I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

ok your turn

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

http://www.bowiewonderworld.com/bowiefun.htm



Tits and Explosions

One when I was a teenager I was in my bedroom, with headphones on listening to music with my eyes closed and having a rather enjoyable wank.

When the CD stopped I openned my eyes and there beside the bed was a plate of sanwiches and a cup of tea that my mum had brought in. Aaaaaaaaargg!

We never speak of it.

Was so tired of spanish people and the eleven hour flight back to the U.S. from Spain that I started openly farting on the plane. Would use a french accent and say "perdon" afterward though. When the passengers next to me got upset and told me to "go to the bathroom/vaya a la bano" I acted like I didn't understand english or spanish and just kept farting.

True story

How about this for a motherf**king joke!



The pig f**kers idol

Wool makes me itch!

I was a bartender when this duck walked in and kept asking me if I had any bread. I told him I had no nails and then I nailed his beak to the wall. He stayed there till he starved.

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<[)´Ôýqo~>ÿú|ôÏJZKø{ñßMæÞwióVOiUâZÖAsæb7Åz

FalseFaces...you are soooooo funny!! Is this one of you GREAT replies?? If so, keep them coming. There are soooo good. Oh, my! Can't stop laughing!!!

'You start out wrinkled and you cry...you end up wrinkled and you die.'

Oh shuDup! Why don't you get in that pig shittin delivery truck of yours and go to church.

Wool makes me itch!

Hmmmm. Not as good as your last attempt. Please try again. What will you do when grammer school starts back? You gonna miss being on here ALL day trying (unsuccessfully) to get me upset? Take a break. Have your mommy take you for an ice cream!

'You start out wrinkled and you cry...you end up wrinkled and you die.'

Fatty Sez you have to have de last wordy, that means u is de motherf**king rednecked moron.

Only 4 u baby

Wool makes me itch!

From that responce i may have been wrong on your age. I'm now going to say.....8 years old?

'You start out wrinkled and you cry...you end up wrinkled and you die.'

There was a young lady who was totally exhausted from a week's worth of work. Finally, it was time for her to end her work day and go home.
As she entered the elevator, she sighed a triumphant, "T-G-I-F...," and began to relish the thought of going home and relaxing the weekend away.

It so happened that there was a man on the elevator with her and heard her jubilant exclamation.

His reply to her was, "S-H-I-T."

Now the woman was not sure if she heard the man correctly and she was determined not to let this man ruin her beautiful weekend she had ahead of her, so again she stated more strongly, "T-G-I-F!" and glared at the man, daring him to repeat his obscenity.

The man made eye contact and stated matter-of-factly, "S-H-I-T."

This infuriated the young woman, so with hands on her hips she stated, "How dare you use profane language like that in front of a lady! I was saying, T-G-I-F...'Thank Goodness it's Friday'. What is wrong with you!?"

The man was amused at her outrage and with a smirk on his face replied,

"S-H-I-T... 'Sorry, Honey... it's THURSDAY!"

And with that walked off the elevator with a spunky step.




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"20 Pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag"