Thought I would share this as it brought up some of my feelings in regards to my husband’s affair.
I have been taking a drawing I class as an elective towards my degree this semester. This week we began the life drawing section of the class. I think I wrote about this on Pat’s “Happy things that are happening in your Life” thread. Life drawing means live, nude models. Well the class started out with a male model. My husband has been supportive of my taking this drawing class. Partly because after his affair, I gave up all art for a while and this bothered him greatly. But mostly because he loves that I have this ability, and he enjoys watching me create with it.
This week however, he has been different. He tried to seem at ease with it, but I saw a difference. Every Monday and Wednesday when I come home from class I show him my drawings. This week he was too tired to look. I asked if he was Ok with my drawing naked men. He said yes. Well last night I pressed, because I knew he was having difficulties with it. He said he didn’t like the idea of me seeing another man’s privates. Which I could so understand.
This is where the affair connection comes in. One of the things that bothered me about my husbands affair was that he saw another woman naked. In some strange way my seeing this model naked evened up the score so to speak. I even remember thinking that thought in class the first night. I remembered the pain I felt of them sharing the sight of each others bodies unclothed for the first time. And there I sat, not just viewing this male model’s body, but scrutinizing its every detail. My husband’s confession about how he felt about my ability to see, any one else naked but him, made me feel compassion for him, because I could relate. I hugged him, and I told him that I understood and that I would feel exactly the same way about it. I didn’t bring up the affair. There really was no need. He had a very, real reaction to a situation most couples do not have to go through. It felt good not to have a need to remind him of how I felt about, anything to do with, the affair. It also felt good to lay this affair issue to rest for myself.
Ami
