I thought I would pass along a recommendation for a book I am reading.  I stumbled across it when looking for another book on Amazon.com.  It is titled

The Emotionally Unavailable Man - A Blue Print for Healing by Patti Henry, M.Ed., P.C.

It is written in two part.  A Book for Men the flip side being A Book for Women.

The first chapter in A Book for Women tells the woman to read A Book for Men first.

My H has stated in the past and continues to acknowledge that he cannot open up and express his emotions to those he loves the most.  Is currently stating that he has an "emotional bond" to the OW like he has never had with me and doesn't feel he can give that up right now.  My mind immediately leaps to then how much can she really mean to you and why are you risking everything by continuing the A?   So when I saw the title of the book and read the brief description I ordered it, what did I have to lose at this point.?

A note to the men reading this - No, the men's side does not consist of blank pages In fact in comprises about 75% of the book.

I have stated in chat that I firmly believe that an A is a symptom of deeper issues, and although not directly related to A's, it has given me much insight to what may be going on with my H.   With that insight comes an understanding that is giving me greater strength and patience to see me through this storm.  I also believe that what I am learning (and hope my H will learn) from this book will be invaluable in rebuilding my marriage (for I do have faith that we will reach the rebuilding stage).

She starts her book by explaining that males in our society are brought up to be a man, big boys don't cry, don't be a sissy, emotions make you weak, etc.  Females on the other hand are brought up and allowed if not encouraged to show their emotions. 

Most of you have probably seen the following picture in a humorous e-mail chain at some point and found a good giggle in it.  The author eloquently explains that there is more truth in this picture than we, both husbands and wives, may be willing to admit.

 

I highly recommend if you have or are an emotionally unavailable husband that you read this book. 

Hi, I am interested in this and I liked the picture too - What it made me feel is just how my relationship feels the other way round ie wife does not show emotion...

may you be safe and well, contented and happy

Yep...a lot of people have intimcay issues, especially men according to the stats. My WH is amoung them. My IC says he is an intimcay avoider. It is easier for him to talk to people he has no emotional investment in than it is to talk to people he really cares about. Why? I have no idea. Maybe the book will shed some light on that. Unfortunately it is his issue and he is the one who must seek out answers and make changes. In the meantime I have suffered because of it though. He can talk to customers for hours on end and just ignore me and the kids. It is a shame. It does however make you wonder, if they have this so called great connection, does that mean he doesnt really care about OW? I wonder just exactly how that works. I am no psychologist and have no answers to that, lol.

BTW: LOVE the picture

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

This book has also revealed to me that in some ways I am also emotionally unavailable to a degree.  For some of the reasons stated in the book for men.  I can see where this book would also be helpful to an emotionally unavailable woman/wife.

The book is not so much about intimacy, but about repression of emotions.  I believe there is a difference.  There has been intimacy in our marriage, not just the physical, but the sharing of our joys and achievements.  It is being able to express ALL our emotions, in a healthy manner, that has been the void.