Well gents,

We are in the last month of my girl's pregnancy.
A Bronco, Jr. will be born sometime this month.

The OBGYN said due date is May 31, 2012, but he could come sooner.
This is our first child.

It was my job to carry on the family name as my eldest brother had 2 girls and my middle brother has a stepson and wants no more kids.

Fortunately, I hit a homerun on the first try.
I have spent the last month assembling a crib, furniture, a stroller, pack n play, vibrating chair, infant sleeper swing and other such nonsense.

I think I'm ready, but are you ever really ready?

Do any of you have any funny stories about the last month of pregnancy/first month of being a father you would like to share?
I could use all the advice I can get.





"Insert witty quotation here"

If you ever end up owning a professional sport franchise, will you please, for the sake an entire city, show him the ropes?

No advice - just good luck and hope all goes well.

I will give you advice on the first month...

#1--NEVER---EVER---EVER PUT THAT CHILD IN THE BED WITH YOU.
One of the hardest bad habits to break when you can't take it anymore.

Make sure you have an extra diaper on hand when changing JR.
Even at his newborn age, releasing the man pipe seems to be just as enjoyable as it does when your older...lol
Keep the extra close by because as soon as he realizes that his man hood is free, he will release a 40 ft stream of pizz...
LMAO...

My oldest got me and the blinds one day...

Another heads up...
I was laying on my back holding my oldest above me and was giving him a little toss in the air...yep, not a good idea right he eats.
Spit up and it went right down my throat and let me tell ya, not something you ever want to taste.
LOL


Enjoy it!
Greatest time of my life has been raising my boys.
Watching them grow is amazing.





http://murf-seriously.blogspot.com/

The first month with my daughter because she had colic, it was nightmarish, 3am car rides, lack of sleep, frustration and exhaustion


The first month with my son was more fun, he was pleasant and easy going, only thing is they are so small and fragile and I wanted to do so much with him, I was anxious for him to do everything, was like having a toy I couldn't fully use yet lol


Murf is right on the bed thing, have to nip that in the bud immediatly, nothing will ruin your sex life faster than a kid sleeping with you.



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In Memory of Dunn4QB

Dad tends to get pushed aside a little bit when the baby first arrives. Mom and the in-laws might forget that it's a special time for you, too. But things will settle down soon enough, and you'll tons of time to bond with your kid.

Just go with the flow, Bronco. That would be my best advice. It's much more fun after about two months.

Get f*cking sleep now. Sleep your azz off. Sleep. Sleep. And more sleep.

BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE F*CKING GETTING ANY AFTER JR IS BORN. Even years after = NO SLEEP TILL.

Trust me.





"So he got fired? Big deal. It's happened to the best of us. So he got kicked out of his house by his 400 lb'ed wife?!?!? That's probably better for him anyways."-OldSchooler on ChrisMBHater's absence

...you will just figure it out. The wildest thing anyone told me was about a month after my daughter was born. As I was holding her he said, "Did you ever realize that your parents were this clueless" when they were raising you? I was astonished. As a kid you think your parents have all the answers, as a parent you think you have none. Somehow, while neither are right, it works out. No manual needed. You are gonna love it.

Think the Leslie Nealson character from "Airplane"

 

 

people always assess their own performance as "above average" even people who, when tested, actually perform at the very bottom of the pile. [Incompetent People Too Ignorant to Know It]

One other thing... formula is not your friend.

people always assess their own performance as "above average" even people who, when tested, actually perform at the very bottom of the pile. [Incompetent People Too Ignorant to Know It]

"One other thing... formula is not your friend."


True lol


I suggest you invest in a bibb, not for the baby for you funny how a baby always spits up when you have fresh new clothes on

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In Memory of Dunn4QB

Good luck pal. I have 3 and a grandchild due in September. I'm 46. First off, that's the singular greatest and most useful of Murf's posts on this board EVER. He is as right as rain.

My advice would be this: There are GOING to be times that are a combination of exhaustion, frustration, pity, pain, and what you will perceive as failures. Work hard to understand what lesson life or parenthood is presenting, instead of resenting or blaming each other for the change or the result. Nobody could possibly know what parenthood has to teach in advance. Live in the now. Appreciate every moment. Don't sleep in. And may the force be with you.

Mikey is cleverer than you think.

If you're squeamish, don't watch the epidural. I became a second patient. Do NOT like needles...

Mikey is cleverer than you think.

Be a hands-on involved dad from the get-go. Don't sit there and say you cannot do xyz because you are scared you'll drop him or you feel awkward. You can do just about anything your wife can do except nurse. If you don't get involved then you are in the way and you become enemy #1. Don't sit on your rear waiting for you wife to make you dinner. Don't be a burden. Take the bull by the horns.

Don't fall into the trap of waking up together with mom every time the baby cries in the middle of the night. Do shifts. Mom takes Mon-Weds-Thurs-Sat, bronco takes Tues-Friday-Sunday. If you are going to nurse, have mom store a few bottles of nurse milk in small portioned bottles in the fridge for dad to use. Just pop in microwave and let mom sleep. Of course she has the advantage in that she has two portable units sitting on her chest. If its formula, just have a few portioned bottles ready in the fridge.

I completely agree with Murf on his #1 point. Don't ever sleep in the same bed with your kid. Your fat azz can roll over on him and you won't know it. We all want to do it, its so cute and cudly. Its good to teach your kid right away to sleep on his own. He'll grow up more secure being able to put himself to sleep. He won't grow up to be a pussbag. It is so tempting to sleep with your child but resist it with all your power.

Have a looped cd of white noise to play when the baby cries to no end. The white noise is similar to what they experience in the womb. The womb is quite loud. When they come out of the womb they don't like it. The baby is now out of its warm, secure little nest. When your wife is tired, the kid won't stop crying and you don't know what to do, bust out the cd and let it play, loudly. It works. Its amazing.

Crazy as this guy sounds, this works:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXqOxQKSCaU

Lastly, after a few months, let your wife have some time out with her friends to give her a break from the baby. You'll bond with the baby during this alone time as you'll have no one else to rely on other than yourself.

Other than that, enjoy being a dad. Try not to miss your buddies too much. The real friends will stick around. The fly by nights will disappear from your life.

And congratulations bronco. Being a dad is the greatest gift we can receive.

Didn't realize USC was a woman.

 

 

Hilarious Belko.....


.....but very sound advice from U3

My wife had a C-Section.

The ADVICE the doctor had was "Whatever you do--DO NOT LOOK OVER THE CURTAIN"

Well, OldSchooler did. My mouth hung open. I know what my wife's pancreas looks like!!!!! And her stomach, intestines, etc.

Jesus. It was like dissection classes back in 7th grade!!!

Weird, but it was cool--but if you don't have a strong stomach, I don't recommend it.

"Ohhhh, Honey--I know what your spleen looks like....lay off the fatty foods....."

Nice. I'm such a nice prick.

Oh yeah--and when your son comes out--it's nothing what you thought. Excitement--then confusion. Then more excitement. Then the crying starts--and it hasn't ended almost 6 years later. LOL

Bronco, I know we haven't seen eye-to-eye--but man--seriously--CONGRATULATIONS, DUDE. Being a dad--is like being a superhero. You will never get enough of it.

It's awesome.





"So he got fired? Big deal. It's happened to the best of us. So he got kicked out of his house by his 400 lb'ed wife?!?!? That's probably better for him anyways."-OldSchooler on ChrisMBHater's absence

My brother about got thrown out when he asked the female doctor if she could put in a "daddy stitch" after the delivery. Apparently she had no sense of humor....

I appreciate the responses, fellas.

My gal is a real trooper. She is in the middle of exam week right now (5 total) and she is 37 weeks prego.
She will be finishing her biochemistry degree in December. (She is taking the summer off to be a mommy).

I keep trying to make preparations, but i think its just an exercise in futility. LOL.

My gal thinks its funny that I am prepping the hospital bag for her, baby and I for when "the tie comes".
I just want to be prepared and I am afraid we will leave something at home we will need when the moment comes.

I will post pics a week or two after it happens.

"Insert witty quotation here"

1. When my last little guy was "delivered" (again, C-Section)--the nurse that was doing the "wipedown" and measurements made these comments:

a. "Wow--he has pretty eyes"
b. "Big hands..."
c. "Big feet...."
d. "OH WOW--HE'S WELL-ENDOWED!!!!!!"

LMAO--Daddy was proud. The wife? Not so thrilled.....



2. When we got 5-year old home from the hospital--his first diaper change?

HE PEE'S ON DADDY!!!!!!


3. When we get 2-year old home from the hospital--his first diaper change?

HE PEE'S ON DADDY!!!!!!


No matter how prepared you are, Bronco--you will get the pee-on daddy manuveur. Even IF you have fast reflexes and can put the front of the diaper up for the "urine force field", you will miss at least once.





"So he got fired? Big deal. It's happened to the best of us. So he got kicked out of his house by his 400 lb'ed wife?!?!? That's probably better for him anyways."-OldSchooler on ChrisMBHater's absence

My wife helped me with that advice...lol. She didn't know it was going to a football board.

"My wife helped me with that advice...lol. She didn't know it was going to a football board"



Didn't realize you were so PW'ed




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In Memory of Dunn4QB

I've been pinned...hahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxdRH1p0VH4



Mikey is cleverer than you think.

ha...  I knew a man couldn't come up with all that.

people always assess their own performance as "above average" even people who, when tested, actually perform at the very bottom of the pile. [Incompetent People Too Ignorant to Know It]

...tough to get through that scene without welling up...lol

Something I heard once that is so true when it comes to boys


"By the time you realize that your dad was right you have a son that thinks you're wrong"

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In Memory of Dunn4QB

Just a heads up.

Little Vlad is not here yet.
We have an inducement date of May 30 at 9:30 am (unless he comes out sooner).



"Insert witty quotation here"

Vladimir Dale was born at 3:48 pm today

Mom and baby are doing well.
Dad couldn't be any prouder.

7 lbs 14 ounces.
19.5 inches of perfect baby boy.



"Insert witty quotation here"

A big congrats to you and the misses, Bronco! Will we get to see any pics?

Looking on the net, I see that nicknames for Vladimir include Volodya, Vovan, and Vovka. Cute.

Congrats all the way around. If he becomes a pro football player for his sake keep him away from the Bengals. We wouldn't want him to be bungalized.

"19.5 inches of perfect baby boy. "

And what a boy!! Congrats

"We do do, and we do it at a very, very high level," Lewis said.

Congratulations Bronco.

Congrats Bronco and congrats to the new mom.

Congrats Bronco and congrats to the new mom.

Cheers to Mr. & Mrs. bronco and son.

way to go Bronco!

oops didnt realize I wasn't logged in.. congrats bronco

..for t he love of all things sacred, DO NOT RAISE HIM AS A BENGAL FAN. Pick a team, any team and root for them instead. Do not subject him to a life of beatdowns. He deserves so much better than that. Give the poor boy a chance. Don't scar him for life.

Enjoy every minute!


http://murf-seriously.blogspot.com/

"..for t he love of all things sacred, DO NOT RAISE HIM AS A BENGAL FAN."

Yeah, don't let him turn out like us!

"..for t he love of all things sacred, DO NOT RAISE HIM AS A BENGAL FAN."


Yeah don't do it, I am partially responsible for my nephew who lives in Seattle being a Bengals fan, I feel awful about it

Bengals or Seahawks? poor kid doesn't have a chance lol

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In Memory of Dunn4QB

Photo of Dad and Vlad.



"Insert witty quotation here"

"..for t he love of all things sacred, DO NOT RAISE HIM AS A BENGAL FAN."

But I guess OSU fan is a foregone conclusion...

Maybe Mike Brown will die in the next few years.

Vlad may have no memory of Mikey other than the painful tears in the eyes of his old man.

And yes, the boy is a Buckeye fan.

is that OSU scrubs? lol

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In Memory of Dunn4QB

Oh yea, one other tip. If he uses pacifiers and you go on a road trip, bring about two dozen spares.

"is that OSU scrubs? lol"

Duh...



"Insert witty quotation here"

I have this picture in my head, Mr Burk here are your scrubs "no thanks I brought my own" lol

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In Memory of Dunn4QB

I wanted to name either one of my sons Vladimir....but the wife, who's deep Irish--just wouldn't allow it.

So I got the middle names. The older one took mine--the younger one's:

"Maximus". His initials = "BMW".

Take that wife. Yeah. She probably got some money out of that too. LOL





"So he got fired? Big deal. It's happened to the best of us. So he got kicked out of his house by his 400 lb'ed wife?!?!? That's probably better for him anyways."-OldSchooler on ChrisMBHater's absence

Feel free to call social services, gents.





"Insert witty quotation here"

Awesome bronco...Im diggin the scrubs....congrats...buckeye nation just grew stronger.

Likes to kick the covers off, eh? Good looking kid. You should be very proud, dude.

But HE'S DOOMED. You should have gotten him Steeler Pajamas. At least he wouldn't have got off the wrong forboding path. LOL




"So he got fired? Big deal. It's happened to the best of us. So he got kicked out of his house by his 400 lb'ed wife?!?!? That's probably better for him anyways."-OldSchooler on ChrisMBHater's absence

...Mr Burk, you may not want to come visit Ohio ever again.

§ 2919.22 Endangering children

(A) No person, who is the parent, guardian, custodian, person having custody or control, or person in loco parentis of a child under eighteen years of age or a mentally or physically handicapped child under twenty-one years of age, shall create a substantial risk to the health or safety of the child, by violating a duty of care, protection, or support. It is not a violation of a duty of care, protection, or support under this division when the parent, guardian, custodian, person having custody or control of a child treats the physical or mental illness or defect of the child by spiritual means through prayer alone, in accordance with the tenets of a recognized religious body.
(B) No person shall do any of the following to a child under eighteen years of age or a mentally or physically handicapped child under twenty-one years of age:
(1) Abuse the child;
(2) Torture or cruelly abuse the child;
(3) Administer corporal punishment or other physical disciplinary measure, or physically restrain the child in a cruel manner or for a prolonged period, which punishment, discipline, or restraint is excessive under the circumstances and creates a substantial risk of serious physical harm to the child.
(4) Repeatedly administer unwarranted disciplinary measures to the child, when there is a substantial risk that such conduct, if continued, will seriously impair or retard the child's mental health or development;
(5) Entice, coerce, permit, encourage, compel, hire, employ, use, or allow a child to act, model, or in any other way participate in, or be photographed for, the production, presentation, dissemination, or advertisement of any material or performance that the offender knows or reasonably should know is obscene, is sexually oriented matter, or is nudity-oriented matter.
HISTORY: 1997 H 352, eff 1-1-98
1990 S 3, eff 4-11-91; 1985 H 349; 1975 H 85; 1972 H 511

This section states that the physical punishment must be "excessive" AND "create a substantial risk" of "serious physical harm" to the child. The word "and" is an inclusive term, and both of these criteria must be met in order for the discipline to be considered abusive. "




SHORTEST TRIAL EVER. JURY OUT 2 MINUTES AFTER SEEING THAT PIC. GUILTY AS CHARGED.