Buckwheat's Sort-Of FAQ Buckwheat's Sort-Of FAQ
Buckwheat has observed that many non-rattie people are horribly misinformed and repulsed by rats, even handsome ones like himself. Buckwheat has suggested to me that he include an “FAQ” type of section to inform the masses of three important things: 1. Rats are the best, 2. They are PETS not pests, and 3. Sarcastic rats are funny. So here goes…
Straight From the Rat's Mouth
(or keyboard as the case may be)
Q. Are rats dirty?
No! Why does everyone think that? Rats clean themselves for hours every day, and when they're done, they clean their cagemates. Rats are just as clean as any other furry pet. I hate it when someone cringes when they see me, and refuses to pet me. Hey, they pet dogs don't they? They touch smelly sticky little KIDS!!! Why not a well-groomed rat? Hey, people shouldn't be so critical. They have to shower every single day just to be approachable for goodness sakes!
Q. What about subway rats?
A. Alright, subway rats aren't quite as sanitary as people might like. But lets think about this: Who made the subway? People did. Who made the subway dirty? PEOPLE DID!!! So why don't PEOPLE like animals that live in PEOPLE'S subways and PEOPLE's dirt? I don't get it. If people don't like subway dirt, for goodness sakes they should clean it up!!! Don't blame the rats! Sheesh.
Q. Do you bite?
A. Not without a darned good reason. The only rat that I ever knew who would bite things for no apparant reason was Louari, and let me tell you that rat was a real head case. She bit my foot. It hurt! But, maniacal crazy-rats aside, rats don't bite people unless they are provoked, or the person smells like something yummy. If you were bitten by a domestic rat, it's probably because he mistook your finger for a corn dog.
Q. Buckwheat do you have the plague?
A. Do I LOOK like I have the plague? I most certainly do NOT!!! And neither does any domestic rat! Domestic rats AND their relatives who live in subways do not carry and never HAVE carried the fleas that have the plague. Our relative the roof rats are the ones who do. But I’m not a roof rat!
Q. How about rabies?
A. NO!!! If I had rabies would I be talking to you? I have never heard of a case of rabies reported in a rat. If you can prove otherwise, please let me know. I like to stay informed. Anything rabid that bit a rat wold most likely finish him off, so you'll probably never find a rat with rabies.
Q. So uh… what do you do for fun?
A. I am a big fan of sleeping. No day is complete without a nice 36-hour nap. Scratching is nice too. Of course nothing beats eating. My sisters enjoy bouncing around on the furniture and running on a wheel, but I am a big lazy male so I have never liked that much. Oh I almost forgot- every weekend, me and my brothers like to tease Hammie.
Q. Who’s Hammie?
A. A hamster. She’s cute, but incredibly stupid. Looks aren’t everything, you know. Can you believe Hammie once walked right off the end of the table, and then had NO idea what happened? A rat would never be that dense. Well, maybe Oshkosh would. He fell of a table when he was a baby… hahaha.
Q. You smell weird.
A. You don’t smell so hot yourself, cupcake! Rat stink is NOTHING compared to human foot stink. Because I’m a boy rat, I do have a slight odor, but it’s not a bad one! Girl rats don’t have an odor. My sisters have noticed that they pick up the scent of their litter, so they smell delightfully of aspen.
Q. I have heard that rat pee is toxic to humans. Is that true?
A. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Who told you that, a neurotic exterminator? If rat pee is toxic, than every human I know must be undead. HAHAHA!!! That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life!!! Rat pee is no different from any other pee. HAHAHA *cough cough gag* HAHAHA!!!
Q. How long do rats usually live?
A. A healthy rat will live about 2-3 years. Some make it to four or five, and the record lifespan for a rat is seven years. I plan on living to be forty.
Q. Are all rats brown like you?
A. No of course not. There are all sorts of colors of rats- handsome agouti like me, white, beige, blue, black, chocolate-brown, fawn, grey, platinum, chinchilla, cinnamon, blue agouti, siamese, himalayan, I could go on all day. Then there are pink or black eyes, and all different varieties like hooded, capped, self, hairless, manx, dumbo, husky, rex, double-rex, etc. And then you can mix-and-match all of these traits, so there's probably an endless number of combinations! Isn't it exciting!?!?!
Q. What's your favorite treat?
A. EVERY treat is my favorite treat. I especially like bagels, carrot chunks, peanut buter, and grapes. For all of my other favorite treats, click here to see the treat list.
Q. Ok I ran out of questions.
A. Whatever. Hey, if anyone reading this has a question for me, send an e-mail to BlueMoonGoddess@att.net. Put “To Buckwheat” as the subject so I know it’s for me. I know quite a lot about rats, probably because I AM a rat. If you are a non-rat-owner you probably are thinking Michelle is crazy. You are right.
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