1.Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
---Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
2.Remember, it's not "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
---Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia
3.Make love, not war.
Hell, do both, get married!
---Women's restroom. The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT
4.Express Lane: Five beers or less
---Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hills, CA
5.You're too good for him
---Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hills, CA
6.No wonder you always go home alone
---Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevics, Beverly Hills, CA
7.I've decided that to raise my grades
I must lower my standards
---Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA
8.If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life.
Then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives
---Armands Pizza, Washington, DC
9.It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
---Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ
10.If voting could really change things,
it would be illegal!
---Revolution Books, New York, NY
11.How long a minute is depends
on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
12.Home is where you can say anything you like.
Cause nobody listens to you anyway.
13.Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant.
Like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
14.If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have had only ten disciples.
15.There are two sides to every divorce:
Yours and The Jerks.
16.If life deals you lemons, make lemonade;
if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's.
17.I was on a date recently,
and the guy took me horseback riding.
That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
18.I married my wife for her looks
...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
19.How come we choose
from just two people for President.
And 50 for Miss America?
20.Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
I don't approve of political jokes...
I've seen too many of them get elected.