Welcome to the Adoption Board! Here is a board for those interested in Adoption to trade information, experiences, and support! This board is dedicated to Julie (Jules) who has tirelessly helped many of us through the adoption process.
Do I have a shot?
by Rita (no login)
I'm 45 and divorced. I am a single mom to a son conceived through ivf. I would love to have another child and would like to consider adoption.
Will my age and single status stand in my way?
No, your age and marital status will not necessarily stand in your way. - Perhaps you would not meet the criteria for certain international programs, but domestic is definitely an option for you. The best thing to do would be to research lots of different domestic adoption agencies and see what their policies are. Good luck! It's not over for you!
The average wait time at our agency is a year. That's what I've found to be the case on other adoption boards, too. I think there is a misconception in the U.S. that it takes years and years and years. What state are you in?
The short answer is yes. Lots of single women and women older than you adopt. Birthmothers usually select the parents, so wait times can vary, but you can hire people to help promote you or make a good match for you. As for international adoption, check the web for countries that accept older, single women. If you're somewhat flexible, it WILL happen for you!
I have friends that got caught in the new state dept. rules, that you can't adopt from Vietnam anymore. They are heartbroken. I guess there were a few orphanages that were taking 'stolen' kids.
Yes, Vietnam is once again temporarily closed. Countries close and open up all the time. It may open again in the future, but not the foreseeable future, so you'll have better luck looking at other countries. The US was concerned about some corruption, so rather than have the US poking around, Vietnam just cut off adoptions to the US. I'd rather they look into the corruption and fix it, but this was their choice, sadly, to stop the adoptions instead.
just wanting to introduce myself.
(minus the years of heartache and waiting, of course; like all of us.)
I"m 39, DH is 45. He is stepdad to my DD, 8. We've been ttc for 3 years together, but before my DD was born, I was ttc for 8 years.
I've had endometriosis since puberty, and many surgeries and lots of drugs. No help, sometimes made it all worse...
I"ve spent a fortune on herbs, supplements, acupuncture, ostopathy, psychotherapy; and my endo symptoms are much better (and shouldn't be stopping the conception, but obviously has something to do with it), but still no baby...
I'm tossing up between DE and adoption after many years of ttc. I've completed 3/4 of the adoption application process here in New Zealand, and am somewhat half heartedly looking at DE...
I realised this morning that I could handle NOT being chosen for adoption far better than having a DE cycle not work out; it's been too long and exhausting and expensive; and I'm tired of the disappointment.
However, we found out at our final adoption prep/ed session on friday that the numbers are better than we thought; there are on 15ish adoptions a year in our area, but there are only about 25 couples in the pool at any one time. That doesn't seem bad odds to me, compared with the odds of getting a baby with ART...
anyway, hello everyone....
and Welcome! I have been on vacation and am just catching up.
Sounds like your odds at adoption are pretty good, actually! Once you decide to go that way, you'll leave all the medical negativity behind and find that enthusiasm you once had. I wish you luck!
i'm sitting at a major crossroads today. We met our social worker last week to start the assesment part of the adoption application process. I got terribly excited and felt so clear that I was ready to do this.
Then today, my period comes a week early and I know the b/w from this morning will determine whether or not we do One Last IVF.
Definitely ready to turn some corners; I just thought I had another week to get my head around it all!!
I guess I have to figure out how to gracefully close some doors before I can wholeheartedly open some others, eh?
what stage are you up to with adoption?
We have adopted twice from China. I'm ready for a third, but DH isn't. So we'll see in time if this is it or not. I couldn't love my girls more if I had given birth to them. In some ways, it's nice not to see my bad traits in them. Good luck with the b/w! You never know! You could even end up doing both!
Does anyone know how to do research to find out if an adoption agency is good/legit? The one we are thinking of using is called Adoption Pros in Michigan. Fee for adopting an Eatern European child is 24,555 USD, includes liasing with foreign agencies, etc. Is this fee normal?
I did research on Michigan's better business bureau and all seems ok with this firm.
Is there anything else I should do?
Is this adoption fee normal?
The fee sounds fine to me--maybe even a tad low. I am not familiar with this agency, though. I think your best bet is to find a website where people have adopted from Eastern Europe and ask there. People will give you the real scoop--the good, the bad, and the ugly. This might get you started. I'm not really up on Easter European adoption.
Good luck!
Thank you for confirming the fee is within range and maybe low. The Home Study is not included in the fee... and it will be a bit higher than the US Home Studies.. maybe 2500 USD. Also not included are our travel/ lodging to see the child. All else is include.
Many many thanks Jess! We are going to proceed with the application and see what happens!
Well, I thought travel would be included in that. Most of the expense is in the travel. It used to be that adopting from China cost between $15,000 and $20,000 while adopting from Russia cost between $20,000 and $25,000, but I'm sure the fees are higher now. It still should cost you under $30,000, I would think. But perhaps more for other countries in Eastern Europe. ??? There are so many countries opening up and closing down that it's hard to keep track.
Good luck!
Open adoption experiences? (new poster, child ment)
by kfx216 (no login)
I'm new here, so I'm sure this has been asked before, but I'm wondering what experiences people have had with open adoption, particularly those who already have a child.
Even though it is really the only option open to us (the old joke, I'm not gay but my partner is , but that stil means international adoption is out), I am a little concerned for two reasons:
1) My DD is 3, so what would happen if we were matched and then the birthmom decided to keep the child. I think I could "position" it to my DD as "helping" until we knew for sure we'd get the child, but wonder if anyone else has had this experience.
2) I know that the birth parents give up their rights, but am concerned that since we are gay, our rights would be secondary to birth parents and/or birth family, even at a much later date.
My partner is very against open adoption for these reasons, but is also under the delusion that at (almost) 45 and after ttc off and on for 2 years I'm going to be able to pop out a second child. Open adoption seems to be the only option available to us and even then I'm concerned DD will be in kindergarden before we're matched. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. TIA!
Re: Open adoption experiences? (new poster, child ment)
by Jess (no login)
I don't have any experience with gay adoption or domestic adoption, but I do know that the timeline for the final termination of parental rights would be the same whether you are gay or not. But until that happens, your rights ARE sort of secondary regardless of whether you are single, married, gay, or straight. Whether it would take you longer to be selected by a birthmother is another matter entirely. I believe there are websites that help gays adopt. You might find some with a google search. Sorry I can't be more help. If I run across a website for you, I'll post it here.
1. Every state's adoption laws vary. What state are you in? In Colorado the birth mother cannot sign "termination of parental rights" until three days after birth. Once she signs TPR, it is irrevocable.
2. All of our rights are secondary to the birth mother's until TPR is signed. There's always that chance she will not go through with the adoption plan.
3. You and your partner may have a longer wait due to your sexual orientation...but maybe not! In most cases, the birth mother chooses who she wants to parent her child. Our agency has had many successful placements with same sex adoptive parents.
i thought i would let you know that for 0.99/month you can get rid of the pop-ups. if you have a network54 login and account there is a way to upgrade and pay 0.99 to stop the pop-ups. it works and is WORTH it. no more butts in your face!
hugs,
fish_queen
fish_queen
Me 44; highest fsh 31
DH 36 and passed all tests
TTC 40 months; Many POAS cycles
5 months Clomid with GYN, IUI #1 BFN.
--------------------------
w/ RE for 21 months
IUIs #2-4 w/ Follistim; all BFN
IVF #1- MDL/High stim May 2007. ER = 5, 3 mature, Fert = 0
IUI #5 (unmedicated) June 2007 BFN;
start estrace in LP. P4 in all cycles.
IVF #2 (Check) low stim. July 2007; ER = 3, ET = 1 7-cell grade 2B, BFN
failed post-coital, test Aug 2007
IUI #6 (Follistim) Aug-Sept 07 BFN
Sept 07 = high APAs...+ clotting issues, need more immune tests
IUI #7 (follistim/antagonist + lovenox/P4 after ovulation) Sept 07 BFN
IUI #8 follistim only + lovenox/P4 Oct 07 BFN
--------------------------------------------
Lap and hysto (Jan 08) showed mild endo, blocked right tube, barely functioning left tube, mildly septate uterus. RE repaired! HSG all clear.
********************************************
low-stim BD cycle. add DEX, lovenox; April 08
HOLY CRAP April 08: TSH = 4.5. start synthroid
next step = immune testing and low-stim IVF
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We're adopting a little girl!!!!!!!!!!! (x-post, m/c, adoption, cancer ment, long)
by Rachie (no login)
I've only posted a few times on here but used to post frequently on the high fsh board. We got the call last week that we were matched and our baby girl is due August 20th! My dh & I are over the moon and I can't actually believe I'm really going to be a mom. We are adopting out of state, so we will have to stay there for 10 days up to 3 weeks after the baby is born. That's going to be hard, but obviously well worth it. We get to be in the delivery room and everything!
After over 3 1/2 years of ttc and 1 m/c, 1 ectopic, numerous failed ivfs, iuis, and fets and let's not forget the breast cancer, I'm finally going to realize my dream of having a baby!!!! It seems like it's all happening so fast even though I've been waiting for so long. We sent our paperwork in on March 3rd and got the call on May 20th....I always hoped we'd be one of those lucky couples who got chosen quickly and by golly we were!
My dh and I are going to meet the birthmom in June and go to her last u/s appointment with her. I can't wait to see our little sweetheart kicking away.
My twin sister is throwing me a baby shower, me a baby shower...with pink streamers and finger sandwiches!!!! Yeah!!!!
Thanks for always being there when I needed you all and I'll keep you posted when our little angel arrives!
Peace,
Rachael
Congratulations!!! While it may have been a short wait after getting your paperwork in, it's been a long time coming. You're right: she'll be sooooooo worth everything you've gone through or will go through. I can't wait to hear more!
i am so thrilled for you. what fun that you get to be there for the birth of your daughter.
keep us posted.
fish_queen
fish_queen
Me 44; highest fsh 31
DH 36 and passed all tests
TTC 40 months; Many POAS cycles
5 months Clomid with GYN, IUI #1 BFN.
--------------------------
w/ RE for 21 months
IUIs #2-4 w/ Follistim; all BFN
IVF #1- MDL/High stim May 2007. ER = 5, 3 mature, Fert = 0
IUI #5 (unmedicated) June 2007 BFN;
start estrace in LP. P4 in all cycles.
IVF #2 (Check) low stim. July 2007; ER = 3, ET = 1 7-cell grade 2B, BFN
failed post-coital, test Aug 2007
IUI #6 (Follistim) Aug-Sept 07 BFN
Sept 07 = high APAs...+ clotting issues, need more immune tests
IUI #7 (follistim/antagonist + lovenox/P4 after ovulation) Sept 07 BFN
IUI #8 follistim only + lovenox/P4 Oct 07 BFN
--------------------------------------------
Lap and hysto (Jan 08) showed mild endo, blocked right tube, barely functioning left tube, mildly septate uterus. RE repaired! HSG all clear.
********************************************
low-stim BD cycle. add DEX, lovenox; April 08
HOLY CRAP April 08: TSH = 4.5. start synthroid
next step = immune testing and low-stim IVF
-------------------------------------------
I don't post on this board often but I myself am in the process of finalizing the adoption of our little miracle. Madison was born in April and we, like you, had to stay in the state she was born for a month. You are so lucky to be having the baby shower now. I was so afraid of something not going through that I wouldn't allow anyone to throw a shower until after we had her home with us. It would have been nice to have the shower and nursery completed before her arrival but I needed to do it this way. My good friend threw a beautiful welcome home shower for us when we got back and then the guest of honor got to be there too!
I have been posting on the fsh playgroup lately but if you want to email me too, here is my email smorseburg@excite.com Can't wait to hear all about your little girl!!!!!!
Stephanie
We have hired an adoption attorney and are seeking a domestic independent adoption of a newborn. We are pursuing some of our own marketing to find a birthmom and would like to locate a company that specializes in mailing lists for marketing to primary care doctors, OB/GYN's, women's health centers, etc. Can anyone recommend some reliable resources to find such a mailing list company? Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Good luck with the b/w! You never know! You could even end up doing both!
, but that stil means international adoption is out), I am a little concerned for two reasons: 