*****Judging from my how my sk handled the transition to preschool and looking at the very young kids at our school, I would suggest waiting until he's a little older to make the switch if he's OK where he is for now. They do get less individual attention at preschool, no matter the ratio. The structure is just so different. I found that until ds was almost 3 1/2 , daycare was nice and nurturing and suited him fine. Then he started getting bored and it was time to change, and waiting until he was older helped him to accept the change more easily. He found the bigger, more stimulating environment to be a drain for a while. My days sure got harder.

It may be to your advantage to just keep visiting - planned visits and pop-bys, too. Take a look at Waldorf and Montessori programs, in-home programs, and church programs - don't rule out anything. Look at every school you can - I think it was about the 15th one I saw that struck me as right and it's been great for us. If you live in a city rather than a town you have far more options, which I found to be really helpful. If we were in a small town he might not even be in preschool right now, which makes me shudder.

*****Preschoolers need lots of time and room for getting rid of all of that energy they’ve got. You want a program that lets the kids choose what they'll do and has a playground or gym hour every day. You want a teacher that is fun and makes your child excited about going each day. And school directors that have experience with high-energy sks won't make you feel terrible whenever there is an incident or a bad day. It is amazing how the kids do react well to some structure though. I'm always amazed how well my two learn to take turns, sit and eat snack quietly, do their assigned "tasks", follow the rules, and all that stuff they never do at home.

*****You don't want to prejudice the school against your child by making him sound like a demon before he ever gets there, but you want to deal with people you feel comfortable communicating with if problems do come up. We had a rough transition to my son's new preschool (made the switch when he was 4), and part of the problem was that I didn't feel like I could really talk to the director. Once the classroom teacher and I started talking more openly, things really smoothed out. (PS- He really seems to be enjoying school a lot more now; I've even seen him horsing around with some of the other kids!) I agree that he needs to be in a place that is not too structured, but does provide a good framework for organizing his day. My ds has always done much better with a predictable schedule, and other than our recent transition issues, has always performed well above what I expected.

Do not look at this as a permanent decision...preschool for our kids may never be a reality and that's ok, too. You will not stunt his learning ANY if he continues in an unstructured day care as long as you can provide him with the stimulus he craves at different stages.

*****I didn't go to preschool and my mother didn't want me going to Kindergarten (I bet no one here went to preschool and probably half were able to choose whether they went to kindergarten since it wasn't mandatory until about 20 years ago). Don't buy into the "he really should go" mentality if neither you nor he is ready for this. If you do try a school and it doesn't work - for whatever reason - pull him out. This time is as much for him to practice that interaction as for you to get a handle on his learning style and needs so that by the time he is ready for REAL school you can make a better decision about where he will attend.

***** Try to visit the program at the beginning of the school year and if possible again a little into it. I looked in the Spring. Most of the kids had been in the routine since Fall and had settled down. I would have liked to see how kids just entering look and act to determine how my sk might adjust. I also think you get a better idea of the style of the program when the teacher is laying out the expectations and rules--you can actually see how she handles it. I visited one program and asked the teacher what happens when a child doesn't want to do the project or cooperate. She looked at me and said in the most surprised tone, "What do you mean? The children always want to do the project." I felt that this wasn't the fit for us.

I asked someone who knew my child well (she happens to be in early childhood ed so that helped) for several recommendations. I also asked other parents for recommendations (some of sk's, some not) to see what programs were most mentioned. This gave me an idea of what programs might fill up first and that I might want to jump on in case I was interested.

***** If a school sounds like it might work for you, fill out an application in case the class fills up quickly. You hate to go to all of that work only to find out that you will end up wait-listed for the school that you really want.

*****Knowing my own goals for my son's preschool experience helped me spot schools that wouldn't sit well with me down the road. For example, if the director seemed really concerned with how well the children were doing with reading skills or where the alumni got into elementary school, I ducked out of the interview as soon as I could.

It was a stressful and exciting experience. Don't anticipate trouble for your child - as many of us have found, the child that gives you panic attacks at home can be the model student. Sometimes they show an entirely different side of themselves at school, and maybe that will be the case with you. If you find a school with a sensitive, compassionate staff you should be in good shape

*****I had to do this from afar, so I just decided based on the description of the type of environment they like to foster. In the end, I love how the school deals with my sk because the particular teacher is so flexible and willing to deal with each child's needs, to the extent she can, or at least acknowledges them.

My ds does very well in the structured preschool environment. He is more independent and seems happy, maybe happier than at home. The preschool teachers always find his hard persistent streak early on, and seem comfortable working with it. We only have about one outbreak of real intense temper a year at school (unlike the daily outbursts at home). Don't anticipate trouble.

*****I have tried not to paint a negative picture but to ask how they deal with the hypothetical child who may do X. Then I kind of read from their faces if I think it would work. I also have been spending time looking and watching, one school had a kid in timeout in every room, another one I was there for an entire hour and not one teacher yelled or kid acted up, kids were upset but the teachers got down on their level and talked, and the kids calmed down. Needless to say, I liked the style of the second one the best.

*****Ask about discipline and consequences. Try not to paint a horrible picture of your child, but be realistic about the issues. For example, I let the teachers know that he typically has a negative first reaction and it might take quite a few tries until he feels comfortable with a new activity. They appreciated knowing this and kept trying.

*****When changing TJ from his original daycare to the next level, I asked what the turnover rate is for his age group. I felt that one of the problems for a child who has issues with transition would be how many regular teachers he would see during his stay. Also, in his old school, his regular teacher was always volunteering for other classrooms when they were short staffed. I found out that at his new school the teacher wanted this age group and had been with them for a long time. Structure and stability was what I was looking for in his daily schedule.

***** You can ask a lot of questions, so go in armed with whatever you need to remind you of what you want to know. Here are some of the questions many parents ask, choose those that are important to you, add more if these don't cover your concerns:

What is the level of education of the staff?

What is the policy on discipline?

What is the staff/student ratio?

How many teachers are there and how many assistants?

What is their policy on parent-teacher communication?

What is the policy on drop-in visits?

Are they associated with any larger preschool groups - Montessori, Waldorf, Adlerian, etc – or, do they pattern the school after a type of theory?

What do they do if your child is injured at school?

Do they participate in routine child testing/health screening?

Do they make recommendations regarding referrals?

What is the continuing education expectation for the staff?

What alternatives to nap/quiet time do they have in place?

Is there a quiet area in the classroom for overloaded children to use as a retreat?

What is the toilet training policy (even if your child is already potty trained – I was very attracted to a school that allowed children to attend whether they were trained or not just because it spoke very well of them in my opinion).