Welcome to the Adoption Board! Here is a board for those interested in Adoption to trade information, experiences, and support! This board is dedicated to Julie (Jules) who has tirelessly helped many of us through the adoption process.
A Favor
by Jess (no login)
I have a friend who would like me to do her a favor. She also has two girls from China, but she's ready to adopt again. With the long wait for Chinese adoptions, she would like people to know that if they know of someone who has returned from China with a baby but can't keep the baby (not because of some horrible developmental or mental issue but because the couple feels it's a bad match or they are too young to adopt afterall or one of them gets too sick to parent or something like that), she'd be interested in adopting the baby. She wants a baby with the same heritage as her girls, so she wants a Chinese baby or Chinese-American baby. So if you know of someone who needs to disrupt their adoption or a young Chinese-American woman who can't keep her baby, please let me know, and I'll pass along the information to her. She'd be doing a domestic adoption, but the baby would share the same Chinese heritage with his/her sisters. (She has NO preference for a girl or boy or twins!)
Anyway, I'm helping her get the word out. You just never know when someone knows someone who knows someone.
Thanks!
I have been MIA for awhile, but I just wanted to echo what all the other posters said to you below: you and DH are very courageous to have seen Littles through his rough entry into this world, and even more courageous for doing what was best for you. I hope you have found some peace with your decision and are enjoying some R and R with DH now.
Best wishes and I hope to see you on the boards in the future!
Thanks so much for your kind words!! I am quite done with my sad feelings and DH and I are completely confident we made the right decision both Littles and for us as a couple. From my understanding, he is still in NICU (he will be 4 weeks on Monday) and is starting to take a nipple. The amnio and the initial chromosome study came back okay, so the doctors are doing a more in-depth study to check for other syndromes. When we were making our decision, the doctors told us it is quite possible nothing will turn up on the testing and they will diagnose him as he grows, but their feeling was that something significant was going on. Could be something, could be nothing. I guess that's why it was so hard ... such a big question mark, you know? His new parents live a mile away from us in our same little town. Weird, to think I could run into them at the grocery store or something.
I'm still lurking here Our homestudy just got finalized last week, and we'll work on our portfolio next after we take a month or two off to refocus.
Caz I am so glad to hear that you and DH are doing okay and moving forward in your quest..
by Faith (no login)
with a little bit of time off. I've been thinking about you and checking every day for word from you, so it is nice to hear that things are looking up. Take care of yourself.
I'm so glad you're at peace with your decision. I think it was the right one for you. It could get awkward to see Littles as he grows, but it might turn out to be a good thing all the way around. Wouldn't it be something if your child became friends with him?
Well, take your time to rest up, then let us know when you're back in the game. You will get the baby that was meant to be yours, and you'll be so happy! You have a lot to look forward to!
I've been thinking of you a lot the past few weeks and wondering how things were going. I'm so happy you both feel good about your decision and are continuing to move forward w/adopting. I think that baby was so incredibly lucky to have you there to welcome him into the world. Maybe that's what you were "meant" to do, if fate plays a role in all this. I'm sure you'll be fantastic parents someday soon--you've shown yourself to be kind, compassionate, and thoughtful in making big decisions. What a great mom you will be!
QM and I were just chatting about how awesome you are and how much you've been in our thoughts lately. Good luck with everything!
You have no idea how much you all have helped me. During the days when I was crying every day and my DH didn't understand (why are you crying, I thought we agreed that this was the right thing to do) - well, you all understood my pain and I am just so thankful that I could come here and unload. I'm still sad, he's still in NICU ... literally steps away from my office in the hospital ... but I know we did the right thing. It's still hard, and I still don't understand why it had to happen that way. But, we all grow from these things and I know that our baby is one step closer.
Thanks for the link to WHFC. I was looking at Kazakhstan b/c the wait is short and they will take older parents. But it also says the kids have been living in institutions and may be delayed. I'm mostly worried about attachment disorders. Does anybody have info or links where I can learn more about attachment disorders, esp. with adopted kids? Thanks in advance.
Welcome to the board. I have lurked often on the playgroup board and am hoping to graduate and be able to join you one of these days (in fact we are potentially matched with a birthmom right now-- so maybe it won't be too far off that I can join!). Anyway, my DH and I are adopting domestically but I just thought I would give you some URLs that could be useful.
The home page for Adoptive Families with lots of interesting articles written by adoptive parents: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/
BTW, I do know several people who have adopted domestically in their late 40s so that's not impossible either. Here is a link to a thread from the DE board. If you read the entire thread, you will see that these are older parents and this wasn't a concern for the birthmom:
This was independent adoption with an attorney. This is sort of the route that DH and I are likely going to end up going (our situation is a little different). If you are prepared to do your own search for the BM and just have the lawyer take care of the adoption, you can save quite a bit of money. The down side is that you have to do all the initial screening of birthmoms, deal with pregnancy verification and see to it that they get counseling, etc. We are working with a very experienced and well respected facilitator who helps us with all that. She is much cheaper than a pay up front agency or an all inclusive law firm (though lawyers fees vary unbelievably depending on so many factors). Anyway, there are sooo many ways to adopt. You just have to find the way that feels right for you. Have you been able to attend any of the RESOLVE workshops on adoption?
Good luck to you and definitely keep us posted on your progress!
There is another board that moves really fast and includes international as well as domestic. It is a very large community of women and the vast majority of them have already adopted at least once so you could get that perspective as well (saw your BTDT post on the Playgroup board). Here is that URL:
RESOLVE's peer support group in Princeton is meeting on Wednesday
by
(no login)
The peer support group in Princeton, N.J., plans to meet at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, April 25, at the Panera on Nassau Street. Let me know if you can attend. Thanks.
Introduction, questions about agencies accepting older parents (child ment)
by
(no login)
Hi, I'm a co-moderator at the high fsh playgroup and a member of the boards since 2001. We have a genetic DS who will be 5 in June and we're thinking of adopting, either domestically or internationally. But, we're both 47. Can anybody recommend domestic agencies, esp. in FL., that will accept parents our age? OR tell us which agencies to avoid? And where can people go for international adoptions now? I hear Russia, China and Guatamala are getting much harder for international adopting parents.
Yes, I am also 47. I was going to adopt from Guatemala, using
by Raquel (no login)
Wide Horizons for Children. But, indeed that program is on the fritz, and too stressful right now. Also, you have little say over the child you want to adopt. The children are quite healthy, though. Ethiopia is still one you may want to consider.
Browse this agency's website... www.whfc.org... and go through the various programs. They outline age. Also, even though you are 47, you can still adopt an older child; meaning a toddler instead of an infant.
We are now switching over to domestic, as I really want an infant. It will still be tough due to my age, but worth it. I guess it all depends on what age you are looking for.
Another few great agencies are Alliance for Children and Gladney in Texas. Don't restrict yourself to agencies in Florida!!!
as for international, I know mostly about China. Yes, China has become more restrictive, but you aren't too old. They also have financial requirements, a BMI requirement (as does Korea), health requirements, and you can no longer be single or gay. I don't know your situation on all those, but you aren't too old for China. However, China is currently in a slowdown period. No one knows how much slower it might get, but IF things keep at their current pace, you'd be looking at about a three year wait. I really can't recommend that to anyone at this time. Things can change at any time, of course, but I think China would be frustrating right now unless you wanted a special needs child which speeds up your wait considerably.
Vietnam has recently re-opened for adoption. Many people are looking to adopt from there. I've heard that Guatemala is a bit iffy because they are having a tough time getting control of the corruption there. But for now, they are open for adoption and have rather young infants for international adoptions. India, Haiti, some African countries, Taiwan, Russia, and the Ukraine are some of the more common programs. Russia is in a temporary stoppage, but I've heard (quite recently--see below) that it's common and definitely temporary. I don't know what it means for a timeline, though.
I've read that India is wanting to find homes for the many children they have, so they are trying to streamline the process so you'd only have a wait of forty some days after your paperwork is submitted. That would be remarkable, and it's worth looking into.
With domestic adoption, you get an absolute infant, but you also get a lot of unknowns. However, you never know what a birthmother would consider, and your age might not even come into play with some mothers. It's just one of the unknowns.
I think as you read about the different programs, you will find yourself drawn to one or two. You just have to know what is important to you (cost, age of baby, time required to travel, if you can adopt two at once, etc.), and some programs will then pop out at you.
Good luck!
Thanks, I didn't know about Ukraine . . . India, I'm surprised . . . also Haiti
by Konni (no login)
Haiti sounds like a good idea -- that's almost humanitarian, given the circumstances there. I thought India wanted only adoptive Indian parents; thank you so much for all the good info!
I wasn't planning to go with a private adoption lawyer to handle it all, but I'd like to know how your experience was. I spoke to one in my city a few years ago and he put so much pressure on me, it was more like dealing with a used car salesman. Other women in town have had the same impressions and experiences with him.
Demastus law Office ( www.dloadoption.com) acts more like an adoption agency than a law office. They work with the birth parents to provide services ( escorting to the doctors office, fidinging apartments, etc..)
I called them , got on their waiting list and was never pressured. I am not sure how many placements they are currently handling but at one time they were placing 80 babies per year ( I think). I liked them so much that we adopted three times from them !
Please feel fre to email me if you have any specific questions or if I can be of any help
I want to start looking into adoption but I have no idea where to start. I did a search and I am so overwhelmed by all the info. I was thinking of asking the clinic I was working with for advice but I'm sure they'll probably blow me off since they won't get any more money out of me if I adopt Can anyone give me some advice on where I should start or any recomendations for agencies or lawyers? Thanks so much in advance.
I know how you feel, adoption is confusing and scary but it is not nearly as hard as IF !
It looks like from your sign on that you are from Massachusetts, I am as well. I have 3 kids through domestic infant adoption. I recommend the Resolve seminars, and a few books, Adoption for Dummies and Reaching out, a guide to writing the dear birth mother letter http://www.dearbirthmotherletter.com.
DH and I were in your shoes, we were not sure what we wanted to do but were anxious to get started. We found someone who just does the homestudy and acts as our local agency ( we found her through an attorney we met at a resolve conference)
We worked with Dr Laura Neymeyer
Adoption Resource Associates
262 Upland Rd, Cambridge, MA 02140
(617) 492-8888
She is wonderful and acts as a guide and partner through the process. During the home visits, she is not looking for dust bunnies.
Once our home study was complete; we started to meet with all of the local agencies. We found them very rude and inflexible, all of them told us that they would have to redo out home study and most said that it could take years for us to get a baby. Depressed, we went back to Laura for advice. She advised us to work with an agency, lawyer, facilitator out of state ( this was really the turning point for us) the number of available babies in Massachusetts is low so most agencies work with other out of state agencies to find placements. Laura gave us a list of agencies, facilitators and law offices that she had good luck with. We called them all and liked Demastus Law Office in Oklahoma the best ( www.dloadoption.com)
1) They are so nice ( that is very important)
2) It only costs $500 to get on the waiting list ( so why not !)
3) Your home study does not need to be complete ( so again, why not !)
4) They do NOT ask if you are done with IF treatments ( we weren’t)
5) Oklahoma is one of the 9 most adoption friendly states in the UD ( from adoption for dummies) The birthmom can sign the paper work giving up parental rights 3 days after birth and it is irrevocable. ( there are different laws that apply if she or the birth father is Native American)
6) They are so nice ( repeated for emphasis and because it is really really important.
7) They are a law office and as such represent you if there are problems or issues ( more later)
We submitted our paper work in 1/2003. We were matched in 6/2003 the first adoption was disrupted ( birthmom changed her mind) we were devastated of course but we were rematched in 2 weeks with a low cost adoption so we did not lose any money. Our oldest son was born 9/2003.
It took just about a year to get our daughter. This time the birth father decided to contest the adoption, but Demastus represented us ( at no additional cost) and resolved everything.
The youngest was truly a gift. Our oldest ‘s birthmom got pg again and called Demastus to ask if we would take him ( OF COURSE !!!)
The moral of this story is…. no matter who you work with, find out how they handle issues and problems when they come up. They may, and you need to know what will happen. It is also very important that whom ever you work with provide services for the birthparents. They need counseling to make sure that they want to make an adoption plan. The birth moms also need to be escorted to the Doctors, that way you know that they have gone and the agency can give you an accurate update. Demastus relay becomes almost a surrogate mom to these women and help them ( and you) through the process.
Five years ago, I was just starting out, now I have three kids 3 ½, 22 months and 11 months and I would not change a thing. I am so glad for all my struggles with IF an even the disrupted adoption, with out it, I would not have the three kids that I do. I would not give up a hair on their head to change anything !
Please email me if I can help in any way ( click on my undelined name next to the post). I would be happy to chat on the phone if it would help.
for all the info. I was right about MA I told my DH last night that I didn't think trying to adopt in state was a good idea since there are probably very few babies up for adoption. Wow I'm definetely checking into the place yo used in Oklahoma. $500 to be put on a list that's awesome. Most of the places I've seen were $5000 plus I like the 3 day wait period. My biggest fear was adopting bringing the baby home and a month later having to give it back. Thanks also for the email offer I'm sure I'll be using it. We just had a failed DE cycle and are going to do a 2nd cycle and figured we'd pursue adoption at the same time in case it doesn't work but I figured even if it does if possible I would still like to press forward with adoption since we want more than one child.
That is how I felt, we were not ready to give up on DE but MORE than ready to become parents.
I can not tell you how wonderful the process is. As Laura Neymeyer said to me, once you choose adoption, the question is no longer will we become parents but.. when ?
best of luck, and please feel free to post or email me.
Welcome to the board! Here is a great site just to give you an overview of the process as well as many links to agencies and other adoption professionals.
Thanks for the info. This process is so overwhelming. We do have a chapter near us that is having a 4 session adoption seminar we are thinking of attending in June so hopefully that will help us.
That's great! I can't urge you ENOUGH to attend that seminar. If it's anything like the one in our region, you can meet most of the reputable professionals in your vicinity in one day, ask them lots of questions for free and speak with adoptvie parents who have used them You can also meet adopted children who share their experience of adoption as well as birthmoms. It takes quite a bit of the mystery out of the process. It's still overwhelming but it's as though you finally have a road-map with lots of different routes all to the same destination: motherhood! Then you just need to figure out which route to take! But at least you know you will get there.
As you can see, I am a big fan of those seminars! Good luck! And stay in touch!
Cyncie
I know you're busy, but when you get the chance, we'd love to hear more and maybe take a peek at your little sweetie. Do you know if the BF has signed off yet? Do you feel settled in? Are you getting any sleep? I hope all is well.
Thanks for asking. I'm sorry I have been MIA. BF has the packet he needs to fill out from my adoption agency and will hopefully go to the adoption agency in his state this week some time to sign relinquishment papers. I am doing well, but will feel much better when that's done. My DH has the baby for about 4 hours a night so I can sleep. Otherwise I am pretty much awake, but it's worth it! I hope to check in more often and offer support now that I am settled.
Sleep deprivation is not fun. I well remember! But you're right: it's worth it! Do let us know when he signs. Is there a waiting period after that? We'll all celebrate with you when it's finally final!
HI,
My name is Jane. I frequent the donor egg board. I want to start looking into adoption. I am in Australia. Does anyone have any information about single Australian women adopting children from Asian countries such as Cambodia, China, Thailand, or Vietnam.
Thanks and my best wishes to all of you, JaneCCC
cosgrk01@student.uwa.edu.au
Well, I sure don't know much. I do know that Australia severely limits the number of adoptions it allows per year. Regarding China, as of May 1st, singles may no longer adopt from China. I know that Vietnam recently reopened for adoptions, and many people--including singles--are flocking there. I know less about Thailand and Cambodia, but a web search might help you get some basic information. Hopefully, someone here will know more.
I would advise you of one thing. If you read about an agency that has limits that disqualify you (such as age), check around for other agencies that may not be as restrictive. I know many agencies pass off their own rules as a country's rules. I just hope that in Australia, you have a choice of agencies.
Good luck to you and keep us informed as you go along. We may all learn in the process since it's different adopting from the US and from Australia.
I just wanted to say "hi." I'm on the DE board, too, and we are also on this board looking into every option. I'm also still on the over 40 + high FSH board. I feel at home with the over 40 crowd as I feel this is my biggest obstacle in ttc on my own. However, I think that adoption is a wonderful way to build a family. We aren't even sure if we want to go domestic or international. We always thought we'd go to China, but, with the new restrictions I'm not so sure. We have friends that adopted from Russia. Two precious wonderful children. One little boy just under a year and a little girl just over a year. They are four months apart so obviously not siblings, but look like twins. Their parents could not be happier, and things are working out really well for them. Now with the new developments with Russian adoption, we are looking more toward Guatamala.
Well. I really just wanted to say hello, and any info that you get will be of great interest to us as well.
Hi! I wish I could help answer your question but it is so specific (plus I am doing a domestic adoption). YOu might want to ask a larger group of women. There is another adoption board that is VERY fast and busy and includes parents who are going international as well as domestic. They might be able to help. But I hope you will continue to post here too. We are small but very supportive... Anyway, here is the link to the other board:
I need to say a few things that are swirling around in my head
by caz (no login)
We actually made our final decision this past Monday, April 9 and told the birthmom on Tuesday, and saw the baby for the last time on Wednesday. It's been a terribly emotional week, to say the least. The good news is that there was another family that she was considering at the same time as us, and they agreed immediately to adopt the baby ... they are just an amazing couple who is ready for anything that comes their way. No matter what, he is a beautiful little boy and is going to be the joy of their lives.
Now that we've turned this adoption down, I'm scared to death that God has this planned for us no matter what, and I'll end up giving birth to a child with severe disabiliites. But, I guess my feelings on that are that we'll deal with that situation no matter what and it's a very different decision process when you're adopting vs. giving birth. I don't know why we were faced with this situation, it has made me feel like a horrible person. Yet, I am very comforted by most people in that they assure me they'd do the same thing. So, I was feeling better about it all and then found out last night that the other couple was taking him "no questions asked" and it brought me down to my dark place again. (((sob)))
On one hand, I feel like we didn't have the luxury of knowing what we were potentially dealing with, because the birthfamily wanted a decision right then and there. On the other hand, I feel like Littles deserves parents who are prepared to take him no matter what.
I feel like I just gave away my baby because I was afraid. Because I was protecting my young marriage from potential doom by taking on a child with special needs when we weren't prepared for it.
I feel like I don't even deserve to be a mother.
This was our baby, and I let him down. And the grief I feel today knowing that someone else is going to raise him is crippling me. What kind of people are we to bond with this baby for an entire week and then walk away? I know he's better off with someone else, there is no doubt in my mind that we made the right decision for him ... but it really makes me question who I am.
I just don't know why this had to happen. His tests still aren't back, and his new parents don't care what they turn up. He is lucky that he has them.
Oh Caz, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please don't beat yourself up... (God men
by Faith (no login)
You ARE NOT a terrible person. You and DH made the decision based on just what you could handle right now at this point in your life. The fact that there is another couple who feels more capable of handling whatever comes of Littles issues just means that they are at a different point. I know right now that you can't possible feel anything but confusion, but at some point I hope this gives you some peace. This child that you will always care for will have the family he was meant to have. And God will give you the family you were meant to have. Perhaps that was why there was another family in the wings for Littles. And perhaps that is what helped you and DH make the decision to move on.
By protecting your young marriage you are also preparing to be the best parents you can be. I know how much strain IF has placed on our young marriage and I wish I could figure out how to best protect it. It isn't easy...
I know that there is a baby out there who is just perfect for you. I wish Littles had been the one. I know I am rambling, but I just want to give you some support. I wish you peace in the days to come. I know you will continue to second guess yourself ( I would be driving myself crazy!) But go with your gut. Hugs to you and DH.
your words really are helpful. I know you are right. I really do know it.
I guess I also need to clarify (so it won't be assumed) that we never brought him home with us, as he is still in the NICU. But still, we did bond with him and do love him dearly. He's doing very well, I hear, and is now in an open crib without IVs and oxygen, although he is still on a feeding pump because he will not take a nipple (at 37 weeks).
His birth grandmother said the most insensitive thing to me a few days ago (while I was sobbing) ... she said, "There are a lot of people praying for you. We have no doubt that we'll find a family who has a heart big enough to adopt him." Maybe she didn't mean it the way I took it, maybe it's just my guilt eating away at me that she was implying that we didn't have hearts big enough for him. Honestly, this wasn't about hearts or love, because we love him with ALL of our hearts, we just felt he deserved better parents than we could be right now.
It's kind of ironic, because I honestly can say that I understand what a birthmother must feel.
...like you need prayer for having a small heart. Then what does that mean about her own daughter (or son)? I sure hope she didn't mean it that way. You were honest the entire way and were vulnerable yourself to the birthparents changing their minds. The scary part about adoption is that it's not final for anyone until it's final. Everyone has emotions hanging out there. I'm sorry yours got hurt.
I am truly hoping the birth grandmother just had a case of "open mouth insert foot"
by Faith (no login)
and really didn't mean the comment the way it sounded. You almost (I did say ALMOST) have to chuckle. She probably thought about what she said 2 seconds later and thought, "I can't believe I just said that." But I am sorry it hurt you.
I am so glad Littles is doing well in the NICU. I hope you begin to heal as well.
I'm so sorry. I know I'd be thinking these same thoughts, but you know what? It's all working out the best for everyone, considering. I don't think you're a bad person for not KNOWINGLY choosing a child with potential problems. I do think it's different than having a bio child with problems. You are not a horrible person. You just know your limitations. You can't compare yourself with others. Do you think people who don't adopt are horrible? Yet you are willing to give a good home to a child when many others aren't. It just isn't their path while to you, adoption isn't a sacrifice, it's a joy. Do you think the birthmother is horrible for giving her child up for adoption? No, it just wasn't her time to parent, and her situation has now made another couple very happy. I just don't think comparing yourself to others or some ideal will do much except make you miserable and second guess yourself. Littles is now going to have a loving home, and you will move on to the child that is meant to be yours. Meanwhile, you are now in a position to help other people who may encounter this same situation some day. You have acquired the gift of comfort and wise counsel for some other couple beating themselves up. I know it came at a high price and may not have been something you wanted, but that is something positive to take away from this.
Take time to be sad, but after a bit, take a mental break, do something that makes you happy and once again start to focus on the baby that WILL be yours.
Hugs to you!!!!!
Jess, I like the way you think You have really made me aware that I need to restructure the way I am looking at this, and yes, it is an experience that will enable me to have the compassion to help someone in the future. One of the NICU doctors told me last week that we needed to make our decision quickly, and to not beat ourselves up over it. He told me that the guilt would eat me alive and that I wouldn't do anybody any favors if I dwelled on it and beat myself up, and now I understand what he meant. He was right, and you Jess, are making me realize that I need to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on walking. Thank you.
Re: I should've posted above (WARNING - PITY PARTY)
by Jess (no login)
Yes, well, a short-term pity party is certainly in order. Sometimes it even makes you feel better for a while. You're certainly entitled.
Whenever I have a painful experience, I just try to tell myself that someday, I'll be able to help others through the same thing. If I didn't think that way, I'd feel the experience was for nothing, and I just can't deal with that. I also think about embarrassing situations and how they'll entertain my friends later. It's just a coping device I use.
So have a big pity party, wallow in it, then move on. I know you will in time. Love to you!
You have done a beautiful thing being there for this little life & passing him to a couple ready for his unique challenges. As agonizing as all this has been for you - I think it's cool you've found a parallel with the BM experience.
And NO ONE can judge your decision. I don't think any of us could guess what we would do until we were THERE. (But I will anyway I think I would likely do exactly what you have done & would be feeling the same way you are feeling. I applaud your strength & know that sweet baby is where God intended.
You are a doll. Thank you. I've been so blessed to have so many wonderful friends around me lifting me up (all of you included) and that has been so helpful to me. I still feel crappy, I don't think that's going to go away for awhile, but I honestly believe we made the right decision and that he is going to have the parents he's meant to have.
I know it is easer said than done, but try not to be hard on yourself. It takes courage to decide what you can handle and what is in the best interest of the baby and act of that decision. The baby will be with a loving family who knows that they can handle the challenges that they may face ahead. You were there to care for him and love him and ensure that he got to his family.
I made the difficult decision to end a pregnancy when I found out that the baby had downs syndrom. Many people would not have made the choise that my DH and I made but we sat down and discussed this even before having the amnio. We felt that this was not something that we could handle. I beat myself up for a long time especially when I started down the IF road. I felt that I was being punished for my actions and as a result would never have a child. Those nagging thoughts returned when our first adoption was disrupted. I believe that DH and I made the right decision for us and our family and no longer feel that I was being punished. Thre kids and millions of diaper changes later, I know that we have the children that were meant for us.
So... try not to listen to any negative things that anyone else has to say and most importantly do not be down on yourself.
I'm feeling SO MUCH better about things today, I guess I had to have my grieving period and sing the blues for a while. Just dropped off all of the birthfather's info to NICU for the new family ... it was weird going back to that place but not getting to go in. But I'm okay with it now.
I'm so sorry you had to make that decision with your pregnancy. I guess that's part of why my struggle has been so hard ... my DH and I are in agreement that we would not terminate a pregnancy, but here we terminated an adoption due to special needs. Just Very Bizarre. So, go figure ... I suppose it's all meant to be.
Thank you for your support and for allowing me the time and the space to whine!
You are definalty NOT whining, this is a true grieving period for you.
I am glad to hear that things are looking brighter for you. Every day will bring you closer to your baby. After you have him/her home, you will be thankful for all that you have gone through. Without each of the twists and turnr along the way your would not be with YOUR baby.
I would not change a thing. Every tear was worth shedding as long as I ended up with my 3 little ones.
Please keep posting, we want to follow your progress.
I am so sorry about the painful emotions you are feeling and that you are grieving so much.
I hope you can find a way to feeling at peace about how Littles found his family, and can soon move on to your next chapter.
I know this experience has given you some gifts, but you need to grieve now, and get some perspective later.
There is no way someone could go through something this deeply challenging and not feel how you are feeling. Just be gentle with yourself, and let yourself say your sad goodbyes. I am so thrilled that a family will adopt Littles, and I hope that that will be the main feeling that remains with you as you move forward in life.
(By the way, I hope you don't mind my giving you my pastor's view of God, and that is that God does not send people bad things. I hope you let go of that worry.)
Oh, I'm sorry for not responding sooner ... I just saw this message for the first time! I'm feeling really good about things and have stopped beating myself up (still have a few regrets, but I guess that's normal). Thank you for sharing your pastor's view, I agree with that
I have been considering adopting from Russia, I spoke to Alliance for Children in MA and I was told that Russia has closed down temporarily and will be re-accrediting agencies. Sometimes this takes weeks or months, but all expecting parents that have handed in their dossier to Russia effective the close down a few days ago, will be "honored" and the process will continue to go forward for them. Those that have not gotten that far will have to wait it out. It seems like this happens every so often, so I am hopeful that it will go back to normal sooner rather then later.
It's comforting to know that this is temporary and a normal glitch that will just take a little time to work out. And I'm so glad that those in process won't have any delay. It's always good when a country makes sure agencies are acting in an ethical manner. I'm so relieved to hear this!
I read these on another adoption website and wanted to pass them along:
Just an FYI about the USA Today article. it is very misleading!!!! I received
an email from our agency which does Russian adoptions as well and they made a
big point to say that Russia has not closed its doors on adoption. Yes, it is
true that there is no agency that has accreditation but there are 11 U.S.
agencies that have special permission from the Ministry of Education to continue
adoptions. I think our agency said that there are currently a handful of
families there now on their first trip and several more traveling shortly for
their 2nd trip (court trip).
So don't believe everything you read. As usual the media is always trying to
strike a chord with someone and I don't know how many times the media has
printed or reported anything 100% truthful.
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It's really not something that happened all that quickly. Around April of last
year the Russian MOE stopped issueing reaccreditations. They made the decision
that agencies would have to provide proof of NGO status in order to be eligible
for reaccreditation - this is a reasonable request of agencies who should be in
the adoption business for humanitarian reasons not solely for making profits for
their owners. It took several months for agencies to figure out what documents
would be acceptable proof of NGO status from a Russian perspective, gather and
submit them. Once an agency submitted its NGO proof packet it took a while for
that to be reviewed and deemed acceptable by the Russian governmental bodies.
Next the agency had to submit the application for reaccreditation. Previously
agencies had to be reaccredited each year (which is why now that it is April
there are no more accredited agencies) - going forward this will only have to
happen every 5 years.
Those in process can proceed depending on a few variables. If an agency is
working in one of the few regions where indy adoptions are still permitted they
may get a child offer and go for a first trip. (The wait is long because many
families have their requests registered in a small number of indy regions). If
an agency is working in a region and prior to their accreditation expiring their
client family had made a first trip and accepted a child, then the family can
still get a court date (again this is taking a long time, but it is happening).
After a successful court then the family can bring the child home. The problem
is in regions where indy adoptions are not allowed and families have not
traveled for the first time - then nothing can happen until an agency gets
reaccredited.
The article may have been written to draw political attention to the very
frustrating situation that now exists. US agencies do not believe this is the
end of the Russian adoption program, but they would certainly like to see
movement sooner rather than later.
Our homestudy just got finalized last week, and we'll work on our portfolio next after we take a month or two off to refocus.
I think I would likely do exactly what you have done & would be feeling the same way you are feeling. I applaud your strength & know that sweet baby is where God intended.