your words really are helpful. I know you are right. I really do know it.
I guess I also need to clarify (so it won't be assumed) that we never brought him home with us, as he is still in the NICU. But still, we did bond with him and do love him dearly. He's doing very well, I hear, and is now in an open crib without IVs and oxygen, although he is still on a feeding pump because he will not take a nipple (at 37 weeks).
His birth grandmother said the most insensitive thing to me a few days ago (while I was sobbing) ... she said, "There are a lot of people praying for you. We have no doubt that we'll find a family who has a heart big enough to adopt him." Maybe she didn't mean it the way I took it, maybe it's just my guilt eating away at me that she was implying that we didn't have hearts big enough for him. Honestly, this wasn't about hearts or love, because we love him with ALL of our hearts, we just felt he deserved better parents than we could be right now.
It's kind of ironic, because I honestly can say that I understand what a birthmother must feel.