Just when you think you are handling things well, BOOM something else happens.

Every Thursday night WH picks up our daughter and brings her to our business to "help out" but mostly she plays with her friends. Our older son usually works on Thursdays as well, but he had to leave early to go to a banquet with his girlfriend. Anyway, after our son leaves my WH tells our daughter that he isnt coming home at nights from now on, that mom asked him to leave on Tuesday morning. So our daughter comes home all mad at me. She tells me what her dad said. I cant believe he told her without talking to me first. So I call him up and I said I thought we were going to tell the kids together...he said he thought she already knew becuase I wasnt coming home. I said they are sound to sleep when you would normally get home and you are still in bed when they go to school...how would they know, your motorcycle is usually in the shed, so they dont see it! He apologized and said he made a mistake and that he didnt mean to cause trouble.

So I just got done consouling my daughter. I am sure the little one overheard...but he was asleep by the time I left my daughters room. She was crying and asking if we were going to get a divorce and I had to tell her the truth and say "maybe...it is a possibility". Then my older son walked in and I had to tell him. He didnt seem surprised at all and took it quite well. But I am a wreck! I feel horrible. This was not how they were supposed to find out. I know "That's Life", right?

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Cal,

Oh gosh...as if it can't get crazier - he makes it worse.
I'm sorry that the burden is on you to tell the kids and explain things - it is unfair but you have done it well. I am impressed with how well you are handling things. I'm sure you are looking around and say, "doing well? are you crazy Denise???" you are Cal...you really are.
Your H is insensitive to what is happening around him, and from previous posts, it appears that he continues to think that 'doing good' and taking a 'time-out' will make things right. I'm glad to see in your words that his thoughts are wrong.
Keep going along! The two older ones understand what is happening now, and tomorrow it will be the youngest. I bet he will surprise you and be alright with it. It appears he hasn't really had his 'dad' in most of his memory.

This is a tough road you are traveling, but you have the support of all your HH friends helping you along.

Hugs!!

Denise

"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things"

Thank you Denise for your kind words.

<<The two older ones understand what is happening now, and tomorrow it will be the youngest. I bet he will surprise you and be alright with it. It appears he hasn't really had his 'dad' in most of his memory.>>

That's the sad part. The little guy has been opening up to WH more since he has been spending more time with all of them, and my daughter too. Today as soon as his dad came in the door to pick up our daughter he ran over to him all excited telling him about a substitute teacher he had today, telling him that it was the best teacher he ever had. My WH actually engaged with him and asked him why this teacher was so great and our son said cause he can do magic tricks. A year ago the little guy could care less about his dad because his dad never payed any attention to him. Now he has become attached to him and it is going to break my heart to have to tell him. Im sure he will be brave...he is always brave for me, but I know it is going to hurt him...I am in tears just thinking about it


~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

I am so sorry your kids (and you) are hurting Cal. I think that for me....and I'm sure for many....it is the kids that worry me. I struggle with that so, so much and I know you do too. We married with the dreams of being a family forever and provided a two parent, happy home. Then the plans change and it seems like the opposite happens. It just really sucks. Just know your in my thoughts.

((((hugs))))
Jetta

Remember Cal........your WS has just been removed from the family home (again) and he knows divorce is imminent. Nice no longer exists. He doesn't have to play by any rules now....just his own.

I'm not saying it is right, but it is what it is. Expect the worst from his behaviour. If it doesn't happen you will be pleasantly surprised. If it does, you will be expecting it rather than being hit by Mac truck.

Yes it was dirty of him, but divorce usually does get ugly no matter how much both parties agree they don't want it to. It is sort of the nature of the beast.

Stand strong and be firm!

If you haven't already I suggest you go visit your lawyer, because I would place bets he already has.

I'm so sorry Cal. I know how hard this is but you made the best decision for you and the kids. You upheld your boundaries and you are showing your H and your children that you won't put up with being a doormat and that pot is NOT acceptable.

Divorce wasn't the way I anticipated my marriage ending either. It will get easier. Like any healing process, this will take time. Go see your counsellor regularily, go out with wonderful friends (like a special one from this board) and try to do things for you now. If Cal was a complete blank canvass in front of you, what would you paint her to look like?

You know you have my ongoing support. Sending you hugs,

(((Cal)))

Kid