Welcome to the Adoption Board! Here is a board for those interested in Adoption to trade information, experiences, and support! This board is dedicated to Julie (Jules) who has tirelessly helped many of us through the adoption process.
How long will it take?
by Kate (no login)
I'm interested in applying to adopt. I have not started yet. How long will it take to do the pre-qualification process? Then, after that, how long to be on the waiting list?
We are probably going to try for domestic adoption first.
Well, we didn't do a domestic adoption, but I can tell you that our homestudy took unusually long, and that was seven months. I have heard around four months or so to get it together, but much depends on where you live and how fast the professionals you work with are. I have no idea how long a wait is for a domestic adoption. I understand there are estimates, but it has to vary greatly depending on the birthmothers and what they're looking for. Theoretically your wait could be nothing to eternity. I imagine the average wait is under a year, though. I hope someone familiar with domestic adoption can help you.
Good luck, by the way! You won't be sorry you started this journey!
within 4 weeks of contacting the home study agency. It was a fairly simple process compared to infertility standards. Where do you live? We hired an adoption consultant. Try looking on their web site. adoptionadvice andguidedance.com. We were referred by a couple who adopted 2 infants, and their waiting time was 6 weeks after home study was complete.
6 weeks after their first consult with the people at Adoption, Advice and Guidance. It helps if you already have the home study complete, since the process of the completion is dependant on the person whom you choose to do it. The home study may take several weeks to complete. I don't how long that took for this couple, but for me, my home study was complete within 4 weeks of contacting the agency. Alot of the time of the home study is dependant on how long you take to submit all of your paperwork.
that this couple adopted two different times with this consulting agency. Each time their wait was minimal. If you utilize their services within 12 months of the first adoption, their consultation fee is discounted by 50 percent. They are not a placement agency, but they have a network throughout the country with not only private adoption lawyers, but also adoption agencies.
It was about 10 or 11 months from the time we got our paperwork and wrote our first check until we brought our baby home. A lot depends on you. We took a very long time filling out the paperwork and had many bumps along the way. Once we were officially in the "waiting period" we got the call on day 70 of waiting.
Frank Adoption Agency in North Carolina and Alliance for Children in Massachusttes are suppose to be among the best. I know somebody that adopted her daughter from Russia, she interviewed 12 agencies and thought these two were tops. She wound up using Frank, but Alliance is more flexibe in taking existing children abroad if neccesary.
Do adoption agencies get medical records of prospective parents? Would they rule someone out if they had a medical condition, say, diabetes or something chronic?
Provided us with medical history of the birthmom that she informed them of...I'm thinking that they probably would not rule out based on diabetes etc..but they would tell the potential adoptive parents everything they could...Our agency would call us and present a situation and ask if we wanted our profile shown....Hope this helps....Jennifer
We had to have a physical as part of our home study....I imagine that they would not rule you out if your condition is controllable by meds, etc....Jennifer
They don't get a copy of your records per se, but they do have forms for your doctor to fill out, and anything major would be included. If a country rules out certain health issues, then an agency wouldn't take you as a client for that country. Otherwise, I would say it depends on the issue and the agency. I would bet they have differing criteria. However, most will take clients who have a medical condition under control. You have to remember they want to be sure you're able to raise a child. If you have a normal expected life span and a quality of life that would allow you to raise a child, I doubt you'll have a problem with an agency signing you. How a birthmother will perceive your situation (in a domestic adoption) is another matter.
Please help with information...on preadoption scrapbook for potential birthmoms
by
(no login)
i would so appreciate some help. a friend of mine just started their home study for a domestic adoption. the agency suggested that she and her hubby put together an informational scrapbook of themselves for potential bms to look over while choosing an adoptive family...
she doesn't know where to begin, what kind of info to include...looking for some guidance...please help!!
Hello all,,Our DD's adoption agency has a picnic every fall for the adoptive parents and birthparents(and families)...I talked to BM today and she is planning to attend...She and BF are in a continuous toxic relationship but now she lives two hours away from him...Anyways,,I made a lovely scrapbook via internet and purchased a copy for BM...Do you think I should also purchase one for BF....I guess if he doesn't show up at the picnic she could give it to him at some point...I don't want to offend him....Hmmm Jennifer
I would. He would probably appreciate the gesture and may even be very happy about it. Just because they are on again off again doesn't mean he wouldn't be interested in his BD. And should he arrive at this picnic unannounced, you'll be glad you included him.
Hi Jennifer---We had a disappointing DE cycle...Our donor was 25 yo mother of twins....In the end we had only 1 blast that was transferred...I did get pregnant but m/c at 9 weeks...The whole thing was very odd because I pretty much was spotting the whole time and they kept saying "everythings fine" but it wasn't....I knew it in my heart....I had better luck doing IVF with my own eggs (numbers wise) but no pregnancy as a result...I have a bio son from clomid and IUI....
It still kind of baffles my mind after all this time....This probably didn't make your decision any easier...I'm sure DE has worked for some....In fact I have a friend that has a two year old from DE and now pregnant with twins, also DE.....DE also cost me $30,000..That's two IVF right there.....Best wishes to you Jennifer
I wasn't interested. We were even offered frozen embryos, but we weren't interested. I didn't want to go through pregnancy and childbirth unless the child was biologically mine. Besides, our problem was sperm related. We talked about donor sperm, but I couldn't get past the "ick" factor, and I wasn't sure how difficult that would be to explain to a child someday.
Honestly, I always wanted to adopt, so moving from IVF to adoption wasn't a huge leap for me. Besides, I was ready to be a mom and get away from the medical camp.
Good luck whatever you decide!
Hi there! We're struggling with this right now, too. I really would like for my DD to have a bio sibling...however, I'm not a high risk type of person, and with only "X" amount of dollars, and not even that, really, we're talking a major loan, I like the odds of adoption much better. Me, personally, I'm all for adoption. If it weren't for the bio sibling thing for my DD, we'd be full bore for adoption right now. I've discussed this on the board before also...I have an adopted Asian cousin who married a Chinese woman (whom I love like a sister), and they have 2 adorable boys, so if we went through China, our new child would have Chinese cousins. That would certainly be a bonus for learning about their heritage, and a win-win situation for all I would hope.
Big, huge, decisions. I'm on the DE board as well.
i appreciate the responses. still not sure what we will be doing...but i think we'll try DE first if i can find a shared program that is not too $$$. i would love to do the adoption concurrently but with the cost of everything not sure we can swing it.
a DE cycle. The fresh transfer and the frozen transfer both failed. We are still TTC, but are looking at adoption now.
Adoption doesn't mean you have to give up trying for a biological child, trying IVF, or whatever. That is how I look at it, anyway.
Looking for your stories on Domestic Adoption/Poll
by
(no login)
Hello. DH and and I are 36 we've been TTC #2 for 3 yrs and I have diminished Ovarian reserve- so it might not happen for us.. we have a 3 1/2 DD now.
DH is interested in domestic adoption. Id like to hear your stories on it-
Was it Open?
State of the agency? were you "out of state" from the birth mother? did you travel?
approx cost?
How long was the process?
Any other information you'd like to share about the process?
You can be Anon post if you'd fee more comfortable.
Re: Looking for your stories on Domestic Adoption/Poll
by Stacy (no login)
Was it Open? We did meet the BM and will send a letter and pictures to both BM and BD.
With our agency we were able to list what we were comfortable with. They did let us know that if we chose closed we would wait a lot longer.
State of the agency? We are in the same state as BM, but did have to travel to another city.
Approx cost? 25,000
How long was the process? We received the call that we were chosen on day 70 of waiting, not bad at all, but all the stuff before that is time consuming and depends a lot on how fast you do things. Instead of the call saying you were chosen and the baby will be due such and such, it was the baby was born yesterday!
Any other information you'd like to share about the process?
I didn't really think it was true when EVERYONE kept saying that everything happens the way it does because you will get the baby that belongs with you. Many "bumps in the road" kept happening. One example is that our paperwork for our physicals mysteriously got misplaced. The dr. was sure he sent it to the adoption agency and the adoption agency was sure they never received it. I kept hearing- well if all of these bumps in road don't occur, you won't get the baby that's meant for you. I was really getting sick of hearing it, but now I couldn't agree more. It's the best thing I have ever done in my life.
It was about 10 or 11 months from the time we got our paperwork and wrote our first check until we brought our baby home. Like I said though, a lot depends on you. We took a very long time filling out the paperwork and had many bumps along the way.
We have a 5yo bio son and a DD 1.5 yrs from open domestic adoption....We actually signed on with an out of state private lawyer and two local agencies...I was told this would better our chances of adopting a newborn caucasian baby...We were matched within 10 months with the lawyer and that adoption failed after the baby was born...That adoption was going to cost $35,000 We lost approximately 15,000 (5,000 in BM expenses and 10,000 to the lawyer)...They were going to re-match us sometime but then two months later we were selected by a birthmom with our local agency and she had a six-week old infant daughter...We met with her on four occasions before she was comfortable placing her daughter with our family....We talk to her on the phone and see her about every three months or so...That adoption cost about $15,000...We have a good relationship with her and it just seems normal that she is still involved....Her family also sometimes visits with her....We couldn't be happier with our situation....Jennifer
Hi---The birthmom and birthdad were still a couple...The birthmom really wanted the adoption (she had a three year old she couldn't support) but the birthdad did not...They were young (18 and 20)....His family stepped in after the baby was born and they decided not to go through with the adoption....It was a bad deal,,,I actually had alot of doubts about the adoption and she was not honest with us about her feelings and his...A big red flag would be no support from any family members and she had none...In fact we catered to her family the two days she and the baby were in the hospital and at the last second she decided not to go through with it...It was rough...This is just part of the adoption roller-coaster ride...You don't have any control over the situation....This happened in Tulsa, OK..But that doesn't really matter it can happen anywhere...The good news is something good eventually works out...Hope I didn't scare you its just a reality of the process...Jennifer
No no- you didn't scare me- I know it's a reality of adoption esp domestic...
I can't imagine how heartbroken you were... I've dealt with infertility and 1% chance of ever having another Bio child.. and dissapointment month after month that I'm not sure I can take that kind of heartache on top of what I've already endured... My husband wants to look into domestic adoption and I'm more interested in China adoption...
so I want to get in put from all aspects..
I really appreciate you sharing your story with me!
Cheryl
36
DH 36
Highest know fsh #14.7
#1 Natural 6mos TTC with DD
4 failed Clomid IUI cycles
GonalF Feb/IUI/BFN
GonaF Aug/ IUI... ??
TTC #2 for almost 3 years
I hate to leave you hanging here, but I've been too busy to ask around. If I get some time, I'll ask on one of my China boards. There are many people switching from China to Vietnam, and I can get some information there. I know which agency you use matters with Vietnamese adoption. (I understand it's not centrally controlled, unlike China.)
Here is what I heard from a friend of a friend. She says she's just looking into adoption from Vietnam and is frustrated in that when one person claims to have had a bad experience with an agency, others swear by that same agency. For example, I've heard bad things about IAAP, yet many love that agency. Anyway, here are some places to research.
Jess
VORF is mostly considered good as is PLAN.
You will hear both good and bad but they seem to be ethical, maybe
lacking in hand-holding/customer contact, but pretty good. IAAP is
very good, and the biggies - Holt, Dillon, CHopeI, PearlSBuck
Foundation, etc are all ethical and good but may be a bit pricy.
Make sure the agency is really licensed in Vietnam by checking the
embassy web page (don't remember the link) and not 'umbrellaing'
under someone else's license (big NO-NO). Smaller agencies are
cheaper but also more likely to cut corners in the in-country
support areas.
i have just started looking into adoption. we are still struggling with IF and not quite ready but i want to get info and possibly a home study done so we can move forward when we are ready. i think doing this may help me be ready to move on...
i requested info from american adoptions but i would love to get a reco from anyone who is from the NJ/NY area. american adoptions is quite expensive ($20-$30k). is this the normal amount for an agency?
any help is appreciated. thank you. jennifer
me: 37
dh: 32
dx'd 1/2004 with 18.9
1st IUI 1/04- bfp but no hb at 8 weeks
2nd IUI 5/04 - bfn
3rd IUI 8/04 - BFP (fsh tested 10 that month) - DD born 4/29/2005
ttc #2
1st IUI - BFN
1st IVF - BFN
2nd, 3rd and 4th IUI's - BFN
taking a couple of months off to do accu and herbs
Do you know for sure if you want a domestic adoption or an international adoption? You might want to research both on-line to be sure. Then, it doesn't matter where your agency is located, but I can understand if it's helpful to have an attorney or agency close by. (Sorry, I wouldn't know any in your area.) I just wanted you to know that you don't have to limit yourself.
Adoption costs can vary, but what you've been quoted is quite reasonable and normal. Keep in mind that you do get an adoption credit after-the-fact on your taxes. I would be more concerned with how an agency handles problems that arise than this cost amount. Sometimes it doesn't pay to do adoption on the cheap.
I hope you pursue adoption AND have a BFP after accu and herbs! You will be so blessed!
Well, do a little research on countries. Some don't have that long a wait. And some have younger children than others. It varies. China has a long wait right now unless you want a special needs child. Vietnam is open right now, but I know that many parents blocked from China have flocked there, so wait times are increasing. Russia is temporarily shut down, but agencies can give you a pretty good idea of when they will open up again. Guatemala is having problems with corruption, so I'd be careful about that country. Actually, I've heard good things about Haiti, Liberia, and one other African nation (the name escapes me at the moment). There are rumors about India making changes so more people can adopt from there and adoption times would be much faster. Uzbekistan, Ukraine, Taiwan, Korea...there are many countries to research. I am just not up on all of them.
As for domestic adoption, the timelines are less certain. I do think that some agencies have better placement times, but it may cost you. Domestic adoption is definitely the way to go if you want a newborn. Just ask around to find an attorney or agency that is ethical and not too expensive and find out what happens if a birthmother changes her mind. You want service. It's an emotional rollercoaster with adoption, but it's so worth it in the end!
As you narrow down your search, do ask again if you have specific questions. If someone has an answer, she'll be glad to share. Let us know how the herbs and the adoption goes! Good luck!
Hi---I also don't know of lawyers/agencies in NJ but we signed up with a lawyer in Oklahoma (about $35,000) and that adoption failed and we were chosen by an agency in our hometown and the adoption cost roughly $15,000...It seems that costs vary greatly and some states allow for birthmom expenses which can be quite steep....We lost about 6,000 in bm expenses when our first adoption failed (they tell you this upfront however)....I think generally its expensive.....Jennifer
We are just starting our adoption journey and will be meeting with an adoption attorney next week. In speaking with him by phone, I was surprised he spent so much time discussing his own adoption experience of 30 years ago as well as situations that occurred with his various clients. He talked for an hour and 25 minutes! He went on alot about the pro's of his "open" arrangement. Our first consultation is expected to be 3+ hours.
We are pretty clear on what we are seeking....a private adoption of a domestic newborn, preferably local to our area and semi-open. I don't believe we'll be using an agency for a variety of reasons, but will pursue marketing ourselves to local Ob/Gyn's, colleges and high schools to locate a potential birthmother. Would it be advisable for us to use an adoption facilitator as well? We are in California and I believe we have licensing for facilitators in our state.
Can anyone provide advise on information I should obtain upon this lengthy first consultation with our attorney? I'd like to utilize the time as wisely as possible.
Here is the link to the Adoptive Families Adoption Guide's page on hiring attorneys. You will see a link to a list of questions to ask as well as a worksheet to help you keep track of different attorneys' answers. Good luck. I am also in CA and we used an agency and a facilitator. Yes, they are legal here and there are some really good, mediocre and bad ones (so you want to do your homework before hiring one). We have had a great experience with our facilitator. 4 of the 5 legitimate potential birthmom's who contacted us were through the outreach we did through the facilitator's service. I would be happy to speak with you further on that if you like. You can Email me at tony and cynthia b at yahoo dot com.