From our chat last night, it is clear that you are dealing with some really tough issues. My heart goes out to you. Are you feeling any better? As we talked last night, I really hope you can find your way to IC. It also sounds like Alanon could help you but totally understand how difficult it is to take that first step and walk into the room.
Please let me know if you want to chat or need any information about Alanon. My thoughts are with you.

Susan,

I appreciate your thoughts and offer to help. I have been going to IC the past few weeks and go again tonight. My appointments are actually for MC, but H has not been willing to attend. He had agreed this weekend to go with me today, but once again has bailed on that promise. But I will go, and continue to work on me. It is difficult for me to let go of trying to work on my M and my H's shortcomings, but I need to realize that I cannot do anything about either of those things without my H wanting it too.

I also talked to a friend about Alanon. Her H attends AA meetings, but she hasn't been to Alanon. She did say she would be willing to go with me if I decide to go. I'm still considering it.

Thanks again!

Hi Amy,
It really does sound as if you have come to some really important realizations - that you cannot control your H, that you need to focus on yourself and your needs. It took me years to get to that understanding.
And, it is so great that you are taking steps to help yourself.
Just let us know if you need us.