Yesterday H took the kids for his day. And I survived!

He came at noon, I told him I was going to be going out and that when he came back later in the evening, if I wasn't home, he cuold stay but had to leave as soon as I got home and he was agreeable. It was soooooo hard watching them drive off. I have total confidence that they will always be safe and happy when they go with H, but it was so hard to watch them go off for a day to be together and hang out and I wan't part of it. We have always been the opitome of "the faily that plays together". Unfortunately the other half of that saying is "stays together" and that is not what is heppening to us.

I filled my time. My sister came over for while and ran some errands with me. Then I went out with a girlfriend who is divorced and in talking with her I realized I will be able to build a social circle and have things to do when H takes the kids on a more regular scheduled basis. We went out for dinner, saw a movie and then went for coffee. I didn't get home until after mid-night.


H was there with the kids when I got home. He told me a few things about their day. I was distant but cordial. Then he tells me how trully sorry he is again. And I simply say you were sorry last time too.

This morning I decided that I would like to go to church (we rarely go). I explained to kids that in our time of need we should reach out to God. The boys aren't thrilled about the idea, but they're going. My D wants to go and asked if Daddy could come. I called H and told him he could meet us at the church. He said I'll meet you anywhere you want, I said you can meet us at the church. I almost feel like I am caving, by letting him come with us. But my D is so distraught about not seeing her father I just can't say no to her. Also I'm sure deep in me I want the family together. Sigh...........

At any rate I made it through my first day without my kids and it gave me the encouragement that "I Will Survive". I actually played that song by Gloria Gaynor this morning. It felt positive and uplifting!

Lisa

I played that song constantly for months.......I still love to listen to it. It reminds me of how far I have come and that I DID survive!!!

The firsts are always hard. The next time the kids go will get easier and easier. You know they are in safe hands so that should comfort you.

Find that social circle and use it for support. Make plans and try to have fun. The more you practice smiling the more it becomes natural

As for church, I don't think it is a bad thing to ask H to meet you there. What better place to meet....

Kid

Although this was hard Lisa, it sounds like you did pretty good (((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha