete the journey in this lifetime.
Families that come to naturism after years of textile living have the additional challenge of negative momentum to overcome. It is especially difficult when a husband comes to naturism and his wife is "not there yet". Despite the challenges, I have read some amazing stories about winning over the non-naturist spouse. Prayer changes things!
Lastly we must recognize that Christian naturism is not an end itself, but exists in the larger context of a life that is yielded to Christ and one that shows respect for the nude body God gave us and ultimately for the Great Artist who created our bodies. Likewise our naturist rights must frequently yield to patience, prayer and perseverance rather than pressure.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll break this admittedly long post into its components.
Here's the first:
++++++++++++++++++++++++
James,
You are certainly within your rights to be nude in the privacy of your home, but you wisely took the path of accommodation and love by putting your shorts back on in the presence of someone who doesn't yet understand.
At one time, most of us on this forum probably thought that nudity was inappropriate except in the shower or the marriage bed behind closed doors.
Somehow we reached a point where we became comfortable with nudity in social settings or at least in our inner family circle.
I don't know if everyone can overcome their upbringing and make the transition to nude living, but I am astonished at the numbers of "hopeless prudes" who weren't so hopeless after all.
Let's assume that our loved ones can make progress toward a better attitude about the human body unless and until they prove us wrong.
For some people, exposed genitals are the focus of the problem. We all have genitals, but many people rarely see them. For some, the sight of genitals evokes revulsion, as if they were the furthest thing from normal instead of an integral part of what it means to be human. Other than their seeming strangeness, there may be the unspoken thought that genitals are by definition sexual organs. If we are less than fully comfortable with the raw intimacy and the animal passion of sex, we are likely to be less than fully comfortable with the sight of reproductive organs, even those of our mates.
Some people cannot bear to see nudity of an imperfect body. Age can bring wrinkles, gray hair, falling hair, age spots, bulging bellies, sagging breasts, varicose veins and cellulite. We rarely look as good at fifty as we did at twenty. I have heard bratty teens and twenty-somethings roll their eyes and laugh at the nude bodies of older persons. In some cases they have even openly mused that people don't have the right to be nude once "the bloom is off the rose". I think it is the height of arrogance and a warped sexualized view of nudity to demand that only people who are pleasing to your eye be allowed their day in the sun. Besides that, much of this revulsion against the middle-aged body is born of unfamiliarity with it.
James' mentioned his wife's objection (at least for now) to his nudity in the house.
Without wishing to pry into his own situation, I used this an opportunity to reflect in a general way on a few of the better known issues that some women have with naturism.
I haven't even addressed all the myriads of women's issues that plague American culture, but I'll mention a few of the more obvious ones.
Our daughters learn early on from the media that they can show some or all of their body to attract men. Nudity is rarely divorced from sex in the cinema and television. Sadly women also learn that any deviation on their part from the culturally-imposed ideal is cause for shame.
A friend of mine made a very telling comment when I suggested that she consider visiting a nudist resort. She said that she did not want to be "naked in front of people". We all know that she would not be "in front of people" more than anyone else. In a crowd of 40 nude people at a naturist park, parents would be watching their children, men would be talking about fishing or sports, women would be relaxing in the sun and making small talk, teens would be playing volleyball or diving into the water. She was a very lovely young woman but had terrible problems with body image. I told her (in full honesty) that her face could be on the cover of a fashion magazine, but she could not see herself as I did. I wish my friend could spend one day at a naturist park and most of her preconceptions would go out the window.
The more conservative among us teach women that wearing skimpy clothing is the mark of loose morals and by extension, total nudity is the mark of ultimate debauchery. I do not deny that brief clothing can be used to incite lust, but it is certainly not true in every case, and total nudity can actually be regarded as the crowning glory of God's creation. Many men and women who study the fine arts come to this realization and prefer to paint or sculpt the nude model exclusively.
The APA has published a report on the sexualization of girls, part of which lists substantial evidence that sexualization and objectification is happening (by both males and females) and getting worse in US culture and other Westernized cultures. These are proven to "undermine confidence in and comfort with one's own body, leading to a host of negative emotional consequences, such as shame, anxiety, and self-disgust."
Yes, I am going to force you to click the link to read... It's only fair, it is their work.
This is probably two separate topics, but for now I'll lump them into one post.
Firstly, I wanted to say that evangelical Christians must often overcome traditions and teachings that either work to discourage non-sexual nudity or in the more hardshell groups specifically prohibit social nudity.
Secondly, those of us living in smaller US communities dominated by conservative Christians may encounter difficulties if our naturism is made known.
Here are my preliminary thoughts:
Those of us who come from a conservative evangelical religious background must also deal with longstanding church traditions that make no place for social nudity and we must answer the prudish interpretation of specific Bible verses that have historically been interpreted to forbid most nudity.
Sexual nudity on television and the cinema has generally made our job harder, not easier. We must model the life of chaste nudity to show that not all nudity is sexual. Many parents will opt to block television shows or eliminate television altogether while their children are forming their values.
In addition, those of us in small towns and close-knit church communities may find that it is difficult to be discreet about backyard nudity, much less trips to a naturist park.
Some naturists living in small towns report that once their naturist beliefs are discovered that they may be shown the door at church, snubbed from parties, and even fired from jobs on some pretext. I don't want to understate the price that a few naturists have had to pay for their beliefs. Thankfully these injustices are not common.
I guess we could put out heads together and write an entire book on how people escape their preconceptions about nudity and naturism, but let me make a few remarks on the subject and hope that it provokes a healthy discussion that leads to a better life for our friends here and their loved ones.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have touched on some of the main obstacles to the adoption of nude living. Now let's consider how to break through these misconceptions and deeply entrenched attitudes to a a happier more natural way of living:
In a nutshell, people seem to make this leap by a series of life experiences that lead them gradually to a naturist life and some also need a systematic treatment of the religious, social and philosophical ramifications of adopting these life changes.
I know a family who came to see that nude recreation is good and wholesome, largely through a single momentous day on the beach. As the entire family wandered down the coast one day, they stumbled upon a nude beach and saw happy families playing carefree and nude on the sand. They were deeply touched by this glimpse of true naturism and instantly many of their preconceptions were shattered.
I have lost touch with this family, so I don't know if they ever tried it for themselves. Not everyone takes that next step.
Likewise, many people who go skinny dipping in mixed company in secluded lakes, would feel very uncomfortable sitting nude in a living room with the same friends.
Forums such as this and a few godly books can supplement our life experiences. We need to be ready to give an answer to those who are asking about naturism with an open heart.
Despite my exemplary family of friends, most people come to naturism with multiple experiences of wholesome nudity rather than by a single event. It can take years to lead people out of the shame and darkness they were raised with. Some never complete the journey in this lifetime.
Families that come to naturism after years of textile living have the additional challenge of negative momentum to overcome. It is especially difficult when a husband comes to naturism and his wife is "not there yet". Despite the challenges, I have read some amazing stories about winning over the non-naturist spouse. Prayer changes things!
Lastly we must recognize that Christian naturism is not an end itself, but exists in the larger context of a life that is yielded to Christ and one that shows respect for the nude body God gave us and ultimately for the Great Artist who created our bodies. Likewise our naturist rights must frequently yield to patience, prayer and perseverance rather than pressure.
I just wanted to say thanks for the well thought out replys.
I wont give up and I know prayer changes things , so keep me in prayer about this . I also wish we could meet a Christian couple maybe that would help break the ice . Wouldnt mind having someone to fellowship with and enjoy naturism that would be great. My wife and I two friends fellowshipping and able to share nudity , what more could I ask for!
Just got back from Hawaii, Maui to be more specific . I stumbled across a nude beach by accident (little Beach) with my 20year old daughter in tow . We went for a hike .
So I later asked my wife if what she would have done she replied that she would have turned and left.
I just pray for a little progress at a time and eventualturn around.
