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I'm NOT crazy!!!!
by michelle arthur
My nightmare began on January 12,1990. My OB-GYN recommend tubal ligation after the birth of my second child. Shortly afterward, I went into a major depression. My husband was in the navy at that time, and out to sea for the first 8 months of our sons life. He came home to a wife he no longer knew. I had been dealing with abuse issues for the previous 7 years, and had been in counseling on and off. I was involved in a nasty 7 year custody battle with my first husband, (he was physically abusive)and had a very stressful job. The reason i am giving you this information is to show that in spite of the issues and stress in my life, I had never been on pyschiatric medications and had done counseling to help me deal with the abuse in my first marriage. When I went to the doctor 3 months after my son was born, he told me my fatigue, memory loss, and heavy periods were probably due to stress. He then stated that my periods only seemed heavier because I had been on the pill prior to my pregnancy, and now they were "normal". I told him to look in my chart and show me when I had been on the pill (because I had never been on it). He dismissed my concerns about flooding and huge clots. I was miserable the entire time my husband was away, extremely depressed and suicidal. My doctor at Kaiser kept telling me that it was just stress, and that when my husband returned home things would be ok. My husband did arrive home, but things were not "ok". I was going into rages on a daily basis. I was so depressed that at times all i did was go to work and go to bed. I began getting migraines. I could barely remember my name. I had absolutely no sex drive. My periods were (and still are) so heavy that I was afraid to leave the house during the first 2-3 days of my period. My marriage was failing. I KNEW that something in me had shifted hormonally from having my tubes tied, but I could not find a doctor who would beleive me. I was hospitilized for major depressive episodes 9 times between 1990 and 2002. I was diagnosed as being bi-polar (I am not), and I suffered for 7 years while my doctor tried medication after medication. None of them even touched my depression, because my depression was caused by a hormonal imbalance. I am currently taking 4 psychiatric medications, and have gained 125 lbs. I have been in therapy for 13 years just learning how to deal with the rages, moodiness and depression on an on-going basis. Jump to the year 2003. I asked my doctor to do a hormone test. She did, and told me that my levels were within "normal" range. I asked her how she knew what my normal was, because there had been no baseline test to establish my "normal" when I was in my 30's. I saw a Dr. Phil show on pre-menopause and was referred to the book "Before the Change" by Ann Louise Gittleman. In there, I found the answers I have been searching for for the last 13 years. The book could have been written just about me! I found all the symptons I have been experiencing for the last 13 years in there. What a releif to know that I AM NOT CRAZY!!! I am now in the process of getting a hormone saliva test, and paying for it myself because my insurance plan will not. My hope is that I can adhust the imbalance, get off the psych meds, and get my life back. My husband and I are still together, he has been wonderful and knew that the mood swings and rages were not the "real" me. I tell every woman I know who is of child bearing age not to have a tubal ligation. My OB-GYN told me that there were no known side effects, and that it was a safe and smart choice for me. I am still being told today by doctors and mental health professionals that there is no correlation between a tubal ligation and my symptons. My therapist is the only one who beleived me, and has referred me to someone who will do the saliva hormone test. I wish I knew then what I know now. I guess one way to look at it is what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I am definitely stronger. I feel I can look forward to the rest of my life with anticipation for what lies ahead.
Please note: Diagnosis of health/medical conditions are not made by, www.tubal.org, the Coalition for Post Tubal Women (CPTwomen) or by any of its associates. The "Campaign to Inform", is an informational and educational program only. No treatment or prescribing is provided. This forum is offered only as a support network and as an educational tool to learn from each others experiences. You are advised to obtain the services of a physician or health care professional if the need for medical treatment is indicated.
