Ok, I'm taking things really slow this time and have come across some questions now and I am seeing some differences in my H that I am not sure about.
He says everything is over with the OW. There are no phone calls that I know of. But it seems like he is a little distant. I have talked to him about this but he says it feels good not to have to worry about things. That he likes to come home and unwind by playing his game (WOW) That he says he is getting older and would like to slow down a bit in the bedroom. Maybe it is just me but I don't feel close to him. Sometimes I feel like I am but there are many things that are different since he stopped talking to her. He never emails me now-he use to three or four time a day and he never calls again. We use to talk all the time. He says he is really busy at work now and doesn't have the time. I can understand that but it didn't start until he said he quit talking to her.
Maybe I am just paranoid. I don't like it though.
My H went through a very moody "withdrawl" period after NC started with OW. He "missed her"
Now - YEARS later, he'll admit that he missed the ego strokes and the fact that he could do no wrong.
Where he was standing he had her worshipping him on one hand and a hurt, angry, sobbing, screaming wife on the other reminding him of his mistakes.
Our OW stayed in the picture for soooo long that he never saw me in a rage because I knew she was just a phone call away... still, once he made the choice to stay, he was choosing a situation that was a few steps down (think long distance) from her hero-worship.
This was not a happy time for us, the the distance from her eventually gave him perspective.
When I read your words, I couldn't help thinking that OW (or OM) giving that kind of ego-stroke is just a HUGE lie because no one can keep that kind of behavior up forever. Eventually it would be quite tiring to do and either the A dies out of fatique or anger and resentment of a sort.
I think that is what it is and it makes me really really sad. We talked about this last night and got some of our feelings out. It was a good talk. He is the one who said enough and didn't want it anymore so I am thankful for that but it is still hard for him. He is trying.
