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Down in Who-deyville
Like winning alot
But the Grinch
Who lived just North of Who-deyville
The Grinch hated winning! The whole football season!
Now, please don't ask me why, no one
quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his knotted tie was too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
Was because his heart was two sizes too small.
But whatever the reason,
His heart or his tight tie,
He stood there this football season
Hating the fans known as the Who's.
Staring down from his throne with a sour Grinchy frown,
At the warm glow of optimism
Emanating from the town.
For he knew every fan in Who-deyville,
Was still enjoyed putting on old worn out Ickey Woods Jerseys.
"And their hanging their ancient pennants!!"
he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is football season! IT's practically here!"
Then he growled with his grinch fingers nervously drumming
"I must find a way to keep winning from coming!"
For tommorow he knew.....
All the fans with their toys,
Would arrive bright and early.
They would drink with great joy!
And then? Oh the noise! Oh the noise! noise! noise!
That is the one thing he hated!
The noise! noise! noise!
Then the fans, young and old, would tailgate and feast!
And they'd feast!
And they'd feast! feast! feast!
That was something the Grinch could not stand in the least!
They would fire up their grills on hot coals
Wolfing down burgers on kaiser rolls!
They'd do something he liked least of all!!
Every fan down in Who-deyville, the tall and the small,
When they were through eating and beering,
Would enter the stadium and begin with their cheering!
They'd cheer! And they'd cheer!
And they'd cheer! cheer! cheer!
The more the Grinch thought of such joy while drinking their beers
The more the Grinch tried to hold back his tears.
Why for 33 years I've put up with this now,
I must stop winning from coming.....
Then he got an idea
An awful idea!!
The Grinch got a wonderful awful idea!!
"I know just what to do!" the Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick general managers hat and coat!!
And he chuckled and clucked at all of his bother.
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like my father!"
All I need is a staff....
The Grinch looked around.
But since they seemed to be scarce,
there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch?
NO!! The Grinch simply said...
"If I can't hire good staff, I will make them up instead."
So he called his relatives, who thought the idea was hot.
And he ended by saying, "This will be easier than I thought".
He loaded some old jerseys
And unwashwed jock straps
In his rainshackle lumina chevy
and quickly made ready.
Then the Grinch said, "Let's go!"
And the car started down
Toward the suburbs
where the fans made their homes in the town.
All the windows were dark
Quiet expectation filled the air.
All the fans were dreaming of Dalton without care.
When he came to the first house on the square,
"This is stop #1", the old Grinchy manager hissed.
A stack full of roster moves clenched in his fist.
He crept in the window, taking his time.
He didn't want to wake the whole offensive line.
He stumbled just once, for a moment or two,
But once inside he knew just what to do.
He looked where their jerseys of the blockers hung in a row.
"These All-Pro's on the line", he said,
"Are the first things to go!!"
Then he slithered and slunk,
with a smile most unnerving!
Taking roster moves in his hand, he began unraveling!!
He got rid of players like Montoya, Walters, Kozerski, and Munoz of old!!
He replaced them all away leaving nothing but stiffs.
Running backs blowing out knees after offensive line whiffs!
Then he slunk to the defense.
He trashed the front seven!
No more players of old like Krumrie or Williams!
Oh this is heaven!!
He was so thorough with his dismantling that when he was done,
He had even replaced Carson, even though he refused to play one more down.
He felt satisfied that he had done well on his fateful trip.
As the Grinch grabbed Oucho, as he started to shove,
He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and saw a small fan,
A bengal-clad boy of 12, not quite yet a man.
The Grinch had been caught by this die hard fan.
Who had dared question his miserable plan.
He stared at the Grinch and said, "Why, Mr. Brown, why?"
"Why are you taking our team, why?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
That he thought up a lie, and he though it up quick!
"Why, my astute young man," the fake GM said,
"I've got a young Dalton, who has a much quicker triggor finger.
So I'm getting rid of the old one, who is a has been"
"You'll be much happier with this new one who has never been"
And his fib fooled the child.
He patted his head, and got him a draft guide, and sent him to bed.
And when the young man was gone with no sign of his care taker,
He grabbed old #5 and made him an Oakland Raider.
Then the last thing he took
Was the coach who's fire he had quenched.
And he crowned himself king, the old liar.
All he left the team were some scrubs running through tires.
And the one quality player he left in the house,
Was a kicker who was as quiet about the whole affair as if he were but a mouse.
Then he planned to do the same thing year after year.
Leaving teams too weak to cause any fear.
It was dawn of opening day.....
All the fans still snug in their beds,
All the fans still snoozing, Lombardi Trophy in their heads.
When he dismantled the team,
No shoes! NO breakfast! No new towles! No bonuses!!!
No quality lockers in the stadium bowels!
Poo poo to the Who's, he was Grinchishly humming,
"They will soon figure out that no winning season is coming".
"They are just starting to arrive!! I know just what they will do!!"
"Their mouths will hang open for a moment or two,
Then all the fans down in Who-deyville will all cry Boo-hoo!!
That is a noise", grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused, then he put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the town.
It started in a bit down, but soon made the Grinch frown!
This sound was not sad! This sound was glad.
It could not be so! But it was merry! Very!
Every fan down in Who-deyville, the tall and the small,
Was cheering!! Without the least hint of winning at all!
He had stopped winning from coming, but they came just the same!!
And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet all cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling, "How could it be so?"
They came without playoffs! They came without stars!! They came without tickertape parades in fancy cars!!"
And he puzzled long and hard till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he had not before.
"Maybe winning" he thought, "Doesn't matter anymore".
"Maybe, just maybe, these fans can be squeezed a little bit more!"
And what happened then?
Well, in Who-deyville they say,
The Grinch's heart shrank three more sizes that day!!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so light,
He blew into town with a threat to move in the night!!
He demanded tax payers to repair stadiums, with promises dipped in honey.
And he, he himself, the Grinch, kept all the money!!
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