Ack and ack again.

OK. So last year wasn't really a very good year, as I fell twice in March and injured my IT band on my right knee. Then one evening while doing the exercises my PT prescribed, I felt and heard a pop in my left thigh. Oh lucky me! Within days three different pains were shooting down my left leg, and I couldn't lift my left foot. After quite a few doctor visits, x-rays and an MRI, and three rounds of steroid shots in my spine, I was told I would have to have a five-vertabrae fusion, scheduled for December 26.

Fortunately, when the surgeon examined me (and not just my xrays and MRIs), he realized he only (ONLY!) needed to perform an L3-L4 Laminectomy (removal of protruding disc which was ground into my spinal cord). Since that operation in October, the pain has gone away, and I am able to lift my left foot, although not with the normal range of motion.

Shortly before Christmas I discovered a lump in my left shoulder. When it didn't go away, I made an appointment in early January with my GP who promptly sent me to a surgeon who confirmed what my GP said--I have a blocked lymph gland which needs to be removed (no signs of infection thank goodness). My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. The next morning my H goes out of town on business and after the business is done, a drive over to see his parents. His father is a cancer survivor and his mother is slipping away to Alzheimers.

Last year I had two part-time jobs, one teaching at a local community college and the other working in a small office. For my office job, I worked in the basement and carried files, climbed up into the crawl space to work with older files, etc. Because of my knee and back pain, doing the work became extremely challenging for me, and my boss let me go. Then the class I was to have taught last summer didn't make because of low enrollment. There went easily half my income for the year. I taught in the fall but just found out a week ago that the class I was to teach starting tomorrow didn't make because of low enrollement, so I am starting off this year in a deficit.

Now I have set the stage. So Friday morning, my 15 year old daughter tells me that she is pregnant. (She turns 16 in July.) She and her boyfriend (a senior while she is a sophomore) want to keep their baby. Because my H and I believe in a woman's right to choose, we feel we should support her in her decision. Of course our insurance does not cover any prenatal care for her (only for me) or care for the baby. We are in the process of applying for state aid, which we will be eligible for on a sliding scale basis.

I tell you all this to ask you to keep me and my family in your thoughts. My H and I met with the parents of my daughter's boyfriend last night. We are all four in agreement that our kids MUST graduate from high school and go to college. We support them in their desire to get married, but we want them to wait at least a few years. Of course we feel sad because this is NOT the life we envisioned for them, and we want them to have fun and be teens during their teen years. Sigh.

I also tell you all this because I am reminded of what Peggy Vaughan wrote about how after dealing with infidelity, having to deal with her and James' health issues seemed minor in comparison. My H has astounded me by how different he has been from how he was before Dday #3. He has really taken to heart what he has learned about himself and the coping skills he has learned through IC and MC. We are not happy one bit about this situation, but we are working as a team to get through the situation one barrier at a time.

An A does NOT have to mean the end of a marriage. It can, indeed, be the catalyst for change that makes two people work hard to have an incredible marriage.

So now you know what has been happening in fairyland (notice I didn't write fairyTALEland! LOL)

Huge encouraging fairy hugs to all,

fairyfriend

((((((Fairyfriend))))))

You will all be in my thoughts and prayers, expecially your daughter. I can only imagine your heartbreak, to see the "normal" teenage life for you daughter to be gone. It is wonderful that you were able to meet with the BFs parents and that the 4 parents are in agreement on the kids finishing HS & going on to college. It is easier fot the boys parents to make that happen, I hope they truly will also stand by your daughter to make sure that becomes a reality for her also. Things change, when push comes to shove.

Good luck with the surgery tomorrow.

What is that saying???? What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger! You will the female Hercules, when all is said and done.

Lisa

(((((Fairyfriend)))))
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...I also hope your daughter's BF's parents will help both of them ...Are there any places , close by you, in your state , with programs that address the educational and vocational needs of young mothers, that can watch baby while mom is in classes? homestudy courses? I hope you feel better right away after your procedure....
Huge Hugs
Lisa

(((Dear Fairyfriend)))

At times, Life just sucks. At other times, it is simply amazing. My BF of 30 years went through a similar issue with her eldest son, who is 21 going on 10 and very immature. He is definately not father material, and she knows it. When she told me of the future birth of her 1st Grandchild I was both sad and happy. I knew this new life would be challenged with parents not ready for children, but at the same time, I also knew that this baby was going to have one heck of a wonderful Grandmother . So just like my BF, where the situation is not what we would wish for both our children and grandchildren, it is still a situation where the Gramma is wonderful .

As to your health issues, you will be in my thoughts. If you need another get together to lift your spirits let me know.

Ami

(((fairyfriend)))

You are in my prayers.

As a side note, I am shocked that prenatal care isn't offered as a basic service. It is cheaper in the long run, especially with a high-risk pregnancy, than runs to an ER with a sickly child or pregnant woman. Come up to Canada and I'll hook your daughter up with the local health unit and a doc (even Quebec, with no docs available, "issues" you a doctor for the term of a pregnancy)

Chinook just shakes her head in disbelief and sympathy.

Chinook

FF,

"Stuff" certainly happens, doesn't it? No advice. Just letting you know that I am sorry for your pain--both physical and mental. I'm sure you already know you can count on the good folk here for support in everything.

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Take care and God bless.

Len

(((((((((((((FF)))))))))))))

You're right...a marriage doesnt have to end due to infidelity if BOTH partners work to make it better....work as a team as you say. Together you can get through anything...I truly believe that.

I am sorry that life has thrown so much at you, especially all at once. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, special lady.



~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Fairy,

You have given me much good advice and words of wisdom in the past - when I read this, I had to respond.

I was a teenage mother as well. I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son and I had him when I was 17. I did finish high school and got a job cleaning office buildings at night while my family watched my son. I moved out and into my own apartment 2 months before I had my son, but was always welcome by my family. I was not forced to move out. Being the youngest of 3 girls, I recall my mother saying to me when I told her I was pregnant that she would do whatever she could to help me. She was by my side all the way. She never condoned the situation, but she was always supportive just as it sounds you have been.

It wasn't the life that I had envisioned for myself and I am sure my parents felt the same way, but I made the best of it. I grew up fast and tried to grow up smart. In the most part, I think I did a good job.

I will be 37 this year. My son just turned 19 on this past Christmas eve. (Yes, Christmas Eve.) He graduated from my high school this past June. The same high school I attended while I carried him 1/2 of my senior year. It was a funny feeling watching him graduate at the same place I did. I sat in the audience and watched and thought how he sat here 18 years ago in my mothers lap and watched me graduate. Brings tears to my eyes now.

He started college this fall and is an exceptional and great person. He is my one and only - I never had any kids after him.

I truly believe that I got through the hardships and raised a wonderful son due to the great support that I received from my family.

I cant say that it wasn't a challenge, but I can say that I wouldn't trade my son for anything.

Success can be found in most anything - even teenage pregnancy.

You are a wonderful person and just as my mom was there for me, I know you will be there for her.

Well wishes to you and yours.

Coral


"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."

My sweet Fairyfriend.....

I feel your pain, sadness and frustration. I want to drive up there and give you a huge hug and tell you it will be okay. I know that you have surgery this afternoon and I pray that surgery goes well and you heal quickly.
As a mom, I cannot imagine the shock you felt at your daughters announcement. I'm sure that knowing you and your H and her boyfriend's parents are going to support them in keeping the baby, that it made a huge difference in her outlook. Now, it stinks that there isn't any coverage on insurance, but I hope you can get that changed.
As Ami said, I want to just sit and talk with you and hug you.....if u want, let me know!

(((((((((((((Fairyfriend)))))))))))))) here are some hugs for you darlin'

Denise

"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things"

Dear wonderful, sweet HH friends,

My IC is SO off the mark in her bias against the internet. She is so wrong. All of you are kind, loving, and supportive. Thank you so very much for all your encouraging and sympathetic words. I value your thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing and caring.

My surgery went fine. My shoulder is a bit sore today (like, no duh!), but as my H said, it doesn't hurt nearly as much as my back did after my back surgery in October. I am grateful for that fact. The biopsy report is supposed to take approximately 5 business days, but my surgeon isn't concerned and feels that it was simply a blocked lymph node.

I am gathering the documents I need to take with my daughter and I to the Health Department office, so that we can get her in one of the state programs. My H and I met with my daughter's school counselor and the school nurse. They both were sympathetic and immensely helpful. My daughter will be able to go to school in the fall until the birth and come back to school six weeks later. Pregnancies are treated like any other health "problem," so she will be eligible for in-home tutoring from one of the teachers at the H.S., as well as in-home visits from a health department nurse, and weekly visits at school during her pregnancy with a health department staff member.

The goal of the health department and the school (and us!) is to have our daughter graduate from H.S. and graduate on time. It is sounding more and more like that is exactly (barring any health complications) what will happen. Hooray!!!

On another note, I remembered seeing a changing pad (the kind that has tabs that can be screwed into a chest of drawers or table top for security) for sale at a local furniture that was going out of business and had everything marked down. So I bought it and laughed at myself for buying something for the baby so early. When my H and I came home from the hospital yesterday evening, lo and behold, sitting on our dining room table was a basket full of gifts for our daughter and her boyfriend from his mother--including a Pooh Bear and matching blanket. I guess I am not the only grandmother who is already thinking of the baby! LOL

Anyway, thank you all so very much for your kindness. And Ami and Dee, I will most certainly keep your thoughtful offer in mind. At the very least, perhaps we can meet sometime this year just to meet because you are two fabulous ladies and I am lucky to have met you both.

Boodles and toodles of grateful fairy hugs,

fairyfriend

Dearest FF, I'm so glad that everything with your surgery went well and that you are on the road to physical recovery. That has to feel like a huge weight off of you simply to have the surgery off your checklist. My prayer is that you are mended quickly and ready to tackle any and all adventures that knock on your door, or the ones that you choose to challenge yourself with.

Let me also add my well-wishes for your daughter, her BF, and grandbaby to be...and for everyone involved! Life certainly doesn't always happen in the way or the order that we expect it to happen, and that can really knock us for a loop. However, it is really inspiring and gives me little goosebumps to hear how everyone is truly rallying together as this new little life is forming. The stars almost seem to be aligning with the way you describe the most recent events. I'm sure there will be difficulties and challenges along the way, but both families seem to be on such a united front. It very much feels like this baby's path is being paved with love. There is no greater gift.

Big hugs to our Fairy Grandmother-to-be. BlueIris

"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."