So many of us are in IC and so many more are thinking about it. I was just wondering if there are lessons, advice that we could share about the process. Here are some of the things that I have learned in the 2+ years I have been in IC.
IT DOES NOT WORK IN A STRAIGHT LINE:
Sometimes I think there is major progress and sometimes I think I am just talking nonsense. It all seems so random. Then, somehow, there seems to be a cumulative effect of all that randomness and I see gradual change. My IC is a psychiatrist and sometimes I wonder if it would be different/more directed with a psychologist. But, I really like her, think she is extraordinarily smart and intuitive and can't bear the idea of starting over with another person.
THERE IS NO GREAT DRAMATIC MOMENT WHEN ALL BECOMES CLEAR:
I kept waiting for that great moment you see in movies when I break down and see the world differently and everything is better. Another fantasy I have had to give up. It is slow and very repetitive. Sometimes I feel that we are just going over the same things over and over. I have told IC about my frustration with that process and she tells me that repetition is the foundation of therapy.
YOU NEED TO BE DIRECT, HONEST AND SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO:
I am not good at this. I have issues with authority and particularly with doctors (Raging father was a medical shcool professor)I either become afraid to say what is on my mind or get angry, hostile and resentful. I am trying to be more honest in the sessions because I know that will make the sessions more productive. In my work life, I am assertive but something changes when I am talking about my own and painful issues.
I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE REGRETS:
I so wish that I had gotten help earlier. I actually said in last week's session - When we were dating and H left me waiting in a bar for an hour, I should have walked out and into the IC's office. SO much pain would have been avoided, so many bad decisions. I am trying to recognize that I did the best I could at the time and that all the regrets in the world will not change the past. So easy to say, so hard to live. But, get help if you need it asap.
YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO CHANGE:
I am extremely resistant to therapy and want to cling to old ideas and behaviors - they are comfortable and familiar. Therapy does not work automatically. I somehow thought I just had to show up. But I have to work at thinking differently. My first reaction is always to say, "Wrong. I am not loveable. It has been proven to me over and over." I am learning that we are all loveable and that we cannot let other people's issues get in the way of that belief. That is why it has been very important for me to understand my H's sickness, the reasons for my mother's "sweep it under the carpet/everybody like me" positive attitude and my father's aggressive, controlling nature.
Boy, do I talk a good game! But, I believe that recognizing the healthy way to think is the first step to actually thinking that way. Because of IC, I have been able to take the first step.
There is so much more but have to go now. Looking forward to what others have learned.
