It's been FOREVER since I've posted!! Hope everyone is doing well. Much has happened since I've last been on. Another affair and more affairs from the past have been confessed. Will I EVER be able to rise above this and feel normal again. It's always there. On good days its still there lingering. On bad days I can't eat or sleep. H thinks because I appear to have more good days than bad that I don't think about all his affairs anymore. He has slept with some of them in our bed so sleeping there with him is a constant reminder. Everywhere I turn there are reminders. If there weren't five children involved I don't know if I would stay. I love him but I will not let him mistreat me anymore. I don't know what is right or what would be better for myself and my children. Our oldest knows about 2 of the 7 affairs and the boys know about the last affair. Only the youngest doesn't know anything. Five people are counting on me to make the right decision. If I knew 100% that he will remain faithful I would continue in this marriage.I know a divorce or separation would not take the pain away and would most likely only add to it. I don't want to make a quick decision. I know life probably isn't any easier on the other side. So I'm asking my friends here if it gets any easier. Will there be a day where I don't feel so much pain. Will I EVER have a day where EVERYWHERE I turn there isn't a reminder? Thanks for listening. -Brooke
Do you mean there has been ANOTHER affair since you were posting last, or you have just found out about other affairs that happened before you posted last?
As you know, recovery takes time, and lots of it. It sounds like you've discovered more details of past affairs. I'm sorry. I know each detail hurts, but it is way better that they are out in the open.
Do you feel like your husband is remorseful? Do you feel like he truly understands the pain his actions have caused? Do you think if he works hard enough you will ever be able to trust him again? These are questions I'm sure you ask yourself.
His remorsefulness or lack thereof often will determine the status of recovery. Everybody heals at a different rate, but in answer to your question, whether you stay or go yes you will eventually begin to feel better. It took me about 2 or 2.5 years to start to be able to cope again with daily life. I kicked my exh out after discovery of the affair and continued lies and secret visits to her I found out about.
I discovered the OW in my bed with my H when I came home one day so I can definitely relate to the having other people in the bed. I flipped and made my H javex all the sheets, the walls, carpet clean etc.......it made me feel better somehow although it sounds ridiculous now. It was like I thought I could bleach her out of our lives. Ironcially she was a cleaning lady lol
With 5 kids the decision on whether to stay or go becomes very difficult indeed. If you feel you need some time to think you could always ask for him to leave for a bit - a planned seperation where you come together once a week to discuss things and agree on a date where you will make a decision.
