I know that many of us struggle going to weddings after d-day. I am no different. Just the thought of going to the ceremony makes feel sad...I feel my own loss of my marriage, although I have known the couple for a long time and I am truly happy for them. I think of all the hope and dreams they have of the future together...mine, all shattered and broken, how they are together and happy, and I am alone left to pick up the pieces. How selfish of me, I know.
The wedding is on my WH's side, an he may or may not show up. WH said he would "try" to be there for part of it. His cousin really wants family pictures and I just dread that part whether WH shows up or not. Standing at the altar, everyone else watching...and there YOU are! It's pretty humiliating. Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to feel ashamed of...but yet I feel like I do. Although the day is about the bride and groom...it feels like I am on display, me and my family. The bride and groom represent the begining of a life together, and we represent the ending of a life together, and it is just so, so sad. It was not supposed to be this way
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
I'm sorry Cal I know this is going to be a tough day for you!
Hang in there, past on the fake smile and get through it. Show the world how strong the new Cal is!!!
Cal remember the power of positive thinking today.......you may look back in a year or 5 years time and realize that things ended exactly as you wanted them to in order to open a door for a new beginning. Perhaps you will find a man who truly gives you everything you've been yearning for from your husband, perhaps you find a new career, perhaps you win the lottery.
Where each door closes Cal, another opens. Hang onto that thought today.
Oh Cal, I hope that you have gotten through the day with the grace and style that is you. I totally understand how hard it was for you to face a wedding let alone relatives and H.
Whatever happened, you just have to keep reminding yourself of how far you have come, how much you have learned, how the only person's opinion that matters is yours and how much courage you have. Whenever you feel that bravery start to slip, just come here and we will all remind you.
There are lots of situations that I dread, particularly any that involve seeing people that might have known about H's A's. I am mostly able to avoid those situations but some things, like family weddings, you just can't. When I face those times, like a recent party we went to, I just tell myself that I am going to power my way through it and hold my head up high. If anybody wants to wallow around in the dirt and mud, they are going to have to do it without me.
Take the high road and no one can look down on you.
It was a very awkward day to say the least. WH showed up just about 20 minutes before they were done taking all of the pictures...but well after it was our turn. The only picture he has with the bride & groom is the one I took of them before he got back on his motorcycle and left. He wasnt really dressed for the event. He did have on a shirt and tie but he also had on jeans and biker boots, and windblown hair. His mother was just leaving when he arrived and she was not happy. I asked him why he came on the motorcycle (and it was cold too) he said he didnt have enough gas in his truck. He said he would try to make it to the reception and I dont know if he did or not. We left when most people started to leave and he wasnt there yet...but had text his brother and said he would be there in 30 minutes, maybe. His brother told him everyone was already leaving and by the time he'd be getting there it would probably be over with. So I dont know if he ever showed up or not.
His niece was the flower girl and he pciked her up in his arm when he arrived at the church. He asked her if she was going to marry him since she had a wedding dress on. She giggled and said NO! After he put her down and she ran off, I told him he seems to forget that he is already married. I just couldnt help myself! But that was all I said to him.
At the reception several people asked me where my husband was. I told them where he is always at...work. They laughed of course. Lots of other people came up to me talking about my WH and our business and how they know him. It was all I could do to not run and hide....I didnt want to hear about WH and how wonderful he is and the business. Then a few came up to me and hugged me...told me they were sorry about my WH...told me he is losing the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he needs a good smack up side the head. One female family friend told me how strong I was to show up and be there and hold my head up high. Maybe I looked strong but inside I was hurting BIG time. But all in all, the wedding was beautiful and I was glad that I was there to share in their special day.
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
Give yourself a pat on the back for attending a wedding.. You did great!!!
Your a special person and those that know you...see what your H is losing...IT IS HIS LOSS.. please don't feel embarrassed by his actions, they are his actions his to own.. STBEXH is the one in the wrong, NOT you..
(((hugs)))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
It's perfectly okay to hurt Cal. But you still showed up and put on your best for the world. Many people including those at the wedding can see your strength and offered you support.
I'm proud of you girl! Hold your head up high and forget about him and his actions. They aren't yours, so don't own them.
