New research for Transport 1650 conducted by a team of scientists lead by the eminent researcher Dr. Emmett Brown, has found what is being described as literally earth shattering evidence of a link between car use and earthquakes.
The team studied the two most recent quakes which happened in Japan and California, and were stunned to discover that cars were used in both areas in the days leading up to the disasters.
“We were stunned,” Dr. Brown said. “Until now we had only believed cars to be responsible for hurricanes, tornadoes, heat-waves, cold winters, storms, floods and typographical errors in the Sunday papers.”
Predictably, the car lobby immediately claimed that the study was flawed. “Dr. Brown and his team have only examined two earthquakes in countries several thousand miles apart,” said a motor industry spokesman. “Both areas are known to have had earthquakes long before car use was common, and even before cars had been invented”.
However, the research team was quick to rebut these comments as being unworthy of attention, coming as they did from an unprincipled and biased industry lackey.
"Any earthquakes that may have occurred in these regions prior to the invention of the car are outside the scope of our study." said Dr. Brown. “Of course these people want to ignore our findings; they have a vested interest in the industry most responsible for this. It’s paying their wages for goodness sake, and as such we can dismiss anything they have to say. Scientific teams such as ourselves are above such petty influences - we need only be concerned with finding the real facts and getting public transport operators to fund our next project.”
Dr. Brown's findings add to the recent damning discovery by archaeologists that Tutankhamen, the ancient Egyptian boy King, died from injuries sustained after being run over by a speeding Audi, clearing up the nature of the skull injury that has caused debate among Egyptologists for many years.
A respected archaeologist, Dr. Leonard McCoy, unearthed this latest shocking new evidence at an unspecified site near a 5 star hotel in Luxor. Newly discovered hieroglyphics turned out to implicate an Audi in the death of the teenage Pharaoh. Speaking from his resort hotel, he told us that this was strong evidence that the dangers of personal motorised transport have been unrecognised for far longer than anyone had previously suspected. When asked if he believed that this meant the beginning of the end for the car, he replied “It’s worse than that. He’s dead, Jim.” This mystified the pro-car lobby who had hoped to cast doubt on the findings
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