I know how you feel, adoption is confusing and scary but it is not nearly as hard as IF !
It looks like from your sign on that you are from Massachusetts, I am as well. I have 3 kids through domestic infant adoption. I recommend the Resolve seminars, and a few books, Adoption for Dummies and Reaching out, a guide to writing the dear birth mother letter http://www.dearbirthmotherletter.com.
DH and I were in your shoes, we were not sure what we wanted to do but were anxious to get started. We found someone who just does the homestudy and acts as our local agency ( we found her through an attorney we met at a resolve conference)
We worked with Dr Laura Neymeyer
Adoption Resource Associates
262 Upland Rd, Cambridge, MA 02140
(617) 492-8888
She is wonderful and acts as a guide and partner through the process. During the home visits, she is not looking for dust bunnies.
Once our home study was complete; we started to meet with all of the local agencies. We found them very rude and inflexible, all of them told us that they would have to redo out home study and most said that it could take years for us to get a baby. Depressed, we went back to Laura for advice. She advised us to work with an agency, lawyer, facilitator out of state ( this was really the turning point for us) the number of available babies in Massachusetts is low so most agencies work with other out of state agencies to find placements. Laura gave us a list of agencies, facilitators and law offices that she had good luck with. We called them all and liked Demastus Law Office in Oklahoma the best ( www.dloadoption.com)
1) They are so nice ( that is very important)
2) It only costs $500 to get on the waiting list ( so why not !)
3) Your home study does not need to be complete ( so again, why not !)
4) They do NOT ask if you are done with IF treatments ( we weren’t)
5) Oklahoma is one of the 9 most adoption friendly states in the UD ( from adoption for dummies) The birthmom can sign the paper work giving up parental rights 3 days after birth and it is irrevocable. ( there are different laws that apply if she or the birth father is Native American)
6) They are so nice ( repeated for emphasis and because it is really really important.
7) They are a law office and as such represent you if there are problems or issues ( more later)
We submitted our paper work in 1/2003. We were matched in 6/2003 the first adoption was disrupted ( birthmom changed her mind) we were devastated of course but we were rematched in 2 weeks with a low cost adoption so we did not lose any money. Our oldest son was born 9/2003.
It took just about a year to get our daughter. This time the birth father decided to contest the adoption, but Demastus represented us ( at no additional cost) and resolved everything.
The youngest was truly a gift. Our oldest ‘s birthmom got pg again and called Demastus to ask if we would take him ( OF COURSE !!!)
The moral of this story is…. no matter who you work with, find out how they handle issues and problems when they come up. They may, and you need to know what will happen. It is also very important that whom ever you work with provide services for the birthparents. They need counseling to make sure that they want to make an adoption plan. The birth moms also need to be escorted to the Doctors, that way you know that they have gone and the agency can give you an accurate update. Demastus relay becomes almost a surrogate mom to these women and help them ( and you) through the process.
Five years ago, I was just starting out, now I have three kids 3 ½, 22 months and 11 months and I would not change a thing. I am so glad for all my struggles with IF an even the disrupted adoption, with out it, I would not have the three kids that I do. I would not give up a hair on their head to change anything !
Please email me if I can help in any way ( click on my undelined name next to the post). I would be happy to chat on the phone if it would help.