As some of you know, we spent the Thanksgiving week in the Florida area. I was not anticipating the 22+hrs in the car trekking there but we had a house to stay at and beaches that were beckoning. The five of us had a wonderful time! It was 82 degrees, blue skies and we spent Thanksgiving at Busch Gardens in Tampa - no turkey-making for me.
I opened up to H and told him that in mid October I was wanting to boycott Thanksgiving and was trying to find a way to do so. We usually have 24 in attendance and we cook for all of them. It is always fun, but I was not in the mood for it. Funny, we were only going to have 11 this year and when my parents said they were going to be out of town for the holiday - H suggested that we head out. I told him this week that I was glad that my 'want' was able to be met, even though he had no clue about it.
We discussed my depression. He is frustrated that he can't do anything to help me out - to make me look at things in a better light. He is upset that I am now such a pessimist. I wanted to tell him that my attitude was fine until he screwed up my life - but I held that attitude ridden comment to myself!
I told him that I was going to call my counselor and go back to IC again. I've been not only dealing with his A stuff, but last year the fact that my youngest brother has written me out of his life; he was my best friend. It has been over a year that I haven't spoken to him and thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes. So, for those that have encouraged me to go back to counseling...I am going back.
I have had a lot of men in my life let me down, mess with my head, and betray me. My H has done it, my youngest brother in his words and actions, and the two that abused me as a child. How does someone keep persevering after that? Sometimes I wonder how I keep doing it. It's been harder and harder lately to keep going. Some moments the sadness is overwhelming. My parents called while we were both respectively on vacation to tell me that my youngest brother ran into an old friend of mine. She suggested he call/text me to let me know; he refused. His total refusal to speak or communicate with me breaks my heart. Yet, he was also threatening to tell my entire family all that my H had done in our marriage just because he knew. Betrayal.
Okay, so I made it to Florida and back in a car with my H and 3 kids...had a few good talks about my depression with my H...and on Thanksgiving I rode a rollercoaster that does a 90 degree drop. All in all, a good holiday! LOL!

Denise

"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things"

Denise

(((hugs))) for opening up to your H and being honest about your feelings...I think you have to credit him with listening to you right now and that my friend is good.

I hurt for you concerning your brother...he is missing so much by not being involved in your life..

keep opening up...sounds as if some people are hearing you and that is positive action.

(((hugs)))

Pat

"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

Denise

I can totally relate to how hard it is to be let down by all of the important people in your life. My mother abandoned me when I was 6 months old, my father let my let my grandmother take my sister and I(both from the 1st marriage and mom who left) to live with her in another state while he stayed with wife #2 and the 2 children from wife #2, my grandmother died when I needed her because I was a new mother and wife and was really struggling, and then my husband has an affair and falls in love with another woman.
I have been abandoned by all of the people who were supposed to be there for me in my life and it gets to the point where I wonder can I really count on anyone? I have such horrible self esteem issues thinking that I must not be good enough to be worthy of these peoples love. I feel totally worthless.
I am sorry that you are struggling I just wanted to offer you my sympathy and let you know that I know your pain.
Sending you ((((HUGS))))

Kelly