Well, I knew this would happen eventually. I haven't been hiding it, but I really haven't volunteered anything either. One of the members of my church has found out that I am a naturist. My wife was talking to one of her lady friends from church, and she was telling her about my web design work. At some point she mentioned SpiritfX.com, and her friend inquired further about it. To make a long story longer... the cat got out of the proverbial bag.
This lady, who is also my friend, told me that she was "thouroughly dissapointed in me" last night. I didn't have time to talk to her, but she is insisting that she needs to "sit me down" and talk to me about the "unhealthy lifestyle choice" that I have made, and how it's going to "hurt my family." Up until now this woman has had nothing but praise for me, but now I am apparently a deviant in her eyes. She is an older lady, and prides herself in her knowledge of the word. My wife calls her her mentor.
I've got a feeling that this is going to make some waves for me. This lady loves to talk, and it seems that I have provided her with ample new material. I'm not really sure what to do. I guess I better get down to some serious study and prayer, and prepare to defend myself.
Been there and done that Erick! I'll certainly be praying for your situation.
For my own situation I think actions speak louder than words so I've been making a conscious effort to "go the extra mile" at church and I believe my relationship with the pastor has been strengthened as a result. I don't know if he thinks that the wife and I have "changed our ways" or not - we really haven't discussed it since that one stressful conference. I certainly never communicated or acknowledged that our involvement with naturism was "sinful" but I did concede his observation that the ways in which we had spent our time and energy budget over several months had been out of balance.
I hope you can make it to the next CNC-East and we can compare notes. Feel free to contact me by e-mail if you just want to chat.
Some people have nothing better to do than gossip and make sure they tell everyone else how they should live their lives. So, she feels she need sot sit you down and talk to you about your unhealthy lifestyle choice? Well, thank you for your opinion. She has hers and you have yours and your opinion fits your life and keeps you mentally healthy. I find it funny that one minute you're a great person and the next you're a deviant. You were always a nudist and the only thing that changed was that she didn't know before. If this was a Dear Abby letter, she would get the initials, "MYOB," from Abby. Many religious people think the world "needs" to live the life they feel is right. Well, their opinion of what's right may be far diferent than my opinion. I'm trying to adopt an answer of, "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind," when people feel compelled to force their views on me. Usually, it solves the problem right away. She may make your life in the church a little uncomfortable, but I don't see why you should have to defend yourself. You've committed no crime. People don't like to change churches when they've grown comfortable with one, but much like changing jobs, sometimes you have to move on.
Be sure and point out to them at some point that anyone that we know who complained about another's nudity in the Bible were cursed. (e.g. Noah's son and descendants & David's wife Michel)
The challenge here is not on your part. The challenge here is on her part. She has to prove that you are wrong and that your lifestyle is hurt. She has to prove that the scriptures condemn your lifestyle. She is the one who has to make her condemnation stick.
Now is she does go around telling everyone about it, she is committing a sin that IS pointed out in the bible, gossip and slander.
You are a saint, until she sees one flaw in your life and now you are a sinner, about to drag your family down a deep hot pit. What she does not know is that you have been going at it for years, yet no pit has been dug.
Is your wife involved as well? Is she helping you dig that pit? Or did she subconsciously tell her without realizing she was looking for someone to support her?
Now my wife is a little more open about telling people if she thought it safe to do so than I am, yet she is less likely to go nude as much as I do. Go figure. I guess I got that philosophy of "It's easier to do it now and apologize later, than it is to ask for permission now".
Anyway, do you homework, but as others said, not in defense, but in love an understanding. She is the one who has to make the proof. You just stand by with what the bible really says.
Thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. They mean a lot. I still haven't gotten a chance to have a sit down with my beloved sister, but I'm sure that's coming. I doubt I will be able to change her mind about anything, seeing it is so well made up already, but it's worth a try.
My wife and I have been discussing the whole thing in depth for the past few days. She is not a naturist, and in spite of my best efforts she believes it is sinful. Denice doesn't have a problem when it's just us being nude. In fact, she has even skinny dipped with me on several occasions. She had told me that she thinks it is wrong for me to see other women nude, and visa versa. I have tried to explain to her every way that I know how that is has nothing to do with sex or lust, but she will not be swayed. And... she told me last night that her biggest fear about the whole thing is that our children (when the Lord blesses with them) would be taken away from us if they found out that I am a naturist. She has also told me that she doesn't want our kids to be taught naturism, or even to see me nude.
I think we have made a lot of progress in at least getting this out in the open. These are serious issues, and we have to deal with them. We have scheduled a counselling session with our pastor. I don't know what her opinion is on the subject, but she seems to be an open minded person.
My wife and I have enjoyed a near perfect relationship in the past, but she cannot get past this one little thing about me. I know she loves me, but I don't know if she will ever accept the fact that I am a naturist. And I love my wife more than anything in the world, but I can't call something that is good and wholesome, evil. We need your all's prayers. Thanks again!
Erick, I think you have touched on something very important, a very basic difference between naturists and non-naturists. Not the sex issue, although that's part of it--but the fear that "something might happen."
The fear of rape or other unwanted sexual contact is very real in women's lives, and in this country women are generally taught that clothes are a shield against it. Of course we know they're not! But the early conditioning runs very deep, far deeper than we men can ever know. And both men and women are taught in many ways that sex, or at least sexual temptation, always goes with co-ed nudity, so that too many women think they're just leaving themselves open to rape when they go naked.
We know, of course, that nudity and sexual arousal don't have to go together--but "the world" has so befuddled us that it's hard for someone who hasn't experienced the reality to understand how little they have to do with each other.
And this fear inspires a lack of trust. Both your lady and your other sister seem to trust you in every other area of your life; shouldn't they trust you not to embrace something like this without first comparing it with the Bible and your own conscience? But this fear is preventing it. And we must deal with the fear and pray against it and somehow help them quiet it before they can truly understand the freedom that comes with nakedness.
Perhaps, Erick, you can remind Denice how many times you've been naked together without arousal...
Father God, I pray against the fear that prevents these two beloved women from accepting what Erick is telling them. Remind them what Erick is really like, that he has studied and prayed and agonized over this very thing and that You have reassured him of its goodness. And if possible, open their minds to the truth that will set them free from this fear. In Jesus' name, Who died and rose to free us from all fear; Amen.
And further with fear, I noticed that when Fear is the ruler of ones life, Truth is a moot point. You can show proof on proof that something is not so, and their fear will still be their guiding light.
The very first excuse out of Adams mouth, which ironically was "a truth" mixed with a lie, was that he was afraid, but "because he was naked". True, he was afraid, but not because he was naked, but because he lost his relationship with God.
Was that a rational fear? (being naked) No. Even God asked him, "Who told you that you were naked?" Whatever it was, it did not come from God. Therefore, it is irrational and not truth. Fear due to losing his relationship with God is understandable. God did not question "why are you afraid". God knew why he was afraid. It was that excuse about being naked God questioned.
The opposite of love is fear. To overcome fear is love (along with trust, that Adam lost). He even betrayed his own wife and accused God in the process. See where fear leads you? Accusing people of things they have not done to you. "I am afraid of what might be, not what is". Such as, "might take our children away" "Might lose your job" "might get kicked out of the church" (which translates in peoples mind, being kicked out of Gods grace)
Fear= False Evidence Appearing Real
Now I am not saying that we should all drop common sense and lose all fear of everything. Even angels fear to tread in places men blindly tread. But without research and understanding of the local laws, she is basing her fear that "they" "might" take the children away if "they" find out you are a nudist. Not that you are nude, but that you are a nudist. It is not against the law to be a nudist. To be nude in certain places, maybe yes.
We do not want to invite trouble by taking pictures of our nude children and posting them on the internet or sending them to be developed at Walmart! Thats suicide. But we do need to use common sense and teach our children what this world thinks and that we have God on our side for Truth and love...and common sense.
Now will the same society teach our second graders about sex? Yes, but the same one accuse us of being nudists?
What state are you in and is what she is saying true? If not, then fear is holding Truth back.
We live in Tennessee, and I have been doing a little research on what the law says about all this. So far, I haven't found anything definitive. What I do know is that we have two naturist resorts here, and hundreds (if not thousands) of naturist families. I have never heard of anyone losing their children because the state found out that they're practising naturists. However, I have heard of naturist spouses losing their children to their non-naturist spouse in a divorce. It seems that the law usually sides with non-naturist in these instances.
I'll do some more research. I may even talk with an attorney if I have to. But I'm going to find out for sure if her fear has any real basis.
I thought that I should set something strait, something that I made a mistake on. The lady who I was speaking of in my previous post, I think I have misjudged her character. I made the statement that "she like to talk," implying that she was a gossip. This was a mistake. I didn't know that for sure. I just assumed it. From what my wife has told me, this isn't true at all. I'm going to ask her to forgive me at church tomorrow.
I've calmed down quite a bit since a couple of days ago. I was really mad at first, because I thought she was turning my wife against me. I don't think this is case any more. Sometimes my mouth shoots off before my brain can think it through. Anyway, we're going to counselling next week. I'm actually starting to think it's a good idea now. I had been dreading it, because I figured that it would just be an Erick bashing session. I don't think so now, but I guess I'm going to find out. I'm trying to keep an open mind, because I know we need some outside help.
Anyway, thank you all for your prayers. Jesus is our Lord, so I know we're going to pull through!
Don't let your other cat out of the bag either. Does she know that you thought she was a gossip? If not, don't put more ideas in her head that you got more problems than she thought. "Not only is he a nudist, he is a hot head and thinks bad of other people".
Be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. Now if you did tell her that, you can apologize to her but don't tell her what she doesn't know. It may put a new strain on the relationship before you even get started on the naturist subject.
Yes, she knows, and I'm going to make it right. I think there is a lesson for me to learn in this. I have a tendency to jump to conclusions, and I have found that I even get an attitude when people challenge me on my beliefs. With the help of Jesus, I'm going to try to put these faults to death, once and for all.
