I can feel your breath on my shoulder,
doused with hushed tones of sweet nothings.
You and I are yoked of the same time,
enclosed in our own heartfelt poignancy.
I loved you sometimes in the distance...
when my own pith could not comprehend
the overwhelming assurance of our situation.
And You loved me too. You who knows no time.
Our language is that only we can understand,
extrinsic exchange of words, spoken,
in a calm and quiescent manner. I am drawn,
swiftly into your steady, sheltering arms.
nice slant rhyme in th first stanza however the images become less connected further down How about 'th poignancy of our heartbeat'? 'in the sometimes distance' and is 'pith' really th word you were looking for? Perhaps 'You who knew...'? Also, I think you might consider 'one which' instead of 'that' in th last stanza.
Our language is that only we can understand,
extrinsic exchange of words, spoken,
in a calm and quiescent manner. I am drawn,
swiftly into your steady, sheltering arms.
How about 'th poignancy of our heartbeat'? 'in the sometimes distance' and is 'pith' really th word you were looking for? Perhaps 'You who knew...'? Also, I think you might consider 'one which' instead of 'that' in th last stanza. 