My aunt and I had a bonding moment on Monday, and I wanted to post about it because I knew you all would understand the significance.
She treated me to lunch for my birthday and while we were discussing where to go, she suggested a certain restaurant in our town because it has a varied menu and I couldn't decide what I wanted. I said ok at first, but on the inside was cringing...it was a place I had frequented with OM #1 and haven't been back since. The whole place is one big trigger and I don't even like looking at it whenever we drive by it, let alone set foot in the place.
While we were talking I had a better idea, and suggested a store that happens to sell chinese food from their deli, and that sounded good....I had the twins, so it had to be conducive to kids plus get our food to us fast since my aunt was on a lunch break from work...narrows the choices dramatically in our small town. But anyway...
We met at the store and enjoyed a nice lunch. Several years ago, my uncle left my aunt for another woman. When my H came to her and told her about my infidelity she was understandably very distraught and upset with me, and we didn't speak for several months. When we did talk it was awkward, we never discussed my cheating, and it took time to get back to a normal relationship with her.
Back to the present: When we were walking out of the store I confided in her quietly the reason I didn't want to go to the other place...she said "isn't it amazing how long those things can stick around?" (meaning location triggers, I assumed) and I said yes. And I didn't know how long it would be that way, but until then I was not going to force myself. There were enough things I couldn't control, so I was definately not going to make myself be put in situations intentionally that were painful. Especially on my birthday! (But I wouldn't have wanted to on any other day, if I had the choice.)
Anyway, it was nice that even though I'm a FWS and she's a BS, we both had that in common...the hurt was self-inflicted on my part, and yet it still is a hurt. I still am focusing on healing and healing my heart, and not inflicting more pain on it if I can help it. For my aunt to understand that (or if not understand, but accept), was pretty significant for me. She didn't choose her path the way I did, it was thrown at her, and yet she still was willing to see the angle I was coming from. I admire her for that.
I'm so glad that you and your aunt had a moment where you could both clearly understand each other. Those are rare in real life - but here on HH we do that often, don't we? Where a FWS and BS simply connect and understand.
I have the opposite issue with my brother. His 3rd marriage ended recently and when I called to see how he was doing he said that the reason he had the A was because his wife wasn't giving him enough attention. I almost threw up. I was on my cell and was appalled. He has had 3 marriages end due to his infidelities and says that to me! Of course he doesn't know all that has gone on in my house...but to play the 'pity' card yet again, I couldn't believe it. I simply had to end the conversation. I don't know how to deal with him and the way he thinks.
I hope you had a wonderful birthday Sun!! You are truly a great person!!! (and a great fellow mom of twins!!)
Denise
"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things"
Thank you for the words of support. It might seem minor to someone casually overhearing the conversation who hasn't been through this, but to me it was pretty significant and special. It was almost a kind of forgiveness from her, with her acknowledging me feeling too uncomfortable to go there. If you'd have asked me 4 years ago if I thought that moment was possible I'd have said no way.
