A no contact letter almost seems moot since this is d-day 3 & H is the one who always contacts her.

I'm not sure what should even go into the letter. H has agrred to send one, which is different than last time. Last time he fought me on it tooth & nail and then very reluctantly agreed after 2 months. Then he called her to tell her it was coming and he was sorry! This time I want him to spell out the truth to her about what was really going on between him and I. Me telling him I want a divorce and him begging and saying that is not what he wants.

I don't know what is going to go on between H & I. But I really want OW to be told that although H was telling OW that if his marriage fails he will be there for her, he was begging me not to divorce him. I really want OW to know about all the promises and flowers he sent to keep me on the hook. Just like he was keeping her on the hook by telling her that if I wanted a divorce he would goto her. Although I did ask for a divorce and set up an appoinmetn with a mediator and he didn't go to her. He was waiting to see if I went through with the appointment.

I hate this!!!!!!!!!

Lisa, I would just tell your H to write a letter..going into all the facts is OK but again your H could call her and tell her you made him write the letter. telling her all about the things he did is OK...the relationship is all based on lies..Ithe OW lives in lalaland and really doesn't care what your H did for you..all fantasy for them.

I think a letter that says ..I love my wife and will end all contact with you please respect my decision..I have lied to both you and my wife, I regret hurting my wife ...WS


I am so sorry that you are going thru this again..

((((hugs)))

Pat

Short & blunt. Something like:

"I do not wish to have any further contact with you, in any form. I love my wife and am working toward reconciling with her."

I agree with David. The letter should be direct and to the point, only about the ending of that relationship. It should not share any information about your marriage, nor any of your feelings or your husband's feelings.

Ultimately it should say something like "I have made a final decision to end our relation. I do not wish to make any further communication with you. Please respect this choice."

I've seen a few examples of these letters, although many of them offer more information than I'd like to see. I can see telling the OP enough to reasonably get them to back off, but knowing that they are often not reasonable, I'd err on the side of caution.

For example, when the OM was told that the relationship should end, he did not heed our request, believing that since my wife didn't personally speak to him that he was free to continue making contact. However, when he did call she immediately hung up the phone without even speaking to him. Suggesting that he had some "right" to a last face-to-face meeting with her, wrote her an email after that to get an opportunity to see her again. That also went ignored and after a finally phone call/hangup we never got another call.

The OW has no right or need to hear anything about the intimate details of your marriage. Those are things between you and your husband and a counselor.

TomJ