what do you guys think casues someone to be a pushover, a wimp, a victim, a doormat? Do you think people are born that way and it is genetic or is it through acquired actions through ones lifetime? Why do some people get picked on while others get left alone and respected or feared? Is it based on looks or attitude? Sometimes I tell myself I will standup formyself when someone does something but I keep ignoring them and try to avoid confrontations time and time again. And I was that way since childhood. While others I know since childhood never let anyone push them around or nothing. Just last week some guys were throwing a football near my head and I was thinking theyre doing it on purpose and are about to hit me but I hoped they were just there and I was walking through their game so i ignored them. And even if they did hit me I think I wouldnt know what to do since I would freeze. The only time I stood up for myself and actually fought back was when i was sucker punched in the face, that happened twice and I fought back. But when someone insults me talks behind my back throws a football near my face or says/does mean things to me I just take it and hope to avoid the confrontation. I also hate to confront i rather be confronted. Is there a way i could change my whole personality and become a badass? I'm 20 years old, is it too late for me to learn to confront people without fear and stick up for myself? I sued to be so shy and so much of a loner I would feel paranoid walking in the street because people were staring at me or I would feel they were. My body would sometimes automatically twich.

It isn´t anyones destiny to be a wimp and be picked on, I think it´s basicly about your state of mind if you´ve got low selfesteem people do notice, on the way how you act and what you do.
If somebody notices that you don´t stand up for your self thr odds that you will be bothered are increased.
I used to be teased on because I didn´t do a thing about it I just ignored(I used to practise tae kwon do at that time so someguys wanted to get me angry and se what would happen) but it´s incredable how soon people realize that if you stand up for your self it ain´t no fun picking on you

Hopefully that made some sens to you, my advice is to start standing up for your self, not attacking everyone who bothers you but not to allow people to tease you.

You don´t win unless you wan´t to and you won´t be teased unless you allow it.

Lets see here I use to have the same problem also but later to find out that most people are either jealous or aware of your inner talents so they seem to target you out to make u loose ur since of direction. SO my word of advice would be to keep doing what your doing and if push comes to shove let em have it I mean the worst thing that can happen is that you loose a fight most people dont kill you they rather humiliate you in front of a crowd jus remeber to remain calm until the first blow is thrown then unleash the nature.

And in answer to ur question no most people arent born push overs I think it has more to do with how ur raised this is my opinion

Character building begins in our infancy , and continues until death. -Eleanor Roosevelt

You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one. -James Froude

the world isnt gonna wait for you to man-up. that is something that you have to do, and face your fears. build your confidence .. by getting into good work outs were you end up sweating like your in a shower. take risks blah blah blah and dont EVER doubt your self. l wish some one told me this when i was a little baby

Try to strive for the kind of feeling thats a bit like,
"If I fight them and I win, then good, and If I fight them and I die,
then thats OK too."
I mean, If your a human, you need to have something more than living and dieing without a cause, so you should decide that they will have to kill you before they win.
Once you make this decicion or get this feeling within yourself then poeople can see it in your body language and so on. Everything you do you will either win, or you will lose due to stuff out of your control. In my mind thats the strongest, most powerfull feeling you can have within yourself.
Just my 20 cents

Dude, I'm no psychiatrist but you may be suffering from Social Anxiety disorder. And a sh** load of people have the same problem. So your not alone. I heard on tv that they have drugs like paxil and stuff but you have to see a psychiatrist and god knows what else.

As far as fight or flight responses. You have to train the fear out of you. That takes a lot of training and sparring. But sparring isn't fighting and even some of the loudest most obnoxious people freeze up during a fight, while some of the quieter one's can be fearce.

So those are two different things we're talking about. Oh and attitude does help. Walking with your head high and not on the ground let's people know you're aware of your surroundings and that you're not a pushover. Mind your business and stay out of other people's way and you shouldn't have a problem.

I was walking by this stool near a shop where some teenage kid threw something that almost hit me (looked like a seed or a bottle cap). At first I didnt think nothing of it as they didn't laugh but as I kept walking I thought they did it and when later I turned around they were all looking at me (there was like 7-8 teenage kids there). Now they were smaller (I'm 20) and I could crush them but it was in middle of town near some stores and alot of people so I kept walking. After I got home I later decided to confront them about this and I came back and they werent there so i kept walking and saw 3 of them in an alley. I walked up to them at first they seemed to ignore me so i thought I'm being stupid and they didn't really do it but I wanted to talk to them about it. When I walked to them one of them was trying to walk by me so I asked him why they threw something at me. Another one of them said that it was him and he flicked something at him, So I asked him why. He said that he is flickery fingers or something so instead of asking him to apologise I somehow took that as he accidentally did it and told him "Oh I thought you guys were trying to start •••• or something." One of them I think the same one said "No we weren't". So I walked off, but when I was leaving I heard them yelling something at me like "I'm scared" and I said "What!" and they talked some more ••••. I was kind of far but decided to turn around and this time slap one of them or put them in a choke or a wristlock or something. They were on scateboards and I didn't feel like chasing after them so I kept walking and they kept riding away from me. They would stop and I thought they got alot of balls so I can confront them again where they stopped but after I started getting closer they would ride off again and eventually I lost them.

Than the next day I just went to town andrecognized one of them sitting in a group in front of starbucks. They were wearing hats and it was hard to recogize them plus they had like 4 friends there as well. I was gonna walk by them but than at the last instant I turned around and said "hey were you the guys that were talking •••• the other day" and one of them said "who where" and I pointed where it was and said they were being disrespectful to people, one of them said "oh it was James he accidentally flicked a bottle cap that landed near you" and I said alright, and one gave me a high five and a fist to fist type thing and another said "one for me as well" and I gave him one walked by. I forgot to add that when I was leaving and walked off awhile they screamed something like "wooooo" should I have turned around and this time got physical or agressive with them because of that or since they didnt directly insult me just let it go? My question is this was I being too soft? I saw alot of people looking at me during this scene so i felt weird making one of the standup by the neck andshaking him by the shirt or neck. Should I have done it anyway or did i do the right thing by letting it go?

Have any of you guys were ever punked or humiliated so badly that you felt mute and felt like you weren't a human being afterwards with no feeling? I had this experience before with groups or packs of teenagers or adults in early 20s or whatever. Or even single individuals in a setting where I felt I couldnt fight back, because of embarasment or people were watching. This is why I do not want to feel like this again and will try to protect my dignity. I used to have battles with myself everytime I went to sleep in high school because a jock surrounded by his peers would poke me with a ruller, talk •••• about me right in front of me to his friends, puff up his chest in front of me. Eventually what happened was I went to the bathroom and he went in after I was leaving (don't know if it was intentional if he didnt know I was there) and I finally had him alone with no one to watch. SO I grabbed him by the neck and started kneeing him, I than threw an elbow that Is topped right in front of his face (just to prove a point since I didnt feel I needed to hurt him). Problem was afterwards he shook my hand and agreed to a truce but pushed me just before he walked off, I didnt even fight him than or rip his head off I just left and when he came back he denied everything and made me sound like I was bitched and continued talking trash about me to hsi jock friends. I am too passive and nice to people and always have battles with myself in my head. I also think because of these experiences I suffer from histeria, social anxiety, and nervousness. Stuff like this made me so alienated from people that I would feel everyone was after me and started getting paranoid. i felt for instance on the street everyone was trying to stare me down, and I was being punked by everyone so I would stare as many people down as possible to save face to myself for being stared down for somebody earlier. That's why I am defensive about this kinds of stuff. Physical fights are easy to me, the hard part is mentally being able to stand up to people and not back down like I used to. I would always back down form fights unless I got hit first.

Whatever you do. do NOT take this passive agression out on your loved one or your future family or you will fail miserably.

You sound like your in a tough sitation. But the thing is it sounds like you put your self in such a stituation because you may be overeacting to people who try to bring themselves up, by the costs of others. Personally, if i knew there was a pack of 10, or 20 jock needahug thug type cats around the alleyway, i would quicly recognize the odds are against me and walk away. They have formed a super aliance were all of them are safe amongst eachother. This is not a good place for you to be in. Its not the end of the world.