For all those who have been there, I am hoping you have the answer for me. When you fianlly let go, what was it like? Did you just know? Did a voice inside your head tell you "you will be just fine" with or without your WS? Because today I feel more at peace than I have in a very long time. An inner peace, a knowing, a voice...whatever you want to call it...but I KNOW that I will survive, that I will be OK, that life goes on and I will find what it is Im looking for. Maybe my WS will be a part of it...maybe he wont be...but what I do know is that I am responsible for my own happiness...and the future is what I make of it. My life may never be perfect, not by a long shot, but it HAS TO BE better than it has been. Whatever challenge lays ahead, I am capable of handling it. I have ben through so much. I think my heart is telling me ENOUGH! There is a peace in my heart that I have not felt in a very long time...not since d-day 2...when I was done with my WS.

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Cal

Just wanting to support you. I have come to that point at times, a point when I feel calm about the future and strong enough to cope with whatever happens. There are still ups and downs (I can change in minutes) but it's progress. Absorb this moment so you can get back there if you do have a bad time.

Big hugs

Liz

Thank you Liz. I think you are right. This feeling is coming and going...it is a process. I dont even know who my WH is anymore. Maybe Im finally just getting used to the idea that he is gone and not coming back and I am finally realizing I will have to look to the future without him.

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

I think it is part of the grieving process Cal. You will have days of acceptance and then there will be bad days. Make sure you write in a journal about today and how you feel, so that on those bad days you can remind yourself that some days are okay and the more time you give yourself the more of those accepting days you will have.

Kid

Cal,

When ex left me last year, I was devestated, I was scared and thinking how in the world can I do this???? The second week, I was furious, angry that he left the kids and I. The third week, I was at peace with being alone. I was at peace, knowing that I would survive this and come out better. So, you've gone through these stages as well. Afraid when ex left, furious that he doesn't want you and your kids, and now at peace with your course of action and where you will be. YOU WILL BE A STRONGER WOMAN because of this and you will be a shining example to your children.

Take care,

DH

With me the peace came when I realized I was no longer just riding the roller coaster.  I am still on it, but more often than naught I am the one steering.  This has brought to me peace within myself, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. 

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”