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Some Mike Brown Christmas Carols!!!

December 7 2001 at 6:46 PM
Score 5.0 (1 person)

chris-MBHATER  (Login chris-MBHATER)
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from IP address 209.251.10.50

These are taken from another site......
I hope this is OK to do.
They are just too appropriate not to exist on MBS.com.

___________________________________
By "Cicero"
(Along the lines of the Twelve days of Christmas:)

On the 12th day of Christmas, Mikey gave to us-
"12 threats to leave town
11 bumbling rejects
10 losing seasons
9 free agent has-beens
8 PSL bills
7 tax excuses
6 pro-longed hold-outs
5 Carl Pic-kens Clause
4 First round busts
3 wins a year
2 High School scouts
1 A daughter who won't change a thing"

____________________________________

By "E"

Jingle Bells anyone ?

Flipping through the shows, there's Cincy game
On the field we know, these Bengals are the same
The worm will turn he says, the foundation has been layed
Mike Brown leads the way again, it's losers on parade

Oh, Offense smells ,defense jells, special teams layed an egg
Top ten in the draft again, we are well on our way, HEY !
Offense smells, defense jells, special teams layed an egg
When will it end ?, who knows my friend, so give me a who dey

WHO DEY !!!

_____________________________________

By "soP"



A Bengal Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Paul’s grounds
Not a film machine was whirring, not a win could be found;
The balance sheets and ledgers were displayed with great care,
In hopes that Paul Tagliabue soon would be there;
The Brown family was safe in their million-dollar beds,
While visions of cash registers rang through their heads;
And Mike in his tweed, with a cat in his lap,
Sat down by the credenza to finish next year's Cap;
When out on the field there was heard a big shout,
Mike sprang from his roost to check it all out.
Away to the Club Level he flew like a flash,
All the while leaving a trail of cold cash.
The moon on the stadium at the edge of downtown
Drew an audible chuckle from a satisfied Brown,
When, what to his wandering eyes should appear,
But ghosts of mistakes from the past ten years.
The noise was outrageous, like a yard full of chickens;
And the loudest of all was an angry Carl Pickens.
More rapid than interceptions and fumbles they came,
And Carl whistled, and shouted, and called them by name"
Now, Kitna! now, Klingler! Now, Rackers and Carter!
On, Akili! On, Coslet, Big-Daddy and Reinard!
From the SportsCenter lowlights, to a high pick in the draft,
Brought to you by a man who knows not his craft.
As errant passes from a Bengal QB's hand fly,
When they miss the receiver, make a Bengal fan cry,
So into the locker room the masses, they huddled,
Looking for big fluffy towels with which they could cuddle.
And then, in an instant, there was seen on the roof,
A cloud of white smoke that arose with a poof.
As Mike picked up the phone to give Coach Dick a call,
In front of him appeared the ghost of dad Paul.
He was dressed in an overcoat, with a hat on his head -
He looked pretty good for a man who's long dead;
A bag of used jocks was balanced on his shoulder,
And a playbook that was dusty, and probably much older.
His eyes - oh, they looked around, to and fro
As they checked out the home of a team sunk so low.
At the corner of his saddening eyes formed a tear -
He knew what had been happening year after year.
He tried not to think of the teams he had run,
Of the games he had coached in, games he had won.
He put away memories of doing so well
After being chased out of Cleveland by a man named Modell.
He was terribly sad, and a bit dismayed
At the way that his beloved Bengals had played.
And the cause of the losing, bad decisions, and the like,
Was the man who took over, Paul's oldest son Mike.
Paul spoke not a word, there was nothing to say;
He just shook his head, then started drifting away.
With Mike in control, the team had no hope,
No direction, no leadership, talent, or scope.
The ghost of the founder slowly started to fade,
Like the future of the team when Mike turned down Ditka's trade.
He left Mike these words, as he returned to whence he came,
"Son, I think it's about time you get out of this game."

_______________________________________

By "D-CAT"

Mikey the Red Faced Owner.(sung to the tune of "Rudolph-the Red Nosed Reindeer.")

Mikey the red faced owner
Had a very shiney head
And if he ever used it
He would not appear brain dead

All of the other owners
They still laugh and call him names
None of his high paid players
win him any football games

With a decade in the dump
Some fans came to say
Mikey with your team so bad
Can we resurrect your dad?

We'd have a chance at winning
Why oh why can't Mikey see?
He's only known for losing
Worst in NFL history!

Worst - in - N-F-L His-try!

__________________________________

By "AussieBengal"


Silent Night

Silent Night, Lonely Night
No more wins, in our sight
Our John Kitna
So pleasant & mild
Fumbles & thows picks
That drives us all wild

Give us your money please
Give us your money please

Silent Night, Lonely night
Defense quakes
At the sight
Of our Special Teams well below par
Please leave Mr Roberts
Neil has gone too far

Give us your money please
Give us your money please

Slient Night, Happy Night
Bucks are rolling in
To Mike Browns delight
Crappy contracts to second rate guys
11 years of suffering brings tears to our eyes

Sleep in monetary peace
From all of the fans who we did fleece

__________________________________


By "SheBengal"

"O Come, All Ye Suckers"

O come, all ye suckers
Come and buy your PSL
O come, ye, o come ye, to Paul Brown Stadium
Come and enrich me, all you idiotic fans

O come and please enrich me,
O come and please enrich me,
O come and please enrich me-e-e
All you Bengals fans

__________________________________

By "Betsy"

"Santa claus is coming to town"

You better pay up,
You better not cry,
Renew your PSLs, I'm telling you why:
Who dey gonna beat dat Mike Brown?

He's got a draft list,
He's checking it twice,
He's gonna look for low potential at a very high price--
Who dey gonna beat dat Mike Brown?

We can't stop kickoff re-turns--
And missed field goals are keen--
We do have a great defense,
We don't need no stinking special teams!

The offense won't score
With no quarterback,
Shutting Dillon down's a cinch if they know we can't pass...
Who dey gonna beat dat Mike Brown?

He knows you love your Bengals--
You hope that they'll come 'round--
You built him a new stadium,
To keep them here in town!

Lose year after year,
And sucker the fans,
It's all part of The Master Plan.
Who dey gonna beat dat Mike Brown?

Who dey gonna beat dat Mike Brown!

______________________________________


I admit to the authorship of one of these. After all, I can't use chris-MBHATER everywhere I go! I will say I'm not "shebengal" or "Betsy."

Hope it's OK to cut and paste these here Fraidy.

Happy Holidays one and all!

 
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AuthorReply

chris-MBHATER
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And Another........

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December 8 2001, 3:52 PM 

A re-write of "The Little Drummer Boy"

The Little Dumber Boy

Mi-key why are you so dumb dumb dumb dumb?
You brough in Jon Kitna dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
You still let Rackers kick dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
You really make me sick
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
Why are you such a prick? dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Mikey you scum

They built a field for you dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
And all concessions too dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
When will they get a clue? dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Their brains are made of glue
dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
I wish someone would sue dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Mikey you scum

When will you step down Mike? dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
When will you take a hike? dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
When will you be like dad? dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
When will you make us glad?
dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
dumb dumb dumb dumb
Why is your team so bad? dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
'Cause you're a scum

 
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caseyatthebat21
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Encore!! Encore!!!

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December 8 2001, 4:56 PM 

Chris, I want to order the CD!!!!

 
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Bengullible777
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Ditka's Trade

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December 8 2001, 5:36 PM 

Chris...

This stuff is priceless!

"...The ghost of the founder slowly started to fade,
Like the future of the team when they turned down Ditka's trade..."

...And that about sums it up!

 
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steelc
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not bad

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December 8 2001, 6:32 PM 


This is funny stuff even if you did use some other author to write this.But Mikey is no fool look at the begining of the season most of you were going to the Supor bowl who-dey,who-dey who going to beat those Bengals about everyone thats who.Merry Christmas to your family and keep up with the humor.

 
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chris-MBHATER
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Well.......

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December 8 2001, 8:26 PM 

I did write two of them......"little dumber boy" included.

Glad you liked it, even if I don't really think you're a Steeler fan.

I'd like to see some other re-writes of Christmas songs by anyone who can contribute. It's just so easy, really. And perfect for MBS.com and the season of Christmas! Beng777? Boodey? Anyone?


 
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BengalFanInNJ
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NICE JOB!

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December 8 2001, 8:46 PM 

Good work. Very poignant, and very true.

Kudos.

 
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chris-MBHATER
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Re: Ditka's Trade

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December 9 2001, 7:13 PM 

"soP" who posted the "Bengal Christmas" re-write gets the credit for that bit of genius. Apparently he wrote it last year and just changed a few names to make it fit this seasons circumstances and players.

I'm expecting your own contribution Beng777! After-all, you come up with some great prose on your own. Re-writes are even easier!

Please, do us the honor of another Mikey Christmas classic!


 
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BooDEY
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feeling creative!

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December 9 2001, 8:30 PM 

Here's one I enjoyed creating!


Mikey Boy is not leaving town!

Oh! You better watch out,
You better um, cry,
You better uh, pout,
I'm telling you why:
Mikey Boy is not leaving town!

He's making a list,
He's thinking low price$$$,
Gonna find out who's shoddy to splice.
Mikey Boy is not Leaving town!

He gave of us David Klingler
He got rid of "Shakin Blake."
He knows that they've been bad not good,
So how much more can we all take?

Oh! You better watch out,
You better um, cry,
You better uh, pout,
I'm telling you why:
Mikey Brown is never leaving town!


PEACE Y'all!

BOODEY

 
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chris-MBHATER
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Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!!!!

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December 9 2001, 10:32 PM 

Very nice Boo!

I like the way you pretty much stick with the original theme of the song, yet change just enough words to apply it to Mikey and make it hilarious!

Keep 'em comin' fellas!

We got two weeks until Christmas!

CATB21, I'll let you know when the CD comes out.
If you contribute to it, I'll be sure you get yours for free!






 
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chris-MBHATER
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Here's some re-writes for you sheopleherder...

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December 18 2002, 4:50 PM 

...and since it's Christmas season, time to bring this back from last year.

Enjoy...

 
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SheopleHerder
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Re: Here's some re-writes for you sheopleherder...

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December 18 2002, 4:55 PM 

All of them better than mine by far! (And they keep in mind the true nemesis as well.)

 
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chris-MBHATER
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Dave in WV...

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December 18 2002, 5:14 PM 

...could you please post Greg Mastin's "whodeyville" re-write on this thread? Thx in advance...

Anyone got any new ones about mikehole or his bagels?

 
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DaveinWV
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How Mike Brown Stole Christmas

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December 18 2002, 6:48 PM 

Every fan
Down in Who-deyville
Liked winning a lot

But The Grinch!
Who lived just North of Who-deyville
DID NOT!

The Grinch HATED winning! The whole football season!
Now, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his knotted tie was too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
Was because he didn't know how to get good players in the fall.

But,
Whatever the reason
His heart or his plans
He stood there this football season HATING the fans!
Staring down from his throne with a sour Grinchy frown
At the warm glow of optimism emanating from the town.
For he knew every fan in Who-deyville in his mercy
Was putting on a brand new Ickey Woods jersey.

"And their hanging their pennants!" he snarled with a sneer!
"Tomorrow is football season! It's practically here!"
Then he growled with his grinch fingers nervously tapping
"I must find a way to keep winning from happening!"
For tomorrow he knew...

All the fans with their toys
Would arrive bright and early. They would drink with great joy!
And then? Oh the noise! Oh the noise! noise! noise! noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the fans, young and old would tailgate a feast!
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd feast! Feast! Feast! Feast!
They would fire up grills on hot coals
Wolfing down burgers on kaiser rolls!

And then!
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every fan down in Who-deyville the tall and the small
When they were through eating and beering,
Would enter the stadium and begin with their cheering!

They'd cheer! And they'd cheer!
And they'd CHEER! CHEER! CHEER! CHEER!
The more the Grinch thought of the joy at the touchdown
The more the Grinch thought "It must stop or my name isn't Mike Brown!"

Why for 33 years I've put up with this now,
I MUST stop winning from coming....
But HOW?

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" the Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick General Manager's hat and a coat!
And he chuckled and clucked at all of his bother
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like my father!"

All I need is a staff...
The Grinch looked around.
But since quality personnel are scarce there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch?
NO! The Grinch simply said...
"If I can't hire a quality staff I will make one up instead."
So he called on his relatives, who thought the idea was hot,
And topped it off by hiring a high school guy named Lippincott.

THEN
He loaded some old jerseys
And unwashed jock straps
In his ramshackle Chevy
And quickly made ready.

Then the Grinch said Let's Go!
And the car started down
Toward the suburbs where the fans
Made their homes in the town

All the windows were dark. Quiet expectation filled the air.
All the fans were dreaming of Boomer without care,
When he came to the first house on the square.
This is stop #1, the old Grinchy Manager hissed,
A stack full of roster moves clenched tight in his fist.

He crept in the window, taking his time.
He didn't want to wake the whole offensive line.
He stumbled just once, for a moment or two,
But once inside he knew just what to do.
He looked where the jerseys of the blockers hung in a row,
"These All-Pro's on the line," he said, "Are the first players to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unnerving!
Taking roster moves in his hand, he began unraveling!
He got rid of Montoya! Walters! Kozerski! Munoz!
He replaced them with Childress! DeMarco! Tom Scott! And Rod Jones!
He took them all away leaving nothing but stiffs.
Running backs blowing out knees after offensive tackle whiffs!

Then he slunk to the defense. He trashed the front seven!
No more Krumrie or Reggie Williams! Oh this was heaven!
He was so thorough with his dismantling that when he was done
He had even replaced Daryl Williams with Lance Gunn.

He felt satisfied that he had done well on his fateful trip.
"And NOW!" said the Grinch, "I will take away the leadership!"

As the Grinch grabbed Esiason, as he started to shove,
He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and saw a small fan,
A bengal-clad boy of 12, not quite yet a man.

The Grinch had been caught by this die-hard fan
Who had dared question his miserable plan.
He stared at the Grinch and said "Mr. Brown sir, why,
Why are you taking our quarterback, WHY?"

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
That he thought up a lie, and he thought it up QUICK.
"Why, my astute young man," the fake GM lied,
"I've got a young Klingler, who has a much quicker trigger finger.
So I'm getting rid of the old one, who has a bad shoulder.
You'll be much happier with this new onehe has a laser in his holster."

And his fib fooled the child. He patted his head
And got him a draft guide, and sent him off to bed.
And when the young man was gone without a fret,
He grabbed #7 and made him a Jet!

Then the last thing he took
Was the coach who had fire.
And he crowned himself king, the old liar,
All he left of the team were some scrubs running through tires.

And the one quality player he left in the house
Was a kicker who was as small as a mouse.

Then he planned to do the same thing year after year

Leaving teams too weak to cause any fear.

.......

It was dawn of opening day...
All the fans still snug in their beds
All the fans still snoozing, Lombardi Trophy in their heads,
When he dismantled the team,
No shoes! No breakfast! No new towels!
No bonuses! No quality lockers in the stadium bowels!

Off to the hidden caves of Spinney Field's smelly pit
And the roster to place on the waiver wire to dump it!
"Poo-pooh to the fans!" he was Grinchishly humming,
"They will soon figure out that no winning is coming!
They're just starting to arrive! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open for a game or two,
Then all the fans down in Who-deyville will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. Then he put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the town.
It started a bit down, but soon made the Grinch frown!

This sound wasn't sad!
This sound was glad
It couldn't be so!
But it was merry! Very!

Every fan down in Who-deyville, the tall and the small
Was Cheering! Without even the least hint of winning!
He HAD stopped winning from coming! But they came!
Despite it all the fans came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet all cold in the snow
Stood puzzling and puzzling, "How could it be so?
They came without playoffs! They came without stars!
They came without tickertape parades in fancy cars!"
And he puzzled long and hard 'till his puzzler was sore,
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
Maybe winning, he thought, doesn't matter anymore,
Maybe, just maybe, these fans can be squeezed for a little bit more!

And what happened then?
Well in Who-deyville they say,
The Grinch's heart shrank three more sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so light,
He blew into town with a threat to move in the night!
He demanded a tax-payer built stadium on words dripping with honey,

And he, he himself, The Grinch, kept all the money!

Merry Christmas to All!

 
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BD
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wow!

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December 18 2002, 8:13 PM 

forgot about that one? was that over a year ago?

Good damn!

 
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EyeHateMikeHole
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Joy To the World

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December 18 2002, 8:19 PM 

Joy To the World...
mike Brown is dead...
We barbaqued his head.....
What happened to his body....
We flushed it down the potty...
and round and round it goes......
and round and round it goes.....

 
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chris-MBHATER
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Thanks Dave!

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December 18 2002, 10:57 PM 

Yeah, Boodey, seems just like yesterday...

EyeH8MB...LMAO! You stole that from Nelson Muntz on the Simpsons! Well, most of it...the addition of mikeholes name to it adds a certain flair...

 
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chris-MBHATER
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"Your a MEAN one, soP."

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December 18 2002, 11:38 PM 

(Sung to "The Grinch" theme)


You're a mean one-
son of Paul
Unmitigated gaul
You promised competition
and a winner in the fall
son of Paul-
I wouldn't touch a ticket with a 39 1/2 foot poll...


Your a FOUL one
Mikey-hole
Did satan take your soul?
Your a festered pot of losing
And your heart is just so cold
Mikey-hole-

There are three words that describe you perfectly...
LOST/LOSING/LOSER!!!


You're BAD one
Mikey Brown
You're draggin 'Natti Down!
To your cesspool of buffoonery
Your ineptness is renown
Mikey Brown-

You stink more than a bag-o-rotten meat sitting in the sun for a week with flies and maggots enswirling it, next to a dumpster, filled with sweaty old shooooes...

 
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Gr8sands
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152.163.206.213

Yao What?

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December 19 2002, 12:55 AM 

All i am going to say is maybe we need to go look in china to find their best football player and bring him to america in a deal for Mikey's favorite daughter, i am sure that they would like themselves a natural blonde that is learned how to be uptight from her father. The trade of the century it would be...
Yao Bling Bling for Katie BlackCashBurner

 
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terdbucket
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209.179.140.171

devil song

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December 19 2002, 4:00 PM 

Sung to I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus ( I'm still working on it but I threw this together. Hope I didn't cross the line but I've been pissed for 12 years! )

I saw Cincy kissing Mike goodbye
underneath the rafters late last nite
They didn't see me creep
to downtown to take a peak
They thought that I was content just like all the other sheep

I saw Cincy kissing Mike goodbye
over at the airport late last nite
As he counted all his cash
he made a frickn dash
over to the runway then his airplane made a crash

I saw Cincy kissing Mike goodbye
over at the crash site late last nite
Oh what a laugh it would of been if his daddy had only seen Satan kissing Mikey bye last nite

 
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