From the Cumbria Safety Forum:

You cannot make it up!

Furious Mark Mower is demanding an apology from Cumbria's cops after being caution for driving too slowly!

Mark (nuclear process worker) was driving past a primary school at school break time and obeyed the sign saying "kill your speed!" He crawled over the humps at 5mph to protect pedestrians and his Merc SLK. He was heading North towards Whitehaven and turned right - off the main road into 20mph zone with doorstep humps!

A police transit van turned left after him, and flashed his lights at Mark - who pulled in assuming the van wanted to pass. The van put on his blue lights, and Mark stopped outside the infant school.

He was flabbergasted to be informed that he was "driving too slowly over the speed humps!" and got ticking off and a caution!

A bemused Mark said: "With all the furore over speed cameras I find it ridiculous that i was stopped for going too slowly past a school! Also the speed humps are steep and I always go over them at 5mph because I do not want to damage my car!"

He has written to the Chief Con artist asking for an explanation! And would like to know the minimum speed for a 20mph zone!

A Cumbrian police spokesman said they "will look into the matter and will contact Mr Mower when they have spoken to the officer concerned!"

hahaha!

Every day in every way .... it gets better and better!

You just cannot make it up!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: Do you know you were speeding?
Driver: F**K off you tw*t, about I was speeding !
Officer: Right, let's see your drivers licence!
Driver: I aint got one, I'm banned for drink driving!
Officer: I take it then that you have no insurance either?
Driver: Don't be a c*nt! why would I bother with insurance if I'm banned?
Officer: Is this your car?
Driver: NO! I nicked it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right w*nker, But I think I saw the owner's documents in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yep! That's where I put it, after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot, after I raped her.
Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?
Driver: That's what I said, *******!
Hearing this, the officer immediately called for assistance.
The car was quickly surrounded by armed police, and the Inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Inspector: Sir, can I see your licence?
Driver: Certainly sir, Here it is.
It was valid.
Inspector: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the Log book, and my insurance.
The driver owned the car, and was fully insured.
Inspector: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in there.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Inspector: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Inspector: I don't understand it, the officer who stopped you tells me that you used offensive language to him and that you told him you didn't have a licence or insurance as you are disqualified for drink driving, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that you raped and killed the woman who owned the car and put her body in the boot!

Driver: Yeah-right!........ next thing he'll be telling you is that I was bloody speeding too!